girlfriend moving for job

[j.man]

Why not you go find a place you can afford on your own and let your mother rent the house out to someone who can pay the full rent that she needs to get?

 

That way your gf is not supporting you, your mother doesn't need to get into bigger problems with money, you can pay your own bills and everyone is on good footing.

And make his girlfriend find a storage unit for her desk and spare clothes?? An unforgivable offense.

[DancingFool]

And make his girlfriend find a storage unit for her desk and spare clothes?? An unforgivable offense.

 

lol....he can store that in his new apartment......privacy....free storage.... it's just a win win all around.....well...maybe not the loud neighbors....but you have to make some small sacrifices.....

[abitbroken]

Get a roommate. I had a roommate that had a boyfriend that spent the night. The key is ground rules. No one night stands - but if the person has a long term boyfriend/girlfriend that is known to the other roommate, and the person spends the night on occasion - it was no big deal to me because the boyfriend left early when my roommate went to work and didn't sit around in his pjs all day and he came later at night when he was finished with work. It worked out fine because there was mutual respect. 2 hours - you can meet halfway for dinner a couple nights a week. Or you can spend the night on the weekends at HER place. So she is over saturday nights every other weekend - you tell a potential roommate up front that you have a girlfriend and she comes to stay over a night or two every other weekend. Simple as that. Another guy with a girlfriend may like that because it means his girlfriend can stay a couple nights a week with no problem. Or maybe they go to their girlfriends on the nights yours is over. No biggie. But she has MOVED AWAY - she doesn't get to keep a spot at your place adn hers.

[abitbroken]

That she thinks she'd use your home for free storage while insisting you not get a roommate to help with the added expense is pretty laughable.

 

It's simple. If she wants to use your house for storage and doesn't want anyone else there so that she can take advantage of the space on a whim, then she pays for it. Do your finances, show her the net balance, and tell her "I'd love to be able to hold onto your stuff and have you come back whenever, but this is simply the bare minimum of how much I'd need you to help me in order to not have to get a roommate." If she can't pay that, too bad so sad.

 

Have you told her that you want to get a roommate? Or have you simply left it at you two insisting there be none?

 

Honestly, if she is moving, why doesn't she take her stuff with her. That would make logical sense. And just have the minimal - a toothbrush, a couple clothing items that she only wears on dates with him - a backup contact lense cleaner in case she forgets - at his place.

[j.man]

Honestly, if she is moving, why doesn't she take her stuff with her. That would make logical sense. And just have the minimal - a toothbrush, a couple clothing items that she only wears on dates with him - a backup contact lense cleaner in case she forgets - at his place.

Hey I'm with ya. I don't think the girlfriend is, though.

[superfan]

Not sure if any of it matters....she is moving regardless and will be long distance.

 

THAT is a deal breaker and the end of the relationship.

 

Really? So I guess my husband and I never should have begun our relationship since when we did so he lived in Scotland and I lived in Canada?

 

We have been together now for almost 9 years....at what point is our relationship (which was extremely long distance for 3 years) supposed to die?

 

You can absolutely survive a 2 hour distance. However you can't survive it if you plan ahead and decide on an end game. The OP's issue is that he is focusing on the immediate "what am I going to do with this apartment" instead of focusing on how he and his girlfriend will eventually deal with the distance. Is he planning to move to be with her? Is she going to leave this new job and move back? This is a conversation they need to be having.

[inarut]

We plan for her to move back, I am adiment about not relocating, in the near future, my father has dementia, and mothers disabled with limited mobility and MS. I really just don't understand how I can be wrong for saying if I don't get a room mate I' may need some help with rent. I don't get why that can't be talked through without me being the . It's not as if I can afford it and want her money anyway.... hopefully I get my new job and I won't have to worry about it anyway.

[superfan]

We plan for her to move back, I am adiment about not relocating, in the near future, my father has dementia, and mothers disabled with limited mobility and MS. I really just don't understand how I can be wrong for saying if I don't get a room mate I' may need some help with rent. I don't get why that can't be talked through without me being the . It's not as if I can afford it and want her money anyway.... hopefully I get my new job and I won't have to worry about it anyway.

 

Why move away in the first place for a job if she is going to move back? Generally when you move for a position it's because the new job is a better position or pays better or has more prospects of upward mobility. If she's just going to come back why bother going?

 

Furthermore, is there a timeline on how long she plans to keep this job then leave again? I get that you say it's not possible for you to move, but the first thing that will kill a long distance relationship (and I know this first hand) is the lack of mobility for BOTH partners. If both partners are not willing to relocate the relationship will eventually die.

 

I would have serious doubts about her "coming back" especially if there is no timeline established for that.

 

As for the apartment, if she isn't going to be living there and is paying rent elsewhere for her own place, then no she doesn't have to contribute. That's a bit ridiculous. You need to find another way to afford the place - either through a room mate or another job.

[inarut]

We both want to have the house we live in currently when her time is up... we don't want to have a room mate. I'm going to do everything to not ask for help but if we both want the house and she's coming back why would it upset her for me to ask for help IF AND ONLY IF I NEED IT for us to have the house room mate free

[superfan]

We both want to have the house we live in currently when her time is up... we don't want to have a room mate. I'm going to do everything to not ask for help but if we both want the house and she's coming back why would it upset her for me to ask for help IF AND ONLY IF I NEED IT for us to have the house room mate free

 

Is this a limited time contract that ends??? What do you mean by 'when her time is up'?

[inarut]

No but it's supposed to be 6 months to a year

[j.man]

Why move away in the first place for a job if she is going to move back? Generally when you move for a position it's because the new job is a better position or pays better or has more prospects of upward mobility. If she's just going to come back why bother going?

 

Furthermore, is there a timeline on how long she plans to keep this job then leave again? I get that you say it's not possible for you to move, but the first thing that will kill a long distance relationship (and I know this first hand) is the lack of mobility for BOTH partners. If both partners are not willing to relocate the relationship will eventually die.

 

I would have serious doubts about her "coming back" especially if there is no timeline established for that.

 

As for the apartment, if she isn't going to be living there and is paying rent elsewhere for her own place, then no she doesn't have to contribute. That's a bit ridiculous. You need to find another way to afford the place - either through a room mate or another job.

OP's girlfriend is leaving for 6 - 12 months but doesn't know the exact timeframe, which is a big reason him not having a roommate is easier-- so that she can move back in on the fly. The reason she doesn't want a roommate there even during the six months she's sure to be gone is because she has stuff there that she doesn't want to be there if someone else is living there.

 

Basically, it's akin to me telling a girlfriend, "Hey, PS I just got a temp job out of town, so I'm gonna head out and I'd appreciate you covering the rent and keeping my **** here 'til I get back. And please don't get a roommate to help cover the bills." Obviously a bit crass, but that's about the gist of it.

[j.man]

We both want to have the house we live in currently when her time is up... we don't want to have a room mate. I'm going to do everything to not ask for help but if we both want the house and she's coming back why would it upset her for me to ask for help IF AND ONLY IF I NEED IT for us to have the house room mate free

She doesn't want to pay. You need someone to pay. That means get a roommate or another job. Choice is yours either way. I'm sorry but it doesn't look like you get the place to yourself while she's gone. It's just as bad for you to push that arrangement so that she can pay a fee for you to not to have a roommate.

[mhowe]

The reason she is upset is because her paying you isn't the fallback position. Its what you led with.

[Ms Darcy]

We plan for her to move back, I am adiment about not relocating, in the near future, my father has dementia, and mothers disabled with limited mobility and MS. I really just don't understand how I can be wrong for saying if I don't get a room mate I' may need some help with rent. I don't get why that can't be talked through without me being the . It's not as if I can afford it and want her money anyway.... hopefully I get my new job and I won't have to worry about it anyway.

 

I would tell her to put her stuff in storage and get a roommate on a 6-month lease.

[abitbroken]

My girlfriend is getting a promotion. She's moving about 2 hours away. We began hashing out details of finances and I bring up that I might not be able to pay full share of rent and I may have to get a room mate. We both agreed we didn't want that to happen. She told me she felt hurt that I asked if she could help with rent if I could not get a room mate or we opted to not get one. I feel a little resentful she would say that, I don't make much money and she makes 2/3 more than me. I would never ask her for money unless it was our last resort and never have until now, and that was a hypothetical in itself. She said she don't mind helping but upset that I didn't think enough about her not to ask? Furthermore our landlord is my mother, but she is in financial distress and more than likely can't help out in lowering rent, which is an option I said I'd explore. She also said she feels I shouldn't ask for help when it's going to be my house in the first place. I feel it our house. I feel isolated l, when I want to feel like a team. Opinions are greatly appreciatted.

 

WHen is it going to be your house? Is mom in assisted living and you are renting it from her? Is this a second home that mom and dad own? Are you buying it from mom? Or is inheriting this home years off when mom and dad pass away? In otherwords, will it reasonably be your home in the next 5 years? And what if the house becomes yours? Is there a mortgage due on the house? Can you afford it? Will you be able to afford it once its yours?

 

You are not a team - you are a guy with a live in girlfriend. You are not a team unless you marry. That's the way I see it. You can say its her house, too, all you want.

[Liefde]

Inarut aren't you two renting a bid out of you price range!

 

Why don't you let your mom, rent the place to someone els!

 

Use this time to find a more affordable place you can cover on only your salary that will work for the two of you!

Don't fly to high many relationships fail due to money issues. Yes it may be your dream home but what is it doing to your relationship.

This is a good time to go smaller!

It will put less financial stress on you two in the long term.

[LC8328]

We both want to have the house we live in currently when her time is up... we don't want to have a room mate. I'm going to do everything to not ask for help but if we both want the house and she's coming back why would it upset her for me to ask for help IF AND ONLY IF I NEED IT for us to have the house room mate free

 

That's just it, OP. This problem has no solution if you insist on keeping the following factors:

 

*GF not paying you anything for your rent (that she would have paid if she still lived with you)

*Both of you not wanting you to have a roommate (plus her wanting 'her stuff' still in your house)

*Keeping your current job/ etc the way it is (with no additional income coming in)

 

One of these things is going to have to give. As a couple you are both going to need to make concessions. But as it stands, these above 3 items will not co-exist or you will be broke.

 

It also begs the question of how much she loves you if she cannot see that you might potentially need financial help because of HER moving out. She should be concerned about your well-being and think about what consequences would come about from this change in lifestyle for both of you. That she just somehow expects you to magically solve it on your own is worrysome.