girlfriend moving for job

[inarut]

My girlfriend is getting a promotion. She's moving about 2 hours away. We began hashing out details of finances and I bring up that I might not be able to pay full share of rent and I may have to get a room mate. We both agreed we didn't want that to happen. She told me she felt hurt that I asked if she could help with rent if I could not get a room mate or we opted to not get one. I feel a little resentful she would say that, I don't make much money and she makes 2/3 more than me. I would never ask her for money unless it was our last resort and never have until now, and that was a hypothetical in itself. She said she don't mind helping but upset that I didn't think enough about her not to ask? Furthermore our landlord is my mother, but she is in financial distress and more than likely can't help out in lowering rent, which is an option I said I'd explore. She also said she feels I shouldn't ask for help when it's going to be my house in the first place. I feel it our house. I feel isolated l, when I want to feel like a team. Opinions are greatly appreciatted.

[mhowe]

She is supposed to pay part of YOUR rent when she has her own apartment 2 hours away.

Wow...are you cheap. She makes more...because she has a better job.

 

How about looking into getting a 2nd job since she won't be around anyway.

 

And the landlord is your mother...so when she dies you own the house anyway.

 

I don't blame your gf one bit. You didn't put any effort into "the best solution for us" at all.

[j.man]

Wait, so she doesn't want you to get a roommate but didn't expect to continue contributing? Did I read that right?

 

She should be paying her half for at least 30 days from the time she told you she'd have to leave the apartment. That's just simply being an adult. After that, I'd consider it your responsibility to either come up with the means to pay solo or get a roommate to help you. If she doesn't want you to get a roommate but isn't chipping in half, then sorry but she's SOL.

[mhowe]

I just ready your other threads. This relationship won't survive long distance given the trust issues, so asking her to pay rent for a place she will never return to really is grossly unfair.

 

I agree with jman only to the extent that she should pay a months transitional rent if she has to move out quickly.

[Movingforward3]

I think there is a much bigger issue here that you are both avoiding here: are you going to continue with the relationship now that it is long distance

I see your point about her contributing if she doesn't want you to have a roommate. However, the flip side is that you should take care of yourself and your own rent. I can understand why she might be good with that. You may see it as your home together, but I am not entirely sure she sees it the same.

You have a much bigger conversation to have together.

[DoF]

Why are you relying your on your girl friend? You are MAN. Rely on NO ONE but yourself.

 

What she makes is her business, get a better job......seriously.

 

And your relationship will be over in time anyways, 2 hours distance will kill your companionship/relationship in time. Whether you like it or not.

 

Your attitude will CERTAINLY kill it!!!

[inarut]

Yes I did.... I. Don't think your hearing me out. We both don't want a room mate, I merely hinted at what I was saying. It was hypothetical. I didn't make it concrete. I want the house to be ours, not mine. I don't know if I can afford it without her half.... I was exploring options. I want a best fit for both of us. I have every intention of making sacrifices.... I just feel left to dry, I don't expect her to pay her whole share at all, he'll I left it at I'll make it work don't worry..

[j.man]

I haven't read your other threads as it would involve more clicking than I"m willing to do, but I wouldn't leave this as a matter of debate. "I know we weren't sure if I should get one, but I have to get a roommate until I can find a place I can afford on my own." I stand by my statement that if she expects the space reserved for her, she needs to pay for it regardless, but I can guarantee her doing so would inevitably cause her to get spiteful (as it would most anyone... hence why it's a bad idea). Leaving her to simply handle her own rent at her own place while you do the same on your end is the only real solution. If that takes getting a roommate, so be it.

[mhowe]

You hinted at a roommate...which neither of you want.

You hi ted at asking your mom for a rent reduction...which mom can't afford.

 

How about...taking care of your own expenses.

 

Your moms house will be hers until she is dead. Unless that is around the corner, it isn't "our house" because it isn't even your house. Its moms!!

[jjkk]

I understand why you both wouldn't want a roommate but the reality is you can't afford the rent otherwise. You will either have to get another part time job to help with the extra expense or get a roommate. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want in order to stay afloat.

 

Does she also want the house to be hers? As in eventually owning it with you? Is she on any official paperwork that states she owns the house with you? If that is the case then yes I agree she ought to pitch in a little bit to help with payments and if she's unable to then you will both have to suck it up and get a roommate. If she has no ownership claims to the house it's 100% your responsibility. Best wishes.

[DoF]

Not sure if any of it matters....she is moving regardless and will be long distance.

 

THAT is a deal breaker and the end of the relationship.

[mhowe]

Actually DoF...its not. If the couple are committed it can work. My brother and his gf did it for 2 years because she had to move out of state for work. They took turns driving 4 hours every weekend to be together. It ended in their engagement and her taking a lesser job to return to the area. They are now married. And she has retired!

[Tom1990]

Yeah, 2 hours away is nothing. It takes me that long to get to work every morning....

[inarut]

We are planning to see each other every weekend we can..... I forgot to mention the job is 6 months to a year, and she is expecting to return to our house. Hence the reason for no room mate. I understand im the man, IT DOESNT MAKE ME FEEL GOOD EVEN HINT TOWARDS HELP! I am looking into a second job, and I have advancement in the works myself. As for the loo ng diistance, we feel that's not an issue we want to work. I understand time will tell, but that's where we stand.

[j.man]

We are planning to see each other every weekend we can..... I forgot to mention the job is 6 months to a year, and she is expecting to return to our house. Hence the reason for no room mate. I understand im the man, IT DOESNT MAKE ME FEEL GOOD EVEN HINT TOWARDS HELP! I am looking into a second job, and I have advancement in the works myself. As for the loo ng diistance, we feel that's not an issue we want to work. I understand time will tell, but that's where we stand.

That's tough luck for her, then. You can write it in a sublease agreement that your roommate's stay is six months. Or if you're worried her job will last longer, you can stipulate there then being a month-to-month agreement at your discretion with 30 days notice to vacate given by him or issued by you (could be 60... read up on your state's law, assuming you're US).

 

If you two were paying together, it's equally unreasonable for her to expect you to simply hold the spot for her on your dime. Assure her she'll have her spot back, but that it simply may not be the same week or month she returns.

[mhowe]

What 2nd line of work are you looking into?

When did she tell you she was moving?

Have you done a y job interviews?

 

This is why she is upset. because your default was "hinting" at her covering your rent.

[Tom1990]

First, don't sweat the whole "be a man" business. It'll mess ya up. Take care of you first, do your thing. The rest falls into place on its own.

 

J.man has a good idea here. There are plenty of people looking for temporary roommate situations. (Of course, temporary roommates can be a whole 'nother can of worms, heh.)

[bulletproof]

There's nothing wrong with a short-term roommate to cover the difference. I don't know that your gf has much of a say in whether you get a roommate in your own house. It really isn't her house; she doesn't own it, won't be paying to live there, and won't physically be present during the roommate's time.

 

What exactly is her objection to a roommate?

[mhowe]

Is this actually a house...or an apartment?

What is your monthly rent?

[j.man]

What 2nd line of work are you looking into?

When did she tell you she was moving?

Have you done a y job interviews?

 

This is why she is upset. because your default was "hinting" at her covering your rent.

But why should he get a second job so that she can have the benefit of having her spot (and I'd have to assume some of her actual physical things) left untouched and waiting for her to reclaim the minute she returns?

 

If she doesn't want him to get a roommate, then the default should be that she covers. It shouldn't even need saying. It's his space and if he'd rather get a roommate than drop 20 more hours a week into working, I don't really see the problem. If she were there and didn't want someone else in the house, I'd understand much more.

 

Her job is apparently "6 months to a year," so she doesn't know when exactly she's coming back. I'd put a whole lot of money on the fact this is about her wanting free storage and not having to deal with having to find her own arrangements while whatever roommate he'd have occupies the space. It's every bit if not more audacious than him asking her to chip in.

 

Now if they were to both decide "yes, a new roommate would be the best option" and he fails to find one, then of course she shouldn't expect to pay. That bit is ridiculous for him to ask.

 

OP, another solution could be working out how much you could afford to pay on your own with your current income and work out a reduced rate for her to contribute if she is so dead set on you not having a roommate.

[mhowe]

My guess is having no roommate is so they can be intimate. In which case, why not spend weekends in the new city if its only for six months.

 

My other guess is that OP can't afford the apartment on his own and wants her to pay to visit him.

 

My third guess, given past threads is this is all a moot point because she isn't coming back.

[inarut]

The point no roommate is so she can come back without issue. We want the house to ourselves on the weekends, additionally she dosnt want her stuff in the house if I get a room mate. I just don't feel like I should be made to fell bad when I'm just saying I may need help. Not even the full share, if I could I'd pay it all, hell I would pay for her apartment of I could. I love her

[mhowe]

How much is the rent for your house?

How much is the rent for her new apartment t?

 

And I'm sorry, you "would pay her rent if you could" is a lovely sentiment but since you can't pay YOUR rent it kinda is immaterial.

[j.man]

That she thinks she'd use your home for free storage while insisting you not get a roommate to help with the added expense is pretty laughable.

 

It's simple. If she wants to use your house for storage and doesn't want anyone else there so that she can take advantage of the space on a whim, then she pays for it. Do your finances, show her the net balance, and tell her "I'd love to be able to hold onto your stuff and have you come back whenever, but this is simply the bare minimum of how much I'd need you to help me in order to not have to get a roommate." If she can't pay that, too bad so sad.

 

Have you told her that you want to get a roommate? Or have you simply left it at you two insisting there be none?

[DancingFool]

Why not you go find a place you can afford on your own and let your mother rent the house out to someone who can pay the full rent that she needs to get?

 

That way your gf is not supporting you, your mother doesn't need to get into bigger problems with money, you can pay your own bills and everyone is on good footing.