Am i being crazy/ insecure?

[sailsup555]

I am dating someone new, its been about 2 months. so far we have been hanging out at least two times a week, usually a week night then a weekend night sometimes both weekend nights. He has been really nice and attentive, texts me a lot invites me out a lot. I just met his friends on New Years Eve, he met my brothers about a week ago at a birthday party. He usually complements me a lot and he has said he loves me (but while drunk)

 

I just wanted to get some opinions, i know there probably isn't enough evidence but on New Years Day i invited him over to watch a movie. My roommates were there (they are engaged and lately i've been feeling really annoyed by them because they give me no space or privacy) so when he first got there i wasn't really sure what to do whether to go in my room or stay with my roommates so we stayed for a little then i heard my boy roommate saying they were going to go to bed soon so i figured i'd wait it out. Then my new bf went to get us a pizza and the boy roommate went to bed and my girl roommate asked if it was okay if she stayed with us a little longer and i said it was fine. Then we decided to watch a movie and he asked her if she wanted to watch it too and she said she wanted to check on Chris (boy rooomate/her fiance) and my bf said why hes sleeping leave him alone just watch the movie and she said okay. I thought this was kind of weird because i would have thought he'd want us to be alone like why push it, it was basically first night he'd ever talked to her either (had met once before at a party). Then we were all on the couch and he usually pulls me right next to him which he didn't and i saw him look at her like two times. He looked at me too but i felt like it was just so awkward cause i was thinking what are you looking at. So basically i'm paranoid that he likes her now. When she went to bed he finally showed me a little affection and rubbed my back and i laid my head on him and fell asleep while he watched the movie. Then we went to bed and didn't do "anything" which we always have before, it was first night together we haven't so idk if thats a bad sign (we did in morning though)

 

 

I do not trust her at all either, i went on a cruise with her in May and i was single she was engaged and she was all over this guy totally dominating the convo and not letting me talk to him then stayed out with him all night and tried to find him the rest of the trip every night. A previous night about two weeks ago i told my new bf this before because he had said to me he thinks there marriage isnt going to work and she seems controlling. Then he said why should he trust me if my friends are like that (ive never cheated btw).

 

At one point New Years Day night, she asked if he wanted her to take his dog out while she took her dog out (which i had just done like 20 mins before when he was getting pizza which she knew) and i felt like she was trying to get him to go too.. so that was only thing that made me less nervous because he said no he'd do it later and then i told him i already did it.

 

Am i being crazy? what should i do?

[mhowe]

You are being crazy. He was being polite.

 

Stop being paranoid.

[ParisPaulette]

I don't think you're being too paranoid. You're the one there who notices how someone normally acts and what's up. I'd tell the guy you're not comfortable with him around your roommates, because of how she acts around other men. That you don't want anymore drama and therefore you will both no longer be going over there when they are there.

 

And then after that I'd find a new place to live, pronto. And if the new guy insists on coming over and hanging out with her I'd dump him, quickly. And give the guy roomie a heads up if you catch them just "hanging out" by themselves. You are the best judgement of whether something seems off, stop discounting what you see and feel. And like I said I'd find new roommates, so you don't have a female rommie C-blocking you all the time, which is exactly what she did on that cruise and sounds like she's doing now.

 

Plus in the future I'd tell her that yes I do mind, that I'd like to spend time alone with my guy and not have a third-wheel present. You need to assert yourself better. And I'd keep on eye on Mr. New Guy and see if he acts like that around other women although honestly I'd probably just scale hanging out with him way back and start dating others too until you've seen how he reacts around other people a bit more. I can't tell you if he was behaving differently, but you apparently saw a different side to him and it's got you worried, so pay attention.

[Ms Darcy]

Well, my perspective is a little different. You've been dating for two months. That's a very short period of time. If you don't trust him yet, then maybe it's not a great idea to bring him home right now. Just hang out other places and get to know each other better. I feel like you are feeling a bit possessive of him, which is further than your "relationship" is.

[DancingFool]

First is I do think that you are way over thinking this. He was just being normal and polite and you are reading something totally different into that.

 

Second is, please don't gossip with him about your "lesser" friends and acquaintances. You are still in the very early dating stages and he is right that if this is the company you keep, what does that make you? If you are telling him all these things about your friends that he really doesn't need to know at this point, it just makes you look bad.

 

Finally, get a handle on your insecurities or at least be wise enough not to show them. Insecurity is a turn off for men and women alike. So when you gossip about your roommate and you obviously feel threatened by her, it just boomerangs to you. Meaning that every guy you date, not matter how nice, will look at your roommate and wonder just what does she have that you don't that makes you quiver in your boots so bad. It's a human curiosity even if they never act on it. Basically, you are creating a problem where there wouldn't be one otherwise.

[starlight89]

Just from what you wrote alone, I don't see a threat. He probably felt awkward and didn't want to be rude by just ignoring her.

 

And most guys wont be all over you when there are third parties there.

[j.man]

I've always hated going to a woman's house if she's got roommates and knowing they're all hiding out in their rooms for the sake of us getting the rest of the place alone. If I want to watch a movie alone and make out, there's a laptop and bedroom for that. I don't need to commandeer the shared space. I, too, most likely would have invited her to watch as well rather than send her to her room to twiddle her thumbs next to her sleeping fiancee. Plus, if I'm going to be hanging around somewhat regularly, wiggling into the roomies' good graces is typically a good idea.

 

I'm also not sure I'd jump to dinging the roommate on the dog walk idea. Even if he was trying to get him to join her, it could have been as innocent as giving the dogs an outside play date and her doing some friendly prodding about your budding relationship.