Ghosted After 3 Great Dates

[m7592]

Would like a females point of view from this, but anyone can answer.

 

Girl and I went on three great dates. we have a lot in common, share the same common interests, after our first date she texts me and thanks me and says we should meet again soon. Second date goes even better, cuddle and watch a movie and she cooked for us. Third date goes by, great again, she texts me when she gets home, makes a joke about something that happened during the night and says hope to see you again soon. we text all week, no slowing down and everything continues going great, its a monday and she asks me if im busy tomorrow, i say yeah how about we hang out wednesday. Tuesday we make the plans, and just 6 hours later after we agreed to the plans she comes up with an excuse to cancel. Havent heard since. I tried calling twice 2 days later no answer. What makes it so weird is how sudden tt was and after things going so great and how she was even the one that asked me to hang out, agreed to the plans, just hours later cancels.

 

she is only 19, im a few years older, we did meet online, and we do live 1.5 apart which we were hesitant about to begin with cause thats pretty far. I know you guys are thinking theres another guy in the picture, but from what ive seen, doesnt look like it at all. she also just extremely busy as well she really doesnt even have much time to meet guys other than online. and she doesnt drink or party so shes not going out to bars and stuff to meet guys. and she lives in the middle of no where. she stopped talking to me though right when her semester ended and her best friend came home from college for break. Makes me think if its just her being a typical emotional 19 year old girl who was very stressed with the huge work load she had and finals, and her job, and then her friend comes home at the same time her semester ends and shes stress free so maybe just a sudden change in feelings? no longer feeeling lonely and stressed so she just doesnt feel the need to have me around? idk. maybe her friend told her something? just cant think what could have happened in just a matter of hours that she changed her mind.

 

i dont miss her much at all really, just so strange and ive never had this happen. usually when things come to an end you see it coming, texts get shorter, longer to respond, less frequent text.

[thejigsup]

Someone she liked better than you came on the scene. Guaranteed. I suggest you move on. It was only 3 dates, no commitment, and that is how she played it.

[melancholy123]

If you dont miss her that much then what's the problem? It sounds like she's busy with her friend who came to visit. Maybe you should move on.

[dion333]

Would like a females point of view from this, but anyone can answer.

 

Girl and I went on three great dates. we have a lot in common, share the same common interests, after our first date she texts me and thanks me and says we should meet again soon. Second date goes even better, cuddle and watch a movie and she cooked for us. Third date goes by, great again, she texts me when she gets home, makes a joke about something that happened during the night and says hope to see you again soon. we text all week, no slowing down and everything continues going great, its a monday and she asks me if im busy tomorrow, i say yeah how about we hang out wednesday. Tuesday we make the plans, and just 6 hours later after we agreed to the plans she comes up with an excuse to cancel. Havent heard since. I tried calling twice 2 days later no answer. What makes it so weird is how sudden tt was and after things going so great and how she was even the one that asked me to hang out, agreed to the plans, just hours later cancels.

 

she is only 19, im a few years older, we did meet online, and we do live 1.5 apart which we were hesitant about to begin with cause thats pretty far. I know you guys are thinking theres another guy in the picture, but from what ive seen, doesnt look like it at all. she also just extremely busy as well she really doesnt even have much time to meet guys other than online. and she doesnt drink or party so shes not going out to bars and stuff to meet guys. and she lives in the middle of no where. she stopped talking to me though right when her semester ended and her best friend came home from college for break. Makes me think if its just her being a typical emotional 19 year old girl who was very stressed with the huge work load she had and finals, and her job, and then her friend comes home at the same time her semester ends and shes stress free so maybe just a sudden change in feelings? no longer feeeling lonely and stressed so she just doesnt feel the need to have me around? idk. maybe her friend told her something? just cant think what could have happened in just a matter of hours that she changed her mind.

 

i dont miss her much at all really, just so strange and ive never had this happen. usually when things come to an end you see it coming, texts get shorter, longer to respond, less frequent text.

 

If you don't miss her, then what's the issue? lol Sounds like hurt male pride Just put it down to experience. There could be umpteen reasons why she didn't get back.If you really connected and missed her etc..THEN, yes.perhaps...maybe it would have been worth thinking about. Good luck man

[m7592]

lol damn people. i have moved on, actually already been talking to another girl since. Ive just never had it happen to me. its just confusing. so just looking for some clues to a possible answer. thats all. 3 dates over one month isnt enough for me to get too worried about her. just curious to see this from another girls perspective to see how it could happen.

[evam]

It happens to everyone but even as a woman I cannot tell you why. Perhaps she's just not that interested anymore.

[m7592]

It happens to everyone but even as a woman I cannot tell you why. Perhaps she's just not that interested anymore.

 

changed her mind in just a few hours? feel like that would take some time to decide. but who knows could be it. i dont know why im asking strangers on the internet lol.

[Sportster2005]

lol damn people. i have moved on, actually already been talking to another girl since. Ive just never had it happen to me. its just confusing. so just looking for some clues to a possible answer. thats all. 3 dates over one month isnt enough for me to get too worried about her. just curious to see this from another girls perspective to see how it could happen.

 

There's all kinds of possible reasons. Only she knows the particular reason. It's in our nature to try and figure it out. The reality is we never usually don't find out. And that might be a good thing.

[sweetaquarian]

Don't stress yourself too much about her cold shoulder. I was once a 19 year old woman (lol) and at that age playing the field in dating was the usual for me. It was typical for me to go on 1 or 2 dates with guys and know early that we weren't compatible so I moved on. Its not like they were horrible dates. Even though I might've had a good time, I knew he wasn't my type of guy. I didn't think to much about contacting them about me not wanting to go on another date since it was so early. It kind of just faded or sizzled out.

 

 

Hope this is helpful! Please give me advice on my post about my fresh breakup.

[m7592]

There's all kinds of possible reasons. Only she knows the particular reason. It's in our nature to try and figure it out. The reality is we never usually don't find out. And that might be a good thing.

 

thats what I was thinking. From friends ive seen deal with this, they usually come back. whether its 3 weeks, 3 months, or 1 year. not like id want her back. my just take her back to bang her and do the same thing to her jk im not a shiitty person, but maybe id do it.

[Sarah691607309662]

I agree, it is disturbing when people disappear on you. It is rude and actually cruel. You shared three private close dates and then she erases you from face of earth as if there was no connection made. IN the modern world it is very common and these manners do upset me. They promote indifference, egoism, lack of care and overall blah.

 

When someone does it to you, in reality it does not matter what was the cause, what matters the most - this person is not good for r/s. With anyone. Unless she died really.

 

But in the most of the cases the real reason is that someone better came along. Let's say she had a crush that she wanted to kill and you were a distraction. She tried actively to cultivate your dates, connection, but then she realized that her crush is not going anywhere and she had to drop her intentions to distract herself. And with that you became a history. Since she does not want to go into any explanation - it is easier for her just to disappear. She does not care for future friendship with you, so she does what she does. But in reality this is a cruel way, because it leaves another person hanging.

 

And in your shoes I would not recommend you t get used to it. Learn from this and do not treat people this way.

 

Killing communication out of the blue is troublesome. I would not want those people around me.

[dion333]

thats what I was thinking. From friends ive seen deal with this, they usually come back. whether its 3 weeks, 3 months, or 1 year. not like id want her back. my just take her back to bang her and do the same thing to her jk im not a shiitty person, but maybe id do it.

 

Judging by this message you've written, it sounds like she did the right thing dumping you.

[m7592]

Judging by this message you've written, it sounds like she did the right thing dumping you.

 

probably. i actually did a shiitty thing my self. I actually wasnt that attracted to this girl, looked very different online than in pics, was pretty disappointed after the first date and she looked even worse at the second, best during the third, but i used her to get another girl back. while we were hanging out id take pics of her, post them on snapchat so the other girl i was trying to get back who i rejected and then regretted rejecting, but i blocked this girl from being able to see them when i posted them. i just wanted to make sure that the girl i rejected that i was trying to get back could see them.

 

isnt dating fun

[faraday]

After three dates, you don't owe someone an explanation for ending things...I did it all the time when I was dating. Either because they said something off putting that made me think he wouldn't make a good long term prospect...or because I just wasn't feeling it...or I had a better prospect. I usually met a few guys a week when I was online dating, so I had a revolving door of men going until I met someone that was worth stopping the dating dance for.

 

Or maybe your girl just caught on to that you think she's a "typical emotional girl"...us b*tches often don't like it when "men" call us emotional and think we're prone to flights of fancy and instability.

 

 

______________________

Learn to be all that you are, and accept with good grace all that you are not.

[m7592]

After three dates, you don't owe someone an explanation for ending things...I did it all the time when I was dating. Either because they said something off putting that made me think he wouldn't make a good long term prospect...or because I just wasn't feeling it...or I had a better prospect. I usually met a few guys a week when I was online dating, so I had a revolving door of men going until I met someone that was worth stopping the dating dance for.

 

Or maybe your girl just caught on to that you think she's a "typical emotional girl"...us b*tches often don't like it when "men" call us emotional and think we're prone to flights of fancy and instability.

 

 

______________________

Learn to be all that you are, and accept with good grace all that you are not.

 

yeah i could understand after a date not texting or calling back, but have you ever asked the guy if he was busy cause you wanted to hang out with him, and then the very next day make the plans, set a time and place, and then just hours later cancel and never hear from again. thats the weirdest part. I completely understand vanishing after a date, but to tell me she had a great time last date and end the text with "hope to see you again soon" and then text all week, then she asks me to hang out, and then cancel hours after making plans she initiated, thats different, thats weird.

[Ms Darcy]

It's not because she's a typical "emotional 19 year-old" or is busy with finals or whatever else helps your pride. She lost interest.

 

Note: Interest, real interest, is not really clear until you really get to know someone. You don't miss her that much, it stands to reason she had fun but didn't see more going with you.

 

Perhaps you should date closer to your age though.

[faraday]

yeah i could understand after a date not texting or calling back, but have you ever asked the guy if he was busy cause you wanted to hang out with him, and then the very next day make the plans, set a time and place, and then just hours later cancel and never hear from again. thats the weirdest part. I completely understand vanishing after a date, but to tell me she had a great time last date and end the text with "hope to see you again soon" and then text all week, then she asks me to hang out, and then cancel hours after making plans she initiated, thats different, thats weird.

 

Yes. There have been times where I've had dates planned and canceled an hour or two before. Doing it that short of notice didn't happen all that often...maybe 2-3 times out of 200ish dates...but I did cancel.

 

How can I explain it? I just got a bad feeling. *shrugs*

 

But I did cancel several second or third dates after they were booked if one of the other guys I was dating/meeting became the most interesting or asked for exclusivity...no point in continuing dating multiple men if one of them held my interest more. It just seemed mean to meet with guys that I was less interested in.

 

 

______________________

Learn to be all that you are, and accept with good grace all that you are not.

[somechick99]

Hmm let's see...so far you've admitted that:

 

-You don't miss her at all

-You used her

-You might hit it and quit it with her as revenge (I have a feeling that's not much of a joke)

-you took pictures of her (hopefully with permission, if not that's way creepy and invasive) to get back at someone else

 

Not to mention referring to her as a "typical emotional girl"

 

Here's a thought: she realized you're a complete tool and moved on

[TMifune]

Anyone who ghosts you after several dates is a coward. They've decided to avoid the potentially difficult situation of telling you they're not interested even if that means you're left in limbo for several days trying to figure out what the heck happened. They are quite literally telling you that their mild discomfort is more important to them than anything about you. Write her off and move on, she's not the kind of person you want to spend your time on anyway.

 

But then using people to emotionally effect other people doesn't really give you any claim to moral high-ground either.

[m7592]

Yes. There have been times where I've had dates planned and canceled an hour or two before. Doing it that short of notice didn't happen all that often...maybe 2-3 times out of 200ish dates...but I did cancel.

 

How can I explain it? I just got a bad feeling. *shrugs*

 

Exactly... 2-3 times out of 200, so its very uncommon for a girl to make plans with a guy that she initiated, and then just hours later cancel and never talk again. I've had something similar happen to me in the past but it was over 24 hours, not 5. And i saw her about 4 months later and she wanted me back.

[m7592]

Anyone who ghosts you after several dates is a coward. They've decided to avoid the potentially difficult situation of telling you they're not interested even if that means you're left in limbo for several days trying to figure out what the heck happened. They are quite literally telling you that their mild discomfort is more important to them than anything about you. Write her off and move on, she's not the kind of person you want to spend your time on anyway.

 

But then using people to emotionally effect other people doesn't really give you any claim to moral high-ground either.

 

it was only 3, so to be honest I understand. Its only 3. if we were in a relationship or it was like 6-7 dates, then that would be different.

[f smith]

Even superman got ghosted

[Brokenheart99]

Idk in my opinion, she coulda just met someone else. You meet so many people online and people are always talking to multiple people. Maybe an ex came back in the pic, etc. or idk something spooked her. Either way, ghosting is so sucky, I hate when people do it, can't people just say hey this isn't working for me. Seems just rude. I wouldn't stress it, seems like she has her own issues going on unrelated to you.