Fate or actively finding the right one?

[SparklingKaren]

I've heard a lot of people saying that the right one will step into your life when the time is right. That love comes when you are ready, when you are meant to find it. Not really like a fairy tale, so much, but more like love naturally takes its course and there's nothing we can do to make it happen. We can't force it to happen.

 

But I've also heard that we must take make a conscious and active decision to find a partner. As with everything else in life, we have to work at it, make it happen, go out there and search. I've even heard some people liken it to their job, saying that you have to take a professional, focused approach to dating. Make sure everyone you know knows you are in search of a man. Make a dating plan. I mean everything in my life I've had to work for, so why should love be any different?

 

I personally think the latter seems a little contrived and takes the fun out of the whole thing. But people who argue for treating romance as you would any other goal, by working hard to find and achieve it, do have a point as well.

 

I'd love your opinions on this! What do you think?

[Caldus]

You do what you feel is right. There's no right way to do this. It's not even about right or wrong here. It's about doing it your way. I would have to agree that you would have to at least place yourself out there more. I mean that's just common knowledge. If you aren't in a position where guys could meet you, then guys won't ever meet you.

[raggamuffin]

For me personally I have never had a grand plan for finding love and romance and it has always just popped up and happened when I have least expected it.

 

Although I can see that somepeople, very very busy, prehaps synical people may need to plan the whole romance thing down to a t. But I believe that romance happens in its own good time.

[Jetta]

I've never actively looked for a relationship. Well minus those highschool years when I came up with nothing but good guy friends. I tend to let things happen naturally.

[DN]

Why do you think these two approaches are mutually exclusive?

 

You may have a plan and then fate decides to have somebody pop up outside the plan.

 

Or fate may have decided that you should have a plan and will put the person of your dreams within it.

[djedix]

I've had much better success with long term relationships when fate comes along and drops a partner in my life. I don't know why, or how, but they just happen, And i can't controll it.

 

When i actively look for love, and search so hard to find it....

i usally don't find what i'm looking for, or find anything at all.

 

Fates been good to me, most likely because i can't control it.

[FuriousSam]

You date someone until someone "better" comes along. Am I saying that you should cheat when you see someone better? No, but always keep your options open. What I mean by that is you don't think anyone you are dating as the one. You do care for that person and share special bonds with him, but then if something doesn't work out, you have to let go.

[goddess23]

well...i guess essentially its a combination of both. i mean you have to be open and willing to a relationship...but actually looking for love, going to singles bars or going on the internet to SPECIFICALLY look for a potential partner i think just doesnt work. i think in this department fate plays a bigger part then any of us could imagine. love comes when you least expect it...so i know im not going to find love anytime soon lol because im at a point right now where i do want love in my life...or just a crush! so i know im not going to find it lol, its just one of those laws of nature. thats my opinion.

[boredguy]

i agree with goddess in the sense that it is a combination of the two, but theres more to it that just that of course. once fate does drop a potential partner into our proverbial laps its up to us to further that. right? so its kind of like a tag team. u do the things u like to do, and have fun. eventually a guy/girl will come along that will catch your fancy, and from there its up to U to work on the relationship-to-be.

[willdation]

Ok..There's a little bit of truth about waiting for the right one to come..BUT that dosn't mean you shouldnt look either.. The only truth really is that eventually a girl will most likely become attracted to you at some point in your life when you are not trying. BUT..this philosophy of just waiting and letting things happen takes away from the purpose of living in itself if you take it too far... like..why study..good grades will just happen...Why try and get a good job, a good future will happen no matter what...basically YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. Sure, chances are some girl will find you, but that dosnt mean you should try and not take a chance with a girl you find attractive..Dosnt that take the fun out of life? If anything, i would just consider this as a back up plan. Good luck

[Timbits]

Yes I believe once the opportunities present themselves, you must take the initiative and do what your heart tells you. I cant speak from experience but if you take it upon yourself to act, then you will feel more gratified than if you didn't. Like one person said above, "YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE". If you wait for something to happen then you are essentially waiting for the other person to act. If we were all taught to wait for things to happen, life would be boring. If the person you like is that type of person, then he/she is practically waiting for you to take action! ... until it turns into a waiting game. When you realize it, you will see that life is short, and waiting for something to happen that you can actually control is nerveracking. It is especially hard for guys because a lot of girls are conditioned to 'wait' for the guy to make his move. I dont know why the system is like that but as a guy, it truly helps to do whats in your heart and if you get discouraged there is nothing wrong w/ that because you did what your heart told you and that is what helps us be one step closer to the person we want to be.

[odysseus77]

YOu cant just sit around, but it aint no business...Its a game and you gotta play the game. Those who play it best are rewarded. The game can be fun, or frustrating, depending on how your doing at that point in time

[Rainy]

I believe alot in fate and that what is meant to be is meant to be,

 

Last year i had had enough of men and decided that i was no longer wanting a man in my life that i was happy to be on my own, then weeks later a friend that i had liked from the internet came to visit me and that was it, i was in a relationship and have never been happier!!

 

I feel for me it was fate,

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I used to believe in fate/destiny, but no more! I've had a lot of opportunities for fate to take it's course, a little swing here or a little swing there, and it all happens against me. But if I took the extra steps to make things happen, maybe things will be different and I wouldn't be lonely today. Maybe. I say you have to do what you gotta do to make things happen for yourself and if fate extends it's lucky hand to you, then more power to you. If fate brings me love, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

[willdation]

For all of you who are totally into the fate concept of life....

 

 

What if the purpose of Fate is not to know it? I mean, clearly there is some form of order in our lives, but without putting effort into our daily activities, life is dull and meaningless.

 

Would you rather have a dull life and ride on fate or have an exciting one and explore

 

how about this: IF YOU BELIEVE IN FATE, THEN ALL YOUR ACTIONS ARE DUE TO FATE. THUS, IF YOU ACT AND PERSUE SOMETHING, IT IS FATE..

WOULDNT YOU RATHER EXPLORE LIFE THAN HAVE A DULL LAZY ONE? IF EVERYTHING YOU DO IS FATE (This is the premis of fate) THEN BASICALLY IT IS DECIDING WHAT YOUR PREFERENCE IS....

 

HOW ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE TO CONSIDER: THE POSSIBILITY OF MULTIPLE FATES.... Like, for example, You life destiny involves only 3 options to die.....you can jump infront of a care right now, or die in your sleep ect... whatever..you get the point

[Double J]

I think the reason why most people have more meaningful relationships with people when they weren't looking is because it tends to unfold naturally - and those are the relationships that really last.

[parkersoups]

My only advice:

 

"Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved."

~William Jennings Bryan (1860 - 1925)

[ShySoul]

It's a matter of combining the two approaches. Fate will bring people into our lives. It's up to us to get to know the person. But you shouldn't intentionally try to start a relationship. Focus on just being friends. Should feelings naturally develop, it's up to us to seize the opportunity provided to us and not let it slip away. Fate will bring us to the dance, but we have to make the choice to dance.

[Derek]

Fate will bring us to the dance, but we have to make the choice to dance.

 

It seems the guy still has to ask the girl to dance first...

 

=)

 

 

[ShySoul]

The guy tends to ask because it's tradition and people accept it. But in this modern age that doesn't have to be the case. As long as someone does the asking, then it's fine. Why not have it be you? That way you know for sure. But if no one asks, no one ever dances.