Timbits

Sometimes I feel insecure about myself and during those times it's hard for me not to think what other people are thinking of me. Do you have any advice on how to fight that feeling? I seem to try and try and say to myself that it doesnt matter what other people are saying but often I my superficial conscience wins and I still feel insecure. I try to be objective in the things I do like for instance when I'm in an argument I want to be logical. But more often than not my emotions take over, my ears turn red (they really do acutally) and I end up kicking myself.

I felt and still feel the same way when it comes to relationships and making friends. The reason I get very attached, very fast to girls is because I'm not the type of guy that gets many chances. So when an opportunity fast-approaches, it's a rare event and I automatically focus on and over-analyze the circumstance I am suddenly put in. But this is unhealthy, the only way to get beyond these feelings is to apply the advice that everyone else has provided above. May I suggest reading a book called "The Magic of Thinking BIG" by David Schwartz. Go to the library or to a bookstore and read the first few pages, see if it clicks with you as it did with me. But as I said, it only works when you read AND apply the advice. Look for the book, it should give you a good start and inspire confidence in yourself to make your life more enjoyable.

Make sure this doesn't happen again. I've been in similar situations and have regretted not doing anything. It's hard the first time, but trust me it gets a lot easier the second and even more the third. That, and you won't kick yourself in the head wondering "what if this and that happened"

There's only one way to find out

Expression, watch the comedy network on tv. note down the jokes u find funny and use them on your date. If she finds them funny then you already know you have something in common .... the fact that both of you find the same thing funny. Write them down and practice them in the shower or whenever you can. They make good small talk pieces ... its better than boring questions like "so where do u go to school" and other boring school/work/family questions. In a nutshell, think of trvial, meaningless topics to talk about .. also known as small talk. It shows her that you arent treating the relationship as if it's a marriage-to-be... its not... its supposed to be good, light-hearted fun. If it helps, act like you're making a friend and not a wife out of her. Best of luck dude.

I phoned her again in hopes to secure a time and place for a first date but she was on her way out to the movies with her friends. So basically this is how the conversation went (as best as I remember) ... Me Whats cookin'? Her I'm going to the movies tonight. Me Cool, so when am I going see you again. or will that even happen! You know, I hate playing phone tag. I'm wasting my cell phone minutes every time I call you. Her heyyyy now, we'll go out soon, just not now. Call me tonight Me: C'mon, why dont you call me this time? Her: Okay Me: Ok well I gotta go do some things bye Her: Bye Based on that conversation, does it seem that she's even a little bit interested in getting together? I waited for her call until 2am but no call happened ... she came on msn at 2am so I figured she just got home. I hastily signed off as I had to get up early in the morning. Should I even bother calling her now or is it be best I wait for her to return the call she was supposed to last night? Help a bro out!

call him before its too late. Keep the conversation brief and say you gotta go pick up your sister from work or any excuse to end the conversation. Most importantly, give him your number .... tell him to call YOU tomorrow or on the weekend. See if he calls. Some girls are skeptical in giving out their number to strangers ... guys dont care who they give their number too. If you are interested in him, call him. just be sure not to hang up without giving your number so he has a chance to reciprocate. note: for the guys out there, if you feel that asking for her phone number is too much, try asking for her e-mail. Girls tend to give them out freely without being suspicious.

Wednesday: -I wrote her an email asking her to coffee Friday evening -her reply: since she wasnt going to day class, she recommended we go out during the day isntead. She attached her tel number and says to her 'some time' -I called her and she answered as if she had just woken up... said she wasnt feeling good. I say I'll call her tomorrow afternoon. We hang up. Thursday: -I phone her at 3pm to clarify Friday's date. She says shes still sick and asks me to calll her back at night in case she feels better -I phone her at night and she says cant go out Friday. Then something weird happened ... all of a sudden she says "so you just wanna go out and make out with me, huh?" to which I was momentarily stunned and at a loss for words. 2 seconds later, I Jokingly replied "I guess that's not going to happen anymore is it. hahah" We exchange faint laughter then she says to call her back on the weekend. OK... What day does "weekend" refer to? I dont want to call her on Saturday afternoon and discover she already has plans for that night. When should I offer to go out? I know ppl at usually busy saturday nights. That is why I am thinking of calling on Sunday since it's relatively safe...not as many ppl go out sunday night. Her previous reaction may be attributed to the fact I'm 6 yrs older than she is (I'm in college, she's still in high school). I suppose shes thinking that I'm pursuing her b/c shes young and easy? (is that a fair assumption to make? -i dunno) Any feedback as to when I should call or what day i suggest we go out is welcome. If she refuses me again, is it fair to say that I should stop pursuing her?

Just take it as a learning experience dude. Your happiness would be fleeting even if you continued to date her. The sooner your forget about her, the better. Dude, at least you are a little closer to finding what you truly want from a woman. I didn't know women can be so rude! I wonder what made her act that way. Nevertheless, best of luck in future romantic endeavours! Just be yourself and follow what your heart tells you.

boredguy: thats an excellent idea! I may actually consider going to a park for a walk or find a childrens playground ... the only problem is the sub-zero temperatures here in Toronto. maybe we can go to a mall and window shop? i'll try to think of some more creative ideas! prosper: ironically, we work for the same bookstore company, just different branches. Thats how I met her. A bookstore is the last place she'll probably want go on a date. Although that is a terrific idea!

The girl I asked out said she is available but only during Friday afternoon. Its pretty clear she already has plans for friday night, but at least she's giving me the opportunity to take her out. I've never been on a date , let alone a date during the day! (in fact this isnt really a date, were just going for coffee). I'll just get to the point, the time is set to be around 2-3pm and I have no idea if we should do something after we go for coffee. It's just taking her home at 4pm after a date seems odd. I would like to do something else other than coffee, if possible. anyone w/ any ideas as to what fun things we can do at that time of day? I was thinking seeing a movie (either after or before coffee) but the idea of watching it during the day seems strange. I guess the good thing is that if we go see a movie, the theatre wont be jam-packed. I thought it was only freaks who see movies mid-day? lol Thanks!

Yeah, sometimes guys feel that they shouldn't put girls on a pedestal because it is indicative of their neediness. He may just be playing cool. I think it relates to the fact that women find needy men unattractive. If thats truly the case, I am sure he will contact you soon, give it a couple days. Maybe he hasn't figured out how you truly feel about him? If he doesnt, then you can write him off and take the whole thing as a learning experience. Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst.

There is a relatively safe way to go about asking her out. However, you need to be vigilant and keep an eye on her expressions/reactions to what you'll say. If she knows you by name, go up to her and begins a casual conversation ... "hi, how was your day so far? what clases do you have today" .... then ask her this "we should go for coffee sometime." Her reaction to this should give you a fairly good indication if shes interested. If she lights up ... smiles ... and asks you when .... then you have a good chance that she is interested and wants to go out. do u get it now? you didnt ask her .. u simply and subtly suggested going out for coffee. If, however, she pretends to ignore you're offer then there is a good chance she's taken or she's not interested. Be sure to watch if she smiles or not ok dude ... best of luck !

Why dont you go to the park and maybe fly a kite? That'd be fun I bet. Well, if after the first date you feel that both of you had genuine fun ... and you feel like a kiss would be warranted ... then I say go for it. If you truly feel that both of you enjoyed each other's company, there should be nothing stopping you too from smooching. Maybe not french style ... you know what I mean ... just normal kissing, or even quick kiss on the lips. But be sure that you had fun b/c you'd be impying that you like her and would like to see her again! If you feel that fun was only had by one person, then a kiss would not be warranted. In that case, maybe a hug, at best, would be appropriate.

Yesterday night I sent her an email saying "I hope you enjoyed the drawing...(small talk)... if you're ever up for a rip-roaring good time call me at this #." She hasn't called yet ... maybe its too soon to be worried. She and I work for the same bookstore company but at different branch locations. I was thinking of calling her store from my store today (since we are both working) to say hi and ask her shes doing. I think this is my final chance to establish a date Should I wait for her to call me since I left her my # in the email or should I call her today and get her number/set a date. I'm guessing it would make me seem needy if I did the contacting 2 days in a row.

Wow Strandysmommy! I dont think it could have turned out any better for the both of you! You seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed the date! That's awesome! The guy is clearly taken by you. Did you guys part with a kiss? Or are you saving that for the second date? Nonetheless, you seem to be doing the right things, just follow what you feel is right and remember, you are worth it. Take it as a learning experience in the least. Right now I can only dream of the feelings that you speak of ... which sounds incredible! Enjoy the ride! BTW, do you think it is a good idea for the guy to initiate the "holding hands" thing? Did he just grab your hand spontaneously or did he ask you permission? My assumption is girls like guys with confidence to do anything and by grabbing your hand he demonstrated that fact. Would you have grabbed his hand if you had the opportunity?

I decided not to give her a rose because as someone said earlier, it says "i love you" and it would be inappropriate. Instead I took one of her online photos and sketched it on paper. I then proceeded to her store and handed it to her. She seemed to be having a bad day from the stern look on her face. She took a quick look at it and said it was nice and put it under the counter, I expected her to analyze it more but she seemed busy cleaning the store. I told her I initially got her a flower but it died so I decided to give her something that would last longer i.e. a drawing of her. I then said "we should go for coffee sometime" after which she replied "when?" to which I answered "now!" She said she was busy right now working and said she'd talk to me online through msn. Anyways, right now I feel like an idiot for not giving her a specific date or time to go out. Do y'all think its wise for me to ask for her number online and ask her out over the phone whether she's busy tomorrow at so-and-so time? Or should I wait for her to tell me when she can go out? I am starting to think she's losing interest b/c of my lack of confidence to establish a date for us to go out. Any advice is welcome.

Bad_Disease I have found a line to be useful in my experiences. Ask her "So are you married?" If she says no then you should say "Ok good then, no one will mind if I ask you out then." Then you can ask her if she has a boyfriend, it will then flow together smoothly. Girls are usually taken aback because of the straight-to-the-point context and find it a bit funny. At least thats what the girls I've asked feel about it. They will then rememeber you for asking such an odd (but informative) question! Give it a shot, it may work!

Okay, I have officially finished the drawing ... shading and all; I'm going to her store right after my shift and hand it to her. A thought came to my head that I could write a note and stick it on the drawing. Something like "Is it okay if I call you one of these days? I'm not going to call you 9 times a day, I promise." Do y'all think thats a great idea? Or should I simply give it to her in an envelope and do all the talking. Just a last minute idea that came to my head. I was supposed to give it to her yesterday but I had some errands to run so today will be the day ... whatever happens I'm ready to see where these feelings lead me to. No pain no gain. Thanks for all your input, I truly appreciate it.

This girl and I are basically an acquaintance. I've seen her about 5 times at the booktore she works and we talked occasionally on msn. This has gone for about a month and a half. I decided that on valentines day I'd give her a rose and ask her out officially for coffee. But she wasn't working on that day and her coworker insisted that I deliver the rose to her house!! and proceeded to give me her telephone number! I didnt not call because I'd be worried that she would be ticked off that I got her number from her coworker and without her permission/acknowledgement. Anyway, I emailed her mentioning I dropped by to give her a present (the rose) and I'd give it to her on her next shift. Now, I was just thinking whether I should wait a couple more days and give her the rose or go ahead and call her. The idea is that she may have talked to her coworker and discovered that I do have her number. If I dont call, will she think I have no confidence? I was just thinking of waiting for Friday to come so I can drop off the present. I decided that giving a rose a week after v-day would be awkward and give off wrong ideas since a rose says "i love you". As a result, I took one of her online photos and did a sketch of it on paper; this would be my replacement gift for the rose. I'm kinda worried if I dont call her she may think I lack confidence, but I just dont want to be rude since I had obtained her number through her coworker who just gave it to me without hesitation.

I dont see why he would call and ask you to go on a date and tell you just to be friends. There are tell tale signs that he is into you Strandysmommy! Now is a good time to relax and enjoy the experience. Look at it as a learning experience if you havent been in this position before and enjoy it! Its not meant to be like this... your stressing and overanalyzing things too much. If you do whats in your heart you wont have any regrets and you will feel better. This could be the one or not the one, either way isnt it awesome that you are actually going on a date?! Cheer up and try to enjoy each other's company. If you do, then he will see that you are a beautiful person AND who likes to have fun! You'll do great I know it!

Yes I believe once the opportunities present themselves, you must take the initiative and do what your heart tells you. I cant speak from experience but if you take it upon yourself to act, then you will feel more gratified than if you didn't. Like one person said above, "YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE". If you wait for something to happen then you are essentially waiting for the other person to act. If we were all taught to wait for things to happen, life would be boring. If the person you like is that type of person, then he/she is practically waiting for you to take action! ... until it turns into a waiting game. When you realize it, you will see that life is short, and waiting for something to happen that you can actually control is nerveracking. It is especially hard for guys because a lot of girls are conditioned to 'wait' for the guy to make his move. I dont know why the system is like that but as a guy, it truly helps to do whats in your heart and if you get discouraged there is nothing wrong w/ that because you did what your heart told you and that is what helps us be one step closer to the person we want to be.

Thanks for the input. Greatly appreciate it. I decided that giving her a flower would be more appropriate. I'm not sure how she will react to a drawing of herself. I will give her one (or a combination) of the following flowers: - a yellow tulip (there's sunshine in your smile) - a pink carnation (I'll never forget you) - white violets (lets take a chance on happiness) When I do give it to her, I'll probably say something along the lines of "You werent here last weekend so I decided to bring them to you today before they die. Happy belated birthday and valentines day." Do y'all have any ideas as to how I can refine it so it seems reasonable to her? Now to find a flower shop in my area that carries these flowers.

First, I want to congratulate you on getting the courage to phone her and ask her out. It may seem trivial but its a milestone you will probably remember ... at least until the next time you do it again. Second, you can also consider going to a coffee shop after the movie. Have a cup of coffee/hot chocolate/whatever and just sit, relax and talk. The good thing about going to coffee shops is that you dont have to stay if you dont want to. If things arent going well, then you arent forced to sit through a long meal and endure the date. If you guys make a connection, then you are welcome to stay for as long as you both like ... or at least until the coffee shop closes. Goodluck man, tell us how it goes!

I've been chatting to a girl on msn for the last month and decided that on Valentines Day I'd go to her work unannounced and give her 1 red rose (it was her birthday on the 11th so it was a bday/vday present). It was going to be the day that I finally ask her out on a date. When I entered the bookstore, her coworker told me she wasnt working and her next shift was late the next week so if I left the rose, it'd be dead by her next shift. I told her in an email that i had gone to her store to give her something and that since she wasnt there, i would give it to her on her next shift. It seems that her coworker made a big deal about it ... its only 1 rose and now she's asking when shes getting her present. I'm afraid shes expecting me to tame a wild stallion for her. Should I still give her the rose even though its 1 week past v-day? I expect it would seem strange and out of context. A rose is the most subtle thing I can think of at the moment so I dont really know, I will have to go out and buy another one if I decide to do so. I did a drawing of one of her online photos and I was thinking of giving her that drawing. I got the idea from watching Napoleon Dynamite. Would a girl find it weird to be given a drawing of herself?