derPhilosoph Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 So I have something I need to vent about... I mentioned in another post that my parent's marriage was basically an arranged marriage and not based on love. Well, boy that has brought a whole slew of problems over the past 30 years - too numerous to list here. The gist of it is that I am being squeezed on both sides: by an evil/stupid father, and an increasingly delusional mother. My father's actions give me (and my mom) stress because he has no concept of money, saving, living within his means etc. He always counts on my hardworking mom to bail him out. My mom has been giving me a lot of stress in the past several years because I have never been in a relationship and am almost 30 (more on this later). I am currently living at home since I don't have a good enough job to afford an apartment - thus there is no escape from the stress on all sides. Basically, my mother is delusional in that she thinks it is easy for me to find someone to date and get married. She keeps bugging me about this and it has only gotten worse. She asks me about who will take care of me when I'm older, sick, etc. Obviously she also has selfish reasons too such as wanting grandkids. She also wants me to get married because she thinks it will bring better financial security... Hold. On. All Stop. She absolutely refuses to consider all the research I have done on marriage (past and present), philosophy, etc. I am perfectly content with never finding someone to marry or be in LTR with; she obviously isn't. I know that the universe does not owe anyone anything and am ok with it. It wasn't easy getting to this place, but I am here. I no longer really care what other people (former friends, college roommates, etc.) have done in their lives compared to mine. BUT she still cares - as if simply being married is a huge status booster for me, etc. I have more nihilistic points of view than most others, but I really do think the world is getting worse and that even if I was married, I wouldn't want to bring any children into it. Obviously, my mom won't want to hear any counter arguments... The kicker is that she is Asian and thus she thinks she is 100% right about everything... (sorry to stereotype, but a lot of asian women especially from my mom's generation seem to be that way).... She wants me to find an asian woman (chinese or korean). However, I am also half white and I am not really attracted to asian women mainly due to their personality. In college I have been around a lot of asian women both foreigners and born/raised in the US and what irks me the most/turns me off to them is their lack of common sense about things.... Anyway, I am attracted to white women, but the problem is that I have a slight build... Lots of white women these days are taller/bigger boned than some asian or half-asian men like me. Furthermore, I am not really attractive due to severe acne scarring on most of my face. That battle for 15 years has also led to incurable anxiety... It irks me each time she bugs me about being single that she cannot and will not hear my sides of the argument about why it is more difficult for me to find someone than most guys my age.... She doesn't believe the world has gotten more superficial... She thinks all my problems are from not accepting God's blessings. She doesn't want to hear why it is hard for people my age to believe in God when they haven't seen any evidence at all. Why it is hard for someone with a STEM background to believe in God.... I can understand now why children in a family with at least one asian parent (mom), might be more likely to commit suicide compared to their peers in non-asian families... She believes things that are delusional whereas I am not deluded by the reality of dating and LTRs today... It just keeps getting worse and worse every year.... I may have to end up killing myself someday to escape this unfortunate prison created by two people who never should have married nor had children! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 You can always just opt to tell Mom that you agree and she's free to set you up with all the women she wants. She can't argue with an agreement, and it frees you to do whatever you want. Link to comment
derPhilosoph Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 Bump! Anyone else have any insight on this? I can't really talk to this about any of my mostly former friends since when I tried a little in the past, none of them could believe that my family could be so dysfunctional...... Why is it so hard for them to believe that some families lives are usually a living hell?? Anyway, it is tough already to have to take care of my elderly parents. But how my mom has been for the past several years makes it unfortunately even more so..... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I'm sorry you are in this situation. You do have some control however- find a way to move out on your own and live independently. You can take care of them without living there. That will make a world of difference. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 She doesn't sound insane or delusional. She sounds like she wants you happy and out of her house. I mean look at your last line - you're 30 years old and still blaming your parents for your problems. That's delusional. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I agree it's time to leave the nest even if you have to rent a room in somebody's house. You may have clashing ideas but I don't think she's insane or delusional. But at 30 years old it's time to fly the coup . Link to comment
needhelp6 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I agree it's time to leave the nest even if you have to rent a room in somebody's house. You may have clashing ideas but I don't think she's insane or delusional. But at 30 years old it's time to fly the coup . Got to agree, the solution to your problem is to move out. Can you find a roommate, get a second job? 30 and still living at home doesn't seem to be an ideal situation. Regarding dating, do you want to date? To me that's a personal decision. If you're not interested in dating tell her that. If you are, then work on that. Good luck! Link to comment
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