ABelgianGirl Posted November 21, 2015 Author Share Posted November 21, 2015 I dont really care if i will be the victim, I care about his best interest more than about my own... Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 And yet you have omitted this for six years. So...either you didn't really respect him all this time, or you were lying to yourself. I don't understand your motive for wanting to hurt him. You are actually using g the guise of honesty to shatter his trust in you. How many other.little lies have you hidden. Can he believe anything you have said? Why did it take so long for you to come clean. I am a very honest person. And I don't believe in lying. But I would never shatter someone's heart like you are about to do. Your need.for.disclosure.about.something so long ago is going to undermine your.entire relationship. Link to comment
Blue_Skirt Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 I don't know if you know what it's like to truly love someone, but in that case, you want to treat that person exactly how you would want to be treated. And if I were him, I would want to know, even if it would not matter anymore for me Even if it's a little lie like "yesterday I ate pizza" while actually you ate a hot dog, it would wrong. I just want him to know because I respect him. If you feel so strong about it, then simply tell him the truth AND deal with the consequences of it, but then don’t come here and start a new thread: “I told him the truth about a few kisses 6 years ago and now he does not want to marry me”. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Maybe it's a cultural difference in opinion? Because I really don't get your conclusions Nope. You want to manipulate some drama out of your husband, and you can do that if you want--it's not against the law. But once you push that toothpaste out of the tube, it makes no sense to be surprised by the mess. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 In these situations when someone wants to `do the right thing' its typically an attempt to relieve yourself of your discomfort at the others expense. If you were really concerned about doing the right thing you wouldn't have done it to begin with and you might have told him in the moment not 5 years later. He will look back at the last 5 years and wonder if everything was a lie. Don't hide behind that you are doing him a favor by speaking up now. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 . I am just a genuine person & find it hard to not be completely honest because I would expect the same from him. That's all there is to it. It couldn't have been that hard You managed to keep this to yourself for 5 years. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 it couldn't have been that hard you managed to keep this to yourself for 5 years. ^ this! ........... Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 In these situations when someone wants to `do the right thing' its typically an attempt to relieve yourself of your discomfort at the others expense. If you were really concerned about doing the right thing you wouldn't have done it to begin with and you might have told him in the moment not 5 years later. He will look back at the last 5 years and wonder if everything was a lie. Don't hide behind that you are doing him a favor by speaking up now. Yes of course I also want to relief myself, it has been killing me for all these years (once in a while it grabs me again by the throat, most of the time I manage to ignore it, I just feel like a - even if it were just meaningless kisses & nothing more than that) but most of all I want him to have a REAL choice in deciding wether or not it would change anything for him. Like I already said, if he was in my position & I was in his position, even after all these years I would want to know... Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Yes of course I also want to relief myself, it has been killing me for all these years (once in a while it grabs me again by the throat, most of the time I manage to ignore it, I just feel like a - even if it were just meaningless kisses & nothing more than that) but most of all I want him to have a REAL choice in deciding wether or not it would change anything for him. Like I already said, if he was in my position & I was in his position, even after all these years I would want to know... To be honest, I'm pretty sure it will not crush him... He will be a bit shocked for a couple of days & then he will get over it pretty soon. In the end, I didn't do these things because I was a bad person, I was just lost... He forgave me for 1 kiss pretty quickly. He is a very understanding person. Why I didn't tell him everything is because I think he would not understand it. And once you wait longer and longer, it gets harder to come clean... Busy lives also got in the way Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Just ask yourself the question: if I was your girlfriend, wouldn't u want to know the truth, even after 6 years, so you can decide for yourself instead of me deciding for you? I really just want our relationship to be build on trust. And if he wants to stop being together (which is very unlikely), then yes of course: I will have to deal with it & then he isnt the one for me... But I am confident that he will understand. I know him. But I don't know if it's necessary to tell him, since I have been loyal ever since and since its been such a long time. Maybe he prefers not to know, I would want to know, but maybe he does not. Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Just feel as if I am not a good person as long as I have this lie inside of me... Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 And I want him to know. Really wish i could turn back time... And tell him right away Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Your relationship is NOT built on trust. It's built on you lying about something for 5 years. And if you tell him, he will wonder what ELSE you have been lying about for all this time. Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 I never forgave myself, once in a while I get depressed during a couple of hours and cry at night, and I hide it from him Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Your relationship is NOT built on trust. It's built on you lying about something for 5 years. And if you tell him, he will wonder what ELSE you have been lying about for all this time. Yes so, isn't the best thing to finally come clean? What's the use of a relationship if it's based on lies... Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 You just keep saying the same things, over and over. Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 It couldn't have been that hard You managed to keep this to yourself for 5 years. I still cry at night when I suddenly think about it again... But I understand that it's hard to understand how hard it is. Of course it is not hard 100% of the time, but when I remember it again, it hits me hard. Because I love him and think he deserves to know. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I think you want him to know so you have an option of getting out of the relationship. Or your trying to test him. Your trying to test him to see if he loves you enough to forgive you. You have insecurities that need working on, before you get married. Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 That's just avoiding my question by replacing it by an insult Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Seriously the replies I am getting are shocking why is it so hard to believe that mainly I want his best interest? And no I am not insecure & I already forgave myself that I was stupid at the time but I did not forgive myself for lying to the one person that does not deserve it Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Why is it so shocking to beleive? Because as mhowe said, you would have told him 5 years ago. Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 I really thought that somehow someone on here would also be genuine & believe in a 100% truthful relationship & understand that there is no other motive than that he deserves to know. Yes it would be a relief to get it off my chest but that I can live with, I have done for many years. I am not trying to test him or trying to lose him, i am 99% sure that it will not change anything Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 That's just avoiding my question by replacing it by an insult There have been dozens of replies. Stating a fact, dear ---- not an insult. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 I really thought that somehow someone on here would also be genuine & believe in a 100% truthful relationship & understand that there is no other motive than that he deserves to know. Yes it would be a relief to get it off my chest but that I can live with, I have done for many years. I am not trying to test him or trying to lose him, i am 99% sure that it will not change anything Then tell him. Link to comment
ABelgianGirl Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 Sorry I am not used to being on forums & sorry if I take everything wrong. It's just hurtful to read some messages, because some people are really far off the truth. I apologise. Link to comment
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