Ex and new GF came to my work. It's hurts so bad

[kudos]

Almost 3 months since break up, 2 and a half no contact. I didn't beg and did everything 'right' and kept my dignity even though it nearly ruined me i just walked away. But I'm still a complete mess, not that I've let him know this at any point. We were together 1 and a half years. I thought he was the one, we had talked about having children etc and stayed at each others houses most nights, i had no idea the breakup was coming. He had been a little distant but nothing really I thought he was just stressed out with work. I got the whole 'i need some time alone', and 'i love you but im not in love with you'. ..over a text. I respected his decision and backed off. Then contacted him after 10 days when he said it's the hardest decision he's ever had to make he loves me as a person and i made him the happiest hes been in years but he feels we need to go our separate ways. Weve not been in contact at all since. Turned out he left me for someone else, a younger skinner me, and although I don't know her she is in all the same circles as me. They were together within a week. They've been on holiday twice already!

 

Ive been having a really hard time lately. Beating myself up about not being over him hoping he will think he's made a mistake and come back to me. Ive hit rock bottom so today they turned up together at my work! Not what i needed! He knew I would be there. His family have been there a bit lately and ive always been nice and mature about the situation. And however much I wanted to kick off today I maintained my dignity and just ignored their existence. At one point I walked past him when no one else was around and was so close to saying hi but he completely blanked me. This really hurt. Stood together they reminded me of us, everything was the same apart from I had been replaced. Hes upgraded, chucking ne out to the trash! Does he not feel any guilt about how terrible I feel? Does he not feel anything for me now, just completely forgotten about. And does she not feel bad for 'stealing' the love of my life. If I was her I wouldn't want to come there, are they purposely rubbing it in my face? It's completely disrespectful for them to turn up there knowing I was likely to be there, there are plenty of other places they could go! I thought if he respected at all he'd know how hard that would be for me. I don't really know what I'm asking here. I guess I've just realised all my hope has gone. He clearly doesn't feel anything for me anymore if he can do that. The only thing getting me through this was that he may feel a fraction of the pain I do and miss me a little. Clearly not.

Time is taking way to long to heal my heart. Any advise? Thanks

[dias]

Time will soothe your pain

[kudos]

Thanks. I hope so. Thought I would feel better by now. But I almost feel worse! Wish time would go quicker so I can be me again!

[Movingforward3]

I am very sorry for your pain. Mine was exactly like your's. Out of blue and she is out. Talks of kids and marriage just weeks before. I walked away with dignity, as best as I could like you did. A month later I happened to find her on a dating site. It made me sick.

I admire your strength with no contact. You did well. I am at 3+ months, now. I will say what has helped me the most has been focusing on eating better and exercising and allowing myself to live and have fun. I have had bad days and good days. You have to be kind to yourself and spoil you. Take it easy on waves of feelings and emotions. It will get better. Keep busy as best as possible. Find new hobbies and hang out with friends and family. It is normal to want them to return. Your mind understands, but your heart does not. You need to ensure you remove all pictures and reminders of him from your life. Delete his cell and all social media contacts. And continue to take it day by day. It will get better. I am here if I can help you in anyway. I wish you solace.

[greta96]

By the sounds of it, you handled this breakup extremely well, from start to finish; many women would have lost their sh*t seeing them there, you kept your cool, so you have every reason to be proud of yourself! This is exactly how this type of situations should be handled, even if once alone between 4 walls you cry, kick and scream. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing they got to you, and that they can affect you in any way.

 

On the other hand, the guy is such a jerk! Seriously, who thinks it's a good idea to bring your current girlfriend to the ex's workplace? This shows he doesn't have such a great character, so that should make your pain a little more bearable. He wanted to flaunt his new conquest in front of you, to show you how well he's doing - but in reality, he only succeeded to showing you that you didn't lose much, and that he may have done you a favor when he broke up with you (in a cowardly way too!). And his girlfriend...haha...I don't know, but if I was in her shoes I would remember that day as the "red flag day" - because if he had it in him to do something so idiotic to you, she should realize this could be her someday. So instead of being smug about it, she should really worry. That is, IF she knew about you and that that was your workplace. If she didn't, then it's all on your ex who clearly has an agenda.

 

Either way, I know it's much easier said than done, but try to focus on this character trait of his you just discovered, and let it help you in your process of moving on. You don't want an immature jerk in your life, do you? So pat yourself on the back for the way you've handled yourself and them, and know that something much better is in store for you.

[sleepingdonut]

Just realize a lot of the pain comes from romanticizing a very flawed person. It's not so much him you miss as the idea of who you wish he had been. I think making that distinction helps in letting go. He's not the one, and from how you described him, he sounds like kind of a coward. So you dodged a bullet. The future is actually brighter now.

[shellyf62]

My ex and his new younger woman did the same thing to me.

I held my dignity.

She then had an affair with her new boss......

Karma is amazing.....just wait

[kudos]

Thanks everyone. I'm balling my eyes out reading your comments. It's nice to know people have my back. Been feeling very alone.

I hoping this can be a turning point. I agree I've been fantasising about who I thought he was and who i thought we could be. He clearly wasn't the person I feel in love with.

I've heard she did know about me but don't know for sure how much she knew. If he can lie to me he can to her too. She looked very uncomfortable when she saw me though. But however much I don't like her I really hope he doesn't hurt her too. Not my worse enemy deserves this pain.

I am proud of how I've dealt with everything but it still doesn't stop the pain, I still cry a lot! I hope I've come away the better person even if I've not come out the happiest....yet. It scares me so much that I didn't realise his character and was blinded to it (and still am a little) I hope I never make this mistake again.

I deleted and blocked him on fb straight after the last contact and his number. I've thrown myself into my passions which unfortunately is also his (and hers) but I'm not giving that up for him and would love nothing more to kick their ass's at it!

 

Can't wait until I can look back and it doesn't hurt.

 

Thank you everyone.

Your comments really helped.

[kudos]

My ex and his new younger woman did the same thing to me.

I held my dignity.

She then had an affair with her new boss......

Karma is amazing.....just wait

 

I'm looking forward to it!

[Movingforward3]

You are doing an amazing job during a difficult time! You did it all with grace and composure.you should be proud. Kept your self respect and now you can do the best you can to move forward. You give me hope just hearing how you handled it.

[Starseed98]

Once you become indifferent, you will be thankful for the strength you needed throughout the post-breakup period.

 

Keep going!

[bulletproof]

I agree with the others. What you've done so far is perfect. It just takes time and you will feel good again. Let yourself be upset and then regroup. And the thing that helped me the most when I had a breakup was trying new things, traveling, and getting out of my comfort zone. If there's anything you've ever wanted to try, now's the time. Build your confidence and have fun. This could end up being the best thing that ever happened to you, even though I know it doesn't feel that way now.

[JA0371]

Can I ask what do you do that they were able to come to your workplace??

 

Im sorry.....but this guy has the class of a cold sore to show up with his new gf. What purpose did that serve? Except to prove he's a toolbag. Honestly....if anything it should prove what a lowlife he really is and how grateful you are to be rid of him.

 

My advice? Celebrate YOUR victory....

[rlhuk]

You are handling this soo well. If that had been me I probably would have thrown a plate at him and gouged her eyes out. But that's just me, I haver anger issues

 

On a serious note though, you have done fantastically so far and I hope you can draw on that steely strength you seem to have and carry on!

 

Keep us updated x

[surfdiva]

Wow, I'm really sorry he did that. Like other have said, he did it on purpose. It shows his character which is horrible and consider yourself lucky you didn't get sucked in with this looser longer than you did. As other have said, it will get better with time.

[ParisPaulette]

What a giant for coming to your work with his latest toy. Sorry, sweetheart that has a$$hat written all over it. You've been civil and mature about it all, he couldn't be??? Ignore him for good, next time you blank him first, pretend he's a stranger. And hold your head high. Look it's only three months, it takes longer than that to get over a breakup and he sounds like maybe he was a jerk who played mind games to begin with.

 

Also kudos to you, I probably would've chased them both out of there screaming insults. (I blame the Italian and Irish in me for things like that) But honestly that little stunt should tell you every thing you need to know about Mr. No Respect, No Empathy Sleezeball. Too much.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. This guide may help you recover and soon enough you will, and you'll wonder at what you ever saw in him. will happen, but you need to give yourself TLC and time to move past the hurt. Hugs.

[kudos]

Really appriciate your replies. Thank you!

I work at an equestrian centre. There was a competition on. They both came to that, he was helping her at the competition. We always used to go out competing together, it was our thing! He knew I would be there. But she literally has just replaced me. I can see him trying to mould her into 'what he wants' just like he did with me. The really annoying thing is that she beat me in the competition too and she's actually pretty good!! Does she just win everything! *jealous face!*

I'm pretty sure he did it to see if I would react because he's not got an ego boost from it at all so far as I simply just walked away. My heart went crazy when I saw him. But luckily I've got good friends there and they stayed by my side the whole time and I carried on as normal making sure I looked happy but not over the top! Then i would go and hide and have a little (big!) meltdown where no one could see!

 

I am really proud of myself I know I've done everything right. But I can't help but think he thinks he's won and that she is better than me. I know in the long run this is exactly what I need to open my eyes to who he really is and to give me the kick up the butt to stop loving him. But it hurts, it's rubbing rejection in my face. Its proving my inner doubt that im not quite good enough right. And that person I trusted and thought the world of thinks nothing of me. Ouch.

[kudos]

Just wrote a really long reply and it didn't post! Annoying! (But not as annoying as her face!)

 

Thanks to all your comments I am feeling in a much better place today. I really appreciate all of you!

 

I work at an equestrian centre we were running a competition and they came to compete together. We always used to go out competing together and ive just been replaced. He knew I would be there and he hung around all day. I'm pretty sure he did it to see if I would react. He's not got an ego boost from this

[kudos]

Just wrote a really long reply and it didn't post! Annoying! (But not as annoying as her face!)

 

Thanks to all your comments I am feeling in a much better place today. I really appreciate all of you!

 

I work at an equestrian centre. We held a competition and she was competing and he was there helping her. There was plenty of other competitions around that day that they could have gone to. They knew I would be there and he for sure knew that it would hurt me as we always used to go out competing together. It was our thing! Its like they wanted to show that I had been replaced, it's not even been 3 months!! I wanted to walk away and go home as soon as i knew they were there but decided to be strong and continue as planned and compete too and show I 'didn't care'. Even though i did hide a few times and have a mini breakdown! Luckily i have good friends there that stayed by my side and helped me carry on as normal looking happy while meters away from the loved up couple! But then the worst thing is that she then beat me in the competition! And he would have loved that as he's very competitive Does she just win everything!! Grrr. I can't help but be crazily jealous of her and I never get jealous! That's what hurts the most now I think. Not losing him but the feeling of being replaced and that she is better than me in every way and is living the life I dreamed of.

 

Although it really hurts I think this is exactly what I needed to see. Anyone that cared about me wouldn't do that. And why am I so upset about someone who doesn't care about me....