Astrogirl Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Please help. I don't know what to do! I'm feeling very achy for my ex after 58 days NC from wither side. Why am I having this wobble? I really feel like texting or calling him even though I will probably be told where to go. Please help me find strength. I'm sinking into a very deep depression and crying a lot. This past week has been terrible for me. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 It happens to the best of us. Waves of feelings happen. I am at 3+ months and I have had a bad day today. You have to keep your mind busy and don't dwell. Have you been having fun and keeping yourself busy? I am sorry for your pain. It will get better. Why did you break up? Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 I've been doing loads to occupy my mind and keeping busy. Three were loads of factors that contributed to the split. Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 In my experience the urge to break no contact can creep up suddenly and when you're at your most vulnerable state I find it helps to have an action plan set up in advance when you're in a clear frame of mind. Is there a friend that you know you can call at any time if you get these sudden urges? That could be your plan. If not, think of something else to keep you occupied. Anytime your fingers are trembling on the dial or keypad, try hopping in the shower and crying it out first. Sometimes just distracting yourself for two or three minutes is enough to let the compulsion wash on by and get back to your senses. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Dottie, I actually feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. I can't understand I am feeling like this over a man who treated me so poorly. Link to comment
saluk Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 It means you are getting better. Wave away the feeling and push yourself through the next hump. Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Dottie, I actually feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. I can't understand I am feeling like this over a man who treated me so poorly. Take things one day at a time, and come here to vent. I know that isn't an answer to your problems, but it will help.There is always somebody here to talk to. Outside of that, all I can say is that I've been where you are so many times. And I felt like I wanted to die. Nothing brought me joy for a good while. All I cared about was my ex. And sure enough, I got over it. There is so much joy to be had in life. We can't let one person be the thing that keeps us alive and feeling complete. Life will get better. You WILL get through this. And you WILL find somebody else (not that that's the answer, but still, something to be excited about) You're going to be okay Link to comment
ambreaux405 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I'm there with you girl. Driving home from Walmart earlier I started sobbing out of nowhere. Nothing even triggered it. These feelings just creep back up without warning. I went for a run and then worked out for another good hour and felt better. Try to distract yourself with something physical. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 These 'emotions' are common. They will come in 'waves'. Yes, it can be very difficult to fight. As mentioned, do your best to keep fighting them. Listen to your music.. cry it out.. etc. It will ease off again in a bit and you'll come around again, feeling better. You will get stronger with time. Keep going! Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I'm in agreement with physical activity. Some sort of exercise to get those endorphins pumping and the muscles aching really helps to push those negative spirals out... Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 But I totally know the feeling... I'm so sorry you are having one of these bad days I'm in the 50s of no contact days, and it is still so darn hard. I don't go a single day without thinking about her at least every hour probably... Despite trying not to. Running has helped. Journaling has helped. This forum has helped. Stay strong. We are here with and for you. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 This feeling has really hit me hard. It's like I'm expecting him to break no contact. I've cried loads. Feel I'm getting weaker not stronger. Link to comment
ambreaux405 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 There's no shame in feeling sad. It's part of the healing process. We are mourning a loss and it's normal. Some days are better than others. Hell, some HOURS are better than others. Let yourself feel sad when it comes up. It won't last. Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Haha true that... some hours in a day are better than others Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 I've wrestled with myself all day trying not to call him. The urge is getting worse. Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Write on these forums. Find a friend. Find family. Go to a crowded mall. Go to a movie. Go for a run. Do ANYTHING BUT CONTACT. We are here. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 Thank you. Do you think contact will be very damaging for me? Link to comment
ambreaux405 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Yes it will be damaging, I think. Think about it like this - what do you want the outcome of contacting him to be? Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 I think he'd love it. However, he'd say 'I don't know if we should get together' (his friends talking). He'd definitely make me suffer. Good suggestion. Link to comment
ambreaux405 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Well, there is your answer. Don't do anything to make yourself suffer more. One night when I was desperate to contact him, I sat down and wrote out exactly every way that the conversation could possibly go. I realized after doing that that the chances of him saying anything that would actually make me feel better were between slim and none. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 That's great advice. I think I just want contact to be made and I wish it was from him. Link to comment
ambreaux405 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Yes I am the same way. I do hope every day that I hear from him and I'm not even sure why. At this point it really wouldn't change anything and would likely just hurt me more. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 How long has your no contact been? Link to comment
ambreaux405 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Not very long! I made it a good while before I broke down and texted him two weekends ago. The conversation was pointless and went nowhere so I just stopped responding and it's been two weeks. Link to comment
beanpot Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Hey Astrogirl I absolutely feel you. Like I said I'm also 50 some days into NC. It's gotten better, but I still think about her so darn much. I still love her so darn much. I wish I could hear from her. But I know I won't. And I know that she won't want to hear from me. If the ultimately outcome of hearing from the other person isn't going to be getting back together (with a renewed mindset and better plans to make things work-out... this is a whole different discussion), then contact is just painful and fruitless. If he is just going to say he loves you but can't be with you, then you're just going to cause yourself pain. Link to comment
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