an update... match.com actually WORKED for this guy (me)!!!

[browneyedgirl36]

I think it's time to let your subscriptions to online dating sites expire and give them up for a long, long time.

[musicman777]

Hello everyone,

Striker, thanks for the reply. That will be the day I ever land a LTR-quality woman on this site, LOL. NOT happening. This post started out as something positive and turned into something negative in the end. I got overconfident because I got one date out of this and then took it personal no one is responding. It's just all very frustrating.

 

You know, I don't think any women on here truly get, no offense to any of you. In some ways I laughed at this and in other ways it's just an even more depressing wake up call. It makes me feel even more worthless I don't get any kind of this attention whatsoever on this site. It definitely feels like a crappy double standard men are supposed to be the ones chasing all the time. I don't get one fifth of the attention my stupid fake profile got. I have sent out over 70 pretty well-crafted/clever messages to get peoples attention and I got two people to respond, one that flaked out from a date and the other I felt used me. It's VERY annoying and demoralizing.

 

Just so you all know I deactivated all my profiles including the fake one. I'm done. I don't care anymore. I'm also done looking in person. There isn't anything I can do to change this aspect of my life. Nowhere I can go, nothing I can do. I just don't have any motivation anymore, especially after these obnoxiously bad statistics. And it's not just on match, I did some research on gender ratios in the nation and it's pretty scary. I also got some therapist names, I'm going to have to start making some changes in my life with all of this. Thank you all.

[Ms Darcy]

I think we get it. I just personally don't think anyone is entitled to any interest or responses from strangers online.

 

I won't speak to the double standard idea as I think that there is more to it. For example, some women prefer men who take the lead/are more alpha in personality. Other women don't mind taking the lead though. And other options ...

[Batya33]

If I had listened to statistics on the chances of my getting married and having a child over 40 I would have given up too. Please don't do the cop-out thing. It's totally cool to decide to be single, to decide to date -but not because of silly statistics or disappointment at responses on an online site -for all you know many of those women you messaged had fake profiles just like you chose to do.

 

Dating and meeting people can be annoying an demoralizing and it's silly to lie to yourself and tell yourself you don't care and that statistics support your cynical attitude. It's all worth it if you're looking for marriage or long term, IMHO.

 

This Saturday morning I had the privilege of getting up at 6am, negotiating with a 6-year old on the importance of eating bananas (mostly successful), and preparing to go out in the rain to take him to an activity while my husband is hundreds of miles away on business. I bet the research says that I'm more than likely to be bored out of my mind, stressed and ready to inhale all sorts of bad food and get fat with this kind of routine. Survey says -wrong! - it aint perfect but in most ways it's a dream come true. Because I wouldn't listen to the awful stats and still don't.

 

As far as finding a good therapist - I applaud you. I hope you do find one and that you are honest and open minded with that right therapist - good for you!!

[browneyedgirl36]

Agreed with Batya -- don't take the easy way out and give up.

 

I DO think, however, you should back away from online dating sites for awhile, just because your mindset about it is negative right now. Perhaps, after you visit the therapist and work with him or her a bit, you can re-visit it; for now, though, you might want to take a break and just focus on getting out in the world and meeting people -- men as well as women. In fact, meeting more men might be VERY helpful, as they may know people you can date. The last three guys I have dated (including my current boyfriend) I met through female friends I'd made at work. Think of it as "networking," like in business. While I didn't go around announcing to every woman I met that I was looking to date and asking if they knew someone, I DID make sure they knew I was single and available for a relationship. I've gotten a number of dates this way over the years, and this last time, it seems to have worked out very well for me.

 

If a relationship is what you want, don't give up on that goal. At the same time, though, don't make yourself miserable by lamenting the fact that you don't have one, and don't ever gauge your value or worth based upon whether or not you have someone at a given time. I think therapy will help tremendously. It helped me, and it has helped countless people I know.

[Striker0602]

Your welcome for the post. As a guy who has only had a relationship develop from an online meeting once, don't give up, on either avenue (though I agree with Browneyedgirl, take a break). Just be patient. Statistics matter to businesses, sports teams, and governments. They do not matter to the individual! There is an average looking guy online who gets 40 messages a day, and an attractive girl who gets 0, and they wont reflect stats. Your idea of a well crafted message, may just be average, I mean... you're not Stephen King (not that hes the best person to emulate for this purpose...). As far as women getting it, no, they dont get it. Just like you dont get their side, I mean do you know how many times a day an attractive girl on OkCupid gets asked for sex, literally? Do you know what its like having to filter through 50 "Hi! Nice Eyes! how are you?" messages? So relax, everyones experience will be different. I personally, get tons of messages from women in the Philippines... Seriously, they're very nice!

 

I know for me, a few years ago when I started the online idea, I used to look up "how to write the best message" and guess what, comes off completely disingenuous. You seem like the kind of guy who would look up the advice columns and modify the cookie cutter ideas they give. Just be genuine. Most of all, stop trying so hard. Its hard to say from a forum post, but you do come off as if you're in a rush, and it makes you seem as though there isnt much else to look forward to... I mean, why are you so focused on finding a woman? When you do finally get your hands on one, what then? Develop something worth sharing, and someone will share it with you. Theres nothing wrong with wanting something, and wanting it soon, we all do, but relax dude! Take a break, hit the gym, read a book, travel if you can, and if you plan on rejoining the dating world, take some pics of it all. Ill be in Seattle next month, just because right now I have the time, and the ability. Those times in life where youre this free do not come often! (and if youre looking up online dating ratios, making fake profiles to prove a point, and posting on ENA about all of it, you have some time! No Offense whatsoever meant!)