Want to talk to ex

[Herderp]

It has been five months since the break.

 

We dated for 2.5 years. She was the most prettiest girl to me and the most potent relationship i've had.

Lets say I still carry a lot of sorrow and resentment towards what happened after the break and have difficulties letting go of the past memories and the love i still feel.

 

I do not want to go full in detail. She broke up with me because she did not want to grow old with me.

Then she applied some cliche's where i think they'd been pretty lame after all the time we've spent.

 

When i look back i can say i f'd it up pretty immaturely during the progress of the relationship but i can't beat up myself all the time for acting like i did.

There were two of us where i think our interaction could be much better on both sides.

 

Since she broke up with me i went LC/NC right off the bat. I wanted her back so badly but every time she initiated contact i just froze and couldn't react properly.

There were signs of her missing me and wanted my emotional support. She also came up with pics of us and sometimes sent me mixed signals.

 

I just never replied cause of my own psycho and maddening state of mind.

 

I tried to communicate with her and tried to make an arrangement to talk things through. She kinda agreed but was procrastinating the whole time, saying yes, but called it off at the last moment.

So like three months after the break i made a flash-call and just went happy and upbeat about "hey man! How 'r u doing? Still wanna meet? It has been a while.. " although i was dying inside.

 

She replied surprised and was like "Hey man " and after three words she started to cry. She was bussy so we agreed to talk later by phone.

So later that week i called her a few times but she never picked up..

 

We did meet after a while and in retrospect, i really cant figure the benefit for me. My only motivation was to "catch up" and get all of my stuff back.

Although i was asking for it a whole lotta times, she has never gave it back to me. I do not understand.

 

We've never really talked about what happened. I think she just called it a quit and moved on really fast without regretting. It was unilateral and highly motivated to do so.

Now i do understand the reason after the break. There are so many layers and it's just how it goes. We did love each other and it was a very beautiful time.

But at some point, things turned around and there it happened.

 

So now, five months after the break.. I had a really really hard time to let go and forgive, got rid of most of the pain and went on with my life..

 

There was a festival were i was going to. I just went full retard over there. Having the best time ever since the break. Finally realized i felt healthy and clean inside.

And then it crossed my mind and wanted to tell her how i felt. How i great i felt and regret how some things had ended. That i wished her the best but that i wanted to talk to her about the stuff that happened.

 

She replied with that she was happy for me. That it was better for me to let go of it and have fun over there, but that she agreed that she wanted to talk as well.

 

When i got home, i doubted a bit but then just exploded my super awesome festival experience towards her and i was telling her that i kinda missed her over there and i did not mind about telling her that. That i was fine about the break and that i was really happy to had her in my life but indeed it's better to let go. Her reply was very short and she told me that she liked my message and that she was happy to read these words.

That she was afraid of me tying to do my best of forget about us and just tossing away our memories. Then she agreed that the relationship indeed was over.

 

I did not reply to them.

 

A day later, last week, we stumbled upon each other in the city center and it was pure coincidence. It was the first time since two months and it was nice to see her again, she was surprised to see me. We made a quick relaxed conversation and i was completely in my comfort zone, being still kinda upbeat about the night out before. It felt like a clean slate.

 

She complimented me on my looks and said it was nice to see me. I felt super awesome and she was looking nice as wel.. Then I talked about the festival and she was like "yeah i wanna join next year ". We'd smiled and waved and walked away. Last time we've seen and spoken each other.

 

--

 

So yeah.. I still really feel the urge to contact her.. open up and tell her and ask her what really happened. Talk thing through, cause although, relationships ends, feelings are sometimes hard to deal with.. There is a lot more to say only than "yeah, it's over, it's not your fault". I would like to hear her part of the story. What she thinks about how things went and so on. Reflect about the past and to be open and honest toward each other.

 

I think it's an important learning experience. I still do want to have my stuff back which is quite annoying, but every time i've asked, she was like "yeah, we'll see".

She still seems to be very distant. We have not talked much and it's slowly fading. I think she is seeing someone but i do not care really.. I do not want to try to win her back.

I doubt her indifference toward me although i also think that when you meet someone new, you somehow completely forget about your past relation, as it has no priority to talk about it.

Then again.. When i look back at how we once where, how could you be that cold and distant toward each other after that long time you've spent together.. It's really abstract.

 

What is wisdom? How should i approach? Should i approach or should i let it be? How to crack the indifference... How to get us talking again without the tension of past events.

Is this normal or am i still trying to hard..?

[mhowe]

You don't crack the indifference. Because indifference is the death knoll to love. She is over you.

 

You need to accept that.

[jimthzz]

Rarely does anyone get closure. Why? Because what you seek can't be found. No matter what is said, if you are still attached and they are not, you will always have a follow up "why? question.

 

Move on.

[relevart]

We all want closure in our old relationships and for some reason, we think that comes from the other person. Maybe in some way it does, but usually our own closure needs to come from ourselves. Being told someone didn't want to grow old with me would pretty much be self-explanatory. It's a relatively nicer way than to say, "I don't love you anymore." Break-ups are hard and sometimes I think they are harder when one side tries NOT to hurt the one they are breaking up with. Instead of saying "I don't want to be with you anymore," they say, "I love you, I'm just not in love with you." They either don't want to hurt your feelings anymore than they already are or maybe they just don't want to be a bad guy.

 

Bottom line is: time to move on.

[Clinton]

Only you give yourself closure. There's nothing anyone else can say in order to get you there.

 

As has been said, it's over for good. Time to move on.

[Herderp]

At some point you just realize that things will never be the same, indeed. You have to learn to let go. All that stuff.

The way this relationship ended was really like.. "Okay, goodbye". And thats just it. I can live with the fact that it's over. It's not the first time ive been dumped.

Also the emotions i've encountered aren't new for me, so the best way to deal with it, is to just deal with it.

 

Now i'm living in a state of mind that everything kinda feels good again. I've got my own life, as well as she has..

I do not know what kind of struggle she went through since there were signs of her reaching out to me.

 

The way she responded to my text and the way she acted when we crossed paths last week was just nice and warm. No hard feelings.

 

So even when it's time to move on, and you feel there's no need to discus relationship matters..

 

Then why the hell wouldn't she give me back my stuff?

[mhowe]

What kind of "stuff" are we talking about?

[Herderp]

We've made like a gazillion pics together, as well as some books and an analogue camera.

[mhowe]

At this point, I would assume she has forgotten. The pictures --- the books --- who cares. What is the camera worth?

[No1]

Your stuff really doesn't matter does it? If its just clothes, toothbrush, little things like that then just consider them a donation and that youll never see them again. You could be hanging on to your stuff issue because that is a great excuse to still remain in contact with her. If its expensive stuff or of value then have a friend of yours go to her place and get it.

The relationship is over, it doesn't matter why and if you need to resolve things in your head then you just say that she is not the one for you and you move on. The little details as to the whys isn't going to make you whole, every question you have answered would just lead you to another question. You two were just not meant to be together. That's okay tho, you learn and then you move on.

Right now she is being nice and replying to your stories but understand that the relationship is over and she probably doesn't want to be 'friends' to you. I don't think you want to hear when she goes out and meets someone and had a great time do you? The longer you remain in contact the more likely youll hear a story like that.

[Herderp]

There is an often told metaphor about two kids playing together with an elastic band, each of them grabbing one end where they slowly pulling it until eventually one of them let go.

The kid that holds the longest feels the most pain.

 

I think it's only human to have feelings and there will always be a small part that will fester which is not easy to let go.

I would not want to caught myself holding on to them, hoping for a second chance, that would be plain stoopid. I've done that already in the early stage, it's no good.

 

We are living in a vast moving society, there is no need to focus on one single person.

Then again, these kinds of episodes in life that you've shared with that one person are like the most memorable of all.. Doen't matter who you're with right now.

 

I'm really realistic about the future and it's that we'll never be a couple again.

 

The stuff do in fact matter to me. Price does not matter. Some stuff is like non-replaceable.

I do care. We did care. The last thing she said was that she cares and that she would feel bad if I would forget about us.

 

All sweet and nice and stuff.. Why the f*#! wouldn't she just said something like:

 

Hey man, you wanna have your stuff back? Sure thing, fella!

Lets hook up, next friday, we'll have a drink! I also found your left sock btw. My cat pissed on it, still wanna have it back?

How about 6:00pm at Main Square. See you!

 

And actually do so.

[mhowe]

Because it isn't important to her to do so.

[reinventmyself]

The stuff in reality is never really important. We kid ourselves to think it is because after all if we admit it's just `stuff' then we would have to finally let go.

There are other times we even kid ourselves that maybe there is someone underlying cryptic reason why they keep our `stuff'.

Maybe so they still have some tie to us??

 

it's just stuff. . . I know for me I typically don't want the stuff or I don't want to arrange to return it either. . . for these very reasons. It's typically an attempt to keep a door that should have closed, cracked open. I tend to see it for what it is.

 

I just went through something similar. I left his stuff on my porch and instructed him to pick it up when I wasn't there, only because he was relentless about it. Honestly, he could have bought himself another $15 bike lock. He was to leave my beach chair in return (I told him I could easily buy a new one and to keep it) He picked up his lock and didn't leave me chair. Why? So he could continue to try to get me to come out and play. I went out the next day and bought a new chair. Problem solved!

 

It's the last tie you have to a woman you are struggling to let go of.

Go buy yourself camera and give yourself the gift of moving on.

 

I read your post and it was sprinkled with `I am sorry, it's over' messages from her. Either directly or indirectly.

I am sorry. . It's time to let go.

[Herderp]

You know i think that's just the most lamest yet a very plausibel scenario to fool each other around, for no reason.

 

What?

 

In that scenario it would be like a "win" for her if i keep asking about it. So she would feel she is in charge of my life, so i would be a puppet.

 

eh?

 

This stuff confuses me.

 

Because that would suggest there is no indifference.

I could say, she is playing mind games, then. And that i trick myself into believing there is moar to come.

And that at a certain point we both love another person, this would still apply.

 

It's just plain wrong.