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Herderp

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  1. I can't really tell. It just happened. It did not feel like it was a choice from both sides. It was like something organic that developed over time. We bumped into each other and started talking. We still do / did. So what is the benefit? Maybe we just liked to share our thoughts to each other. I think at some points during our lives, when things went south or tough, we just rambled and started talking to each other. Asking for advice or just to get it off the chest. It really was fun and comfortable. In time you start to share feelings of trust and security because there is a distance. It is quite hard to explain tho. We both dated different people over the course of years. She is now in a relationship. I am single, but had some short flings and a longer one while we were talking. Currently i am not dating anyone.
  2. Back in 2013 a girl ran into a me on a festival. Both severely drunk we had a chat for about 30 minutes. We've shared facebook and so some time after the festival had ended, we started to communicate via whatsapp, text only. We have never seen each other ever again, although, till a few days ago we were still talking to each other via WA. In the past years we've talked a lot, mostly about relationships, travelling, school / work, all the fun stuff, you name it. Through out the years there have been occasions in where she invited me to come over to a party / gathering / what ever. I always refused. On my part i sometimes did the same, but i guess we both were a little bit afraid of each other. Our difference in age is 11,5 years. In the last two years there have been several occasions in where a big meet was being planned and although highly anticipated, it just never happened. It has been seven years now, we still talk from time to time. Just recently i started to notices something is growing inside of me. The acknowledgement of the fact that in all these years, in all these disappointments from the past, she is still here, taking the time to talk with me. It feels very sweet and heart melting and i think i might be in love. I opened my phone and wrote a small "Hey, how are you? =)". She immediately replied with "Yes i am great! I am moving out. Wanna grab a coffee soonish? That would be nice =)" In the upcoming days we spent talking about study / work / other stuff. At some point she did not respond any more. A few days later, she changed her profile picture with her and another guy. The same day she explained she lost her phone. I asked if we could set up a meeting and she was like "i would like to do that, but i find it weird, i think there is a chance it might ruin our friendship if we meet in real life". (on a side note, this is how most of our meetings fail) It took me a few days to chew on that quote and also the fact she had a boyfriend. I started to write down a few words for my own pace of mind. It turned into a story about me explaining my feelings, about the past seven year situation and what i thought about her. The growing feeling of love or 'being in love' with her, the acknowledgement of 'us' being a 'thing' although we never met. Something in the lines of 'you will always be a part of me' - 'the best thing that ever happened'. Needless to say i was kinda drunk when i wrote that. To be sincere, this text feels like the creepiest thing I've ever sent to a girl. Right now I'm really afraid she might never respond to it ever again. Might this be true, i will accept the fact, although i might want to add a little footnote and hope for the best. Something in the lines of this: If there is anyone out there having a piece of advice for this matter, i would like to hear from you. Greetings!
  3. Thank you, this makes perfect sense. These past two months were extremely maniacal. There was just no stopping power into achieving all of this. I made so many progress its insane. I can't seem to understand how this energyflow manifest itself. If one would only take away the pain, there is a ton of other usefull energy to put into action. I can't really describe how it feels or where it stems from. But J^&* this is so fruitfull. Breakups are indeed a blessing in disguise.
  4. Could you explain what happened in your life while you were traveling?
  5. I can see the point now. It's an easy trap i guess. I asked for friendship to be honest but it was in the heat of the moment. I don't think i will reply her anymore and just drive off when the time is right. When we first met, we talked a lot about traveling (together). It was at one point we both wanted to leave everything behind and just go. But then mayhem happened. I really have no other option than to proceed in what i want most. The plan was there, now it's time to execute it. No matter what. I have no job but a sh*tload of cash. I have no debts No wife No mortgage No kids I am (w)healty and relatively young I also live in this appartment for about ten years. It sounds radical, but i dont feel like going to Kathmandu for a week or two and "find myself - let go of" to eventually go back to the same boring life.
  6. So basicly she broke off with me two months ago because of indifference. We both shared different values, we could not connect great and we did not match. Those were her words tho. I declined that POV but it did not matter so it was over. Point is as follow. I felt like sh*t for a long time and still can't seem to behave normal. I feel this energy flowing constantly. I somehow still can't believe it's over and we never spoke since our last break-up talk. To be honest, i was madly in love with that girl and we had so many good times together. We had so many laughs, so many trips, we went away almost every weekend to festivals, parties, long trips, etc. I can honestly say i've never felt so authenticly in love with a person. It was so humble, i did everything for her. After she broke off with me, i kinda went crazy and moved mountains to "get over her". So i took motorcycle lessons, bought a motorcycle, sold my house, my stuff. Went for visa, paid my debts, etc, etc. I'm finalizing at the moment, nearing the point where i can hop my bike to go for a loooooooooooooooooong ride around the world. I am also reaching the point where i don't give a sh*t anymore, but that takes away the initial urge to travel the world. Kinda weird. At six weeks after our break she sent me a msg. If i would like to join her birthday party. I was still very bitter and so i replied i was not planning to come, but we could however meet another time within a few weeks. Now i am anticipating this meeting and i ask my self. Why would i do such a thing? The one reason i can think about is to rant extra about what went wrong and why "we should mary and live for ever after together". The other reason i can think about is to see her face again. Hear her voice and maybe smell her fumes again. To rekindle my own feelings and remember why i went into that mental frenzy in the first place, after she broke it all off. With the intention to relive that coping of loss, setting another stage of anger and use that to leave for ever. Kinda twisted if you ask me, tho. But hey. She wanted to meet. So what would be a good course of action? I see some scenario's. - 1 - We set an arrangement to drive our bikes. We meet at one point and as soon as she arrives, i start my bike and we hit the road, without creating an opportunity to talk to each other. Just driving. We do this for an hour or so. As soon i've gotten enough of it, i'll just take the left lane and we split up (without letting her know) and move towards the horizon to be never seen again. (symbolism) - 2 - We set an arrangement and we'll meet. We drive a bit, have phun and park our bikes near the pond and have a chat, smoke some sigs and chill. - 3 - Rant everything i have to say, become a complete moron of what went on in my head for the last couple of weeks, she will most likely piss her pants laughing and take my respect. - 4 - I do nothing. I will leave. She will never hear from me again. ==== But really i have no clue. I think i only want to see her face again. To see again where my love went to and to linger what once was. Make amends with her and myself. Only for me this time to end this and say my final goodbye and let go for ever. Any thoughts? Have anyone did something like this before?
  7. I often times think of this. Then the only explanation i could think of is that the person was not in love or already deattatched themselves prior to ending the relationship. I’ve written a piece today that kinda relates to this topic of you and what i strongly can relate to. I’ve went trough a hard breakup a couple of years ago where after a while i started to doubt my own sanity. Later on some professional help came by, telling me i was in a psychotic state of mind. It’s the darkest place i’ve ever went to. Crossposting this: ————- Within the first few stages of acceptance, emotions are running high, people are in denail and the biochemical distribution in their brain will run 24/7 around the clock. The more eager one is willing to try and find out how to approach an successful reconciliation, the more they will find themselves dwelling trough a downward mental spiral, trying to connect the dots and to find a workaround on what has happened, based on given information and their feelings. Most of the time that information contradict to their authentic believes which in return renders a toxic pattern of thoughts, resulting in a split of their own inner self-awareness and the outside reality. People in such an emotional state of mind often describe themselves as being anxious, paranoid and delusional. In severe cases Freud would diagnose this loss of sanity as schizophrenia, hence your ex would ask themselves how to deal with their psycho ex.
  8. I've read this on reddit, a few years back And thats just it. Within the first few stages of acceptance, emotions are running high, people are in denail and the biochemical distribution in their brain will run 24/7 around the clock. The more eager one is willing to try and find out how to approach an successful reconciliation, the more they will find themselves dwelling trough a downward mental spiral, trying to connect the dots and to find a workaround on what has happened, based on given information and their feelings. Most of the time that information contradict to their authentic believes which in return renders a toxic pattern of thoughts, resulting in a split of their own inner self-awareness and the outside reality. People in such an emotional state of mind often describe themselves as being anxious, paranoid and delusional. In severe cases Freud would diagnose this loss of sanity as schizophrenia, hence your ex would ask themselves how to deal with their psycho ex. Once you've realized and acknowledged this reality is not healty to cling on to, you automatically tend to shift toward your next phase, which is giving up and letting go. You feel the same pain over and over again everyday, but that will eventually delute. New experiences will manifest and they will over time replace the old feelings you had toward your ex. You still remember, you still can feel, but you also realize you have not talked to eachother for over a long period. Then you start to wonder about what happened to them and also realize they had the same pack of emotions running trough their system, after they broke off with you. You start to emphatize and sympathize and again gain a moment of lingering to contact her/him to let him/her know. Cutting off contact is best for both parties in order to move on.
  9. I’ve been hanging around on this forum for quite a few weeks. I try to find solace in what once was. Despretly searching for that awnser that would fix anything, but never would i get the awnser i wanted. This girl i knew, i was so very fond of, disappeared from my life after all the stuff we went trough. Yes i want her back but, no. It wont happen, ever. Period. I cried and still miss her, but “getting back together” after fullfilling that magic no-contact rule will result in only more head/heartage. Every day i feel a little bit better. Coming to terms with myself and i ask myself. Do i really..... REALLY want her back? My feelings are numb but all over the place. I’ve changed for the better, but did i really do? What would really happen after she text me, asking for reconcilation? You can’t go back. Never. Only move forward. I only can imagine more fights will happen in the future. No more love, only more complaints about so very little stuff... I find it hard to realize, that every one in this forum is chasing the dragon. Trying to find what they want most. But when you think about it. What is is that you really want the most? It is peace, my love. Peace only can give you what you want. It does not come from your spous. It comes from within. I feel for you, those who are in the search for awnsers, but it won’t happen. You have to completely let go in order to have what you want the most. Peace.
  10. Thank you for your support. I think the only way to move foreward is to directly plow yourself into something new and exciting, in some sort of extreme way, if you want it or not. These times in your life are often the most profitable to develop yourself in some way. An broken heart is an open heart, man. You achieve nothing really, by dwelling in old, past events. Do you feel that energy flowing? You better put it to use, its very powerful.
  11. At some point you start to notice the carelessness gets more than the care you have for the situation.
  12. I don't have a clue about why she asked me to join her pary. She knows damn wel i was affected. I saw her being affected as well but not that much as i was. She was just plain blunt, so maybe she is just being friendly. I dunno. I begged her to stay friends but that was in the heat of the moment. So yeah... She did not asked about me. Just if i wanna join her party, two days prior to the event. I assume a whole lot of people will be there and so there is much room for distraction. But maybe she's just testing me or what ever. Questions, questions... I think i'm doing great but thats also because i actively let her go instead of lingering on old feelings. Thats why i dont want to be on the party. Not that full blown confrontation with booze and drugs and what not. Just a simple hour of convo with her on a bench would be nice, just to chat a bit, see where we are standing. Knowing that i will leave. And that the feelings that slipped away maybe turn around, thrusting my motivation even further to go around the world. Making her jealous? Maybe a part of me. I feel the temptation to rant about past events but its just showing me being a douche or something. I dont want that. I want to have peace. Maybe this is the moment i can look her in her eyes and see what person she really is, without romanticizing. I think two weeks is good to get chill with the idea to meet again, instead of just being ignorant and trash a party and get emotional when i see her with another guy, for instance.
  13. Two months ago my GF broke off with me. Summary is in this topic: forum/showthread.php?t=549841 After she broke off with me i went NC right of the bat, cold turkey, acknowledging the fact that this relationship will dilute over time no matter what i would try. Contacting her and begging for peace would most certainly not work out and what is the point for me or her. Restecp is what matters. Alright so i kinda went to all the stuff everyone is talking about. Great epiphanies, bright enlightments for the sole purpose of getting back together. Overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, fals hope, anger and a whoooooole lot of contemplating, reminiscing, wondering, and not to mention the endless solo-conversations in my head with her. I knew this was a phase i had to go trough and looking back i feel much more better. However.. As soon as i knew she broke off with me, stuff went apesh*t in a matter of seconds. Of course i wanted her back but that won't happen over night (if ever) and certainly not in a way like me, dwelling on past events, crying over all that happened. Being a grown up, i had to act fast and with full persuasion. Not to get her back, but to get myself back. To get better at everything i ever was before. Took motorcycle lessons. Bought a motorcycle. Met old friends, family, people i care about Dated casual Took responsibility over my financial and administrative situation (really a mess). Said goodbye to my apartment. (still live here but not for long) Gettin all the documents ready (passport, visa, insurance, etc) Basicly preppin myself for a long anticipated solo-motorcycle-trip around the world. In the meantime i've also watched tons of self-help-how-to-get-your-ex-back-learn-about-the-no-contact-rule-do's-and-dont's-during-a-break-up-and-a-sh*tload-of-pron-to-fap-on-video's to learn stuff, get my head straight. The stuff EVERY video is telling you is NEVER CONTACT YOUR EX. Then IF YOU FOLLOW CORRECTLY - she WILL contact you, d*mnit! And waddayaknow......... Two months of eerie silence and BOOM Message from ex. Now i know for a bright reason there is no way of manipulating, playing games with your ex into rekindle your previous relationship. It is not fair, it will not work, it makes you look like a douche, there is no point. I know as wel she said to me she did not want to have a relationship and i sure do not want to hang around "as friends" in a group of people where i used to hang out with, in a place where all the magic happened, in the lions den, with her, around her, knowing or at least assuming she is riding, sucking or what not, another d*ck in town, someone who is there as well. Who ever has seen the movie "500 days of summer" knows that scene of "Expectaion vs Reality" and this is no joke. This movie is totally my past relationship. It feels i dwell to much on this topic. I assume she does not want to reconcile, she sees me as a friend or something. I dunno. I replied to her message that i was bussy and would like to meet, if she wants to, in about two weeks. She replied and said she would like it, so we'll just see. It gives me time to finalize my planning around my trip, but also to finalize my toughts about our relationship and see what will happen. Because i was lying to myself if i did not want to rekindle, reconcile and take her in the ass while the sun is going down where two camels are watching. You know. This is madness. I lived a really weird life for the past two months and glad that i am where i am now. Now this message pops up and i am confused again. We gonna meet eventually. How do i act. What to say and behave? I do really miss her and i still feel the flame and believe in the connection we shared. What to do.
  14. Last year i’ve stumbled upon a girl, the type of girl that you knew the exsistence of, but never really gotten the chance to hang out with. She’s the sister of a mutual friend of ours. She had this very penetrative, deep, cold look in her eyes every time we’ve crossed each other during times we never spoke. Last year i’ve gotten the chance to get to know her better and i felt for her. I was madly in love, because of the fact she said yes to everything. Nothing was to weird for her. The sex was amazing, the trips to the outside world, every day we kept on doing stuf. It was really an intense experience to hang out with her, for instance, for the fourth date i planned a two-week-trip to the other side of the world. We went out to festivals and parties all the time. I completely went head over heels, did everything for her, stayed with her when she felt bad, paid for most of the trips, paying an huge amount of effort to produce memories, went completely crazy on her, until she finaly got tired of it. She explained that our relationship wasn’t deep enough, she could not figure out a connection with me, it wasn’t for the parties, she did not care about money, felt like friendship, etc. She put all the blame on me and finished it off with an “Im not ready for a relationship” I was completly off chart and focussed on the fun part of everything. Although we did comunicate. I sensed a lot of negative tension, where bot uf us acted defensive while expressing our opinions. The difference between us is that she works hard, is well earthed with her emotions, no-nonsens, very practical and basicly doesnt give a . Where i am the lazy wealthy guy with a lot of money but no job, very romantic and dreamy with flowers amd rainbows and all that glitter. I think i miscalculated the situation, thinkin, since there was a huge chemistry, i took it all for granted. For me it felt extreme genuine with a natural flow, very instinctive and overall meant to be. Completely blindsighted of what she really was saying to me. Communication is halted for a month now, although i would like to make amends, im not anticipating reconciliation, dont want to contact her. Im not mad. I do miss the time and the feeling of being with her, but it does not seem like a good idea. Just let it go. My worry is as follow: This was probably the best, most intense and amazing love ive experienced for a loooooooong time (im 32) and it lasted just so short (8 months). Never gotten the idea that we went to the core. I do not want this to happen in the future ever again. I do want be in love again, but here is the catch. When i am in love, i get frustrated, dont know how to deal wit emotions, get insecure, my mask gets denser, act like a little , i implode and she whimps me off like a little . No good. just happend? Because she acknowledged she was in love too, she said it felt like a great friendship with deeper meaning and all that stuff. We were in fact, with out romantisizing a very strong couple. I really like to talk about this with her and eventually get back together. That is what i want. But it wont happen. How can i deal with this kind of situation in the future ever again?
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