captcha45 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Is it OK or not OK? I like keeping my options open (as long as we're not exclussive), but some people will probably have a problem with that... Link to comment
notalady Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 It's a personal choice. I will disclose it if the guy asks me about it. Until we are exclusive, I'm keeping my options open. Under the general rule that there'll be no sex with any dates, otherwise I'd feel bad even if I become exclusive with one in particular later, even though technically it's not wrong as we weren't exclusive at the time. Link to comment
kathy679 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I think as long as your honest it's ok. Some people may find it hard to handle though and you need to take that into account. If your really getting on with one person then maybe you should stop seeing others? Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I think it's good to let the people you're seeing know that you're not exclusive. That way they know where they stand and can make an 'informed' decision about dating you. Link to comment
notalady Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I think it's good to let the people you're seeing know that you're not exclusive. That way they know where they stand and can make an 'informed' decision about dating you. I've done that before and while all of the three guys said they were ok with it, two of them explicitly expressed later (still before exclusivity) one way or another that they felt like there's competition or something, like they had to win me over, which is not at all my intention of disclosing it and seems like an immature mindset to me. The other one, although not explicitly stating so, also seemed to rush things a bit, I'm not sure if because of me stating this (being aware of "competition"). Maybe it's just these particular guys, but just something to be mindful of if you want to openly declare that you are still seeing other people, without being asked. Guys can get competitive and might feel sensitive about this. Guys who want to take things slow (ie no sex) and take the time to get to know you would less likely ask you about exclusivity and whether you are still dating others so early on anyway, I think it's not necessary to bring it up if the other person doesn't. I certainly don't ask if the guys I'm seeing are also seeing others, if I want to move things forward, I'd bring up being exclusive (if they haven't already). Link to comment
kathy679 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Some people will feel weird about dating you if others are involved too and your not exclusive with any of them. Men are very territorial and as long as you don't go into the dating game thinking otherwise you will be ok. Be honest with them. But do understand a lot of people would not like it. Link to comment
j.man Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 If some people have a problem with it, then it's their problem. Taking someone out for coffee one day and dinner the next doesn't inherently qualify them to be the only person you date. I don't know about you, but I want to be picked because I was the best choice, not the only choice. When I date, it's multiple women at a time and have zero issue with the women doing the same. The one point where I would start to feel a bit sleazy is if I were having sex with multiple women at once. Then again, if I'm in dating mode, I don't have sex without exclusivity anyhow. That's just me, though. If you're not exclusive, you're free to do whatever you want. I'd be honest if they asked about it, but I'd never make it a point to awkwardly mention over dinner, "... so I'm dating two other people." If a woman said that to me, I'd be concerned about why she said it, no the fact she's dating other guys. I'd think she was making it a point to show me she's not that interested in me. Link to comment
notalady Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 This 100%. It can be misinterpreted as to why you're openly declaring, without being asked, that you're still seeing other people/keeping your options open. I would say so if being asked but I wouldn't bring it up voluntarily again after the previous experiences. It makes things weird and throw off the usual dating dynamic. Indeed, going to coffee/dinner/activities and maybe kissing does not inherently qualify you as the only person they date. If the guy wants to be exclusive with me, he should make his intentions clear (a guy who's really into you will want to lock you down), until then, it's not wrong to assume you are free to date whoever you want. Link to comment
notalady Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Some people will feel weird about dating you if others are involved too and your not exclusive with any of them. Men are very territorial and as long as you don't go into the dating game thinking otherwise you will be ok. Be honest with them. But do understand a lot of people would not like it. That was my thinking too when I voluntarily asked the guys whether they are ok with me still dating other people. They would say it's totally fine, but then act all weird and sensitive about it. In fact two of them tried to ask me how my other dates are going, yea no way in hell I was going to discuss that with them! It made me really uncomfortable and I told them I didn't feel it's appropriate to discuss my other dates with them and I just want to get to know THEM, it's not a competition. They didn't seem to get that concept. They are not used to multi dating but seem to be ok with that idea, but it seems like they are not sure what to do with that information or how to act or what to say or not to say. Again, it's only based on the small sample of guys I said this to. Anyway I feel like it brings in too many complications and are better off left alone unless they specifically ask. Link to comment
Andrina Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 If there's no sex involved, it's okay to date more than one person. If a guy asked me if I was dating anyone else, this would be my answer. "When you're not exclusive, It's like the don't ask, don't tell policy. You have to assume the other person may be dating others, but it's not pleasant to hear about." Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I would not date someone dating more than one person. Link to comment
John John Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I would not date someone dating more than one person. Be happy you've been with your husband for so long. Because this is pretty much par for the course these days. Dating is very fast paced and cutthroat. I don't actually like dating several girls at one time, because it's just too much work and effort on my part. But, that's usually what happens. I'm dating three at the moment, although only two are possible contenders. It's exhausting, but kinda fun. I seem to get a lot of love during the summer lol Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Be happy you've been with your husband for so long. Because this is pretty much par for the course these days. Dating is very fast paced and cutthroat. I don't actually like dating several girls at one time, because it's just too much work and effort on my part. But, that's usually what happens. I'm dating three at the moment, although only two are possible contenders. It's exhausting, but kinda fun. I seem to get a lot of love during the summer lol Even if I wasn't married I would not date a man with a harem. Link to comment
captcha45 Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 I'd be honest if they asked about it, but I'd never make it a point to awkwardly mention over dinner, "... so I'm dating two other people." If a woman said that to me, I'd be concerned about why she said it, no the fact she's dating other guys. I'd think she was making it a point to show me she's not that interested in me. What about asking if the other person multi dates? Weird? Link to comment
John John Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Even if I wasn't married I would not date a man with a harem. lol no I know you wouldn't. And it's not a harem, actually. I'm just getting to know them. I've slept with one, but I've been seeing her for a while now. Regardless, dating mutliple people at once is usually the norm. I don't actually like it. I just want to find Mrs. MCJD! lol Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Is it OK or not OK? I like keeping my options open (as long as we're not exclussive), but some people will probably have a problem with that... That's entirely up to you, no one else. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 lol no I know you wouldn't. And it's not a harem, actually. I'm just getting to know them. I've slept with one, but I've been seeing her for a while now. Regardless, dating mutliple people at once is usually the norm. I don't actually like it. I just want to find Mrs. MCJD! lol But dating is defined by the person doing the dating. You don't HAVE to date multiple people . You are choosing to. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Even if I wasn't married I would not date a man with a harem. My experience is when men date many we are douche bags. When women date many they're being selective and 'playing the field'. Not that I care, just an interesting observation. Well, interesting to me. The trick to having a harem is not letting them know about one another Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 My experience is when men date many we are douche bags. When women date many they're being selective and 'playing the field'. Not that I care, just an interesting observation. Well, interesting to me. The trick to having a harem is not letting them know about one another I am not being sexist in that I would not date a woman dating multiples either. Hedging bets has never appealed to me in either sex. Link to comment
John John Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I am not being sexist in that I would not date a woman dating multiples either. Hedging bets has never appealed to me in either sex. It's actually not about hedging bets at all, and I'm not actually trying to date multiple girls at once. I'm VERY selection with whom I respond to on dating sites and who I even give a first date to. I don't have the time. These are just great girls that I think I may be able to hit it off with. We'll see. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 ^ lol, that is hedging a bet. Link to comment
j.man Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 What about asking if the other person multi dates? Weird?I think the only time to ask that question is when you're bringing up being exclusive, and even then, there are much better ways to go about it. If a woman asked me if I was dating other people only a few dates in, I'd think she's either insecure or looking to move a bit too quickly. When I date multiple women, it's not like an episode of the Bachelor. It's never the case where I'm going out with two different women, each for 2+ months or anything like that. Unless I'm strictly looking for short term, which I'll be open about if I am, it doesn't take me more than a handful of dates to know someone isn't who I'm looking for and I'll stop dating them. It's simply the nature of the game. It doesn't mean they're making out, much less having sex, with a bunch of other people. It just means they're meeting others, gauging their personalities, and making the best educated decision they can for themselves. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I assume going into dates with new people that they are also dating others. Or are at least open to it. I used to date only one person at a time. I do find it easier. This time though, I am dating multiple. I do not discuss it with the people unless they specifically ask. I think what is important to know is what the person is looking for. Get to know the person - that's what is important. Also, I'm dating without sex being in the equation. I think if sex were in the equation, it may complicate things for me. It wouldn't work for me, I wouldn't be comfortable with that. if I were to decide I wanted to sleep with someone and we were talking exclusivity, then you need to establish all this of course. Not only for my heart, but because I would rather not sleep with someone who is sleeping with anyone else! Not sure what you are looking for with dating, OP. ? I'm looking to date a lot of people so I can hopefully find someone where it has the potential to go somewhere longer lasting. Someone to spend my life with. Dating a lot of people makes sense for me in doing that now. Link to comment
John John Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 ^ lol, that is hedging a bet. No it is not. These are two very different girls, and different types of women. I'm getting to know them both so as to be able to make an informed decision. To me, hedging a bet would be a scenario if you're really into one girl and you're actively pursuing her, while keeping the "runner up" around (even if you're not as into her, and you KNOW you're not as into her). But I know you're very oldschool so it's all good. I'm actually oldschool at heart too (hard to believe, I know). Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Yes, I am old school in most things. Link to comment
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