Does this constitutes stalking?

[RainyCoast]

i agree with that Fudgie.

 

what i meant was that OP is a little too eager as far as contact with him goes. he wants a "casual" thing without the obligation to call/text/meet up too often and/or when it is inconvenient for him or he doesn't feel like sex.

 

i think there were a lot of sound warnings about the casual nature of this relationship on OPs previous thread and that it is now quite clear why ppl felt like they needed to submit them.

[jimthzz]

People like to keep their professional and personal lives separate. You wanted some overlap, he does not.

 

If he works at a place that frowns on people dropping by, distracting from the work to be done, it can create a problem for him.

 

Don't be a problem, be something positive.

 

Rein in the impulsive behavior.

[gemmajack]

Thanks Guys. I think If people could die of embarrassment I would be dead already today. I never been to a guy workplace before so it is first time for me and lesson learnt.

[gemmajack]

Yeah sorry about that.

 

Hey but you took a chance, it didn't go well, but he's acting like a jerk now. You are trying to set up this get-together and he's being rude. There is no other way to describe it. I would re-think your whole feelings towards him. Is he worth it?

 

 

Its ok mate. It happened. I do appreciate your advice.

I don't think I've the opportunity to rethink anything now. It looks like he already decided against it.

[Rosti87]

Wow, I think that was my advice to you? To show up at his work. Yeah ok it didn't go so well, but who cares.

 

But you know what I didn't like the most in his text. This. "Can't you see I'm busy".

 

Wow. Maybe you showing up at his work wasn't the best idea (sorry about that), but that text was ruder.

 

But you went further than that. He told you to wait outside and you kept coming back in interrupting. That is why he said "Can't you see I'm busy." Don't read anymore into it than that. Your going back in there when he said to wait was ruder than his text message.

[gemmajack]

But you went further than that. He told you to wait outside and you kept coming back in interrupting. That is why he said "Can't you see I'm busy." Don't read anymore into it than that. Your going back in there when he said to wait was ruder than his text message.

 

 

I didn't see his text as "rude" more of a telling off

because I done something wrong. Which I accept and apologized for.

[j.man]

I didn't see his text as "rude" more of a telling off

because I done something wrong. Which I accept and apologized for.

This is the humility you have to adopt while not crippling yourself over the guilt.

 

What you did was wrong. You know that. Nothing you can do about it now. You don't want to grovel to the guy, but you also don't want to want to press on as if nothing happened.

 

Show humility by backing off. Completely. He and you both know you messed up big. No use pretending. Giving him space goes a long way in showing you know you messed up. That something's up and that you know you need to back off to look after yourself.

 

Show self-respect by not groveling, asking for forgiveness, pushing the matter further, etc.

 

The closest you're going to get to "making amends" is showing him he's not going to have to worry about you intruding on his life like that again. Getting out of the picture is the only way.

[gemmajack]

This is the humility you have to adopt while not crippling yourself over the guilt.

 

What you did was wrong. You know that. Nothing you can do about it now. You don't want to grovel to the guy, but you also don't want to want to press on as if nothing happened.

 

Show humility by backing off. Completely. He and you both know you messed up big. No use pretending. Giving him space goes a long way in showing you know you messed up. That something's up and that you know you need to back off to look after yourself.

 

Show self-respect by not groveling, asking for forgiveness, pushing the matter further, etc.

 

The closest you're going to get to "making amends" is showing him he's not going to have to worry about you intruding on his life like that again. Getting out of the picture is the only way.

 

Thank you for writing this. Yes, I will keep my distance now.

[gemmajack]

So everyone agrees it was not stalking but just plain rude and bit intrusive.

[Fudgie]

I believe stalking is not characterized by just one action, but multiple actions that cause the other person to feel, well, stalked. If you were showing up at his work AND calling him a lot AND driving by his house AND trying to memorize his schedule, that would be seen as stalking. But you showing up to see him is not really stalking by itself, just rather intrusive and screams about a lack of boundaries. The only people I "pop in on" during work are my parents and even then, if they are busy, I leave a message and head out. Never an SO but that's me.

[gemmajack]

Its a restaurant - a public place - people come and go. The problem is that he was in a meeting. He was sitting at the side table. To me it seems like he was chatting to a friend/friendly customer. I did tell him that in my text that I didn't know he was in a meeting. I understand that people have their boundaries and I do respect that when I know of them. In this case it was a big innocent mistake which I acknowledge. this part of your posts make me feel worse. Personally I don't mind friends or acquaintances visiting my workplace. In fact in the past my ex partner did just that with flowers so have my friends. I didn't mind at all.

 

P.s. thanks for explaining what constitutes stalking and explaining in details - it helped.

[mhowe]

It doesn't matter who he was talking to...that wasn't your assumption to make. You don't interrupt someone at work to talk about your personal problem.

[Rosti87]

Its a restaurant - a public place - people come and go. The problem is that he was in a meeting. He was sitting at the side table. To me it seems like he was chatting to a friend/friendly customer. I did tell him that in my text that I didn't know he was in a meeting. I understand that people have their boundaries and I do respect that when I know of them. In this case it was a big innocent mistake which I acknowledge. this part of your posts make me feel worse. Personally I don't mind friends or acquaintances visiting my workplace. In fact in the past my ex partner did just that with flowers so have my friends. I didn't mind at all.

 

P.s. thanks for explaining what constitutes stalking and explaining in details - it helped.

 

Everyone has different boundaries. Once they express them it is important to respect them. If at any time their boundaries seem to rigid or too different from yours then you probably need to move on.

[reinventmyself]

While you are at work or working, it would probably be one of the more inappropriate times to have a challenging personal relationship conversation.

Add in you showed up unexpected and wanting to talk during this most inappropriate time makes it - inappropriate - and looks a little desperate.

 

By the sounds of it I think you own this. .learn from it and shake it off.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

Personally, I spook easily and ex did this to me once and it scared the bejeebies outa' me

[sargon]

I checked your other thread. He wants you for sex only, not a relationship, that is clear and you knew it.

 

For you to show up at his work, given that you are no more than a sex toy to him, is inappropriate.

[gemmajack]

In my defense; I've been to his workplace before- before I accepted his advances. We use to chitchat outside the restaurant, where he use to flirt with me. I've been inside during working hours. I use to try to walk away not distract him from his business but he use to stop and tell me to sit down. obviously what happened few weeks ago changed the dynamic of our relationship and that's why I was quite reluctant to go there. Its the fact he was in meeting and the fact I didn't go when I saw it he was busy - that just kills me.

 

And why the hell did he call and then hang up so quickly and never call back?

[mhowe]

Because he was going talk to you and then worked issues stepped in....and talking to you isn't a priority and has slipped his mind.

[gemmajack]

I checked your other thread. He wants you for sex only, not a relationship, that is clear and you knew it.

 

For you to show up at his work, given that you are no more than a sex toy to him, is inappropriate.

 

 

Honestly I don't mind so much been "his sex toy" he is hot and more- obviously I didn't wanna come accross as too easy at first. I ruined that now.

[gemmajack]

Because he was going talk to you and then worked issues stepped in....and talking to you isn't a priority and has slipped his mind.

 

 

Thanks -

[Helpexpressme]

I checked your other thread. He wants you for sex only, not a relationship, that is clear and you knew it.

 

For you to show up at his work, given that you are no more than a sex toy to him, is inappropriate.

 

But she only wants him for a good time as well!

[relevart]

At this moment I feel sick. The damage is done, I don't know how to mend it.

Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. It seems in your case, the little I know about it, one of your problems is that you keep thinking you need to do something. Anything.

The thought of him seeing me as a crazy person sickens me.

You can't control how others view you. It's their feelings, not yours. Just be you. And don't worry about what others thing so much.

[gemmajack]

But she only wants him for a good time as well!

 

Exactly. Honestly I do. I don't want be his girlfriend.

The guy use to basically beg to see me alone and then when I agree he pulls away.

Obviously I have feelings for him - but its not love.

[gemmajack]

Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. It seems in your case, the little I know about it, one of your problems is that you keep thinking you need to do something. Anything.

 

You can't control how others view you. It's their feelings, not yours. Just be you. And don't worry about what others thing so much.

 

You are right - I would like to explain myself further and move on. but I won't contact him. I am leaving it as it is now.

[penelope13]

He might have called you by mistake and thus gotten off as quickly as possible.

[sargon]

But she only wants him for a good time as well!

 

That's fine, they're mutual sex toys, but he's not showing up unnanounced at her place of business.

 

That's something people do when they're in committed relationships.