Girl caught me texting other woman

[IgorMorozov]

Good day! I think this issue deserves an introduction of a sort. I'm 26 and about 5 weeks ago I met a girl who's 20. She was fresh off really harsh relationships with a married man. Basically we met the next day he dumped her but I had no clue at the moment and only found out about this around two weeks later.

 

We started dating about a week after meeting each other. The first two weeks were amazing, she was warm, nice and tender. Then all changed, and she grew incredibly cold and aggressive on me. As I found out later (on accident) she met her ex and they had a talk the day she changed. I actually witnessed her meeting him later that week to pick something that she left in his car (it actually happened during our date). We had a talk and she told me that it was really important to her to meet him and something in this line. Asked me to understand and so I did. I was really disappointed, wanted to get out of relationship with her but decided to stay. But even after that she stayed cold and didn't kiss me or hug me for the last three weeks, became incredibly aggressive and reacted angrily to almost all of my questions or phrases, but still kept insisting on us being in relationships.

 

She later was taken to a hospital (due to health issues she's gotten thanks to her ex) and I was visiting her almost every day but each time on my way to hospital I was realizing that she was waiting for him, not for me, to show up. One can imagine how hard can this be, I felt broken, I did not understand anything and was in complete despair.

 

So, just to keep myself positive and away from these thoughts I chatted with a woman who I know for around 10 years already. Our chats were always flirtatious but we never crossed the line and never even kissed. I didn't even think of having sex with her. I know it's my fault that I didn't even bother changing the way we communicated or informing her that I had a girlfriend after since I knew for myself that these conversations meant nothing at all. Anyway, my current girlfriend read these chats yesterday and is now angry and pissed for a good reason and I feel terrible and ready to do anything to prove to her that she's the girl I want to be with with and that noone else matter. I know that I do not deserve forgiveness, but please give me an advice on what should I do.

 

Thank you!

[jjkk]

Sounds like it's a good time to let this girl go. Is this someone you really want to be with? She dates married men! She's been cold and aggressive for over half of the time you've known her. She's showing a bad side after only 2 weeks, this can only go downhill and crash and burn. She can insist on being in a relationship all she wants. It takes two. If you decide to end it, it's over, doesn't matter what she wants.

[IgorMorozov]

Thank you for your advice,

 

I've actually been thinking about breaking up with her every day after the day she met her ex, I've honestly never felt more disrespected and betrayed. But I forgave her.

 

It was me who made the last offense and even though it was minor (in my opinion) I feel terrible about disappointing her. At least at that moment I realized that she seems to care at least. But I can definitely say that it was her behaviour that pushed me into doing it. I didn't cheat and was just trying to get away from bad thoughts by communicating with a woman who understanded me and was open to things that I had to say (we never discussed my girlfriend with her and I didn't even want to bring this up, since as I said, I needed a break from bad thoughts). Do you really think that I should just keep it at that and get out? I tried explaining my feelings to her and why I acted this way but she seems to be too focused on herself and does not trust me.

[ParisPaulette]

Okay, I'm going to be blunt here. This girl doesn't want you for you, she's rebounding hard off of her affair with Mr. Married. And most likely she chose you to make him jealous then when that didn't work it teed her off big time hence her cold behaviors to you. I mean, let's also face facts. Having an affair with someone who is married reeks to high heavens of someone who is not emotionally healthy and able to have a sane relationship to begin with. Plus you all are moving wayyyy too fast. You've known this girl all of 5 weeks, you're already calling her "girlfriend" instead of what it should be as in "woman I am dating and deciding if I want to call a girlfriend or not" AND now you're letting her control you while you run off and do unhealthy things for a relationship anyways by chatting up other women.

 

Although until and unless you have the talk that you are each exclusively dating only each other and have forsaken all others she actually has zero business getting the least bit angry at you about. And given her obvious being hung up on and still meeting with her ex in my books also means she has zero right to get angry at you over a few texts. Plus it's only been five weeks.

 

This whole thing is such a mess I'm surprised you stuck around this long for what sounds like a controlling drama-ridden woman who is likely using you to get back at her married lover. And not doing a good job of it by the way since she's kind of obviously still hung up on him and annoyed at you most of the time.

 

You'd be better to take a step back, examine why you'd be attracted to such a toxic setup for a relationship. Or else I'm afraid you are going to be in for a very bad, very stressful upsetting time of it. At five weeks this is all early enough for you to tell this woman to get her sh(( together and if she ever wants to look you up then fine. Meanwhile don't be dumping your friends for her or taking a page out of this girl's books and using them to get back at her either.

 

Frankly, with her record and the newness of the whole thing plus her mistreatment of you she is way out of line here. And for me to say that is huge, because I'm usually Ms. I Don't Care What Your Excuse Is, Don't Sexy Text Other People if You're In A Relationship.

 

But I'm also Ms. If You Aren't Exclusive You Have No Right To Make Demands Of Exclusivity To Only You.

[jjkk]

Don't get hung up on your offense. I understand that you feel guilty and that yes, for someone in a committed relationship what you did wasn't appropriate, however, quit beating yourself up over it! Yes I truly 100% think you should get out now. This will only go from bad to worse. Get out while it's only been 5 weeks and not a couple of years of dysfunctional, crazy emotionally draining roller coaster ride.

[itsallgrand]

Yeah, Igor, there is a girl out there who is way better suited to you than her. This is a dead end with this girl. She's too messed up and immature.

[Baily]

This is the easiest advice I've given on here. Break up

She's an angry chic...there is no reason to stay. You just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings...get over it and man up. Break up and move on...or accept defeat and stay in agony.

Stop reading this tell her the relationship is done.

[Hollyj]

No future. This girl is using you as a rebound. Nothing here.

[looking4truth]

Yup. What they said. She is toxic and using you. You know what you should do. Just bite the bullet and close the door on this relationship that is obviously going nowhere.

[bamboobam]

Dump that chick. She's no good obviously.

[mhowe]

Igor...youare dating her. It isn't a relationship. You can talk to anyone you want.

 

And I would think that your 10 yr phone sex buddy should not be your "go to" girl when you are upset.

 

Regardless, this isn't worth the time it took you to post. Move on.

[stormcloud45]

It's not a crime to talk to the other sex. If it was I would be locked up long ago.don't let her chase all you friends away. Talk to all the lady's you want .harmless flirting is normal. just don't talk sexual to them all lol.

[stormcloud45]

Don't get her pregnant she will make your life hell.