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Texting EX after I'm over them to get coffee as friends? Good or Bad Idea!?

jssteele89

By jssteele89
in Breaking Up Advice

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jssteele89 Rookie

jssteele89

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My ex now has a bf. I went a little crazy when I found out, and tried to get her back. Texted/Called and she never responded. It ended with her now BF telling me to stop calling her. Obviously not good. She did mention she'd like to be friends. Obviously I wasn't ready for it then. I've been NC for 2 months since then. I was going to send her a text saying I'd like to remain friends and see If she would like to grab coffee and catch up. I would like to be friends with her If the possibility was still there. Girls, have you ever had an ex BF do this? and did you get coffee with him even though you had moved on?

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PaintWithLight Apprentice

PaintWithLight

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You are not over her. You are still planning ways to see her. Stop this. Accept that the breakup promise of "we can still be friends" is mostly just lip service to cushion the breakup.

 

Considering your past actions and history, you need to stay well away from her. Get busy with your own life and new plans. You are spending too much time with her still in your head. Learn to take control of your thoughts and frame them in different ways. You are not being honest when you say that two months of NC given you closure. It clearly has not.

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PaintWithLight Apprentice

PaintWithLight

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No. You don't want to be just friends with her. Do not meet her. Go NC until she reaches out to you (if she does) and asks to meet. If she never does, then you never meet. Simple as that.

 

Do not even offer this scenario. The OP had to be told by the new BF to stop calling. He has clearly burned bridges and needs to give up the coffee reunion scene. Meeting again would serve no purpose to either party.

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jssteele89 Rookie

jssteele89

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All of you are right. I will not be reaching out to her. I appreciate the reconfirmation from everyone, it helps tremulously. Unfortunately, I'm a horrible worrier, and dwell on things that are out of my control. Relationships really bring out the worst of it.

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reinventmyself Grand Master

reinventmyself

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All of you are right. I will not be reaching out to her. I appreciate the reconfirmation from everyone, it helps tremulously. Unfortunately, I'm a horrible worrier, and dwell on things that are out of my control. Relationships really bring out the worst of it.

 

You are not alone and I am glad you came here first instead of acting on an impulse.

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No1 Experienced

No1

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Oh yes, please offer for lunch, this way you can meet the new boyfriend. So you can sit there for an hour and see how happy your X is with her new boyfriend and you can stew in the fact that she is not coming back into your life, then you can drive home sad and go home and cry and have your heart rebroken.

Yes... offer lunch or coffee so this can happen. That's a wonderful idea

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JA0371 Proficient

JA0371

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The thing is......if you met her, do you REALLY want to hear all about her new relationship?? Omg that would destroy you. Do not put yourself through that. Just wish her well, in your mind and heart and try to move on. Every day will get easier.....but it will take time and distance.

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Frenchy37 Contributor

Frenchy37

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Hi !

 

I agree with what everyone says here, don't find an excuse to see your ex. "We can be friends" is the worst idea when it comes to break ups, whoever thought of that, well I'd want to kick them in the nuts... Some people can do it, but most cannot. It is hard to be around someone you've had an emotional connection with in the past and expect nothing to happen, that connection eventually comes back. Depending how much time its been since you've spoken/seen your ex will have a direct correlation with how long it takes that bond/connection to find its way into your emotions/head.

 

I saw my ex of 6 years ago a while back. Thankfully the guy she ended up dating after me (who was a friend of mine) wasn't there even though they are still dating. We chatted a little but it was awkward for me, and she looked uneasy as well and I didn't have any emotions or feelings at all....6 years is a long time yet oddly there was still awkwardness.

 

Long story short, focus on you and you alone, don't try to be friends or anything. If you truly desire your ex as a friend, you aren't over them.

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jssteele89 Rookie

jssteele89

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Great advice. The fact I'm wanting her as a friend is because I'm not over her. You're spot on. 6 years is a long time, so I know you've been there, and I take your advice with the utmost respect. Thank you for sharing. Btw I noticed you're from Kansas. I live in Kansas City!

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captcha45 Explorer

captcha45

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His excuse was he needed some stuff he had left at my place. So he suggested we meet up and take the opportunity to catch up. Really really bad idea.

What happened was that his new girlfriend walked by, saw us, and he started panicking because he had never told her anything about me. had to watch him run after her like a little puppy

He also acted like we didn't break up just a few weeks ago, but were longtime "friends" hahaha.

It was really awkward.

 

It's never a good idea to meet an ex. I'm you're the dumper you feel weird when the other wants you back. But flattered anyway, so continue contacting them which is not really healthy. If you're the dumpee you're just signing up for more pain. The only time I was happy to meet an ex was after three years of no contact- because it made me realise I was completely over him.

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