Confused ....

[Ella1829]

This is going to sound crazy .... I have no doubt I m just about to hear few home truths....

Well 3 weeks ago I started catfishing a guy. It wasn't planned. One night with my girlfriends we created fake tinder account (probably too much alcohol and boredom on our part.) We spoke to few guys and I was meant to delete the account the same night...but I didn't. In the morning I received the message from the guy I really liked. I m not sure what got to me but I continued talking to him. I surprised myself how easy lying was to me. I tried walking away few times and telling him I met someone else but each time he would fight back convincing me how great connection we have etc. I slowly started to really really like him. After 3 weeks of this madness I came clean. At first he shouted at me and told me to never contact him again. The next day he contacted me saying he doesn't care how I look because the connection was real and that he wants to meet up with me face to face (to which I agreed but we didn't set the date). Third day he called me to say we should just leave it at that ...and we haven't spoken since (3 weeks).

I understand I must have hurt him badly and should just walk away (at one point he said he has fallen for me and thinks I might be the one) but I keep thinking "what if", I don't want to sound selfish but I really wish he would meet me in person. I m really tempted to approach him as real me....

[greta96]

Well, you already know it was wrong, so no point in beating a dead horse lol.

I guess you could approach him at a later date, as your real self, and see if you can connect...It's a double sided sword though, if you don't tell him you are the girl who catfished him, he could still figure it out, because your writing styles will be the same, obviously, and if you do fess up that it's indeed you, he may not want to have anything to do with you.

Maybe you could message him with your real picture, apologize again, and ask if he would be open to rewinding the clock and starting to get to know one another from scratch?

[dinolover9885]

I think it already started on really bad terms. You were playing games and this is his first impression of you. So if you do want to meet in person you have to prove to him that you're not that person anymore. Maybe even prove to yourself? It's not a bad thing to reach out to him again, but from his perspective I can understand why he decided to cut it short.

[chamachama]

Ummm I for one would love to see how this turns out lol

 

Approach and keep us updated

[BigKK]

You need to pursue him, obviously your true love will be found by lying and manipulating a random stranger that is already thinking he's fallen for you without knowing you.

 

 

Seriously, focus on your issues..perhaps your boredom and self acceptance if you have to trick strangers to believe you're someone else.

 

 

I don't think you lost anything with your tinder lad that thinks he's fallen for an anonymous being.

[Ella1829]

Thanks for replying Guys.

Greta96 if I approach him I will have no choice but to admit who I am. I told him the truth about my job and siblings names ...I also have rather unusual accent, he also now knows my real first name. During our last phone call conversation I did ask if he would like to at least meet face to face person he has been talking to for few weeks and he replied "maybe one day"...that doesn't sound too good I know.

Dinolover9885 I completely understand and respect the decision he has made ...I would have probably decided the same thing. I also understand that it would take a lot of work for this person to ever trust me again but I m prepared to try!

Chamachama I will, thank you. I might wait two weeks longer though. He has very important work event then and I should probably respect that and let him get on with that.

[mhowe]

Since what he fell for was fiction, and you have shown yourself to be a skilled liar, he would be a fool to meet you.

[Ella1829]

Lol BigKK I sense sarcasm lol

You are absolutely right that I f**ck this one up big time ....and that lying and manipulating doesn't really shout big romance.

[reinventmyself]

but if you catfished him he developed a connection with what you fed him. You may have come clean with your name and statistics but isn't catfishing about playing the part of someone else?

How much of your real self did he become attached to or how much does that difference from the real you? Did he feel a connection with the real you or the part you portrayed.

[mhowe]

My question is why would you play with someone's heart out of boredom?

[Ella1829]

reinventmyself that's what is playing on my mind and I would like to find out. Majority of what i said is true. What we talked about which is my job, family, tastes in music etc is true. I don't want to sound shallow but ironically I don't think I m minge either. I have no idea how much of this connection was physical attraction to the girl from pic and how much was the chats we had. I also don't know if the connection was strong enough to survive betrayal.

[HeartGoesOn]

My guess is it would be nearly impossible to go forward, and build any degree of trust after a betrayal of this sort. I would bow out, and learn the lesson.

[kitkat620]

You lost any chances of getting to know this guy better when you typed the first lie on tinder.

Let him be, and hopefully you've learned your lesson not to play with people's emotions like that.