I am not mature enough to be in a relationship.. ?

[johnnycash12]

Been dating a girl for 2 years. Just finished our freshman year of college. It was a whirlwind of experiences for both of us. We broke up a couple of times, but always ended up getting back together. Now its summer and we're both at home (same city). I feel like I think about her too much. She and I talk on the phone everyday we don't see each other. I'm more interested in spending my time with her than my old friends. We're just so close and in love that I think it may be unhealthy. I'm more concerned about her than I am myself sometimes. At 19 that's not good.

 

I also have difficulty letting things go, dirty things about her past relationships, etc. I find myself obsessively going through her facebook messages and history... she looks up her ex a lot and other 'attractive' males, perusing their profiles for a long time. To some guy she barely knew in high school she sent nudes to and blew him. Before she met me she wanted to go to college, party, and hook up with guys left and right. I KNOW its wrong of me to snoop, but I do it anyways, never liking what I find. This is definitely a testament to my own insecurities. When I know she's physically attracted to another guy, I get mad. When she hangs out with other guys, a part of me is a little uncomfortable with it since her natural personality is flirtatious. I know these feelings are not logical at all, because she loves me and would never cheat on me. I'm so in love with her and attached that I haven't been able to see how obsessively unhealthy our relationship might be.

 

I need to focus on myself right now so I can build the skills for a successful career, but when I'm with her, she's priority one. Do I have trust issues and lack the emotional maturity to make this work? Has everything I said proved that I should break up with her? I just love her so much though... she hasn't done anything wrong... Its cliche but its not her, its me.

[mhowe]

This really isn't love --- if it is the same girl from your other posts ---- it's more of an obsession. And not healthy.

 

You shouldn't be more concerned about her than you (and I don't think you are); you shouldn't be stalking her activity on FB or other social media.

 

You do have trust issues, and boundary issues, and insecurity issues. And probably are not emotionally mature enough to add a relationship to your plate.

 

Perhaps you guys should break up and enjoy being 17 and having a fun summer.

[ParisPaulette]

I think you're trying to twist yourself into a pretzel to be able to hang on to someone who clearly isn't that into you if she can be attracted to and flirt with other guys.

 

Maybe the problem isn't you, ever think of it from that angle? Most of us ordinary folk have a problem with our partners glomming on to other people when we're supposed to be in a monogamous committed relationship. It's called not wanting to be cheated on, not immaturity.

 

BTW I suspect your use of that word is what she's told you--i.e. a tactic many cheaters use in which they try and get the partner to except the problem is them when it really isn't. Most people don't put up with and aren't happy with cheating. That makes you normal, not immature in my books.

 

My advice would be you drop her, get yourself healed and emotionally healthy and learn what a good relationship is before you engage in any other one. You'll be astonished at the difference that can make.

[ParisPaulette]

And this is clearly one of those cases where yes you have trust issues as in you are with someone you know you can't trust, but you continue to just spy on them instead of pulling the plug and walking away. But you have good reason not to trust this woman, why you stay is beyond me. Just because you're paranoid sometimes doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

 

You need to start trusting yourself a whole lot more and learn how to walk away when the trust is gone.

[Clinton]

From this and your other posts I'd say that yes, at this stage you aren't mature enough to sustain a successful relationship.