IAmFCA Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 He's hot and he's wealthy and he's smart and he's adventurous, but with me he's just boring. If he asks me out i suppose I'll go. If he texts / asks me over I am not sure I'll respond at all. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 I think what's nagging me is knowing I'm not connecting with Ice and at the same time, having the sense that we have the potential to connect. It's like he is just unavailable. Also maybe knowing that having him as a convenience might be something I'd accept. Also feeling like I'm not quite myself. Something is just not right. I really wonder that all this is the lack of Adderall. If so, that's amazing. I look forward to its return. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 Maybe I'm just depressed today! So simple. Time to get something else done. This mornings paint job looks nice. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 How long have you two been dating? What do you mean by "connect"? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 We met in June. He just sent me a hello text followed by an "xo". Yet I've not seen him since Monday and he's made no plans to me next. By connect - in some ways we do. So I guess I mean... feeling drawn towards one another. Perhaps we've not known each other long enough. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 Haven't responded to his texts. Don't feel like it. Going out in an hour anyhow. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 So anemic I can't find the energy to shower. That is definitely what it is, I have every symptom. I very gotta go to the store. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 Had a great day today. Taking iron supplement, helpful. Heard from ice this evening. Sheesh. I replied, but I don't know what for. He's annoying me with these stupid little pings hello. Had a hysterical convo with one of my candidates yesterday. Poor thing, it was completely fun but it also allowed me to DQ him. Maybe friends. I've sort of forgotten who is next on deck. Oh! My Thursday date. I need an agent. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 Got kind of stuck this morning. Or, enjoyed sitting outside with the paper. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 Ice is all conversational again. Presumably because he was going to see about tonight, as tonight is his habit of seeing me. I half want to text him, "I want to play with you" but I'm just not going to. His on line profile is disabled. Link to comment
notalady Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 Maybe I missed this from earlier, what are you looking for with Ice? Or in general in the dating context? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Maybe I missed this from earlier, what are you looking for with Ice? Or in general in the dating context? Well, in general my answer is that I want to find a ltr and maybe even be moved to tie the knot again. But when I met ice, I was very closed off, trying to find my balance after mr. Wow. I can tell I did certain things like I've never asked him about his sports team- the same sport he played in college for a large league and that he trains for even still. I didn't care, and I was dismissive. So this morning I asked about his team and he has been a bit more chatty all day. Right now, km not sure I'm qualified to find anything so I am trying to be deliberate about everything. I went on a couple of dates right after Mr wow, they were complete mismatches and I was still in love with the wrong guy. Now, that's wearing off and I am starting to do a better job. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 To answer your question: with Ice, there are some fundamentals that suggest a good fit. I think I want a relationship, a steady thing, with someone but I haven't decided who. I am not sure I want that with ice and I am not sure I don't. I have three candidates to vet. One date on Thursday. Other two, no dates set yet. I wonder if I want a casual, respectable, intimate relationship of convenience. I think I don't. I might be in denial. I feel really good that I haven't had sex with anyone. It feels like I still have the freedom to reject whomever I please with no repercussions. Link to comment
notalady Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 To answer your question: with Ice, there are some fundamentals that suggest a good fit. I think I want a relationship, a steady thing, with someone but I haven't decided who. I am not sure I want that with ice and I am not sure I don't. I have three candidates to vet. One date on Thursday. Other two, no dates set yet. I wonder if I want a casual, respectable, intimate relationship of convenience. I think I don't. I might be in denial. I feel really good that I haven't had sex with anyone. It feels like I still have the freedom to reject whomever I please with no repercussions. I know what you mean about feeling good about not having had sex with any of the candidates lol... I always feel myself more attached and start justifying things away once I had sex with someone, so I'm purposely waiting longer now than I used to so that I can be more sure about the person I'm dating and will more easily walk away if there are red flags. It'll be good to figure out what you want whether it's casual or LTR in the short term. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Looking at my choices, I want a bf gf thing. If it lasts even better. A relationship that feels comfortable, reliable, playful, safe, dynamic. I don't want a casual thing, I know, because I'm declining pursuit of a casual opportunity who makes me laugh heartily. But he doesn't even have his divorce in hand yet, and is not at all ready for a relationship. Knowing there is no bf potential causes me to lose interest, no matter how fun, kind, and safe he would be. I extended an invite to Ice last night, and then rescinded because in the interim I was asked to travel for work. Ice responded warmly. My thinking is 1) I wasn't ready when he and I met and therefore I was remote, and he has been mirroring me, 2) we both think it takes a long time to decide (hah, Mr wow excepted), 3) we must each see something that at least keeps us keeping the connection, and 4) I was surprised to see his profile is disabled. Not that means a lot, but it means a little by at least suggesting he is not a total player. He is not a good flirt nor does he ask in advance nor does he ask for Friday or Saturday night. I may be second string, and suspect I am because nothing else makes sense. At the same time, though, he won't let the connection drop altogether, like we are on simmer. It's good for me, I get better slowly and just as soon would take the time to get my own house in order. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I wouldn't put any stock in the disabled profile -in my experience there could be many reasons unless he tells you he wants to be exclusive with you and wants you to know he disabled it. For all you know he has several other profiles or is dating enough people right now that he doesn't need more attention. None of which makes him a player - he could be simply dating around until he finds someone he wants to be exclusive with. I regularly had active profiles (even, unbeknownst to me, when I was practically engaged!) and I was looking for a husband -not a player in the least. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Oh, no part of me thinks we are the slightest bit exclusive. Nope. Only that he isn't looking for additional canidates on that site. I am living proof of the examples you cite. My profile was disabled, I restarted it, made two connections, and disabled it again. I made a third connection on a completely different site. I am not done looking by a long shot. Nor do I think Ice is done; if he is, it is because he is so busy and not because I am his be all end all. I don't think I am. However, I haven't a clue when we will next see each other. It could end up three weeks in between times seeing each other, due in part to both of our travel schedules and to what I presume to be a lack of urgency on his part. I am okay with that. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 This is what will happen. I will not text again. If he texts, I will answer the next day. Eventually someone will capture my attention. Mr Wow called. Called, not texted. I missed his call, so I don't know more than that. I write here all the time how I don't want to go out with him. I'm full of crap. Link to comment
notalady Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I wouldn't bother with playing texting games with Ice, seems like he isn't all that interested. I don't care if you acted distant at the start, I think that's just him and I wouldn't waste more time on him. Every time I find if I have to think about how quickly to respond to texts so as to not appear too eager, instead of just doing what I normally do, it's because I'm worried / insecure about the level of interest from the guy. And at this point, that's just too much effort and not worth it. But that's just my point of view, of course you're still dating others as well so it's up to you if you want to keep him around. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 NAL its true. If I feel like responding, or not, that's what i do in that moment. But I think maybe i would be well advised to be more purposeful and not respond. We both are traveling next week. If I don't respond, chances are he will reach out to me in a few weeks. I do wonder... do women just fall for him? I mean, hes got everything we supposedly want. A hard, able body, a strong mind, a successful and remunerative career, a love for his children. He dated someone for a month whom he mentioned asked him to be more demonstrative; instead, he dumped her. I don't need him to be more demonstrative. I will simply do what I feel like doing and if he chooses to influence that, he will. He's a big boy. NAL I think you are right, its unproductive. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 So of course he just texted and asked me out. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I wouldn't bother with playing texting games with Ice, seems like he isn't all that interested. I don't care if you acted distant at the start, I think that's just him and I wouldn't waste more time on him. Every time I find if I have to think about how quickly to respond to texts so as to not appear too eager, instead of just doing what I normally do, it's because I'm worried / insecure about the level of interest from the guy. And at this point, that's just too much effort and not worth it. But that's just my point of view, of course you're still dating others as well so it's up to you if you want to keep him around. I think it's entirely normal to feel insecure about a guy's level of interest in the beginning of a relationship and actually normal if from time to time based on a situation you are concerned about his feelings (not seriously concerned and definitely not regularly but it can happen). The hard part is differentiating between normal doubts and where the guy is in reality not that into you. Typically the feelings of insecurity are short-lived because the guy calls again. My husband wasn't in contact with me for about 7 days between the second and third time we met (not yet dates but I thought he might be interested in more as I was) . I was about to write him off when he surfaced (and there were good/legit reasons for his MIA). After that there was only one occasion in the 10 years we have now been together where he was out of touch with me and I was concerned it was about me -that lasted about 7 hours. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 I just canceled the date saying it doesn't work for me and wishing him a good trip next week. He gets into bed and wishes I were in it. That's nice for me too, but not without him also appreciating my company otherwise. He asked me out for beers, but it's just not good enough. Oh, oops. I just realized he asked me out on a night when I couldn't possibly stay at his house because his daughter will be there. Maybe he really was asking me out just for my company. Lol. Oh well, will see if he responds back at all. I pretty much just blew him off for this week and next. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Yes it has happened before with this guy where I thought I wouldn't hear from him again and then he resurfaced. I think my text this morning probably killed it though. I'm okay with whichever way it plays out. I still think I'm bench strength for him, not a starter. Being his second string is not compelling enough. He knows I'm not interested in being casual per prior messaging, and that I expect to be asked out. Having us each on travel for a week may be just as well. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 Tonight I was rewarded not only with bits of conversational text, but also a selfie. Being legitimately unavailable makes ice happy. Lol. Link to comment
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