modesty/shy guy vs. arrogant bad boy

[mysticaleyes]

awww..dont' do anything of that sort to please a girl. be yourself...by the way i love guys like you..don't find many of those now a days. so yea...don't do anything that your not pleased with yourself. well take care.

[Sli]

Mysticaleyes wrote..

awww..dont' do anything of that sort to please a girl

 

That's exactly the response you'll get every time ShySoul...'awwww', you'll be a nice and sweet guy for the rest of your life, but if you wanna get any further than friends with women at some point a girl is gonna have to think you're 'HOT'...That's not happened for you yet has it. But hey nothin wrong with 'nice' and 'sweet' (by the way I thought the origami stars idea was particularly sweet...'Awwww'!)

 

Now a couple of other points...

 

Sli, I post on the friendship board and any board where I feel I can help. Now, I stay away from the pregnancy board, don't know anything about that .

 

At this point you know as much about pregnancy as you do about dating…you've no experience of either.

 

If I can prove this works, would that help you out any?

 

Duh..Yeah that's the whole point, talk is cheap, please go prove it!

 

Hey, I've got edge. It's so much edge that I'm on the cutting edge of revolutionizing how the world looks at dating

 

Funny guy... now I know you're on a wind up Before you attempt to revolutionize the world of dating don't you think you better start with your own little world and see how that goes…yep, funny guy

 

 

 

Should I be in a long term relationship I'll kep it fresh through this ideas

 

Go on then, what you rambling on here for? Right now you are just repeating the same old theories over and over and contradicting a few (like before no games…now you've got to BE the game!) just for the sake of it. Like everyone has said before there is nothing more you can add because there is no new evidence. Dude you just don't know when to stop

 

 

Time for everything I've ever believed to be proven correct. Time for experience to show that dreams come true and that what others think is impossible is possible. It's time. And I had to get in the last word. It's an ego thing.

 

Yep..defo agree with that….Your ego seems to have inflated to the size of a small building, and it is definitely time, it was about 15 pages ago! So go on then and practice what you preach (and preach and preach), Meanwhile we can all have a discussion about what happens in the real world.

 

 

N.B. Everyone else….Sorry guys since ShySoul's ego has clearly taken over here, I know this post will probably secure at least another 3 pages of incessant rambling…but hey it's fun...wind him up...and watch him goooo!

[Beec]

These are some great ideas. And I have done things like them before. And will again. But you cannot come up with a new idea every week. And if you begin that way and continue, then you have a tough time stopping. There will be days and weeks when you don't do anything like this. And if you believe in independence, there will be days when you just let her be that. To me this is withdrawl.

 

FWIW, Shysoul, this is not a lecture for your benefit. We all can learn from discussions like this.

[Shidoshi]

Shidoshi, am I safe in assuming that you really want to believe what I am saying is true?

I would absolutely love for your ideas to reflect real life situations. I had similar ideas when I knew nothing about relationships 10 years ago.

I get that, I doubt myself and what I say at times to. That's normal. But I'm not going to give up on it because I know in my heart I'm right. If I can prove this works, would that help you out any?

If your ideas and beliefs work out for you I would tip my hat and move on.....but the problem is that is isn't going to work on the majority. Thats where we have the biggest issue. Your ideas have been tested time and time again to no avail, for many of us. There are exceptions to the rule, but they're so rare it isn't worth adopting that attitude.

I think it could give you the confidence to see that you are fine as you are and don't need the games.

Well, I have changed, but its been for the better. You see, I play these games so I can weed out the women who are wasting my time, and I'm saving myself from the emotional turmoil you go through when you put too much faith in someone only to have it backfire.

Really, I think we are all closer than it seems, all of you just don't give in to these ideas while I realized there wasn't any need to change a thing or buy into popular conceptions about dating, game, etc.

We are close in that we are men who want women.....but you'll see what we mean when it happens to you. I'm not wishing anything bad happen to you, but you won't understand what we're all talking about until you experience it. You aren't the first or the last person to put faith in someone you feel is genuine, only to find out later that things have changed. In fact, since things seem to be moving forward with this girl your mind is going to be a bit clouded, but when you snap out of it (hopefully at the right time) you might say "you know what, I think those guys were right."

[ShySoul]

Well Sli, I was going to end things for now but then you posted and I figured I'd respond just for you. No, if people keep talking to me about this I'll keep responding to them Like Beec said, this is something we can all benefit from. It never hurts to have a good, ongoing discussion. And besides, this topic has become like my baby, hard to let go. But, since I know your going to say it, I am in the process of proving everything works and I'll show all the evidence you will need once everything is in order.

 

Also Sli, you seem to be missing out on my sense of humor. When I talked about my ego it was meant as a joke. I was pulling a trick from your guy's book and teasing, teasing myself. I take the topic seriously but not myself. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you that ego and me don't mix, I'd much rather pass credit on to someone else. And so you know, your not getting me wound up, you gave me a nice laugh. Criticize me all you want, it doesn't phase me.

 

That's exactly the response you'll get every time ShySoul...'awwww', you'll be a nice and sweet guy for the rest of your life, but if you wanna get any further than friends with women at some point a girl is gonna have to think you're 'HOT'

 

I'm fine with an "awwww." Do you realize how sweet it is to hear a girl say that? To quote a song, "the sweetest thing you'll every see is a happy girl." If I'm making girls happy, then its a job well done. Hmmm... a girl needs to think I'm hot. While what do you think makes someone "hot?" Looks are highly overated, its the personality. And the more I touch there hearts, the hotter I become. I set there hearts ablaze.

 

At this point you know as much about pregnancy as you do about dating…you’ve no experience of either.

 

By your logic guys can't know anything about pregnancy. I mean, when was the last time you saw a guy give birth? Therfore, no guy should ever post in that section. Yet, ask guys who have been with there wife or girlfriend during pregnancy and they'll now a thing or two about, despite the fact that they never technically went through it. What they knows come from being around someone who is pregnant. Which backs up my point about being able to learn about dating from being around those in it. Wow, I meant that as a joke but it actually works. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.

 

contradicting a few (like before no games…now you’ve got to BE the game

 

Again, was meant partly as a private joke for myself. I watch wrestling and was thinking of a character that goes by the nickname "The Game." But my idea has always been the same, to through out the notion of any kind of game and just be yourself. Why give mention to "having game" when its your natural personality that you are really talking about. And if you mean mind games then you really should change your views.

 

mysticaleyes, I'm not changing and I'm glad to know that there are girls like you out there. Actually, in the last few days I've gotten a number of females on here commenting on how they like guys like me. A couple just wrote me out of the blue and said they respect my values, are impressed and glad someone like me is out there, and are interested in getting to know be better. It's not dates, but the women certainly seem to like me. Not to mention the girl who asked me to hangout with her today. Better watch out, I'm becoming quite the ladies man.

 

Beec, considering I have enough ideas to last once a week for over a year and would then have time to think of more, I could carry it on for a good long while. Really, over a year. Maybe I should post some of them eventually. Through in the popular "Ladies Choice Night" and we could keep it up awhile longer. Of course, there is need for space and quiet. But I don't view that as withdrawing. That's more letting things be, enjoing the peace instead of always needing some grand gesture. Afterall, it's the little things that count. Orgami stars is great, but simply being together is better.

[ShySoul]

Shidoshi,

 

I would absolutely love for your ideas to reflect real life situations. I had similar ideas when I knew nothing about relationships 10 years ago.

 

My theory is that everything we need to know we already know, we just don't know how to express it at first. While getting ourselves ready to express it, we get bombarded with all these images and suggestions of how we are suppose to do things and told that we have to change to have any success. But if you stick to your guns, you will be fine. Ten years ago you knew what to do. Odds are you were just to ahead of everyone else and got tired of waiting for them to catch up. But in the end, those ideas you started with will come back into play and will be what makes something last.

 

Your ideas have been tested time and time again to no avail, for many of us. There are exceptions to the rule, but they're so rare it isn't worth adopting that attitude

 

So, instead of being part of the few, the proud (the marines ), the exceptions to the rule... you would prefer to just be the same as everyone else? I've never denied its not easy. Because people like this are rare, it will be harder. But the best things come to those who wait and patience is a virtue. If you had the attitude to begin with, you should have been proud of who you are, proud that you thought differently. And when you did find someone who appreciated you for it, the feeling is indescrible. The exceptions are rare, which makes them special. It's something to embrace and be proud of, not run away from to blindly follow the masses.

 

I play these games so I can weed out the women who are wasting my time, and I'm saving myself from the emotional turmoil you go through when you put too much faith in someone only to have it backfire.

 

If you want to weed out women, try the friends first thing. This way you could be pulling out some flowers with those weeds, the ones who wouldn't waste your time but don't want to deal with the games you play. And hate to break it to you, ou'll still have emotional trama with the way you are going. You'll be likely to not put enough faith in someone and have it backfire like that. I'm trying to get the best of both worlds, don't put in the whole faith until your sure, then go all in. Should I get my heart broke, it happens and I'm strong enough to move on.

 

We are close in that we are men who want women.....In fact, since things seem to be moving forward with this girl your mind is going to be a bit clouded, but when you snap out of it (hopefully at the right time) you might say "you know what, I think those guys were right."

 

Nope, not going to happen. This isn't my mind being clouded, its the opposite. My mind has never been clearer. For the first time, the problems in my life aren't important, the past is behind me, and the future looks bright. Even if things don't work out, I'll know that what I'm saying got me as far as it did and that given the right person it'll go further. I think what people don't realize is that she's not the girl that would be into the stuff your saying. That's why we get along so well, we have the same values, believes, ideas, interests, etc. She appreciates what I'm saying and likes me for it. Because I'm doing things differently then everyone else, that makes me more intriguing, more mysterious if you will. I'm challenging, in the sense that she has to get used to someone who isn't like anyone she's been around. Although it was never intended, my unique perspective and desire to stay with it and not change to what everyone says I need to be, has benefitted me. She likes me for me, no need for change.

[1899]

I think it comes down to how much attention you give a girl in a relationship.

 

Attention in a relationship is like gas in a engine. Give her too much and she'll backfire or die. Give her too little and she'll starve. At first you may have to give her more (like choking a cold carburated engine) until the relationship stablizes. If shes got a load on her, you may have to add a little more attention. Sometimes you have to give her more air to breathe. Just let the speed govenor do the work.

 

Hope that made any sense.

[DropToZero]

Hope that made any sense.

 

To a car mechanic, great sense! Hah na j/k, its pretty significant in its analogy.

[discordant_verse]

I think it comes down to how much attention you give a girl in a relationship.

 

Attention in a relationship is like gas in a engine. Give her too much and she'll backfire or die. Give her too little and she'll starve. At first you may have to give her more (like choking a cold carburated engine) until the relationship stablizes. If shes got a load on her, you may have to add a little more attention. Sometimes you have to give her more air to breathe. Just let the speed govenor do the work.

 

Hope that made any sense.

 

I liked that one.

[ShySoul]

LtAwesome,

 

I was going to let this rest until I can concretely prove everything, which shouldn't be much longer, but since I saw your other post I figured I owed you a response. Got got up in other stuff and forgot about your comments, but if you want to know what I think, thats fine with me. Just don't be saying I didn't warn you .

 

Of the first four things listed, I say not necessarily. Some women will make decisions quickly, others won't. Guys are the same way. There are those who instantly become attracted to people and then there are those that find there feelings develop slowly. It depends on the person, can't generalize one way or the other. I'll agree that it is partly "gut level." Hard to explain, but its a feeling you get. It could be instantaneous, or it could be gradual. But it still has to be consciously recognized or nothing will ever happen.

 

You can't make someone have attraction feelings to you. They have to happen naturally. If you are trying to make her feel some way, that is being manipulative. You can try to sugarcoat it and make justifications, but you are still trying to make someone feel a certain way. You shouldn't want to make them feel it, you should want them to feel it own their own with no provacation from you. The whole thing should be natuaral, not a thought of anything happening until its clear something has already begun.

And the way to do this is to be "nice."

 

Funny, confident and mysterious. Yep, I've got this and I can still be everything I've said, not playing games or changing a thing. Funny? Well, first of all funny isn't something that can be learned from a book. The more you try to be funny like through a book, the less funny you will be because it comes of as unnatural and not you. Just be yourself, don't think about being funny, and don't think about what she'll think. That way your natural humor will come through. And the biggest thing that a girl likes is authenticity, the fact that you are simply being you.

 

"So what's with the big purse? Are you carrying a gun in there?" "Those are some pretty tall shoes, what are you like 4' tall without them?" Question, do you want to get slapped? If you are just meeting someone I don't think you want to saw something negative about their height or bring up guns. Yeah, being funny is good. Those kind of remarks however, not funny.

 

Confident? I have lots of confidence in myself, but I am modest about it. And this has actually served me better. She likes the fact that I am so understanding and nice. She likes that I'm willing to listen to her and that I don't expect anything in return. If anything, its given her a higher opinion of me. I'm confident that everything will work out for the best and I'm going for it, doing everything right to let this work. Girls like modesty, arrogance quickly grows annoying and girls tire of it. Hey, "modesty and arrogance." We finally got back to the title of the post.

 

Don't appear distracted and look at other things, make sure to pay her attention. Yeah, don't seem like you are worshipping her as a goddess, thats just creepy. But don't think you need to look distracted. Again, everything should be natural, don't try or think to much, just do what feels right. That's the ultimate display of confidence, when you believe in yourself to forget about all "rules" and just be you.

 

Mysterious? Check. First I'd like to say how interesting it is that the two examples used are stereotyped as boring jobs and then he so thoughtful describes him as boring. That's leading people on, putting ideas subtly in people's heads that are likely to get them to agree with him. Again, laughs are good, but you still have to answer the question. I mean, if you don't even answer something as simple as what your job is, she's going to wonder if you care about her at all since your not sharing even the simple things. And if you keep making jokes then you run the risk of everything being a joke and she won't take you seriously.

 

If she acts a question, answer. She'll appreciate it. Don't try to be mysterious. Not everyone likes a mystery. And even the ones who do probably like the solution better, so cut to the chase and just be honest.

 

Women make sense. Guys on the other hand..... still trying to figure them out.

 

Women are not hard to figure out. They are virtually the same as men. We all want the same things. There is nothing to learn, everything you need to know, you already know.

 

You can be funny, mysterious, and confident without resorting to anything thats been mentioned on here.

[DropToZero]

"So what's with the big purse? Are you carrying a gun in there?" "Those are some pretty tall shoes, what are you like 4' tall without them?" Question, do you want to get slapped? If you are just meeting someone I don't think you want to saw something negative about their height or bring up guns. Yeah, being funny is good. Those kind of remarks however, not funny.

 

You'd be surprised....they....work well really if presented right. The point is to make yourself seem believable when saying them but at the same time...make it obvious that you're kidding....aka sarcasm. I don't have any examples...I need to save some AIM conversations sometime that I've had recently. I remember when I first met this girl tho...she told me she skiied, and that she was pretty good, but not great. So I started teasing her about falling all the time, and she knew I was kidding. She backed it up sayin that she tries to do tricks and jumps...etc...I just kinda kept the 'You fall a lot' thing goin, and she was laughing and tryin to defend it. I started bringing up things like, "I bet the little kids on the slopes are better than you", again she brought up the 'i try jumps' stuff and was getting a little playfully mad at me cuz I kept teasing her. She said she was gonna 'kick my a**" hehe, so I was like "Hey, dont be jealous cuz the kids in sleds go faster than you downhill"...and I said I'd like to see her try(to kick my a**). She was laughing THE whole time, and then after all this...I said I had to go, and she was mad I was leaving , and asking me when I was gonna come by and see her sometime.

 

See...it works...if it's done right. It's just flirting, she knows I'm obviously kidding, but she is playin along too. God did I have fun too....that was probably the most fun I ever had talking to a girl that nite(sad aint it) lol

 

I'm goin to bed soon, but Ill get back to the others, thanks for the input tho Shy.

[Sli]

ShySoul wrote...

By your logic guys can't know anything about pregnancy. I mean, when was the last time you saw a guy give birth? Therfore, no guy should ever post in that section. Yet, ask guys who have been with there wife or girlfriend during pregnancy and they'll now a thing or two about, despite the fact that they never technically went through it. What they knows come from being around someone who is pregnant. Which backs up my point about being able to learn about dating from being around those in it. Wow, I meant that as a joke but it actually works. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.

 

ShySoul also wrote...

Sli, I post on the friendship board and any board where I feel I can help. Now, I stay away from the pregnancy board, don't know anything about that .

 

As you can see, I didn't assume you new nothing about pregnancy… you said it (above)! I also didn't assume that guys in general know nothing about pregnancy this is not my logic it is yours......me thinks you have waffled so much you are now forgetting what you are talking about!

 

Well I gotta say this seems to have ceased being a debate, now more of a, 'commentary on ShySoul's love life' …a little self indulgent don't you think!?

 

In any case, you are still young and obviously have lots to learn but I do mean it sincerely when I say I do hope you get the girl and I hope life's lessons are kind to you.

 

Take care

Sli

[ShySoul]

LtAwesome,

 

Look forward to hearing the rest of your comments. As for what you said, I'll have to save our conversations and show you theres plenty of ways to have fun and flirt that don't involve anything like that. Like one night she mentioned she wanted a boyfriend. I told her I was psyhic and that she would get one soon. I then described vaguely her future boyfriend saying he thinks of her constantly, wants to be with her so bad, etc. It was obvious we were talking about each other. It was fun, playful, and didn't involve anything negative. I would have asked her then but I don't feel right asking her online, it needs to be in person. On the other hand I said something about her liking her favorite singer, she said that even though she knows I'm kidding she still doesn't like it. She would much rather have me giving her affection and saying I like her, not teasing her or making fun of her in any way. It was stupid of me to even say what I did, but at least I have confirmation from here that the games and teasing you all have suggested don't work and that I am on the right path.

 

Sli,

 

Take a joke. Maybe thats where your problems are. The line about pregnancy was just added in to be silly, I didn't mean anything by it. You were the one saying that I know nothing about dating because I haven't been in one. Carrying that same train of thought further would lead one to say that you have to experience something before you can know about it. I just gave an example of where that that wasn't the case. I haven't waffled on anything (though waffles sound tasty right now ). Your just taking my words out of context, twisting them around, inflating jokes, and generally trying to be a pain just to get me upset. But your little games don't work, they actually give me a good laugh.

 

Self indulgent. Considering that a rarely ever ask people for advice or focus on my problems, I would have to say self-indulgent is the last thing I am. The only reason I mention my situation is to provide evidence that my way works and that you don't need games, teasing, etc.

 

Take care man, I hope you learn some very important lessons. And that you can recognize them when you see them instead of dismissing them.

[DropToZero]

Like one night she mentioned she wanted a boyfriend. I told her I was psyhic and that she would get one soon. I then described vaguely her future boyfriend saying he thinks of her constantly, wants to be with her so bad, etc. It was obvious we were talking about each other. It was fun, playful, and didn't involve anything negative.

 

Perfect Shy...perfect haha, see even a little..just a little of me can rub off on you. Have fun! I'm goin out with a girl tom....yet I still suck at making moves. I may have learned a lot, but don't know enough heh....but isn't that how it always is. I need to save an online convo one time to show you..just for the fun of it. Definitely agree you should wait and ask her in person, will be much more meaningful...dont get nervous hehe. Later

[spatzcolumbo]

Shysoul,

 

A few thoughts on your latest:

 

I told her I was psyhic and that she would get one soon. I then described vaguely her future boyfriend saying he thinks of her constantly, wants to be with her so bad, etc. It was obvious we were talking about each other. It was fun, playful, and didn't involve anything negative. I would have asked her then but I don't feel right asking her online, it needs to be in person. On the other hand I said something about her liking her favorite singer, she said that even though she knows I'm kidding she still doesn't like it.

 

You know what, you might just be getting it at last, without even realising it. You've just admitted to doing one of the things that is so great about flirting - building up a sense of anticipation. The fact that you were jokingly saying about being psychic, and being able to 'see' her future boyfriend - that is all a form of teasing. It is you saying "hey look, i'm so happy with this whole thing, that i can effectively describe MYSELF whilst talking about your future boyfriend, but i don't actually have to do anything about it,because I KNOW that you are interested".

 

Doing this is subconsciously saying to her "we both know that we are interested, but i'm gonna hold off for a little bit, and then its gonna be even better". You are doing the exact thing you have been against all this time. Even if you think you are doing it to wait for the 'right time'. This is just the same as things i do. It just happens that waiting for the right time sometimes has the pleasant side effect of building up anticipation. According to your old theory, if you both know that you like each other, then you should just get on with it. But you are not doing that. Instead you are teasing her in suggesting that you can 'see' her next boyfriend. You don't mention yourself by name, so you leave that little lingering bit of doubt that MAYBE its NOT you. You mix her up a bit because you make her want the time to come where you can confirm that it IS you.

 

I wish you could see that you are pretty much doing one of the things i have been talking about this whole time.

 

 

 

It was fun, playful

 

Do you know what that describes...something that is fun and playful....a GAME.

 

She would much rather have me giving her affection and saying I like her, not teasing her or making fun of her in any way. It was stupid of me to even say what I did, but at least I have confirmation from here that the games and teasing you all have suggested don't work and that I am on the right path.

 

They DO work - you just have to read your audience correctly. Maybe you didn't read her correctly - there is always SOME form of teasing that people will enjoy. If thats not the case, then i wouldn't want to be around them, because it signals someone who is extremely uptight!!

 

Now you have done the whole playful, fun part, you should look to step it up a gear, and actually take some definitive action. That means creating the 'right time'. The anticipation is there - you said it yourself - you both know that you were talking about each other. Now is the time to actually realise that and get on with it.

[ShySoul]

spatz,

 

Where have you been? I missed your thoughtful, if slightly inaccurate, comments.

 

I'm not "getting it." I'm following the same ideas I've always said. I've always said that you can flirt and have fun without teasing or trying to build anticipation, which is precisely what I did. What I said was flirting but not teasing. I looked up a definition for teasing and got: "playfully vexing (especially by ridicule)... causing irritation or annoyance... the act of harassing someone playfully or maliciously." How is what I said doing those things? It wasn't ridicule, annoyance or harassing. Instead it was pretty much complimenting her. The examples everyone has given of teasing has involved saying something negative about the person, even if its not meant to be taken seriously. Like saying that the person is a bad skier or doesn't look young enough to pass for a certain age. That's teasing. What I did wasn't anything like that, it was being nice and giving her compliments instead of something that puts her down. I said she would have a boyfriend soon, that he thinks of her constantly, that he thinks she's beautiful. That's what she liked, the fact that I was saying all these good things about her.

 

The reason that I didn't do anything or say my name wasn't to create anticipation or because I was showing how confident I am in this. It was because I don't think asking her to be my girlfriend is something that should be done online. It needs to be in person so that the moment is special, memorable, and right. Online is too cold, impersonal for something that is so important. If anything I think she is frustrated that I haven't come out and said it yet and that created our first fight ever. If I try to build up anticpation by holding off she'll only get mad at me and I'll lose my chance. That's why I'm not holding off or waiting and as soon as I can I'm making this official. My old theory still applies, now that we know we both want it we will get on it with it. There have been minor things that have gotten in the way: an old boyfriend, distance, our shy personalities. But now those things are dealt with and by the end of the week I should be able to say everything has worked out and that my "theories" worked all along, they'll cease to be theroies and will have to be acknowledged as fact.

 

I may not have mentioned myself by name but anyone should have been able to pick up on it. And if there was any doubt in her mind that dissolved a few minutes later when we moved to talking about how much we like each other. When I openly admit that I think about being with her, when I say that she'd make the perfect girlfriend for me, I don't think she wonders if it is me. Really, the only things holding us back is that we are shy and scared of making such a big commitment, opening our hearts up like this. This has nothing to do with anticipation, games, teasing, etc.

 

Game in the context that it has been used in reference to dating seems to apply more to mind games where you intentionally say something to make the person wonder, create tension, get something out of it, etc. That's how I'm looking at games. On the other hand, flirting is complimentary and is every bit as fun and playful, plus little room for the frustrations and annoyances that games tend to bring. So what I said is flirting, but not teasing or game playing.

 

Nope, games and teasing don't work in the long run. I know this girl and she is anything but uptight. But she isn't the kind who enjoys teasing, she enjoys affection. That's what I've been giving her and that's whats got us this far. Teasing would only harm things, no point in messing with whats clearly working. And I know it won't work because she's pretty much told me. Just wait a week, you'll see.

[spatzcolumbo]

Hey Shysoul,

 

I can see your point of view, but whether you like it or not, or whether you set out or not, you DID create that little bit of anticipation, and thats GREAT.

 

Although personally, i don't see what you did / said as flirting. In my book, its not flirting. Not fun flirting anyway.

 

Just my opinion.

 

You say to her that you know she is the perfect girl for her, yet you have not spent that much time with her, so surely you can not know yet whether she is perfect for you?!?

 

I've been posting a bit less on here - been really busy with work recently, so just been checking in every now and then to read up on the latest posts!!

 

Don't worry - been keeping my beedy eyes on this thread!!

 

Take it easy,

 

Spatz

[ShySoul]

Yo spatz,

 

Any anticipation isn't a product of something like what I said, its natural from the mere fact that we like each other. The anticpation isn't created, it just happens. All I was doing was letting her know how much I like her and cheering her up.

 

I haven't spent much time with her in person due to distance and busy schedules, which is one thing we've got to work on. But I have talked to her just about everynight for the last three months. In that time I've gotten to know her well enough to know she is perfect for me. And everything new I learn about her just confirms that. From the same taste in music to the same spiritual beliefs to never having had a sip of alcohol, everything about her says its right.

 

Yeah, I'm busy to. Honestly, between spending time with her and on this site I'm surprised my grades aren't slipping. Anyway, take care yourself.

 

ShySoul

[Shidoshi]

Shysoul, is your avatar a picture of this girl?

[ShySoul]

Nope Shidoshi. My avatar's of one of my favorite singers, Miranda Lambert. Why?

 

Oh, and I have to do my loyal duty as a fan know, buy her album. You won't regret it.

[Shidoshi]

I was just curious. If it did happen to be her I was going to fall out of my chair, get back up, and start going through your posts cutting and pasting all your techniques.

[ShySoul]

Ha, she is cute isn't she? Unfortunately I don't live in Nashville and she's already got a boyfriend. So I'm out of luck when it comes to her. But from what I know about her I do think we have alot in common and we'd probably get along well. So if things don't work out in her relationship and in mines, remember that I saw her first.

[spatzcolumbo]

I haven't spent much time with her in person due to distance and busy schedules, which is one thing we've got to work on. But I have talked to her just about everynight for the last three months. In that time I've gotten to know her well enough to know she is perfect for me. And everything new I learn about her just confirms that. From the same taste in music to the same spiritual beliefs to never having had a sip of alcohol, everything about her says its right.

 

Now Shysoul, in my experience, even at just 24, i have to say that i don't think you can really really know someone until you have spent a significant amount of time with them physically.

 

Chatting online is great, and you can get to know a person to some extent, but not to the extent that you need to in order to be able to say things like "she is perfect for me". I am of the mind that it takes months to know whether someone is really 'perfect' for you.

 

My reasoning for this is that you have to know all the eccentricities that the person has. All the strange little habits that you only notice after spending time with them. Their good points, their bad points. You can NOT tell these by chatting online, no matter how much you chat online.

 

This can be a very dangertous situation. All the time you spend talking online can build it up into something more than it is. You can convince yourself that this person is perfect for you, and you can fall for them very quickly. HOwever, once you get to spend a lot of time with them, you may very quickly find that she is not all you hoped for. Similarly, she may decide you are not that great. This leads to the chance of being hurt very easily. It is one of the reasons you have to start thinking about making the 'right time' happen SOON, rather than always having excuses for it, or just saying "this is not the right time".

 

Just my thoughts.

[ShySoul]

spatz,

 

I'm fully aware or the issues of meeting someone online. I've seen people meet someone online, get there hopes up, only to have it all come crashing down. Believe me, I never expected to meet anyone online and neither was she. That's another reason we're taking it slow, taking the time to see if we really are right for each other. We moved from online, to phone, to in person and plan to spend more time together in person. We've seen some of our eccentricities, I happen to think hers are cute. We even joke about how we'd get on each other's nerves if we were around each other more, but that doesn't seem to happen.

 

I wouldn't be saying "perfect" unless I ment it. Ever known someone who seemed to think just like you? That's how it is with us. We're similar in so many ways, having the same interests,values, and beliefs. And our differences seem to compliment each other.

 

How long do you think is "a significant amount of time?" Just curious. In my opinion, I've spent time learning about the real her, thats something that shines through in many ways, even online. I realize that we need to spend more time together, simply because we like being around each other. I understand that the right time needs to be soon, which is why the next time I see her in person is going to be the right time. And know that I've written it on here, I can't back out like I've done before. But really, I think she is perfect, or as close to perfect as I've ever seen. She's said that about me. Perfect match.

 

Oh, and last night she said she loved my innocence. That same thing that's been attacked as being too idealistic and not going to work is one of the things she likes best about me. Maybe you all should really think about trying it again.

[Caldus]

Wow you guys are still arguing about this?