Condom issue

[regular joe]

To honest the more you push him losing the condom, the less likely he will. Your best bet is let it go and in time he may come around to not wearing it. If you keep pushing the issue, the more likely he is going to think you are one of the daddy trap women.

[annie24]

I think he's being smart. Really, I do. After 2 months, you really don't know someone at all. I dated a guy for 2 months and later found out he was married! It takes a long time to get to know someone, so I commend his decision to take responsibility for his family planning in his own hands. As women, it's been left up to us for so long (birth control pills, IUD, depo provera, etc...) and the male choices for birth control are seriously lacking. He's obviously not ready to have kids right now, so good for him for being responsible. I guess that's not what you want to hear. Maybe after dating for a while, whatever it is to him, he'll feel more comfortable. But for now, you should be happy to be dating a smart guy!

[sophie274]

For what it's worth, I do see where you are coming from. It would probably also trouble me, not that he wants to use condoms, but that his reason is that he is worried you are going to trap him into having a baby. To me, saying "look, I'm not ready for a child and don't want to take any chances until we are more serious" and "I want us to use condoms because I don't trust women and I don't trust that you're not trying to trap me" are very different statements. I don't view it at all as the same thing. Coupled with his other remarks and behavior, I can see why you feel a bit insulted.

 

I do agree with everyone else than 2 months is early, but if he used condoms with his wife because he was worried about her trapping him, I don't see his attitude changing anytime soon. I would be wary of someone who had a root suspicion and bitterness against women.

 

I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone you can't trust to use whatever form of birth control correctly. I have been in the reverse situation, where I have insisted on using condoms + birth control, but I didn't approach it as "I bet you're going to be a deadbeat dad like all those other jerks so I want to make sure I don't get pregnant".

[Fudgie]

Yes, the Pill is very effective but only if it's perfectly. And he has no control whether or not you take it. He has to be reliant on you, solely, for making sure that he doesn't become a dad. Yes, that's really scary for anyone. If you forget a pill, if it doesn't work for whatever reason, he's up s__t creek and whatever you choose to do with the baby, he hast to live with for the rest of his life. Gosh, I'm so glad I am not a man.

 

He clearly has some emotional baggage and that's up to you whether or not you want to deal with it, but to be honest, if he wants to use condoms while married/in a LTR, that's his right. It is wrong to expect that any and all men should be willing to give up control over BC while in a relationship because of "trust". If he wants to use condoms for longer, then that's totally within his right. Perhaps he would feel better if you got an IUD. Perhaps he wants a vasectomy. Maybe just feels better with using condoms because at least he has some control.

 

Hopefully you can find some condoms that feel better. The answer is how to make it work better or walk away, not pressure him into giving up control over BC. This is your problem, not his.

[Madison12]

Thank you Sophie - I suppose my main problem is how this has all been framed. Not the sole fact that he wants to use condoms, period.

 

That's where I'm coming from. And for the record - I never said he was wrong in wanting to wear protection and yes I get that he's smart to do so.

 

But I'm getting the sense that for him, it's got more to do than just being "smart." And that hurts my feelings. Sex for a woman is already an emotionally vulnerable position to be in.

[mhowe]

But that is the point ---- you are less vulnerable by him using a back up protection.

 

At two months, the condom issue --- while irksome, doesn't appear to be the crux of the matter. His overall view OF women, not just you, would be off putting to me.

 

Is he a good bf otherwise?

[Madison12]

But that is the point ---- you are less vulnerable by him using a back up protection.

 

At two months, the condom issue --- while irksome, doesn't appear to be the crux of the matter. His overall view OF women, not just you, would be off putting to me.

 

Is he a good bf otherwise?

 

I'd say so. He calls (not texts), wants to be in my life, meet my friends, asks me how my day was and how my family is doing. He's intelligent, close to his family, makes me laugh. Takes care of my dog when she's around. We talk about a wide variety of subjects that we both find interesting.

 

We got into a bit of an argument the other night where I voiced all of my concerns. He was receptive, but I was pretty emotional by the end of the conversation and asked for some time.

[annie24]

I guess it is up to you how long you're willing to deal with the baggage. I can understand that he doesn't know you well yet and doesn't know what you are about or how trustworthy you are. These things take time to build, and I would hope that with increased time in the relationship, he would see that you're genuine and not trying to "trap" him. If he's like this 1 year from now, that would be really disappointing, at least to me anyway.