Tanna Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I am new to this site and need some advice! So ive been working at my current workplace for 5 months now there is an extremely hot guy who works in the office! Shortly after i started i began noticing little things like he would always stare at me as he walked past my desk even work colleagues would comment on seeing him looking! so naturally this made me like him more the thing is he has never tried to conversate with me! We have been in the lift together and its just really awkward! I also found out he has a girlfriend but the past few weeks i have caught him staring at me from his desk and when i look he looks away and acts like he wasnt looking! I know it sounds childish and you are probably thinking why dont you just talk to him but because it has gone on for so long it would be really awkward to talk to him now! I am starting to really like him as i see him everyday and i start to get the feeling his feelings are similar. My question is what would be my next move to find out? Without actually approaching him!? I cant get him Out of my head! Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 He has a gf...that is all you need to know. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 My question is what would be my next move to find out? Without actually approaching him!? I cant get him Out of my head! Your next and only move should be to respect the fact that he has a girlfriend. Link to comment
sheiscourtney Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I would leave him alone if he already has a girlfriend. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Respect that he has a gf. Don't think you would want someone to do that to you. Aim higher for yourself, look for guys who are single. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I am starting to really like him as i see him everyday and i start to get the feeling his feelings are similar. My question is what would be my next move to find out? Without actually approaching him!? I cant get him Out of my head! Listen to yourself. You are feeding this situation all on your own, even with knowledge that he has a girlfriend. This is a co-worker who is already making you an object of workplace gossip. You need to shut this down and ignore him. You wil encounter "hot" people all through you life. Simple attraction is not a blank check to act on that impulse. I would think his repeated staring without a single conversation would be rather creepy. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 He hasn't made any attempt to talk to you and there is probably good reason for that .... he's already taken. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I would think his repeated staring without a single conversation would be rather creepy. Could even be that he is aware that the OP looks at him or just feels that there some weird vibe going on. .... not saying that is the case but you just never know. I certainly wouldn't listen to office "he's looking at you" gossip. In these type of circumstances people see what they want to see for the sake of a good ole gossip! I can't stand idle, thoughtless tittle tattle. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Could even be that he is aware that the OP looks at him or just feels that there some weird vibe going on. .... not saying that is the case but you just never know. I certainly wouldn't listen to office "he's looking at you" gossip. In these type of circumstances people see what they want to see for the sake of a good ole gossip! I can't stand idle, thoughtless tittle tattle. True enough. But can you imagine the office tittle tattle if the OP acted on her wishes and actually began something with this guy? Something tells me neither could keep it under the radar and the whole office would be throughly entertained. Oh and there is that other little bit about the girlfriend. Nope, nothing for the OP here, move along. Link to comment
1Love1 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I find it weird that you even have to post this... I mean, really? It shouldn't even be a question! Take the hint that 1) he has a gf, and 2) he doesn't associate with you. The answer is staring you right in the face. Move on Link to comment
saluk Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Two outcomes: nothing happens, something does. In the latter case: if he can cheat on her with you, he can cheat on you with another. Here be dragons. Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Well, he should probably try being a little less obvious, but he probably just thinks you're attractive. Take that as a compliment, no more, no less, and move on. You don't make moves on people just because they're attractive. Link to comment
safenow Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Just another post to remind you that he has a girlfriend. Don't try and destroy relationships for what you can get, it's bad karma. Link to comment
Fresh Air Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Something like this in letter or talk: "I find you attractive and interesting. I am aware you have a girlfriend and I respect that. So, I don't want to pursue anything that would disrespect your relationship or myself. However, if your relationship doesn't work out and the interest is mutual, I'd be happy to get to know you better if you'd allow me." Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 He has a gf...That's all you need to focus on really. Don't go there. ^ehhhh I wouldn't say that. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 This is kind of painful to read. Not because of the whole "I don't care if he has a girlfriend" thing, but because you are so obviously being set up by the mean girls in the office it's not funny. Why do you think they're making you think "there's something there" with someone who isn't available and hasn't ever talked to you? They want to watch you fall and/or have someone to gossip about behind their back. Real friends keep you away from people who are clearly not available for you, they don't try to egg you into a cheating situation. You need to focus on your work and realize if the guy is with someone else, has never talked to you, and just stares at you it's probably because he's noticed you staring at him and/or these same office gossips have been having a go at him about you. "Hey, she likes you." And if he'll cheat on her with you then it's only a matter of time before he'd do it to you. Besides he doesn't sound remotely interested. Men who are interested talk to you and make an effort beyond staring. Anyone can stare. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 This is total fantasy. I would also question why you have so little value for yourself: don't you think you're worth more than being someone's mistress. Link to comment
greta96 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 How do two people work in the same office, and yet don't talk to one another?? Even if it's a big office, coworkers talk to each other no? Just curious... But I echo what everybody else said. What do you mean, approach him? He has a girlfriend! How would you like it if some coworker started putting the moves on your boyfriend or husband, just because she thinks he's hot, and to h*ll with his partner? Seriously now, how devious and insensitive can you be? Plus, he doesn't sound like he likes you at all. He could have started a million conversations with you if he wanted, after all, you are coworkers. Staring means nothing, or it could mean that he's creepy, or that he thinks your nose is crooked and he can't take his eyes off it. And how exactly does someone develop feelings for a person when there was no conversation, nothing in common, and even worse, what on earth makes you think he is reciprocating those "feelings"? You are making a fool out of yourself at work, and you don't even realize it. Do I sound mean? Well, read around this forum and see how much suffering women like you bring upon innocent people. And maybe, just maybe, you'll be inspired to do the right thing - that is, butt out and stop scheming how to infiltrate yourself into this guy's relationship. And don't forget...what goes around comes around. Link to comment
Tanna Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well the thing is the people who have noticed are actually guys! And he even moved seats the other week so he has a better view now he stares all the time! There is definatley something there im sure of it Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well the thing is the people who have noticed are actually guys! And he even moved seats the other week so he has a better view now he stares all the time! There is definatley something there im sure of it All of that is irrelevant. This is all about respecting other peoples relationships, having self-respect and integrity. He has a girlfriend. Exactly what part of that don't you understand? Seriously. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Something like this in letter or talk: "I find you attractive and interesting. I am aware you have a girlfriend and I respect that. So, I don't want to pursue anything that would disrespect your relationship or myself. However, if your relationship doesn't work out and the interest is mutual, I'd be happy to get to know you better if you'd allow me." Urghh! Cringe, cringe, criiiiinge! I wouldn't say anything. She doesn't even know if he is even interested!!! Making yourself available to a guy who has a girlfriend by saying "IF your relationship doesn't work out ......" is very self-depreciating. There is a huge assumption there too. She needs to value herself much better than to make a move (ANY kind of move) on a guy who is already in a relationship. OP, stay away and find someone unattached to focus your attentions on. Well the thing is the people who have noticed are actually guys! And he even moved seats the other week so he has a better view now he stares all the time! There is definatley something there im sure of it I absolutely abhore other people poking their noses in and making comments without proper knowledge. It can be very damaging. They've seen him look at you? Really? If you look long and hard enough you will eventually see what you are looking for. And I really don't know whether he would be as blatant as to move seats to get a better view of you when he can't even talk to you. Look, I'm not necessarily saying it isn't so because we really don't know but don't let things run away in your head because it is what you would like it to be. Unless or until he is single and approaches you, it all means nothing. ... real or not. Link to comment
Starshine Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Dear Tanna I'd suggest don't pay attention to him a lot. He's already got a girlfriend how many does one want. And he already has one and still looks around for someone else, how can you be sure tomorrow you're not in her shoes. Let him go I am sure there might be others better and available guys out there. And if he is really interested he should come up and start a conversation especially if he's being so bold in the staring department. But I were you I'd let him be. Link to comment
greta96 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well the thing is the people who have noticed are actually guys! And he even moved seats the other week so he has a better view now he stares all the time! There is definatley something there im sure of it Yeah something is there: he is a major creep with no spine, and a cheater to boot (IF what you just wrote is actually true). What a prize you've got there! And he'd make you realllly happy and secure if you manage to snatch him away from his girlfriend. Ugh... you deserve everything that's coming your way. Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Urghh! Cringe, cringe, criiiiinge! I wouldn't say anything. She doesn't even know if he is even interested!!! Making yourself available to a guy who has a girlfriend by saying "IF your relationship doesn't work out ......" is very self-depreciating. There is a huge assumption there too. She needs to value herself much better than to make a move (ANY kind of move) on a guy who is already in a relationship. OP, stay away and find someone unattached to focus your attentions on.100% AGREE. I've had people pull the "Hey if you're ever available" thing, on my WIFE. It did NOT feel good (I had a hard time not kicking this guy's ass), and made things awkward with my wife (she found that very pathetic). Yes, she was married but principle is the same. No offense but I think that's a cheap underhanded way to try plant seeds in people's heads. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well the thing is the people who have noticed are actually guys! And he even moved seats the other week so he has a better view now he stares all the time! There is definatley something there im sure of it What difference does that make (men). Don't be a jerk! Look for an available guy and show some character. Link to comment
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