ChenilleB Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Ive known him for years hes a great guy. He treats me like a queen. When we first really started dating he told me a girl he had slept with contacted him and told him shes 6 months pregnant and it could possibly be his. I didn't think too much about it at first but now it's starting to bother me. If it is his I don't think I'll ever be able to accept the fact that "my" boyfriend has a new born with someone else. I'm so confused right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Well...is he getting a paternity test done? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clinton Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Agree, paternity test and if he's the father abort your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
relevart Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I don't understand the problem if this happened before you two started dating. Hopefully if the test proves he's the dad, he'll do the right thing by her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChenilleB Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Yeah when the child is born he will get a paternity test Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Well...he either is or he isn't. If yes...the child and baby momma will be a huge part of his life pretty much for forever. If you can handle that...stay. But all of the experience of raising a baby...will be done with her first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 If you just met this guy - I would leave. Let him establish his life with his new child. There should be no barrier towards that or from if he wants to be with the mother. Step way back. If the child is his and he establishes his new life and you are available later down the road - maybe. I would be uncomfortable also with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaintWithLight Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I don't understand the problem if this happened before you two started dating. Hopefully if the test proves he's the dad, he'll do the right thing by her. I disagree. If it is him, then that would be a game changer. It totally changes his status and adds "doing the right thing by her" to his list of responsibilities. The OP totally has the option of saying "nope, lots of other guys out there without this complication." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christwowheels Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 It's true that the OP has the right to break up with her BF over this...she has the right to break up for any reason. Although I do think it's a little odd to suddenly be worried about it now. I would have been worried back when I was getting him tested for STDs to make sure his casual sex past didn't come back to haunt me. In any event, moving forward, I think you might want to figure out what you would do if it is his baby and if you do think breaking up at that point is appropriate, then you should slow things way down until you have some DNA clarity because it would be bad for both of you if you continued to get closer together only for you to push him away if the child is his. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
relevart Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Of course she has a right for it to be a deal breaker. Like someone else said, it's just odd that now all of a sudden it is a problem. The best thing for the dude is to have a girl that is on his side about this. He doesn't need any pent up jealousies when he hopefully does the right thing by the kid. I'd be more worried if I were the OP and he didn't want anything to do with his own kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadchick83 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I don't understand the problem if this happened before you two started dating. Hopefully if the test proves he's the dad, he'll do the right thing by her. I also disagree. It totally changes the relationship. Might work for Tom Brady, but would be difficult for the average guys. And I agree, she might think of letting him go to try and work it out with the mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Actually...it was Giselle that was totally OK with it! And now they are all friends!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadchick83 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Actually...it was Giselle that was totally OK with it! And now they are all friends!!! Ha...It may work for the rich and famous, but a little harder for everyday people. Not impossible, but would throw a damper on things for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbee Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Yeah, I'm also confused why this wasn't an issue for you when you started going out with him but not now. Seems really odd. Anyway, he should be there for his child first and foremost. You should want a guy who stands by his family, and not some girlfriend. If it his child (after the paternity test) then let him go so he can start this new role in his life and start being responsible and a father. That's far more important than your relationship. And yes if this bothers you, then break up with him. Personally, I'm not sure why you guys even started a relationship knowing this information from the very beginning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 So...What if you just let it go, on the whole chance the baby may not be his...Getting more and more emotionally invested in the relationship...And the baby is his? What are you going to do then, full on knowing how you feel? I don't know how long you have been with this man, evidently not very long if before you were dating she said she was 6 months along and there's still no baby here yet. I think with the uncertainty surrounding paternity and your own personal feelings about the possibility, it's probably best to step back. This has to be hanging over his head, the idea he may become a father very soon(or not - Either which way, it's pretty stressful). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Ive known him for years hes a great guy. He treats me like a queen. When we first really started dating he told me a girl he had slept with contacted him and told him shes 6 months pregnant and it could possibly be his. I didn't think too much about it at first but now it's starting to bother me. If it is his I don't think I'll ever be able to accept the fact that "my" boyfriend has a new born with someone else. I'm so confused right now. How far along is she now, and when is the baby due? Have you talked to your bf about what is his plan if the baby is his? Would he try to get back together with her and make it work? Would he try to get partial custody legally? And do you want to be a stepmom? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I ended a relationship years ago in part because his ex girlfriend gave birth while we were dating (in fact he had to cancel a date with me when her water broke). He behaved appropriately and all but I just couldn't handle the situation. She wanted to marry him and he did not feel the same. They did not end up together and he is an amazing parent but I knew right after she gave birth that it wasn't going to happen. He told me about the situation on our first date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChenilleB Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 No he has no interest at all when it comes to being with the mother of the child. And yes of course he is going to take responsibility for that child if it is his. You all are right I should've thought deeper into this before I even took the step to be his girlfriend. Everything happens for a reason I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 how much longer until she is due and he can have the paternity test done? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChenilleB Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 She about 7 months now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 so, you've only been with your bf for 1 month? (I know you have known each other longer as friends.) I dunno - it's up to you. In a few months, you'll know whether he is the father or not. He may not be and all this worry was over nothing. Or maybe he is the father and then he will hopefully step up to the duties. It is easier to run now, while you are less attached, than when the baby is born and you if you find the situation is not working for you. good luck with your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChenilleB Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 Thanks Annie I appreciate you taking the time to give some advixe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosti87 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 OP, Since your dating status with him is fairly young I think if the results are positive, you might want to take a break and allow him to take care of his situation. If the mother of the child is not possessive of his time or competitive toward your relationship with him you too can probably try to get back together. A lot is dependent upon he and she than you at this point. Stepping away and giving space is the ultimate test of whether or not you have a future with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 No he has no interest at all when it comes to being with the mother of the child. And yes of course he is going to take responsibility for that child if it is his. You all are right I should've thought deeper into this before I even took the step to be his girlfriend. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I think that even if the child is not his and you have a few months to wait, i would step back and not get invested in him. Also, what does it say about him? Accidents can happen - condoms break, the pill is not effective if the woman is taking certain medications, etc, but if he was deliberately having unprotected sex with a woman he didn't care enough about to stick by if she became pregnant or wasn't in a committed relationship with - it speaks volumes of his relationship views - and that matters. Before anyone jumps on me, I am not saying he is "bad," just bringing up the manner in which he views sex within relationships and it could be something she wants to pass on. You will find someone who is unattached completely to have a relationship with. I understand where you are coming from - you knew him for awhile and he was nice - all is not lost because you didn't get too invested and convince yourself you are "okay with this". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggles Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I ended a relationship years ago in part because his ex girlfriend gave birth while we were dating (in fact he had to cancel a date with me when her water broke). He behaved appropriately and all but I just couldn't handle the situation. She wanted to marry him and he did not feel the same. They did not end up together and he is an amazing parent but I knew right after she gave birth that it wasn't going to happen. He told me about the situation on our first date. Whoa.. Count me in as someone who knows she could handle this situation. A dude having another woman impregnated with his child is a dealbreaker for me, no matter if resulted from a fling with someone he didn't care about or the result of one time thing with a longtime friend. Having a baby is such a huge thing, I feel it should be with someone you really loved and saw building a life with. It's sort of sketchy for a dad-to-be to be focused on first dates and butterflies with a new girl when someone else is pregnant with his kid! In regards to the OP's situation, it's been 1 month. Step back, way back. Tell him his life is potentially changing in a big way and while you thought you could handle it, you're not okay with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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