Telly986 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I have this co worker that's starting to get on my nerves. I work in big building and he works in different department from me so I don't work with him everyday since I am casual and don't have a permanent position on one floor. I float on different floor replacing the full time workers. I am friendly with him and whenever we see each other in the building or in the parking lot we say hi to each other. However,whenever we do work in the same floor he always make remarks of me and telling me that I need a man. It all started when he asked me if I go to gym and I said yes and he asked why I then told him that I enjoy it and I like to stay in shape. He then said all you need is a man, he will do the job as a joke .I told him that I have someone in my life and that's not the point. Now when ever I see him he insist that I don't have a man despite telling him before that I am seeing someone else. He said he doesn't believe it .I don't know why he cares weather I am single or not .He always bring it up whenever I work with him. Last time when I worked with him he asked me if I still live at the same place ( I live alone) and I said yes then he told me that they are girls who are looking for roommate.I said I wasn't interested in living with roommates and I he was like ``Well you don't have a man so whats the use. Then when he was leaving the floor for the day going in the elevator he said ``I found a boyfriend for you, you have been alone for too long then he went into the elevator . Its starting to get on nerves because I am type of person who don't like to discuss my personal life regarding who I am dating at work expect with close friends outside work.I don't see how that has anything to do with him. I am not interested in dating him and I have never showed any interest in him .I just treat him just like how I treat other co workers. He is 25 years older than me but he looks younger than his age. I am 29 and he is 54.However,he could pass for mid to late 30`s Should my personal life is none of his business? or does anyone have any suggestion how to handle this situation? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Report him and his comments to HR. Seriously. He is way out of line. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Doesn't sound like harassment or him making the moves on you. He might have single son. Just simply tell him to stop talking to you. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 It all started when he asked me if I go to gym and I said yes and he asked why I then told him that I enjoy it and I like to stay in shape. He then said all you need is a man, he will do the job as a joke I wasn't interested in living with roommates and I he was like ``Well you don't have a man so whats the use. Both comments are over the line. harassment doesn't have to be sexual (although the first one certainly borders on it). He is creating a "hostile" work environment and I would guess he is throwing these comments at others as well. Link to comment
Telly986 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Well I do sense that he is intrested in me even though he never came out and told me that.Why would it matter to him weather I am single or not?Last time when he was insisting that I am single and he even said ``well I am waiting for you``i just laughed it off as joke. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 If he is hitting on you in the office, it is not appropriate. If you don't want to go to HR, simply tell him that if he persists in asking/commenting on your personal life, you will report him to HR. And if that doesn't stop him, report him. Link to comment
relevart Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Just simply tell him to stop talking to you. This. And then stop telling him anything about you at all!!! I told him that I have someone in my life and that's not the point. telling him before that I am seeing someone else.and I said yes then he told me that they are girls who are looking for roommate.I said I wasn't interested in living with roommates Its starting to get on nerves because I am type of person who don't like to discuss my personal life regarding who I am dating at work expect with close Should my personal life is none of his business? or does anyone have any suggestion how to handle this situation? You make it his business when you discuss it with him. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Well I do sense that he is intrested in me even though he never came out and told me that.Why would it matter to him weather I am single or not?Last time when he was insisting that I am single and he even said ``well I am waiting for you``i just laughed it off as joke. Just don't answer him when he talks to you. He will get it. Link to comment
Telly986 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 I never see him making comments like that to other co workers so that's why I am perplexed he would care if I am single or not. I never question him about his status unless if I was interested in him which I am not .Everytime I work with him he brings it up and when I tell him that I am seeing someone he always says``you have nothing! Also I don't go out of my way to start a personal conversation with him.He is the one who always bring it up and I just talk to him just be cordial.I don't even ask him personal questions about his life nor do I care Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I'm not sure why you're even answering him honestly/seriously. I think I've actually said to people, "That's none of your business." Of course, I said it with a smile, but they got the point. If you're not comfortable reporting him to anyone, then you have to lay down the law. The only way anyone can have factual information about you is if you tell him/her. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I also would try ignoring and if that doesn't work, reporting. Reminds me of being approached by a stranger at the playground who shared with me that she was there because the Lord told her to be. Then she pointed at my son playing and said "is he yours?" I was flustered but pointed at a toddler and said "is he yours?". She said no and my next response to "would you like me to pray for you" was "no thanks". Point is you never have to answer a personal question -you can do the tennis match thing I did, you can say "why do you ask" or you can say "none of your business". Once you actually answer you can't blame the other person from continuing to probe. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 My uncle had a great response to unwanted questions: "I don't believe I mentioned". Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I'm so not direct in situations like these. I would probably just ignore him, or look at a stack of papers, or if he asks me a question, i'd say that i was late to a meeting and had to go, no time to chat. gah. but maybe being direct might be better? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 My uncle had a great response to unwanted questions: "I don't believe I mentioned". Can you be more specific as to when he used his response - is it supposed to be a sort of half-response to throw the other person off? Sounds like it could be really helpful. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Whenever someone asked him a personal question that he didn't believe was any of that persons business. In your case..."do you live alone?" You look kinda past the person.. Say "I don't believe I mentioned that" and walk away. Link to comment
kitkat620 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 It's not necessary for you to try and figure out 'why', the bottom line is you say you're not comfortable with his questions and he's getting on your nerves, so...quit talking to him. Don't answer any personal questions he asks and tell him, in the most polite way you possibly can, that if he continues to harass you, you will be forced to go to management and report him. There, easy. Link to comment
Lito Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Quote Originally Posted by happyfrank View Post Just simply tell him to stop talking to you. This. And then stop telling him anything about you at all!!! Quote Originally Posted by Telly986 View Post I told him that I have someone in my life and that's not the point. telling him before that I am seeing someone else.and I said yes then he told me that they are girls who are looking for roommate.I said I wasn't interested in living with roommates Its starting to get on nerves because I am type of person who don't like to discuss my personal life regarding who I am dating at work expect with close Should my personal life is none of his business? or does anyone have any suggestion how to handle this situation? You make it his business when you discuss it with him. This reminds me of a bad time in my life.. I believe he is after you not because he finds you particularly nice or attractive but because you showed him you are afraid of setting personal boundaries;, you answered with personal details (I work out to stay in shape, I have someone in my life) even though you didn't want to, and he senses he can push; he also doesn't buy that you have someone in your life but that's beside the point.. This is a classical harassment move. Be firm, not evasive. Tell him it is none of his business and that you will talk to HR if he doesn't leave you alone. Say it loud and calm. DO NOT be afraid of being blunt with him thinking you might lose your job if you 'cause trouble'. If you show him you are not worried about setting boundaries and reporting him he will back off. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 . .dealing with things of this nature at work. . I would ask an employee what they did to stop the behavior first before going to HR. It doesn't appear she has done anything to stop the unwanted attention and any answer she has given up to this point has been taken as an open door for further discussion. She is an adult and she needs to shut him down. .after which he continues, then she can go to HR. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I read this thread and it got my blood boiling! This guy is a complete "perv." He is taking advantage of a work situation. In a bar she would tell him to F%^k off, but she cannot, because she is at work. Also, as a temp, if she stirs the pot, she might simply be asked not to come back. The OP might also be the type that just cannot tell someone to F*c%k off. It's a little harder to do at the office for some people. Especially with the age and rank difference. Not as easy as it looks. Generally, I don't tell people to go to HR, but you might want to in this situation. This guy is super creepy, and I doubt this is his first time being a creep. I also have the feeling if questioned by HR, he will just say "oh I'm just a friendly guy." Believe me, he is going to pin it on the OP....This guy sounds like a pro. So subtle with his intentions, yet disgusting at the same time. Honestly, I would get a Doberman. Im afraid he is going to show up at her home. This guy NEEDS to be delt with pronto. Maybe go to HR and ask what to do without mentioning his name?? If there even is an HR department. I hate this guy!!!!! Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I just talk to him just be cordial. Well there you go then. You can be polite, or you can be happy. Stop telling him anything that isn't relevant to work. If he asks about your private life, don't offer information. If he offers you advice, be polite, but disinterested. Stop responding to him. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Well there you go then. You can be polite, or you can be happy. Stop telling him anything that isn't relevant to work. If he asks about your private life, don't offer information. If he offers you advice, be polite, but disinterested. Stop responding to him. I agree, and I would probably tell him to knock it off before going to HR. You might need to practice. If he tries to say something again, or ask you about your bf, say, "I'd rather not discuss my personal life, thanks." Keep saying that. Hopefully he'll get the hint and you won't have to go to HR. Link to comment
relevart Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Cordial would be talking about the weather or an up coming holiday. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Telly, Please let us know what you decide to do and what happens. Link to comment
Telly986 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 Thank you every one for your answers. I realized that I am encouraging him by answering him when he ask a personal question.So if he brings it up when I see him next time I am going to tell him that my personal life doesn't really concern him and that it not his business. Hopefully that will shut him up.If it doesn't work then I will threaten to report him for harassment which I would prefer not to do. I don't see him everyday at work since we work in different departments and I am casual. I am not sure when I will see him again Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Thank you every one for your answers. I realized that I am encouraging him by answering him when he ask a personal question.So if he brings it up when I see him next time I am going to tell him that my personal life doesn't really concern him and that it not his business. Hopefully that will shut him up.If it doesn't work then I will threaten to report him for harassment which I would prefer not to do. I don't see him everyday at work since we work in different departments and I am casual. I am not sure when I will see him again There is no need to threaten him. If he does not comply then you go to HR and tell HR you tried "self-help" and it did not work. If you threaten him he might get very angry at you and retaliate outside of your office (i.e. in the parking lot, etc). Link to comment
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