melancholic_too Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Hi, So I recently ended a relationship with a long-term (1.5 years) boyfriend. It had been rocky for about 6 months and I eventually found out he had been cheating...he is now dating the new girl, I've learned a lot about him and all I can say is "good riddance" and I hope Karma gets to them both (apparently she knew about me...well, that's another story). After about a month I started to go on dates, all from online dating sites. None were really interesting until Monday a week ago. Handsome, about 3 years older than me, owns his business (read: has his s*** together), divorced over 2 years, no children... Before meeting we connected via Facebook and texted for a couple of days. Unfortunately, he lives a little over 800 miles away... Why did we meet up anyway? Attraction? The fact that I used to live where he lives now also gave us some stuff to talk about. He was in town for work, doesn't travel here often (last time was 2 years ago). We've texted a little since, nothing serious or relationship-related. My question is, is it worth pursuing this insofar as to see where it can go? Has anyone started a relationship with someone who lived far away (and didn't move)? I think he's cute. I'd like to get to know him better and find out who he is, what he likes to do, etc. and see if something develops. If not, then knowing him as a friend will be nice. Tine PS: I'll wait for the ones who will tell me I'm on a rebound. That may well be, yet another reason maybe a LDR might be good as it won't be moving too fast at this point... Link to comment
Clinton Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 My opinion, no, it's not worthwhile. LDR suck. You're just a little(and we've all been there) desperate to connect with someone. Why not take the time to meet someone you can see full time. Way more chance of that succeeding. Link to comment
Andrina Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I did OLD for 2 and a half years after my divorce. I limited myself to dating within 50 miles of my location. Why? My goal was to enjoy a companion who I could spend several days a week with at the beginning, to know if it could lead to a LTR. With long distance, you end up home alone day after day, with nothing but a text message, phone conversations etc. Another reason: It costs a lot of money to travel to one another's homes. It's actually not taking it slow, as you end up spending days or a week together, which to me is not good at the beginning of a dating relationship. It pushes it further than it should be going at that stage. Another reason: You can't really know what's going on in that person's life and it's harder to see any skeletons in the closet, if there are any. It's hard enough for established couples to have to begin LDR's. Why would you enter into a new relationship that makes things so much harder than a local relationship? You can have chemistry with hundreds of thousands of people in this world. It doesn't mean you should be in a relationship with them if other things are not convenient or realistic. I remember going on a cruise and in the Dominican Republic, meeting friends of a friend there. I was 45 and one of the guys was probably 28. We did not speak each others language, we lived in different countries, and the age difference was ridiculous, but the chemistry between us was electric, although we never even touched each other or even spoke to each other. My friend said he asked about me when she saw him another time. It didn't mean we should try a LDR or anything. It didn't make sense. I eventually met my future husband on OLD, but it took going on frustrating and unsuccessful dates with about 30 other men before I found him. I had started meetups. com shortly before I met my future husband, and liked those types of groups. That's something I recommend if you haven't tried it. Take care and I wish you good luck. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 My sibling started an LDR on line, eventually one person moved to the other and moved in together, and after 3? years, they broke up and moved apart. From my perspective, it never was a match. So many situations weren't tested out in advance, time with family, kids, friends -- I can't speak to their experiences as they would describe them, but from my outsider's perspective, there was no natural fit. They accommodated each other, but then when was in their broader habitats, in their natural skin, it just didn't work. Link to comment
WithLove Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I dated someone for 4 months off OLD. He was a nice guy, but I broke it off in the end because he didn't really know what he wanted after all. I don't regret the relationship. I still think he's a nice guy. I learned a lot about what I want out of a relationship, and what my deal breakers are. Link to comment
melancholic_too Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 Thanks for the input. I'm not sure if desperate is the right word. I think everyone is looking to connect with people at some level or other. IThinkICan, I should mention that the parts about meeting my family etc would not apply even with dating someone here since none of my family even lives in the United States. It's little old me, my friends and my two cats, but I know what you mean A couple breaking up after 3'ish years can happen anywhere and anytime though, especially after moving in together because suddenly you see sides of your partner you didn't see before. I separated from my husband after 9 years and I can try and blame it on many things, but what it comes down to is "it just didn't work" and maybe I should've seen it sooner (because the signs were there when we moved in together after 1 year) Andriana, you bring up with established couples would start an LDR. And exactly why would they? If they're established they'd find a solution. yes, someone may have to quit a job, leave something behind, but - if they established there should be a future for them in a new location. I'm not saying I want to move...oh please no. I still plan on meeting more people right now, going on more dates. I guess maybe I'll stay in touch with him, see what the future brings, if he comes back for a longer visit we will see... don't get me wrong, I have no expectations or high hopes, because I do see it for the chemistry we had but also for the problems that come with this. He made me smile again, maybe that's it. lol I just wanted to hear from people who've been in the situation though, just to get 'real life experience reports' so to speak Thanks Link to comment
melancholic_too Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 I dated someone for 4 months off OLD. He was a nice guy, but I broke it off in the end because he didn't really know what he wanted after all. I don't regret the relationship. I still think he's a nice guy. I learned a lot about what I want out of a relationship, and what my deal breakers are. My 1.5 year relationship that ended was off OLD. I don't think he's a nice guy, actually I believe he may be a sociopath (but again that's another story). Link to comment
WithLove Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I'm sorry, I read the title "LDR" as "OLD". So that one relationship doesn't apply. But I DID meet my first boyfriend through a website (not an OLD site) and we dated that way for awhile before I moved in with him (he was 1400 miles away). I was 18. It was a phase, or something. It did not work out. I was with him for 3 years, 3 years longer than I should have. He just wanted someone around to take care of him, basically. I regret the relationship, but not the move. I met some wonderful people that are still in my life today. But if I could, I would go back and tell myself not to do it. Not every situation is like mine, though. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 For the person who came to live with my sibling, it was harder, I think, than for my sibling. Since it wasn't a natural fit, it also wasn't a natural fit with any of us. They didn't marry, and we didn't see the fit, so that person was never assimilated into the family fully. Everyone was invited equally, of course. It is more the level of intimacy wasn't there. Whoever moves, if only one person does, might bear a bigger burden of having to accommodate a pre-existing social structure. It would have been better if the move-r had lived separately, developed a life separately, before living together with the mov-ee. Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I dated someone for 4 months off OLD. He was a nice guy, but I broke it off in the end because he didn't really know what he wanted after all. I don't regret the relationship. I still think he's a nice guy. I learned a lot about what I want out of a relationship, and what my deal breakers are. What is OLD? Sorry, not sure what website that is. Link to comment
melancholic_too Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Whoever moves, if only one person does, might bear a bigger burden of having to accommodate a pre-existing social structure. It would have been better if the move-r had lived separately, developed a life separately, before living together with the mov-ee. Absolutely true. Moving in together is a step many take too lightly even now. I have a friend who moved in with her bf after 6 months, mostly out of convenience. And they already had problems that of course did NOT go away. Again, I am not moving anywhere! Or even thinking about it (well, I'm thinking about moving, but to a completely different state than him again). Link to comment
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