Lovelavie Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I'm going out with this guy for 3 months. Ever since the third week we were together he made it clear that he wanted me to be his girlfriend and we developed real quickly. We went on trips together and we started falling hard for each other. I was a bit skeptical about starting a new relationship since I've gotten out of one recently, but I've decided to take a shot and so far things have been perfect except for one issue. He treats me like a queen, and I've never had a guy do what he does for me, I really can't complain about the way he treats me. However, I find myself getting jealous ever since the beginning of our relationship and it's starting to get annoying. He talks about women all the time and in different situations. Like, sometimes he'll just make a joke about something to annoy me. For example, if we're going to a party he'll say that he hopes that a lot of pretty girls will be there for him, and then he'll laugh about it and say it's a joke and I take it as one. He makes jokes like this once or twice a day at least. I laugh about it, but sometimes I wish he would talk more about me and us rather than make jokes about other girls. Also, one time he made me cry because he said the girls at our college were really naughty and he asked me if I agreed. I got really mad and asked him how would he expect me to know? Also, our college doesn't have a lot of hot guys and he gets a lot of attention from girls, so I know that he was being serious about it and I had just had enough of his jokes. We were at the beach having a great time and he just kept making jokes about it to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore. Also, he brings up his exes out of nowhere. He used to talk about one ex all the time until we got into a fight and he stopped. But this weekend we were at a bar, and out of the blue he brought up other exes and started telling me stories of them... like I care! There are so many things to talk about! And one time we were in bed, right after we had sex and he said that it was good to have sex after doing this one drug we were talking about, which I have never taken with him so obviously he was talking about someone else. Again... why do I need to know that? And later that day he said that he had so much fun when he was single kissing girls... wow, awesome dude. We can't have a conversation without him talking about other girls, even if it's in a joking way. I don't care about him saying that other girls are pretty and all, but talking about exes, sex with other girls, and joking about wanting to hook up with other girls and talking about his single moments are just too much for me. I mean, it doesn't add anything to our relationship. Also, he's extremely jealous and insecure, so if I even mention that a guy is attractive he'll get all jealous about it, when I joke about another guy... pff he goes crazy... even though he does so much worse! I feel bad because I like him a lot, but having these issues so early on the relationship are worrying me and he's pushing me away with those attitudes. I've talked to him about it, and we even made a deal that we wouldn't say hurtful things like that to each other but he still does it. I don't know if there's a solution for this or if I just have to accept it or leave him, because to be true, it really hurts my feelings. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 You certainly dont have to accept it. You have already discussed it and agreed not to do it...and he continues. So...again...tell him he is being rude, disresptful and hurtful...and you will not tolerate it again. And mean it. When he does it again...tell him you are no longer willing to be with him and walk away. Boundaries. Learn the lesson. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Wow, are you dating my ex?? we broke up 3 months ago. He always used to do that too - bring up his exes at inappropriate times. I told him a few times it annoyed me, and he decreased it a bit, but never stopped. In hindsight, I wish I never went out on a 2nd date. He talked about his exes too much on the first date. In truth, I don't know if he ever fully moved on?? Link to comment
Mfic99 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Why are you both so insecure and trying to hurt each other? This is a recipe for disaster. You both all ready are taking shots at each other. This is not good. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Why are you both so insecure and trying to hurt each other? This is a recipe for disaster. You both all ready are taking shots at each other. This is not good. Exactly! However, I've started doing this only because he does it too, so he can see how I feel. But I'm not like that nor have I ever been with my past BFs. If anything I'm all eyes for the person I'm with and I don't bother wasting my time talking about other guys so I don't see why he feels the need to. I've stopped but he hasn't... so I don't know what else to do. I'm not a jealous person at all, I'm only insecure when the person I'm with gives me a reason to be. Link to comment
Andrina Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 When you've asked something of your bf that is a reasonable request, and he doesn't change his hurtful behavior, then he doesn't really care. There are fun, considerate, good looking guys out there who won't behave in this immature, upsetting way. You have to sift through a lot of sand to find the treasure. Cut him loose to free yourself for when Mr. Right appears. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Exactly! However, I've started doing this only because he does it too, so he can see how I feel. But I'm not like that nor have I ever been with my past BFs. If anything I'm all eyes for the person I'm with and I don't bother wasting my time talking about other guys so I don't see why he feels the need to. I've stopped but he hasn't... so I don't know what else to do. I'm not a jealous person at all, I'm only insecure when the person I'm with gives me a reason to be. Rather than handling this in a mature way, you're choosing to stoop to his level which places you in the same light, so to speak. The fact that he continues to do this despite your objections, clearly shows you that what you see is what you get. You can either decide to stay or walk, but you can't change him. Link to comment
aussielis Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Rather than handling this in a mature way, you're choosing to stoop to his level which places you in the same light, so to speak. The fact that he continues to do this despite your objections, clearly shows you that what you see is what you get. You can either decide to stay or walk, but you can't change him. i can remember my x actually said once we were at the beach, i wouldn't mind impregnating her, hence to say we arent together anymore Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 i can remember my x actually said once we were at the beach, i wouldn't mind impregnating her, hence to say we arent together anymore ... and he was married. Or maybe that was your other ex. Link to comment
aussielis Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 ms darcy i dont appreciate you nasty tongue in cheek comments i was offering advice here Link to comment
aussielis Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 please refrain from you personally offending remarks ms darcy this is not about my situation but writer Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 OP, I feel like this guy is rebounding with you and/or a potential future cheater. Either way it's disrespectful and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 please refrain from you personally offending remarks ms darcy this is not about my situation but writer I think we have to have some perspective. While he's being a jerk, there is a continuum of bad stuff that could be going on. I only brought it up because you suggested such behavior would be a dealbreaker. But obviously when we are in situations, with even worse dealbreakers, it's hard to have perspective. Link to comment
mbee Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Everyone has said what I wanted to say BUT I wanted to add that this guy isn't treating you like a queen if he's bringing out bad qualities in you. An ideal partner brings out the good qualities. You have said you used to never mention exes and are now stooping to his level. What's the point of being in a relationship if you aren't growing through it or reaping positive benefits? I also agree these are signs of 2 things... he hasn't fully moved on from his exes and he's likely to cheat. Thinking about sex with other women and commenting on it to you, just shows disrespect and shows his interest is elsewhere. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 I talked to him about this and asked him what kind of man wants to make his girlfriend jealous and that it's really immature of his part since he should make me feel good about myself not bad in relation to other women. He said he doesn't do it on purpose nor does he do it to make me jealous, but when he jokes about it he obviously wants to irritate me. It only makes us fight and doesn't add anything to our relationship. He said he'll make an effort to stop with those comments and that all he wants to do is make me happy, I told him I'll give him another shot but if it happens again I probably won't be around anymore, those kind of things push me away... Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Oh and also when we're with his friends he'll say something about other girls which I find inappropriate to say when you have a GF especially when she's right there with you. He says he's only kidding and doesn't mean what he says, so why say it? Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I talked to him about this and asked him what kind of man wants to make his girlfriend jealous and that it's really immature of his part since he should make me feel good about myself not bad in relation to other women. He said he doesn't do it on purpose nor does he do it to make me jealous, but when he jokes about it he obviously wants to irritate me. It only makes us fight and doesn't add anything to our relationship. He said he'll make an effort to stop with those comments and that all he wants to do is make me happy, I told him I'll give him another shot but if it happens again I probably won't be around anymore, those kind of things push me away... if he's really bugging you, ditch him. If he's not respecting what you're saying, and not toning it down, it's annoying as heck. Link to comment
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