Should you date a man that has a lot of female attention?

[love1985]

Net net I wasn't looking to start back dating but a guy from hs on my fb page peeked my interest. He is VERY attractive and mature which made me inbox him to compliment his maturity on his profile.

 

We have been texting flirting a bit However I've noticed that he has a lot of female friends. Some flirt but most seem harmless. He constantly reaches out to me but I feel like how can he looking to be faithful wirh so many options at his fingertips. I really and digging him but should I cut my losses now?

[Batya33]

Having options has nothing to do with valuing commitment or being commitment minded. In fact, if someone felt he had no options I'd be concerned about his sincerity in committing, especially quickly. If he asks you out on a date then see what happens. He might just be interested in texting.

 

I'm not sure how you've concluded he is mature if you don't know him.

[love1985]

Having options has nothing to do with valuing commitment or being commitment minded. In fact, if someone felt he had no options I'd be concerned about his sincerity in committing, especially quickly. If he asks you out on a date then see what happens. He might just be interested in texting.

 

I'm not sure how you've concluded he is mature if you don't know him.

Good advice thanks. And in our conversations he seems mature to me but it can always change.

[Rosti87]

I'm in agreement with Batya. When I was young I initially thought that good looking guys were shallow by default and not comittment oriented and thought less attractive guys weren't. I was dead wrong the guy the fooled around on me was a 'plain' guy. The men were were very attractive including my ex-husband were more committed and pursued me with confidence with less Sturm und Drang.

[love1985]

I'm in agreement with Batya. When I was young I initially thought that good looking guys were shallow by default and not comittment oriented and thought less attractive guys weren't. I was dead wrong the guy the fooled around on me was a 'plain' guy. The men were were very attractive including my ex-husband were more committed and pursued me with confidence with less Sturm und Drang.

 

Yeah that's what I was thinking as well. And I've had a guy that wasn't mind blowing in looks and he broke my heart so I'm trying to be open to possibilities and not over think it.

[missmarple]

Female attention doesn't necessarily mean that he's going to act on it. My most handsome bf was a model and quite young, too, (this was years ago...I was 24 and he was 22 at the time), had tons of women after him but he only had long-term relationships (he got married at 25 and is still married from what I know) and he never gave me any reason to doubt him...and I've seen plain or even ugly guys cheat around like crazy (not on me but I've seen it happen!).

If I were you, I'd be more concerned about why he's just texting and not asking me out..are you sure he's single?

[Ayanokōji]

Hi there,

 

It looks like to me that your logic derived from an insecurity, the insecurity that you think either hes too good looking for you or you aren't good looking enough for him.

 

There are 2 kinds of people in the world.

 

A. The type of person who wants only the best and doesn't give a second glance at anything less.

B. The type of person whose insecurities prevent him/her from taking the what he/she perceives as the best.

 

When you see a drop dead gorgeous girl on the street with a very average plain guy whose pretty much average or below average in all aspects and you ask her why is it that you picked him?

She answers: It is because he is average and plain that I feel the most secure with him because I know he won't ever cheat or leave me because he won't ever find anyone better.

 

Be more confident in yourself and take what you perceive to be the best.

[Batya33]

"A. The type of person who wants only the best and doesn't give a second glance at anything less.

B. The type of person whose insecurities prevent him/her from taking the what he/she perceives as the best.

 

When you see a drop dead gorgeous girl on the street with a very average plain guy whose pretty much average or below average in all aspects and you ask her why is it that you picked him?

She answers: It is because he is average and plain that I feel the most secure with him because I know he won't ever cheat or leave me because he won't ever find anyone better."

 

Or far more likely-"because I love him, we have great chemistry, and physical features (as opposed to physical attraction) were never a top priority to me"

[Sportster2005]

Net net I wasn't looking to start back dating but a guy from hs on my fb page peeked my interest. He is VERY attractive and mature which made me inbox him to compliment his maturity on his profile.

 

We have been texting flirting a bit However I've noticed that he has a lot of female friends. Some flirt but most seem harmless. He constantly reaches out to me but I feel like how can he looking to be faithful wirh so many options at his fingertips. I really and digging him but should I cut my losses now?

 

The reality is he may not have as many options as you think. Even attractive people struggle. Think about it. Here you are implying he can't possibly be loyal because he's attractive. So if you don't proceed, you are no longer an option. If many women think this way, he's probably wondering what's wrong with him. Is inner dialogue might sound like this. "Gee I seem attractive, look after myself, women flirt with me, but I can't seem to find anyone to date"

 

Stop assuming, mind reading and rejecting yourself. Avoid stereotypes, generalization, and negativity. I'm sure you're going to hear a bunch of hatred on this thread. Ignore it, it's just noise. He's just human like you and me.

[Sportster2005]

Hi there,

There are 2 kinds of people in the world.

 

A. The type of person who wants only the best and doesn't give a second glance at anything less.

B. The type of person whose insecurities prevent him/her from taking the what he/she perceives as the best.

 

 

Be more confident in yourself and take what you perceive to be the best.

 

Close. Those are two examples at the extremes. These would be at different ends of the bell curve. The millions of possibilities and combinations would be plotted between these two. I only mention it because I believe we do ourselves a disservice when we think in black and white.

[WithLove]

Let's talk about the elephant in the room, shall we? We only get the love we think we deserve. I would be lying if I didn't admit to siding more with maybe less unattractive men (according to society) because it makes me feel a little better about myself. It's awful and wrong and I hate that I do it, but there it is.

 

OP, just because you think he has many options out there because he's attractive, doesn't mean others find the same attraction, erm, attractive. We all have our own definition of what we find pleasing. So I would just go for it. You don't have anything to lose yet at this point, right?

[love1985]

Female attention doesn't necessarily mean that he's going to act on it. My most handsome bf was a model and quite young, too, (this was years ago...I was 24 and he was 22 at the time), had tons of women after him but he only had long-term relationships (he got married at 25 and is still married from what I know) and he never gave me any reason to doubt him...and I've seen plain or even ugly guys cheat around like crazy (not on me but I've seen it happen!).

If I were you, I'd be more concerned about why he's just texting and not asking me out..are you sure he's single?

 

Yeah this is true. I know that he's single for sure and since I'm I'm a texted don't mind that we text more than we talk. I do think your point is valid though

[love1985]

Thank you alll for your honest advice. I will admit that it makes me a bit insecure but I do agree that if he wanted those women he would be with them I guess. Plus a few are clients of his in which he cuts their child's hair so I guess that's to be expected. I don't want my insecurity to ruin what might be an awesome experience so I'll just wait and see how things go since I definitely tend to be very cautious and black and white.

 

@withlove I think I've done this myself unfortunately. Not in looks but in the other person being way more into me than I was them. But there is also a sense of fear in me since the last guy I dated wasn't that attractive physically but I was really into him and he stepped on my heart. So I guess I really am feeling this guy and am pointing out red flags so in won't have to go through it again in and different way but that's not how it works I guess.

[SoulTaker]

Net net I wasn't looking to start back dating but a guy from hs on my fb page peeked my interest. He is VERY attractive and mature which made me inbox him to compliment his maturity on his profile.

 

We have been texting flirting a bit However I've noticed that he has a lot of female friends. Some flirt but most seem harmless. He constantly reaches out to me but I feel like how can he looking to be faithful wirh so many options at his fingertips. I really and digging him but should I cut my losses now?

 

Did he ask you for an actual date, or treating you the same as his other female friends? "Text flirting" is just an empty tease.

 

The key to being with an attractive person is not to follow the herd (seduced by the "looks"). You still have to make is known that it's about him needing to pique your interest, not the other way around. That means, asking you out on a date (unless he's done so, and you're hesitating).

[SoulTaker]

Let's talk about the elephant in the room, shall we? We only get the love we think we deserve. I would be lying if I didn't admit to siding more with maybe less unattractive men (according to society) because it makes me feel a little better about myself. It's awful and wrong and I hate that I do it, but there it is.

 

Some women will also follow this strategy because they don't want to compete with other women, who would pursue a so-called attractive man.

 

Unfortunately, as the years go by, some of these women will elevate their self-esteem, or after being approached by handsome men, will leave their unattractive partner for greener pastures.

[csdude55]

Net net I wasn't looking to start back dating but a guy from hs on my fb page peeked my interest. He is VERY attractive and mature which made me inbox him to compliment his maturity on his profile.

 

We have been texting flirting a bit However I've noticed that he has a lot of female friends. Some flirt but most seem harmless. He constantly reaches out to me but I feel like how can he looking to be faithful wirh so many options at his fingertips. I really and digging him but should I cut my losses now?

 

I'm a man, and the wide, wide majority of my friends are female. And I flirt, religiously; every text starts with "Hey, sexy!" or something like that.

 

But there are very few (if any) of them that I think of in a romantic way, and I'm 99% sure that the feelings are mutual. I'm just more comfortable with women than I am with men.

 

IMO, judging someone based on his FB friends is a pretty bad move, maybe even childish. If you do start going out with him, I'd probably recommend keeping that to yourself; insecurity is a pretty big turn-off for many (most?) men.

[Fudgie]

If a man is flirting with lots of women openly on FB, yeah, not interested. Sorry if that sounds immature. I don't have a problem with female friends in fact, I like it when a male has both male and female friends! However, I'm not attracted to flirts because I am not a flirt myself. I have male friends but I don't flirt with them if I'm not into them.

 

Look, I'll be blunt, if he has mostly female friends and is flirting quite a bit back and forth, he's a flirt. Maybe he's prone to cheat, maybe not, don't know. But he's a flirt. Take that as you will. If it bugs you, don't date him. It's that simple.

 

I don't think rejecting someone based on that is a bad thing. Just saves you time. If you see a glimpse of someone and their true selves on social media and you don't like what you see, why not move on?

[csdude55]

Fudgie, she said that his FB friends are flirting with him "but seem mostly harmless", not the other way around.

 

And I think there may be a wide range of definitions for "flirt". I say things like "hey sexy" or might post "wow, looking good" as a comment on a picture, but it's more like flirty joking than anything serious. In fact, it's not uncommon for me to start an email to one of my guy friends with "what's up, sexy", either.

 

But then, I know a woman that if another female "likes" her husband's picture, or God-forbid says hi to him in public, then she thinks that she's hitting on him.

 

So for the OP... what, exactly, do you mean by "flirting"?

[Fudgie]

Yes, everyone's idea of flirting is different. I don't think friendly = flirting, but physical compliments, sexual innuendos, and touching is flirting. But everyone has different comfort levels regarding that.

[fashionate8]

A friend is a friend, period. His friends are there before you. If his having female friends makes you insecure, better not continue. It isn't going to get any better.

[Fudgie]

A friend is a friend, period. His friends are there before you. If his having female friends makes you insecure, better not continue. It isn't going to get any better.

I prefer to date men who are not major flirts and are flirting with their friends. I am not flirty myself in that way so I don't like that trait in a partner.

 

I agree, the OP should probably find someone who isn't a flirt if she herself isn't into that. Like should date like.

 

Btw, if any of my male friends called me "sexy" or "beautiful", I'd be majorly creeped out. Different styles, I guess.

[csdude55]

Yes, everyone's idea of flirting is different. I don't think friendly = flirting, but physical compliments, sexual innuendos, and touching is flirting. But everyone has different comfort levels regarding that.

 

To me, physical compliments and sexual innuendos are the norm. There's this one waitress at a restaurant I frequent that is getting married this week to a guy that works in the kitchen, and I regularly compliment her on her new hair styles and make-up. I wouldn't say "nice butt" or anything like that, of course, but I hardly know her! She seems to appreciate the compliments, though; she comes to my table to chat regularly, and laughs and jokes with me when they're not busy. And the owners are always giving me free drinks and desserts, so they're apparently not offended by the compliments or anything.

 

But then, I have another friend that I've known for a few years, happily married with 4 kids. I'm always talking about her boobs and butt, though, and she talks about my body right back. Her husband and I always joke and laugh over sexual innuendos, and it's all in good fun.

 

But touching, on the other hand, is going a little over the line. For me, anyway. We might talk big, but one time I accidentally touched her hand when she was handing something to me, and I felt creepy and immediately apologized.

[IAmFCA]

My bf was in a band. He has women everywhere who want him. He has friendships that used to be intimate. He kept casual partners while seeking a serious one, and they all remain in touch with him even though he does nothing. A holiday card, a random fb post.

 

Now if he makes plans with them he includes me in them. Sometimes they back out after that. It's both an ego boost and intimidating - neither is healthy so I ignore.

 

We joke about it. Sometimes I get hit on when we are out. We joke about it.

 

We assume each other has plenty of alternatives. It's unnerving at times, but I am glad to be well matched rather than to have the upper hand.

 

I place my trust in him, not in everyone else.

[IAmFCA]

You describe him flirting with many via fb. He sounds like he is enjoying attention and keeping many hooks in the water.

 

I described in my prior post my bf having an array of choices. When we were first dating, I nearly dumped him. I knew I was serious about him, I knew he was seeming serious about me, but sometimes he would become inattentive. I know now that I knew only of one woman who had fallen in love with him; in truth, he had been seeing several. He was making his rounds, dropping everyone or making last-chance choices in comparison to me.

 

That didn't work for me, and when I questioned him about his intentions, it raised his opinion of me and his interest in me. If he didn't like me as he did, he would have let me go.

 

I tell this story because if you play this man's game, then you will be a piece on his chess board. Play your game. Either he plays or not, but you win either way because its your game.

 

Stop talking on fb. Its a waste of time. He will either find you so he can ask you out, or try to draw you back to fb. Make your decision on what he offers you today, and in the next moment when that moment arrives. Right now, all he offers is being among his collection of fb chat partners. Sounds boring and unproductive.

[csdude55]

For the record, she said that his FB friends are flirting with him "but seem mostly harmless", not the other way around.