Should you date a man that has a lot of female attention?

[IAmFCA]

For the record, she said that his FB friends are flirting with him "but seem mostly harmless", not the other way around.

 

If it is one way flirting coming from others on his fb page, and he is non-responsive or neutral, then just ignore.

 

Even still, at some point he needs to ask her out or she should drop the connection.

[Capricorn3]

But then, I have another friend that I've known for a few years, happily married with 4 kids. I'm always talking about her boobs and butt, though,

Is it just me or does anyone else find that to be just yuck and really creepy?

[Rosti87]

Is it just me or does anyone else find that to be just yuck and really creepy?

Its an issue of relationship boundaries. Apparently some people have very loose ones.

[IAmFCA]

Creepy, immature, or....

 

My friends of several decades have jokes like this with one another. Rather, a certain group does. I recognize the boundary-crossing banter as a way of expressing trust and affection. My other groups of also-long-lasting friends don't do this. Within those groups, it would be odd.

 

I know a group of friends who have been together for four decades. They have such respect and love for one another that they have collectively kept secret a life changing detail, and ensured that everyone love one another as family, which is exactly what has happened. They don't joke like this because it would be too close to the truth.

 

I was raised to think that jokes that are too familiar are tasteless. I love some people with a different set of standards, and they love me. Shrug.

[csdude55]

LOL @ Capricorn I wonder if that comes accross accurately, or if you're imagining something totally outrageous?

 

Here's an example. When I met her, she was a waitress at a restaurant. She was a bigger girl when she started, but lost a lot of weight. One day, I came in with a new shirt, and she said, "wow, that shirt makes your arms look really big!" I replied with, "Thanks! Your boobs look awesome in that T-shirt, too. I bet all that cleavage gets you a lot of tips." She laughed, I laughed, my (now ex) girlfriend laughed, and it went on from there.

 

Maybe it's all about delivery, or reading the audience. I know plenty of women that I wouldn't banter with like that at all, but those aren't the type of people I usually hang out with socially, either.

[HeartGoesOn]

Is it just me or does anyone else find that to be just yuck and really creepy?

 

I'm not sure which is worse, that being said to her, or her husband standing there and doing nothing?

 

 

[csdude55]

I'm not sure which is worse, that being said to her, or her husband standing there and doing nothing?

 

No offense intended here, but you girls are definitely not the type I'd hang out with socially, if you're so bothered by such innocent flirting.

 

I mean, really. As opposed to "her husband doing nothing", the guy is cracking up, and talking it up right there with me! 30 minutes after he and I met, we were talking about whether we thought her boobs looked better in a T-shirt or tank top.

 

I think you guys take things WAY too seriously.

[IAmFCA]

LOL @ Capricorn I wonder if that comes accross accurately, or if you're imagining something totally outrageous?

 

Here's an example. When I met her, she was a waitress at a restaurant. She was a bigger girl when she started, but lost a lot of weight. One day, I came in with a new shirt, and she said, "wow, that shirt makes your arms look really big!" I replied with, "Thanks! Your boobs look awesome in that T-shirt, too. I bet all that cleavage gets you a lot of tips." She laughed, I laughed, my (now ex) girlfriend laughed, and it went on from there.

 

Maybe it's all about delivery, or reading the audience. I know plenty of women that I wouldn't banter with like that at all, but those aren't the type of people I usually hang out with socially, either.

 

Yes, totally normal among certain of my friends. I was recently told the host - married for decades - was looking forward to seeing my breasts "oh, I mean you" at a party. Who cares. We have all loved each other forever. Tiresome? Sure. Sophisticated? No. Does my bf care? Not a lick. If someone grabbed one? I would be mightily offended. That happened once. 20 years ago. I evened the score on the spot, and none of us talked to him again. Trust and respect are huge, and not always expressed the same way.

[IAmFCA]

No offense intended here, but you girls are definitely not the type I'd hang out with socially, if you're so bothered by such innocent flirting.

 

I mean, really. As opposed to "her husband doing nothing", the guy is cracking up, and talking it up right there with me! 30 minutes after he and I met, we were talking about whether we thought her boobs looked better in a T-shirt or tank top.

 

I think you guys take things WAY too seriously.

 

I wouldn't like that, I have to say. So much attention paid to that part of my body, and my husband discussing with others that part of me is best presented. Its too objectifying for me, and inviting the friend to envision my body intimately. I've never been serious with someone who would have that conversation, so far as I know.

[HeartGoesOn]

No offense intended here, but you girls are definitely not the type I'd hang out with socially, if you're so bothered by such innocent flirting.

 

No offense taken, the feeling is mutual.

[Capricorn3]

No offense intended here, but you girls are definitely not the type I'd hang out with socially,

Oh, no offence taken as there is no way I would ever hang out with you socially either, lol, as our morals, values, respect and boundaries are on complete opposite ends of the scale.

[IAmFCA]

Adding, sometimes I think talking about others' parts is a way of depowering them. Like, they are hot, and that seems to some to shift the balance of power, so if we talk about their bum or chest or whatever, now their power is diminished, they are something we have consumed without them even knowing.

 

Women do this with hot men as well, this is not a gender specific statement. Rather, an observation that at some point, the familiar conversation is a way of owning a piece of her hotness so that it is less threatening or less powerful.

 

That is not friendly, actually, even if it is a nuance.

[Ms Darcy]

No offense intended here, but you girls are definitely not the type I'd hang out with socially, if you're so bothered by such innocent flirting.

 

Lucky for them, they are not girls, they are women.

 

I ran your jokes past my fiance and he wasn't impressed and didn't think the boobs comment was funny or necessary.

[csdude55]

I see it as the exact opposite, maybe because at one point I had gained a lot of weight (say, 80lbs overweight), and I've worked really hard to lose that. For me, someone recognizing all of that hard work and complimenting me on it is appreciated.

 

Which is one of the reasons I mentioned that conversation with my friend, that had lost a lot of weight. I wasn't trying to depower her, I was trying to let her know that all of her work had been noticed. And if she was self-conscious before, that she had no reason to be self-conscious now.

 

My purpose behind flirting is to build up a friend's confidence. Especially those friends that seem like they lack confidence. IMO, it's the job of a friend to build you up, so that's what I try to do.

[Fudgie]

I've lost almost 100 lb this year and I get compliments quite a bit, from friends, family, coworkers, etc. None are sexual and I like that. I don't keep male friends who flirt with me. The ones I have don't. I don't need to be flirted with to know that I look good.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a flirty person or a non flirty person. It's just different styles. I resent being told that I'm "taking things too seriously" because I don't like it when men I'm not romantically involved with want to touch or comment on my butt/breasts/what have you.

 

I do have a sense of humour and I am extremely politically incorrect and I love to joke around with people that I'm comfortable with. I make terrible terrible jokes sometimes. I just don't want my friends (or others) to say things about my breasts or other parts and I do not say things about theirs. I prefer to keep the sexual banter in the bedroom and with my partner.

[Rosti87]

I see it as the exact opposite, maybe because at one point I had gained a lot of weight (say, 80lbs overweight), and I've worked really hard to lose that. For me, someone recognizing all of that hard work and complimenting me on it is appreciated.

 

Which is one of the reasons I mentioned that conversation with my friend, that had lost a lot of weight. I wasn't trying to depower her, I was trying to let her know that all of her work had been noticed. And if she was self-conscious before, that she had no reason to be self-conscious now.

 

My purpose behind flirting is to build up a friend's confidence. Especially those friends that seem like they lack confidence. IMO, it's the job of a friend to build you up, so that's what I try to do.

 

I think the compliments are in the delivery. Most women don't mind being complimented on their looks from non-lovers as long as it is PG or lower in the ratings scale. A smaller set of women don't mine PG-13 and higher. I agree that "never the twain shall meet."

[Fudgie]

I think the compliments are in the delivery. Most women don't mind being complimented on their looks from non-lovers as long as it is PG or lower in the ratings scale. A smaller set of women don't mine PG-13 and higher. I agree that "never the twain shall meet."

Yes, and you can boost someone's confidence with such compliments. I do compliment friends on their dress, hair, etc. Or if I see that they've lost weight and I know they've been trying. I do it for guys too. It does not have to be sexual.

[csdude55]

It really doesn't matter, I think we've beaten this poor horse to death and gone far from the original topic. We just see things differently and treat our friends differently.

 

So, back to the OP. When you refer to "flirting", exactly what do you mean? Which end of the spectrum do his female friends fall in?

[love1985]

Hey guys. Sorry for the late reply to this. The holiday had my time. Thanks for the different perspectives. After careful consideration I'm cool friend zoning him. As I tried to be okay with the flirting happening on his page,

realized that he wasn't doing much of anything differently than what he was doing to every other girl he knows. However There are some things that I need to adjust inb bmy thinking about dating these days. It's not the same and people are way more open to their options than I care for.