How bad is infidelity really?

[mermayd]

I know that question might sound crazy, but hear me out. Humans are not monogomous creatures. Have you looked at the statistics of couples cheating on eachother???

Infidelity statistics

It's tough to get a handle on how many of us are having affairs, given the inherent secrecy.

 

* 22 percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives.

* 14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives.

* Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful.

* 70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their spouses' extramarital activity.

* 5 percent of married men and 3 percent of married women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse in the 1997.

* 22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage sometime in their past.

* 90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.

* 50 percent of Americans say President Clinton's adultery makes his moral standard "about the same as the average married man,'' according to a Time-CNN poll.

* 61 percent of Americans thought adultery should not be a crime in the United states; 35 percent thought it should; 4 percent had no opinion.

* 17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity.

 

Source: Associated Press

 

Cheating has been an ongoing issue from the beginning of time. Does anyone agree with me that maybe, just maybe, swingers have it all figured out? I can almost assure you that given the above statistics, the encounters were purely sexual for the most part. Not emotional. The person who cheated does not love their partner any less. It is just they way they are wired. Men particularly, no offense.

All I know is that I would rather KNOW what my man is doing than have to question his every move. Honesty and trust are the core of a relatiosnhip and with the stigma of unfaithfulness in our country, why would a partner want to be honest about straying when they think that the one they LOVE (not just the one they wanted a lay from) would leave their heart. I would choose honesty.

To be honest, I would want to join in. It would be a great way to keep the sex life alive and exciting (an addition, not a replacement), be able to trust and not question the partner, and have fun yourself!

So maybe swingers have it all figured out...

[sisterlynch]

It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but in some ways the best too, because it allows you to grow out of an old rigid feeling of right and wrong, to a new area of growth that allows you to make yourself a priority without the guilt that used to go with it.

[Roasted Carrots]

I think your idea would be interesting as long as nobody was getting hurt and everybody knew what the playing field was.

 

Just think: A society of swingers! I wonder how long that would last...*Shudders* Think of the STD's....sorry, don't mean to preach...

 

Maybe polygamy would work for some people, but not for me. I have enough trouble handing *one* relationship, sexual or otherwise.

 

Intriguing concept though.

[Day_Walker]

I will agree that your argument makes sense, but I dont believe that most people are willing to accept infidelity. There are many moral/ethical and religious inplications. Some people are more open to the idea of an open relationship while others arent.

[mermayd]

You are absolutely right. The STD thing can be a big issue, a major concern. Of course, protection would be used at all times and the couples that participate would have to trust one another beyond just a friendly standard. Also, there are usually ground rules established with the couple. Participating in eachothers presense. Reserving making love for the one partner as to not step on anyones toes, etc.

also take note that polygamy and polyamory are separate (though similar) ideas

[Yorkrose23]

From a strictly biological standpoint it makes sense. Most animals in the animal kingdom are not manogamous. But what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom is our greater ability to think, empathize and emotionlly respond. When feelings are involved it can become a sticky issue. If someone wants to screw around, that's fine. But IMO, they should never get married. I think it is unfair to ask someone to be there for you and support you emotionally, physically, financially, mentally, and otherwise while one person is off investing their time and energy in another person. But this is also why I believe that most people are not cut out for marriage. Not a conventional marriage anyway.

[mermayd]

exactly...not CONVENTIONAL marraige. My point is that two people could love eachother beyond belief and struggle with fighting off their biological impulses and sexual drives that are rooted deep within them. Please do not misunderstand that one person is off skrewing while the other is home waiting impatiently. Both parties would participate together with another person or couple. I know its not for everyone. I dont even know if its for me. But it just seems to make sense. Cut out the questions, keep the honesty, keep sex alive, maintain sex drive without restrictions, and be able to devote your heart emotionally to one person.

[melrich]

Um...aren't you forgetting something? 78% of men and 86% of women have never had affairs according to your statistics. Perhaps that big majority would like it to stay that way?

[maasikus]

oh so yucky to be in an immoral relationship..i think the entertainment industry is a major influence for infidelity...what does every1 else think??

[Iceman26]

People who want to be swingers should be single. What is the point of getting married if you are going to be sharing yourself with other people?

 

Almost all creatures fornicate, what separates us from the other creatures we share this earth with is that we have the ability to reason through our instincts, instead of randomly humping everything we see like a dog in heat.

 

Another interesting fact is that we are the only creatures besides dolphins that have sex for pleasure, so the comparison between humans and other animals is quite thin.

 

I think that the ideals of marriage and commitment have somehow become obscured in today's society, and yes, I think the media and television and movies share a lot of the blame for it. I also think that if it werent for the people watching and paying to see it, film producers and television executives wouldnt keep making it either, so the people that watch these movies and programs are to blame too.

[Balthamos]

Like somebody said, according to your statistics, infidelity is a pretty rare thing. To me, if you agree in advance with your spouse that you will be involved with other people, then it's not infidelity. I don't think it's propably a good idea, but it's pretty different from infidelity (cheating secretly).

[Jimbo10]

You know what? I don't really care if 99% of men and women are cheating. It doesn't make it right! It didn't in 1997 and it won't in 2097!

 

I live the way god has asked me to live to the best of my abilities. If I stray and sin from time to time, I shall be forgiven. But adultery is one of the 10 commandments, and I'll never break them. It's wrong, don't try and justify it because a bunch of people have been desencitized, and have no morals any longer!!! It makes me sick to hear that the stats are so high, but if a married man jumps off a bridge, i'm sure as hell not going next.

[OceanEyes]

I think it is unfair to ask someone to be there for you and support you emotionally, physically, financially, mentally, and otherwise while one person is off investing their time and energy in another person. But this is also why I believe that most people are not cut out for marriage. Not a conventional marriage anyway.

 

This is exactly right, I agree completely.

 

I would never agree to marriage unless I was 100% positive that I was totally in love, and could never hurt him.

 

But ...

 

People grow and change in time. The person you marry may not be the same person you see next to you in 5-10 years. Your needs may change, your partner may be less receptive to your needs.

 

How is there ever any guarantee that you won't change in time? How can you stand up in front of your friends and family, take vows, and without any doubt, claim that you will "love and honour" this person forever, no questions asked? I think this is part of the reason behind swinging, polygamy, etc.

 

I was actually onced approached by a couple who were interested in a polygamous relationship. These people were fantastic, amazingly intelligent and fun to be around, except for one major factor; their ideals of how love and life should be intimidated and disgusted me at times. They preached that they didn't buy into the whole "conventional marriage" deal, tradition, conformity, societal pressure to be "normal", etc. I'm not saying that's a bad thing necessarily, but I didn't buy into their lifestyle either.

 

Swinging will never be for me. If it's something that a married couple can enjoy somewhat responsibly, great! However, knowing that my husband was with other women would probably end up driving me insane after a while. Sex is something that I only want to share with one person, and I think I would have to marry a man who believed that also.

[Meow18]

I agree completely with OceanEyes. The guy I want to marry is only going to want to be with me. I don't believe you can truly love one person and be having sex with someone else. When you are in love, you don't think about doing things with other people. It just doesn't make sense. But yeah, if both people agree to do that, then thats up to them. I don't want that at all though.

[drf]

oh so yucky to be in an immoral relationship..i think the entertainment industry is a major influence for infidelity...what does every1 else think??

Im in the entertainment biz. I think your statement is abit sweeping. I am going thru infidelity issues myself right now, however, to say that "show folk" or the entertainment biz is a major influence for infidelity is like saying all truck drivers are drunken wife beaters.

[drf]

If I stray and sin from time to time, I shall be forgiven. But adultery is one of the 10 commandments, and I'll never break them.

Isnt adultry a sin? Can it not be forgiven too? What are the forgivable sins you've committed? Sounds like sin is selective for you. You can mix and match it to suit your needs to redeem yourself and then use it to condemn others. Thou shalt not kill, is one of the ten commandments too, but Christians didnt adhere to that when they tried to take back the holy land from the Muslims during the crusades.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hello,

 

Well I was the other woman and I can honestly say it wasn't good. I felt ashamed of myself and still do.

 

I am still very much in love with him, because he is very special to me. However infidelity is bad. It can really cause a lot of stress and ill feeling between everyone who is involved. I learnt that the hard way too.

 

Miya xx

[itsallgrand]

Monogamy isn't for everyone, and that is their choice. No big deal.

 

But, correct me if I'm wrong, swinging is not infidelity. It's not cheating if it is agreed upon by both partners.

[DvlsAdvc8]

 

I live the way god has asked me to live to the best of my abilities. If I stray and sin from time to time, I shall be forgiven. But adultery is one of the 10 commandments, and I'll never break them. It's wrong, don't try and justify it because a bunch of people have been desencitized, and have no morals any longer!!! It makes me sick to hear that the stats are so high, but if a married man jumps off a bridge, i'm sure as hell not going next.

 

That's good for you... and not so good for me as an atheist. Thanks.

[DvlsAdvc8]

Honestly, its to every males evolutionary advantage to cheat. Knock up as many as you can fellas. It is to every woman's advantage to make sure her man is not cheating, but keep a gent waiting in the wings... you know, just in case.

 

I think some sort of hybrid marriage concept that is more flexible around sex would fit better, just from a logical perspective.

 

I think the stats are deceptive. Of the people who never cheated, how many would cheat if a good opportunity came along? How many have the thoughts and interest, but never could muster the nerve to make a move?

 

Swingers have it right. Maintain a good relationship, and still cooperatively accommodate the natural sexual desires. And even among the swinger culture, you still have rules... and most don't go after just anyone. From the few I've met, I've gathered that you build up a list of a few couples you've met and like, and basically come to agreements about seeing other couples. Afterall, you're sleeping with everyone they slept with by proxy.

[yeawutever]

Yea, like Maggie say when you're married and truly in love, no need to be doing the deed or wutsoever physical contact/emotional with others, unless both you and your partner are into swingers lifestyles.

[Sway1607307344]

I know that question might sound crazy, but hear me out. Humans are not monogomous creatures. Have you looked at the statistics of couples cheating on eachother???

 

So thereforeeee it's ok to cheat, because everybody else appears to be doing it???

 

LOL!

 

I wonder if you've been through the aftermath of an 'infidelity' yourself.