Sway1607307344

Been EXACTLY where you are. How did you earn the reputation of crazy ex?

So thereforeeee it's ok to cheat, because everybody else appears to be doing it??? LOL! I wonder if you've been through the aftermath of an 'infidelity' yourself.

I agree with the poster who says that he's come back to test the waters. I had an ex return after 10 years. We had a long term relationship years ago, broke up and it all ended really badly. He then got involved with someone else and married her. Trouble with him getting in touch was, he was still very married!! However, if he'd returned and had been in the same situation as the guy in your situation, yes, I'd be there for him if he contacted me, because he'd meant a lot to me and still does. I'd mail him back, see what happens from there.

Married men who look for friendships on the internet with females, who claim they are looking for friendship only? Do people consider this to be 'infidelity'? IMO, just who are these married guys looking for a friendship with a female outside of their marriage, trying to kid? Certainly not me. I mean, are these guys actually informing their wives that they are seeking friendships online with other women....I think not! LOL If it was my husband, I'd want to know why the interest in wanting to be friends with another woman and why feel the need to pursue a friendship with another woman online.....am I not good enough to talk too?? It's amazing how many of these guys you will find on these websites, who are up to this kind of stuff. I'm wondering what other peoples thoughts and opinions are on this. Thanks

I agree with Evy38, words are meaningless, actions count!! If he wanted you back, you'd be witnessing actions from him. It's hard to say why they will do this kind of thing, Perhaps he's been bored, nothing better to do, etc....and he's decided to contact you. Perhaps he's come 'fishing' for signs that you are still interested, perhaps he's hoping that his calls will lead to a 'friends with benefits' type of situation (which you don't want!!!!!!)....I dunno, it's hard to say and you havn't mentioned anything of what you were both discussing, which makes it harder to suss out why he may have come calling. I'd personally ignore him and his calls. If he can dump you so callously a first time, he'd be more than capable of doing it a second and third time too!! You deserve better!

I can't help but think that you may have more interest in this woman, than you are caring to let on. Reason I say this, is because if she meant nothing whatsoever to you, then you wouldn't be in this forum seeking advice as to what to do......contacting her would simply be a 'no go' and you wouldn't care less how she took it. Why should you care less what she thinks of you, when it seems that all you shared was a few dates and FIVE years ago! I have a similar story! I had an ex boyfriend contact me out of the blue and after TEN years apart. Only difference between yours and my situation is, is that he was an ex with whom I'd shared nine years of my life and all of those years ago! He too came back after all of this time and of course, he was married too, I am a divorcee. I too pondered over why he'd chosen to get in touch after all of this time. All he said was that he'd never forgotten me, wondered how I was and that he still cared for me. But I suspected another motive, simply because a married man/married woman, do not contact ex flames, if they are happy in their marriages and with their partner - or else why would they go seeking an old flame??? In our case, I was an ex fiance of his as we had planned to marry a few years ago and we were also 'first loves'. We exchanged a few emails anyway ( I saw no harm in emailing him, we live quite a few miles apart) and then it got to the stage where he was sending pics of himself and we arranged to meet - only I backed out because he was still married!! I'd be more suspicious of her motives, if you'd been in a long term relationship with her/been first loves all those years ago, but the fact that she was a 'date', may mean that she is just wanting to catch up, see how you are and stuff. Not quite what you'd expect a happily married woman to be doing however. Perhaps some memory or other has triggered off a memory of you, hence why she's decided to contact you? I know that my ex had said to me, that he thought he'd seen me in a shopping mall a few months prior to him emailing.......I think that is what triggered off his interest in contacting me!

I don't buy it! If an ex is going to return to you, they will do so and regardless of whether you buy a book or not. If they aren't coming back nor do they want to return, then NOTHING in this world will bring them back.

It sounds to me as though he is the one who is having the hard time letting go, even though he's pretending otherwise to be happy and in love with his fiancee. If this man was that happy, then he wouldn't be pursuing you in this way, he probably wouldn't care less if you remain his friend or not, if he was 100% content with his current woman. But you know, there is only one person who can put a stop to him pestering you in this way and that is YOU! He wouldn't be able to pester you, if you didn't allow him too. But in answering his calls, emails, etc, you are allowing him that power over you. He won't stop pestering you, so long as your door remains open to him. I know because I have been there, many, many times with my ex also, in the past. But there comes a point when 'enough is enough'. Believe me, I know how hard it is to close the door for good on someone you care deeply about and it took me ages to finally close the door on my ex. But I managed to close it for good, when I heard my ex was getting married and although he didn't like it, I grew a back bone overnight and did what was best for me. If my ex had his way, he'd have had me as hi s'other woman' way throughout his marriage and for all of these years. I deserved more and so do you! My situation is different in that I am no longer married, I and the ex hubby divorced some time ago. It was a year after my divorce, that the ex showed up in my life and I mean I hadn't seen nor heard from him for nearly 10 years!!!! I too married my husband on the rebound from the ex and I could never give my 100% to my husband either, which is why our marriage eventually led to divorce. I didn't love and couldn't love him, the way that he'd wanted me too....and because my heart lay with another man. As I said, he'd found me online and emailed me and I was overjoyed to hear from him. We live quite a few miles apart.....so he'd never have found me otherwise. A few friendly emails were exchanged. He said he still thought about me, cared about me, wondered how I was doing after all this time and then the talk got around to 'our' relationship back all those years ago. We were simply reflecting on old times. He said he was sorry to hear about my breakup with my husband, then added that he was still married. He never mentioned if he was happy with his wife or not, but I suspect that if he was truly happy with her, he wouldn't have got back in touch with me. However and as soon as he told me he was married, I began to withdraw from him. He very likely sensed it. He began sending me photographs of himself, perhaps to try and stir up some emotion in me....and it did I have to admit. He kept on mentioning that he was in my area soon on business (a hint for us to meet up) and I twice had the opportunity to go and meet him, however both times I backed out. I think he got fed up/or perhaps sensed a lack of interest on my part, felt rejected perhaps and so I didn't hear from him in a while, after I failed to show up for a second time. Since then however, I deleted the email addy where he would mail me, making it impossible for him to contact me again....believe me that was hard to do. He might've tried to mail me, who knows? He hasn't a clue where I live.......ok, he knows the area where I live, but looking for me here would be akin to him looking for a 'needle in a haystack', he'd never find me. But I do think that if I lived closer to the ex/or he knew my home address, I'd likely still have him plaguing me, because he never could let go of me totally and he always came back.....until I stopped it in it's tracks.

If he still has feelings for her, then he obviously hasn't moved on either and despite the fact that he is now with someone else. People can find themselves in a relationship and yet still have feelings for an ex. It's called a 'rebound relationship', not being over one person, and jumping in and getting involved with another. Happens all of the time!

I've been in a similar situation. I too had an ex who didn't seem to want to let go of me and despite the fact he was getting married. I was with my ex for nine years, our break up was kinda mutual, he didn't really want to break things off, it was me who was insistent we did and because he wouldn't committ fully to me. He then and after we broke up, went on to meet someone else, who eventually became his wife. But even after he was married, he still wouldn't leave me alone and would've taken any and every opportunity to be with me, if I'd been up for it, however I wasn't. I didn't relish the thoughts of being second best to some other woman and the woman he'd chosen to marry over me. And so I chose to move on, hard as it was, because I still loved the guy a lot. I met someone new, moved away and heard nothing from the ex for a long time. Then one day I logged into my email account and there was an email from him. He'd found me online. Last thing I'd ever expected was for him to show up in my life again, but obviously he'd never forgotten me. My ex is still married and so I chose not to pursue anything further with him, because he was still married. A few friendly emails were exchanged, a plan to meet was also arranged, but I came to my senses and backed out at the last minute. These guys who may still carry a torch for old flames, are cheating their wives I think. When a mans heart may truly belong to and lay with another woman, they are robbing their wives of their hearts and no relationship/marriage can work, when a man/woman cannot give their all, their 100% to their spouse. I really think that before he jumps and gets married, you need to be telling him how you feel. He needs to know before he goes ahead and does something, that he might regret further down the line. Before he goes ahead and hurts his wife, when she eventually discovers that for all of their married life, his heart has always been elsewhere, their marriage a sham!

I had an ex return after 10 years, long time, lol. He'd gone to the trouble of looking for me and found me online. I'm unsure why he'd bothered to seek me out after all these years apart, all he said was that he'd always wondered what had become of me and he still cared for me. He'd also said, "I always came back to you, no matter what". It was like he was saying that he'd always return, for here he was now too! I dunno, maybe they just like to be nosey?

Who knows why they decide to get in touch.....LOL I had an ex come back after TEN YEARS, out of the blue. He tracked me down on one of those classmates websites and sent me an email. Imagine my shock at hearing from him after all this time, but I was overjoyed too. We were together for nine years, a long time ago! I'd asked him why he'd mailed after all this time, said he still thought about me after all of these years and he still cared for me. Back to the topic. I wouldn't bother mailing back, not when she's ignoring calls and emails. Speaking as a female,.if you were my ex and I was interested in you, I WOULDN'T be avoiding you. Doesn't her avoidance of you, tell you something?? She's perhaps just come testing the waters, to see if you are still there for her. Now she knows you are, she's lost interest again. After two years apart, you should've by now, moved on long ago!!! Why want closure?? Closure happens, when a relationship ends, or it should do. Why even care what her reasons may have been, it's over now and has been for a long time! Get out there and meet yourself a nice girl

NC isn't some magical formula that will bring back an ex. IMO, an ex only ever returns, if they truly loved/love you and want to be with you. You can't win someone back, if they don't want to be won back. If an ex is going to return, he/she will do it and regardless of whether you are still in contact, or not, whether you are on speaking terms, or not. NC IMO, is used when perhaps you had a bad break up and being around each other results in arguments, fighting. Also it could apply to those who cant get along as ex's, to those still hurting from the breakdown of a relationship and to those I guess, of whose ex's are showing absolutely no signs of returning or signs of wanting to resume the relationsip. NC presents an opportunity for you to try to move on and away from the ex, the pain, etc, etc.

I've had some pretty heated exchanges with boyfriends in the past, we've called each other every name under the sun, etc, etc.....but if we've meant anything to each other, we soon kissed and made up. Couples usually do make up, if they are in love. But one argument can usually lead to another, then another, then another and it's when this has happened, that I've called it a day with the guy in question and it's been over, PERIOD, we didn't get back together again, nor did we speak again.

So you've seen him then? I thought you said it was 10 years since you last saw him???

I'd go for it!!! I was in the same situation as you not that long back. I too was thinking of my 'first love' a lot (we met when I was 18, him 17), I'm in my thirties now, so is he. And it had been a long time since I'd last seen him - nearly ten years in fact, just like you! I didn't get in touch with him, because although I was longing too, I was afraid too. Afraid how he'd react after all of this time .....plus I didn't know how to get in touch. I knew where he had lived, yes, but he lives miles away from me as I moved away from the area long ago. I do still however have family in the same town as him and once I had drove passed his home in my car, but I couldn't find the courage to go and visit. I did get a phonenumber, but still I was scared to call. Then to my utter surprise one day, I'd logged into a classmates website I was registered with and there was the email from him....I was overjoyed at hearing from him! Seems he was looking for me also The fact that this guy left a message for you last year at you rmums house, IMO means that he wanted to get in touch only recently and he still thinks of you, which goes strongly in your favour! However, it's surprising how quickly things can change. He may have met someone new, may be married now. Just don't have no expectations, if you do get in touch and you'll be ok. But YES, I'd definitely email him!! Good Luck and let us know how you get on

WOAHHH! Jumping the gun a bit aren't you? She sent an email enqiring as to how he was, not saying that she wanted him back......LOL Boomer. Way to go, carry on with the NC! i agree with others whom have said that it is very disrespectful to dump someone via email, not to mention cowardly. I'm unsure really, where she's managed to find the nerve to email asking how you are, after she did this. Takes all sorts I guess.... Hard to say what is the *real* motive behind her emailing. Maybe she is merely just wondering how you are, maybe she's bored, looking for an ex to stroke her ego. maybe she's testing the waters to see how you feel about her now. Only she knows.... But if she could dump you so callously a first time, who's to say she couldn't and wouldn't do it again? I think you are wise to make the choice you have

You're welcome and thanks Sometimes I feel that I am being too tough and a lot harsh, because I do know what's it like to be *exactly* where you are now and it's not nice. It is hard to accept that a once special relationship is now over and to move on from it all. But I don't do it to be mean, spiteful or nasty, I tend to do it because sometimes it can be a 'wake up' call for some people and the sooner you accept the reality of a situation, the sooner you begin to heal and to move on. Because you WILL heal from this and you WILL move on, it just takes a little time. I found this great post in these forums anyhow. I hope that you find it helpful

People have already tried to give you advice, but you don't seem willing to listen. My advice is more or less the same, move on! Look.......I'm not saying that 'real' feelings of love can develop in a span of 7 months, they CAN, but 7 months as compared with some long term relationships that break up (over 1 year and up too 25/30 years), 7 months isn't very long is it?? It's not like you put a great deal and a whole lot of years, into something that's now over - you are still young enough to move on and fall in love with someone else. My marriage ended recently after 10 years.....I had no choice but to move on, when it became obvious that my hubby was not coming back!! I feel that there is something more to this, than your not moving in with your ex too. You don't dump somebody after only several months, just because they won't move in. Combined with the fact that this girl is telling you to move on, makes me wonder if her feelings for you was ever really love at all.........harsh, but I tend to tell it as I see it. I waited NINE YEARS on a guy, who I knew deep down would never committ to me! I hung on for all those years and kept on allowing him back in my life, because I loved him and because I always clung onto the hope that in the end, he'd want me. I gave him chance after chance and if this girl loved you, then I think she'd give you another chance too, but she's not willing to even do that....... So come on, wake up, what does that tell you??

I always remember this female knocking on my door. She was the ex gf of a guy I was involved with at the time. She introduced herself as the 'ex' gf and told me that she'd came calling, to see what I looked like! I thought she was off her rocker and this is what his new gf will think of you! She will relate back to your ex, everything that you do and say........which is what I did! What do you think you will gain in knowing what she looks like, etc?? The same as the woman gained from knocking at my door........NOTHING!! One thing is for sure, knocking at my door, didn't win her back her ex! He laughed at her and her stupidity and said he couldn't understand what he ever saw in her. I'd leave alone. What he's doing now and who is he seeing, is none of your business.

She's playing with your feelings. Still, if you don't mind her doing this, then keep in contact! There's only ONE way to find out if an ex want's you back and that is to cut off total contact and give them a taste of what their life is like, without you! They either realise then, that they don't miss you or that they do, and if they do they sharp come running back! Sounds like she's wanting some attention and someone to big up her ego......I don't think she wants you back, sorry.

I doubt I'd contact him again, for the simple reason that he didn't respond to your last email. He's obviously moved on, you should try and do the same IMO.

Maybe it's a *sign*?? You are being reminded of him via this song, for some reason - maybe it's to get back in touch?? Weird that it played at exact time, same station!!. Here's a strange tale in regard to my first love. Here goes: We'd met when I was 18, he was 17, were involved for nine years, then we broke up, met other people and I moved away from the area. My family however still live in the area he does. A few months back I heard this song played on the radio and I too began thinking of him, wondered how he was, etc and I was suddenly overwhelmed with this urge to contact him. One night after I visited my family, I took to driving past his home in my car and I noticed a van parked outside with a telephone number on it (he's in business now), so I wrote this telephone number down, although I doubt I'd ever have called him. The date was 30th October 2004!!! I got home that night, pondered over calling him, but decided not too. But I continued to think about him for months afterwards. Then one day I logged into a classmates website that I am registered with. I'm unsure why I logged in bcause it's a website I hadn't visited for a long time. And what do you know! There in my mailbox was an email from my first love and he'd sent it to me on 30th October 2004!!!! Now that is weird!!!!! He was probably writing that email to me, as I was taking the telephone number, from his van. Each of us had been thinking of the other, at the *exact* same time

Do you resemble Brad Pitt?? Sounds like you are bragging, rather than complaining

'If you love something set it FREE, if it returns, it is yours, it was meant to be'. If he loves you, he'll be back, if he doesn't, then he won't..... Meanwhile, try to move on with your life, make new friends, go places... There is life after guys - trust me, I've been where you are, many times over and still live to tell the tale! It takes time, but you will get there eventually!