Have you ever started an online relationship?

[Amp33]

I've been on dating websites on and off for the last 3 years. 98% of the time I only talk to people in my town, because I usually feel it's useless to speak to people who could be so far away and it wouldn't make sense.

 

Around 3 weeks ago I randomly browsed around and found a man in the US. I'm in Canada on the opposite side of the continent. But something about him really caught my eye so I sent him a messaging asking if he was interested in talking with someone so far away. So we got to talking, and we have so much in common it is unreal. We get along so amazingly. Both of us are already wanting to jump on a plane to visit. Unfortunately our lives are so hectic neither of us are able to for a couple months.

 

I am unbelievably into this guy. We text constantly, we've had video chats, I know we are both wanting this.

I've never done anything long distance before, and since we are so far apart it worries me that this could be the man I spend my life with, but he lives in a different country.

 

Please any advice?

[faraday]

When I first started on eHarmony 5 years ago, I was matched with a guy in Oregon (I'm in alberta)...we had that instant connection too. We talked for several hours every night on Skype. I adored him. We were both single parents, and broke...he was in school, I was paying off an expensive separation agreement...so 8 months in, we still hadn't met. We were still skyping daily. I loved him.

 

I noticed on fb some girl in his city started liking all of his posts....and posting on his wall...and one day, he told me it was just too hard to not have someone to lay next to at night.

 

He's been with her since. She's really nice. I don't talk to him really anymore. Maybe a random text every year. The emotions faded and now he's just someone that I used to know...and nothing more.

 

Dating is hard enough without adding in never meeting, different countries, and crazy schedules.

 

I would encourage you to date someone local...but I understand if you don't.

[sadchick83]

I know of people who got married who met, not on-line but in person at a bar--one in London, UK, and the other in NYC. The saw each other every 3 weeks for about a year and a half, then got married. The marriage only lasted exactly a year. When he came here, he hooked up with someone in his office very soon after the wedding. Anyway, this one obviously didn't turn out, but they did end up getting married.

 

I think it is only possible to reach marriage if you both have the financial means to see each other fairly frequently and that you will eventually move to be with each other permanently. I think there is also a novelty in dating someone far away. When you see each other and when you first actually move in together its great...like a vacation. But eventually the novelty wears off when you have to deal with everyday stresses.

 

Its not impossible, but are you willing to spend the money to see if it works? Moving in could take a few years, so you wouldn't really "know" this person until then.

[lerenard]

I did, but it wasn't on a dating site. I knew that guy before, but we met just a couple of times in real life, and we both were in relationships at the moment.

 

Then he send me a virtual gift and congratulated me on New Years Eve, but I saw it several weeks later, and that's when we started talking on-line, both of us freshly out of long term relationships. We were long distance at that time and he looked different from what I remembered, and I changed as well, and because we got to know each other mostly through that on-line chat, I count that as "starting an on-line relationship".

 

After 3 months, I think, he came to visit me briefly, then after one more month I went to visit him. We dated 6-7 months in total, 4 of them were on-line and were great. When we met it mostly felt awkward, because I was a bit more "complicated" than he was (and than he expected), and he had a hard time figuring me out. )))

 

 

If you are interested in just talking as you said - I say go with the flow. If you want something serious, I suggest you find a way to meet each other. Is he interested in meeting you?

[trust101]

That's such a sad story. Hope you're doing well now. OP you can obtain valuable info from her story. If you keep putting it off it will one day switch off. But in your case it's only been 3 weeks. That's not even enough time to properly know a person physically.

[Ms Darcy]

I would advise against it. It might be a different story had you met but you actually live far away. In this situation, it is built off of essentially your imagination as you fill in the gaps about the guy. Meeting in person often rocks the image of the other that was created.

[Batya33]

I would advise against it. It might be a different story had you met but you actually live far away. In this situation, it is built off of essentially your imagination as you fill in the gaps about the guy. Meeting in person often rocks the image of the other that was created.

 

I agree with this. I have started online friendships -purely platonic, would never be anything other than platonic. But since I wanted marriage and family I was not going to waste my time typing and talking to a potential romantic prospect who I could not meet ASAP. I did have a long distance relationship with my husband when we were dating but we had a long history together prior to that and both wanted marriage -would not have done it otherwise (and we could see each other about every 10-14 days).

[reinventmyself]

My last relationship was 90 min's away and after 3 years what I learned is that when you only saw each other on weekends, you rarely get past the honeymoon stage. Once we were together and involved in each others day to day lives it was totally different.

 

I wouldn't do it. . I innocently was befriending someone who lives 8 hours away and knew I would never pursue anything other than friendship with him. I happen to travel to his location a couple times a year for work and I have met him a couple times for dinner.

 

I caught myself spending to much time and energy on this friendship and knew from previous experience to face the reality that I would never move there and he wouldn't come here.

So I dialed it way back . .I knew the outcome up front.

 

In another life I might have gotten caught up in it and ultimately disappointed when it didn't work out.

 

Some people however have happily ever after's. . Just make sure you ask yourself the hard questions up front before you get in too deep.

[Sportster2005]

My advice. Don't do it. It's easy to idealize a person you haven't met. And talking about spending your life with him already demonstrates this is likely an unrealistic infatuation.

[faraday]

That's such a sad story. Hope you're doing well now. OP you can obtain valuable info from her story. If you keep putting it off it will one day switch off. But in your case it's only been 3 weeks. That's not even enough time to properly know a person physically.

 

I'm great now but it took me a good 6 months to get over him (which for me is crazy long) and the thing is...it wasn't even "him", it was the idealized version of him. It's hard to get over the idea of the perfect person...I mean, I never had to deal with him leaving his laundry on the floor or him spending our rent money on a new bike, or him laying on couch every night while I did the dishes alone.

 

It's easy to "love" someone when you're just talking on skype and not living in the real world.

 

Would I change it? A few years ago, I totally would have not spent that time with him...but now, I look back and I see the lessons...and I'm okay with it. He's a good guy. Just...not my "the one".

 

 

 

 

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