Respond to my EX Gf's birthday wishes?

[Aeropro]

Hey all,

 

My ex and I broke up about three weeks ago. Basically, she strung me along until she found the next person to jump onto. Since I haven't been keeping tabs, I can only assume that they are either already in a relationship or seemingly about to be (my last convo with her consisted of her wishing ME the best of luck finding MY person and that she wished I would find a relationship soon... basically singeing my heart's hopes of her having any feelings left for me... as well as saying that the new guy wasn't expected, but she really likes him and wanted a relationship). I wished her the best of luck and our only contact was brief banter throughout last week (only a few texts).

 

During that last convo, I did mention that I was still expecting birthday wishes (this was to soften the mood and was said more or less as a joke... like 'Well, best of luck to you! I'm still expecting birthday wishes, though!!"... One of the last texts I sent her (five days ago) mentioned my last birthday where she took me to a concert and how awesome of a memory it was. She never responded to it.

 

However, she did (at 9:00pm...) send me the following text: "happy birthday! hope it was a good one!"

 

Now... my instinct is that she would have felt bad had she not wished me a happy birthday considering our "final" conversation where I mentioned I'd like her to wish me well. Given that she never responded to my previous text five days ago almost confirms that... but I don't know. I do want to keep hopes alive with her as I believe in true love and do believe that people have to truly lose someone to appreciate them sometimes. However, that doesn't mean I want to be a doormat and always respond to her when she texts me (although I honestly expect NOTHING from her whether I respond to the text or not). Should I even respond to her text? If I do, I will get no response. If I don't, I will get no response. If I do, I feel it would be respectful. If I don't, maybe she will realize that I truly am moving on and maybe this will spark a bit of curiosity down the road?

 

What do you guys think?

 

Thanks.

[Xylitol]

Don't hang onto misery. Just text tnx back, and hope you have a good day then forget about it. Its up to her to decide if she wants to come back, and its up to you to decide whether you want her back. (and check on std if you do -sigh-)

 

I was actually listen to the song of Billy Joel's honesty. It gave an extra impact while reading your post lol.

[abitbroken]

Don't answer. Who cares if she felt bad or not wishing/not wishing you a happy birthday. This is not about her perceived feelings. When you broke up, that was your final conversation as a couple. Don't string out the misery. It will show you have moved on if you don't answer.

[Aeropro]

From the standpoint of wanting to keep potential "getting back together" hopes alive, would it make more sense to respond "thanks" or, as I said, not respond as to build curiosity? I understand how not responding helps me with healing and honestly my gut is telling me to simply not respond, but I just wouldn't want my not responding to float around in her head when (if) the time comes and she wants to be with me again. Also, it is her birthday six weeks from now and I would feel morally obligated now to send her a bday text. But, then again, she is the one that ignored me, lied to me, promised me that she just needed space, and ended up jumping to another person while still TECHNICALLY dating me. I guess I was cursed at being a nice person - it sucks sometimes.

[appies]

From the standpoint of wanting to keep potential "getting back together" hopes alive, would it make more sense to respond "thanks" or, as I said, not respond as to build curiosity? I understand how not responding helps me with healing and honestly my gut is telling me to simply not respond, but I just wouldn't want my not responding to float around in her head when (if) the time comes and she wants to be with me again. Also, it is her birthday six weeks from now and I would feel morally obligated now to send her a bday text. But, then again, she is the one that ignored me, lied to me, promised me that she just needed space, and ended up jumping to another person while still TECHNICALLY dating me. I guess I was cursed at being a nice person - it sucks sometimes.

 

SO umm. why do you want to be with her? Don't answer, at this point she knows you want to talk to her. She will see through whatever your plans might be. Just have fun and enjoy your life.

[stuka80]

Why were you so nice to her to begin with after what she did to you?? Anyway, a quick "thank you" is all that's needed.

[treesandbees]

Because you asked her to send you something for your birthday in the form of wishes and she did as you wanted, send a - thank you for thinking of me on my birthday, take care.

[abitbroken]

From the standpoint of wanting to keep potential "getting back together" hopes alive, would it make more sense to respond "thanks" or, as I said, not respond as to build curiosity? I understand how not responding helps me with healing and honestly my gut is telling me to simply not respond, but I just wouldn't want my not responding to float around in her head when (if) the time comes and she wants to be with me again. Also, it is her birthday six weeks from now and I would feel morally obligated now to send her a bday text. But, then again, she is the one that ignored me, lied to me, promised me that she just needed space, and ended up jumping to another person while still TECHNICALLY dating me. I guess I was cursed at being a nice person - it sucks sometimes.

 

No. You need to go no contact to get over her. The old relationship and its problems will just repeat if you get back together now. I say especially "no" because you are already thinking about which response will get a better response from her - responding to show you are nice and want her or not and creating mystery.

 

usually when someone asks for space, they want to break up but are trying to let you down easy or are not sure what they want. I think it does not serve you to think about it sucking to be a nice person. its not that you are "too nice" - its that you have poor boundaries. If someone wants space - give it to them. Disappear. You are too good to waste your time on someone who is not sure about you. Don't be a doormat. You can be nice, caring and giving, but don't waste it. It is not caring to allow people to do whatever they want. You should be nice, caring, etc, in a relationship, but if they don't want to be with you and have one foot out the door, you don't shower caringness on them. You shouldn't be cruel, but just go away. There are other people who will have nothing to consider/no questions about being with you and won't need space.

[amipushy]

Seeing as her text was instigated by you then a short "Thanks " would suffice. (The wink would tell her than you understood why she sent it (because you asked her to) and would end everything on a good note. Then you really must leave her alone. Its over.

[Aeropro]

Hey guys. I am choosing not to respond. It will show her that I truly am moving on and, while it was a 'kind' gesture, it doesn't mend the things she shattered in our relationship. Also taking into account she ignored/delayed responding to our 'conversation' from the previous week (only Mon/Tue of last week)... and didn't even respond to the last text I sent her which was just a 'fond memory reminder' of my previous birthday which was prompted by her previous text about a new song she liked. The conversation was basically this:

 

Me: Hey, a band we both like released a new song. I think you'll like it! It's called . Have a good one!

Her: (18 hours later) I don't know what you're talking about. I youtubed it and it doesn't seem to be a thing.

Me: Want me to Email it to you?

Her: Sure.

Me: Emailed. I even recorded it on piano and posted it to 's twitter. Maybe I'll get a shout out?

Her: (24 hours later again) Good song. Yeah hopefully you get a shout out

Me: I wish they'd play near , though! Remember last year how only played three shows in the US and one of them ended up being ON my birthday IN ? Crazy odds! I remember you bought me the tiniest Monster Energy drink in the world for like $5.00, haha. Fun night!

 

Then she sends me the text on my Bday at 9:00pm. Knowing she ignored my previous text, I can tell she is sending a signal. "Oh, that WAS a fun memory, wasn't it? Of us. Together. Nope. Not responding to it because, if I do, it will send you mixed signals and I am truly done."

 

While her gesture was nice, again, it doesn't change her behavior and cruelty during the course of the last three months haha. I think, again, not responding sends a clear message that I am moving on and maybe, just maybe, that will speak volumes down the road if she wants to reconcile (maybe she'll truly think... wow... I really WAS a nasty person).

[Aeropro]

Perhaps against my better judgement I responded with "Thank you", just to be polite. I will not initiate anymore contact and feel as if, now, I truly will never hear from her again until, perhaps, her new relationship fizzles and she wants to reconcile. Life is crazy! I may return the favor in six weeks and simply send a "happy bday"... but other than that, she is no longer in the picture at all.

[zentoCC]

If you really want to move on stop contacting her. Also don't wait for ger relationship to fizzle out, do you really just want to spend your time hoping she'll come back to you? She's with somebody else now. There is no hope for reconciliation.

[Aeropro]

If you really want to move on stop contacting her. Also don't wait for ger relationship to fizzle out, do you really just want to spend your time hoping she'll come back to you? She's with somebody else now. There is no hope for reconciliation.

 

I definitely will not be contacting her. I claim NOW that I may contact her when her Bday rolls around, but six weeks is a long time. I will probably at that point not have any desire to (if I even remember). I'm not spending any time hoping she'll come back to me. Would I like there to be a chance down the road? Of course. However, I am not "waiting" for it. There is hope for reconciliation... I've seen it before on this very site. However, again, I am not hoping nor expecting it. I am moving on with my life and am assuming I will never hear from her again. Why would she? In fact, I've been the one who has initiated contact the last dozen times dating to two months ago now. She has no reason to... she has someone else to entertain her now with texts and attention. I am going to use the rest of September to get back on my feet and then move forward with getting a new place and starting a new chapter in life. It will be tough, but I have to start somewhere I suppose.

[abitbroken]

You are not together anymore. Don't wish her a happy birthday.

 

There is no hope for reconciliation when someone else is in a new relationship.

 

Do you really want to just be a guy she is with until something better comes along??