Dating after 40

[amila]

Does it become harder getting married,meeting someone serious once you are over 40? talking here mostly about women,since men always can find a woman up to 10 years younger

[hurtinheart]

,since men always can find a woman up to 10 years younger

 

We can?

 

Anyway, my last GF of 5.5 years was 13 years OLDER than myself. 45 and 58 at the break up. It was serious, but didn't work out.

[amila]

We can?

 

Anyway, my last GF of 5.5 years was 13 years OLDER than myself. 45 and 58 at the break up. It was serious, but didn't work out.

 

Yes sure you can,women can too but it is more common for men

 

Anyway,i was more interested in dating after 40

[t1lersm0m1]

People can find love at any age.

[mhowe]

Yup. Met the "love of my life" at age 49 and we have been together 5 years.

 

I was never married, he is divorced, no kids.

[Batya33]

I started dating my husband when I turned 39 - I did find it harder in my late 30s because I wanted to get married and try to have a child on my own. Had I not wanted a child I guess it would have been easier (i.e. because I could have dated men who did not want children or more children).

[Clinton]

My girlfriend was 48 when we met. I was 50. We've been together 4 years now and very happy. I will say it's not the age so much as trying to blend families. Now that's hard.

[mhowe]

My brother started dating his fiance 10 years ago ----- she was a widow with a teenage son. They will be married in Nov. He is 55 and she is 57.

[amila]

My brother started dating his fiance 10 years ago ----- she was a widow with a teenage son. They will be married in Nov. He is 55 and she is 57.

 

they have been dating 10 years now? so they were in their 40s then,or you mean they were in 50s 10 years ago

[mhowe]

Yes ---- they were in their 40's. Met through mutual friends.....he wasn't wanting to take on the last few years of her "teenager" leaving the nest.

Then ---- about 5 years in, she built a house closer to my brother ---- and then lost her job. Relocated out of state for a few years --- they commuted 4 hours on the weekends to see each other. She relocated back to area 2 years ago --- moved in. Her son was married this summer....they will marry in Nov.

[bulletproof]

Look around these boards. Some people have trouble dating at every age, and others don't. Some people have never dated in their lives. What it really comes down to is how you go about dating, how open you are to being with someone, what your daily life is like, etc. If you go into it thinking, It's so hard to date after 40! then that is probably how your experience will be.

[John John]

Does it become harder getting married,meeting someone serious once you are over 40? talking here mostly about women,since men always can find a woman up to 10 years younger

 

Not true. I see many womens' profiles specify that they won't date guys over a certain age. Granted, I personally prefer women around 28 through mid-30s (since they're usually at my advanced maturity level), but I've seen plenty of young 20s girls say "no guys over 28 please." LOL...at 30, I'm too old for them! I may as well be walking around waving a cane at these people O_o

 

Aside for reproductive purposes (which can be circumvented these days anyway), age ain't nothing but a number to me for the most part so long as she still looks good

[ParisPaulette]

I'm in my late 50s now. Never had a problem finding men to date at any age, but did have a problem my entire life finding someone I clicked with who was sane to date. And learning how to read red flags and establish boundaries, those are the things I had more trouble with and had to learn to pay attention to. I finally paid attention and am now with a great guy, because of it.

 

And not every guy out there wants a younger girl.

[Rosti87]

I think it depends on where you live. I think there are more options in larger metros than in smaller towns or traditional suburbs. Probably more variety in coastal cities than land locked.

[annie24]

Does it become harder getting married,meeting someone serious once you are over 40? talking here mostly about women,since men always can find a woman up to 10 years younger

 

What choice do you have really? You're getting older, no matter what.

 

The pros are that people in their 40s are likely more upfront about what they want and their goals (not so necessarily with 20 year olds). On the flip side, there are probably a lot less singles in the dating pool. With a lot more people who are "single for a reason."

[SoulTaker]

g

Does it become harder getting married,meeting someone serious once you are over 40? talking here mostly about women,since men always can find a woman up to 10 years younger

 

Really? In my area, it's the women who are looking for men up to 15 yrs younger. How many times have we seen a woman state that she looks 10 yrs younger than her age.

 

To answer your question, no matter the age, it depends on how much time and effort you place on dating. The more avenues you pursue, the better your chances.

[Sportster2005]

Does it become harder getting married,meeting someone serious once you are over 40? talking here mostly about women,since men always can find a woman up to 10 years younger

 

LOL yeah sure we can. I can't keep them away. Won't someone my age puhleaze date me. Sounds like someone's a bit bitter.

 

It is near impossible. Settle in and start collecting cats.

[rondynash]

They are people who date even after 40's and 50's so it is based on their interest on dating.

[Zippy2000]

Dating after 40 is harder and I m experiencing this now. Im 40 now but at 30 when I used to do online dating. I used to get a lotof messages but as I ve comeon and off interent dating and my age is going up.

 

I ve recognised there has been less messages and women`s age criteria on the site tend to gofor younger and more fit men.

 

My dating pool has shrunk significantly and one of the reasons I find is that at this age people are already married or are in relationships already.

[lisacolnett]

Yes sure you can,women can too but it is more common for men

 

Anyway,i was more interested in dating after 40

 

Why don't you find a right sugar daddy and start dating?

[East4]

 

On the flip side, there are probably a lot less singles in the dating pool. With a lot more people who are "single for a reason."

 

Not necessarily, the shrinking of the dating pool depending on age variable is a non liner function. In the general case, men marry in late twenties, or in their thirties and normally after a decade, in their early 40s until mid 50s, half of them divorce and are back into the dating pool. In a nutshell the dating market shrinks for women in late 20s and 30s, but it expands back to generous abundance in 40s and 50s. I would say that the 40s are the new 20s, lol

 

Love that age, also for another reason: when a man divorces after a decade of marriage and kids experience, he's already passed through extensive relationship "training", so to say. No need for me to teach him how women work and how sharing things (good and bad) and pleasing a woman is important for his own benefit. In comparison young men (20s) are rather selfish and looking forward to quick gratification, unwilling to see relationship as a team space where they have to learn to compromise with the girl. Also young men display much more often that 40s and 50s veterans the "kid in candy shop" mentality - problems with exclusivity, running away at the sign of first relationship problems, etc. Of course all of the above mentioned benefits of dating a mature man (40s, 50s, 60s) apply if the previous marriage hasn't been too dysfunctional, and the man could keep his normality intact. Unfortunately if the marriage and the divorce were too bad, the man ends up with heavy a baggage and it is such a pity to see otherwise great men sabotage new potentials by not having addressed baggage in therapy. I personally love divorced men, whose marriage ended due to spouses simply drifting away and after kids left to college, nothing was there to keep the spouses married. These are the best males to date-they are not bitter, because the marriage/divorce didn't scar them bad, they are experienced, team players, still young and full of zest for life, considerate of the woman's preferences. My boyfriend is one of these happily divorced men, and I cannot say it loud enough how amazing of a partner he is. A younger man can't hold a candle to him.

 

So embrace the 40s and 50s dating, because these are the sweetest times to date.

[Sportster2005]

I find various patterns in women over 40/50.

 

The woman that jumps from a marriage or LRT right into another one. They may hop from LTR to LTR until they finally settle. These women are never single. The moment they are single they hop on POF/Match and are in a relationship in a relatively short time. These women seem happy once they finally land on their feet.

 

The second pattern is the woman who dates and dates and dates. Never finds her match and just gets bitter. They will eventually give up. They may not get bitter, they just might get a little frustrated before settling into complacency.

 

The third is the woman who is indifferent to men and relationships. Has never been married or in any LTR and likely will never be.

 

The woman who has been too busy raising kids. Then when the kids leave the nest they jump right in. They generally don't want to have anything at all with men who have kids. Even if they only have them on the weekend.

 

The woman who dates and successfully finds a mutual match.

 

These are some of themes I see permeate through the dating world. There's 100s of shades and subtleties in between. And the types crossover and overlap.

 

I do not and will not comment on the appropriateness of the above. We are all different, have different backgrounds and histories. Live and let live.

 

I can't speak for men. I can speak for me. I'm probably the one that dated and dated and now I'm resigned and complacent with a pinch of melancholy. I went through a stage of frustration before acceptance. The sad part is I won't give anyone a chance or the time of day now. I closed my Match account over a month ago. I was being approached by fantastic, attractive women that I suspect a lot of men my age would die to date. But I just couldn't be bothered returning emails/flirts/favorites etc. It's hard to explain. I love women. I love their company. I love sex. I love spending time with them. But the idea of going on a date makes me want to gouge out my eyes. I'm done I guess. Complacent bordering on indifference. And sadly I'm O.K. with that. I'm simply a single no longer interested in dating or relationships.

[John John]

Hey man - I can totally relate to your sentiments. After my breakup, I dated and dated and dated, but after a while...I got so burnt out to the point where I haven't been on a "legit date" (non-FWB - I love sex too and can't give that up lol) in close to a year (around last Christmas). I remember after that time, I was still getting emails from attractive women, but I just didn't have it in me to go through the (at that point, for me) zombie-like motions of emailing, then phone call (since my rule is to skip texting to impress them and stand out more), then the first date, follow up, etc. I'm slowly starting to get somewhat excited about it all again, but I need to resolve an issue within me first. Once I do that, I know I'll be fine...so perhaps my big picture is different than yours. But I know how you feel. Dating is exhausting (and expen$ive) after a while.

 

I'm not sure what's going on, because you strike me as super intelligent, cool, wise, you have a bit of an "edge" (which we know is a requirement for men, can't be "too nice"), totally someone I would get a beer or ten with. Hang in there bro...who knows, maybe you'll meet someone awesome now that you're not really looking!

 

As for me...online dating was very kind to me...but I've started to notice a pattern. Some of the most attractive women in NYC (some that I've messaged and never heard back from, or who I had one date with) are still on the same online sights, a year and a half later (I've been on and off them). I think it just goes to show that online dating in general is making people ultra picky. Perhaps I'm that way too, to a certain extent. But I can't live my life as a serial dater...I want to eventually be married and done with this crap. Sometimes I think that online dating has done more harm than good.

[Batya33]

I don't think OLD triggers pickiness it's just that it's more in our faces when we see the same faces on line - pre-on line dating the people who were more selective simply showed up at every single singles event, singles retreat, etc but since it wasn't on a computer screen it didn't register in the same way.

[John John]

I don't think OLD triggers pickiness it's just that it's more in our faces when we see the same faces on line - pre-on line dating the people who were more selective simply showed up at every single singles event, singles retreat, etc but since it wasn't on a computer screen it didn't register in the same way.

 

Not sure I agree with this. I think online dating has made it easier to meet more people than ever (especialy if you're at least decently attractive)...you may have an enjoyable date with someone, but if you don't feel "butterflies" youre checking your online accounts in the taxi cab right as you left the mediocre date (when you might have given that person another chance if you weren't able to just turn on your iPhone and get another date).