End of my rope

[Mary McGee]

My fiancee and I moved in together in March. I already had two beautiful four-legged daughters (8 and 3), but we decided we would get one that would be ours. Please don't lecture me on pets not preparing you for kids or that this was just a bad idea to begin with. It gets better.

 

We looked and found a rescue dog that met our wants and began the adoption process. We waited and waited and by the time she was ready to come home, unbeknownst to us, we had already started our own family. Choosing to adopt was not a bad idea. Had she become available about two weeks later, we probably would have decided against doing so though. From the second we brought her into the house Cupcake (my youngest) became...clingy. Sandy (eldest) was just relieved not to be pestered into playing anymore. Neither one of them wants to jump onto the couch anymore. They want to be picked up and they know that mommy will do it if it keeps her out of jail for drowning puppies. (sorry, been a long day and it took me forever to find this forum) This behavior annoys me but I can deal because I'm used to these two.

 

The rescue (Asia) is the tipping point. I will let that dog out and wait for her to pee. I have tried praise, treats, more praise. She knows it is good to go outside. I can't seem to get through to her not to go inside. Supposedly they rescued her litter from an animal hoarder. Regardless, if they got her at three weeks like they are saying, then they had a few MONTHS to teach her to at least not go where she sleeps. This dog will go into her crate to poop when she isn't doing it by the door (she knows she is supposed to go outside she just won't tell us and a schedule doesn't seem to help) so crate training is really just a way for me to avoid the millions of wet land mines she lays down every single day. Today I scared myself. Usually if I catch her peeing I pick her up and say "poopies and potties go outside" all the way to the back door and I put her outside. Today I went to get something out of the fridge and realized she had peed A) by the fridge door B) less than a foot away on the edge of the potty pad we have by the door just enough on it to say she went on it but most of it was underneath the pad and C) she peed again while I was cleaning up the first two. Keep in mind I had cleaned the kitchen half an hour before so all of these things were fresh. She was behind me looking rather ashamed (not enough to not have done it of course) and when I had stepped backwards into the last of the pee I guess all of the frustration from the last month just kind of boiled over and I either screamed or shouted. I picked her up, tossed her outside (not hard, but not soft either. I'm not proud of this) and proceeded to clean it up. When I opened the door she was digging! I yelled at her to come in so that I could put cayenne pepper down and when I was done I needed to cry and go to the bathroom, not necessarily in that order. I turned the corner to go into the bathroom and she and Cupcake were doing...I don't even know but while trying to avoid falling I stepped on Asia and she yelped. Normally when I step on her I pick her up and apologize and snuggle the crap out of her. Today I picked her up and it took everything I had in me not to harm her.

 

Between the baby and the (what was supposed to be a simple civil but turned into a big thing because according to his mom "my son deserves better" and I guess that means whether we can afford it or not) wedding, and the fact that Asia has had one medical problem after another since we brought her home AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

 

I saw my therapist today for the first time in three weeks and this is the second session in a row that we have spent with me agonizing over what to do with this dog! That is 64 bucks in addition to all of her medical stuff and shots and the spay in a month! I have never thought giving up a dog you agreed to take care of just because you get pregnant is the right thing to do, but I get it. I've told my fiancee that after the wedding I will reassess my feelings but there has been no improvement. She does the same thing over and over and the only thing I can think of is the fact that my parents beat the crap out of their dogs while potty training and they are trained and seem pretty happy.

 

If you know you cannot handle something and you are growing a living being inside of you and are walking around half-cocked and angry 24/7 and can eliminate the thing that is causing all of this in an effort to maintain sanity and not lose the baby inside of you...is it wrong?

[Seraphim]

Ummmmm I would never recommend beating the crap out of an animal to teach it anything. Not saying you did that, but I don't think your parents have the right idea there.

But I don't think throwing an animal is very restrained either. If I saw that I would report it.

If you are getting to the point that you're going to harm the dog it is time to give her up. If you can't have the patience right now don't torture her and don't torture yourself. The rescue will find someone who can handle her issues.

[Flyer79]

DO you have a secure yard? Then leave the dog outside. Animals are meant to live out in the elements. If it is all too much then yeah re-home the animal. It's a no brainer really.

[DancingFool]

The dog clearly needs special handling, extensive additional training and someone with experience on how to manage all that which you clearly don't have. Please return it to the shelter that you adopted it from and let them take care of it by providing it with additional training and adopting it out to someone with a more suitable environment and level of experience for this dog. You are not doing the dog any favors here by keeping her as is. Frankly, the shelter was also fairly irresponsible to adopt out the dog prematurely. The dog was clearly not anywhere near ready for that and certainly not a good fit for your household.

 

There is also a lesson here for you for the future. Animals are not like people. They don't accept new additions to the pack easily or at all. They are not babies, they are not things for you to share as "ours". Introducing a new dog when you already have dogs can be quite difficult and a long process that requires a lot of correct supervision. I'd say don't do it again or IF you ever do, then be sure you actually work with a very good and experienced trainer so you learn how to manage things correctly all around.

 

As for this dog, please do her a favor and take her back. When you've reached a level of frustration where you can barely stop yourself from harming the dog, it's time to part ways. It's not working for either one of you and the dog IS suffering and just getting further traumatized by that. The dog can very much sense your anger and intent even if you don't quite carry it out. The poor thing has already had a rough life and deserves better.

[ParisPaulette]

The wrong thing to do here is keep this poor dog unless you either get her professional training with someone who specializes in abandoned/neglected/abused animals and/or let someone take her who can help her work through the issues you describe. I would start by contacting the shelter and as much as I hate to say it you need to describe to them what is going on, refuse to listen if they downplay the issues, and either take her back or find another shelter with a good reputation for helping animals. I say that, because I'd be reluctant to take her back to the shelter you got her from since she should not have been adopted out yet given what you're describing sounds like trauma, not simple "this doggie misbehaves occasionally" type behavior that is easily corrected. For one thing, if she was with a hoarder she's probably used to going wherever and whenever she can and it sounds like she hasn't yet fully learned and herself accepted that she is okay if she asks to be let out. She may even have been beaten for doing so, or so ignored that in turn she's learned to tune people out.

 

I'm sorry, but this doggies needs a whole lot of love and serious retraining and assurance and more love. And a professional trainer who knows how to deal with an abused/neglected dog would be a very good first step. I rescue stray and abandoned dogs from time to time that show up on my property, cats too and I have a vet and trainer on speed dial, work with the animals as much as I can and get them to one of several no-kill shelters I do work with. And I can tell you that what you're describing is not an impossible problem to fix, but it's going to take time and energy and love, love, love and someone who knows what they're doing. Hitting or scolding the dog will not do anything, but add more trauma to her and the one thing you can't do with an abused animal is be rough or physical with them.

[bulletproof]

Today I went to get something out of the fridge and realized she had peed A) by the fridge door B) less than a foot away on the edge of the potty pad we have by the door just enough on it to say she went on it but most of it was underneath the pad and C) she peed again while I was cleaning up the first two. Keep in mind I had cleaned the kitchen half an hour before so all of these things were fresh. She was behind me looking rather ashamed (not enough to not have done it of course) and when I had stepped backwards into the last of the pee I guess all of the frustration from the last month just kind of boiled over and I either screamed or shouted.

 

You're attributing human feelings/thoughts/actions to the dog. The dog is just a dog. Saying "she had peed...just enough on it to say she went on it" seems kind of crazy. The dog isn't doing this on purpose to irk you.

 

Re-home the dog, and perhaps stop humanizing your animals so much (four-legged daughters). I get that people think of their pets as children, but you seem to really view them as human, complete with agendas, which clearly they are not.

[catfeeder]

Seek advice from the shelter people and ask for a referral to a trainer who can help you.

 

This dog has special needs, and if you find yourself turning abusive toward the animal, I doubt you'll be able to forgive yourself. Seek the expert help you need.

[Snny]

This dog will go into her crate to poop when she isn't doing it by the door

Your crate is too big. If it's too big then she will crap in it- but not with a smaller one.

 

B) less than a foot away on the edge of the potty pad we have by the door just enough on it to say she went on it but most of it was underneath the pad

Get rid of those pads. They confuse and train dogs to go inside the house. They are the worst potty training tool to have.

 

C) she peed again while I was cleaning up the first two.

If a dog urinates in your house, you need to walk her immediately because she needs to go. Don't stop and clean it up while she is roaming the house. If you cannot supervise the dog at all, she needs to go in the crate. That fault is on you.

 

She was behind me looking rather ashamed (not enough to not have done it of course) and when I had stepped backwards into the last of the pee I guess all of the frustration from the last month just kind of boiled over and I either screamed or shouted. I picked her up, tossed her outside (not hard, but not soft either. I'm not proud of this) and proceeded to clean it up. When I opened the door she was digging!

You are not supervising the dog. You said she was a puppy, and puppies require a LOT of supervision. The fault is still on you.

 

Between the baby and the (what was supposed to be a simple civil but turned into a big thing because according to his mom "my son deserves better" and I guess that means whether we can afford it or not) wedding, and the fact that Asia has had one medical problem after another

Wait... you have three dogs on top of a newborn baby? Sounds like you cannot direct all your attention/supervision and perhaps have too many dogs than you can properly care for.

 

I saw my therapist today for the first time in three weeks and this is the second session in a row that we have spent with me agonizing over what to do with this dog! That is 64 bucks in addition to all of her medical stuff and shots and the spay in a month! I have never thought giving up a dog you agreed to take care of just because you get pregnant is the right thing to do, but I get it.

If you are this stressed out about raising a third dog, then the dog needs to be given to a family who can dedicate their full attention to her. By keeping her, you doing a disservice for this animal. You have a lot on your plate as it and going out to get a puppy on top of having two other dogs is a mistake for your lifestyle right now.

 

She does the same thing over and over and the only thing I can think of is the fact that my parents beat the crap out of their dogs while potty training and they are trained and seem pretty happy.

If I ever did this to my dog, he would hold his ground and viciously attack me to defend himself- he is 5x smaller than me and has even attacked an aggressive dog before. Your dog could easily do the same. Never, ever put yourself or an animal in this position, especially if they originally came from an abusive home. You have no idea if this dog will defend itself.

[Natasha24]

....Wow.

 

I'm not trying to be dramatic here. I've worked in shelters and vet clinics for the past 5 years. I've adopted my share of dogs and small mammals. My dog still poops and pees on the floor while I'm at work. I understand that it's frustrating, but I have never reacted in this way.

 

Does it really take that long to clean up pee and poop? Unless you're trying to sanitize your whole house, it takes like 10 minutes at most.

 

Anyone who "tosses" a dog outside, or needs to restrain themselves from beating a dog, or thinks their parents were doing a good job of training their pets by beating them .. is not the type of person who should have dogs.

 

I think you need to re-evaluate your whole situation here..