"Odd" Statements by Bride's Parents at Longtime Female Friend's Wedding

[wildlife97]

I am going to try to make this as short as possible.

 

My longtime female friend got married over Labor Day weekend. We became friends in 9th grade, for me it was always a crush/attraction thing as well as being friends, she is simply awesome. For a few years for her it was simply friends, but I have since learned that she also had feelings for me, I just never picked up the signals. She moved to a different state with her now husband about 4 years ago and obviously our relationship started to degrade since we were far apart. Even when we lived in the same area we would hangout several times a week, she would call me nearly everyday even when she had a boyfriend, etc. I was truly her only male bestfriend. Here we are 25 and she walked down the aisle Saturday.

 

This past weekend was the first time I had seen her parents in about 4 years and some of the statements by her parents (mainly her dad) just really got to me. I knew they probably thought the things but I guess it just got to my head with them actually verabalizing it. Here are some of the statements:

 

-"You will always be like a son to us"

-"We are both so proud of you" (regarding what I have done in my professional life)

-"When she was out with you I always knew she was safe"

-"I always thought you two would end up together"

-"We love you"

 

Like I said, I figured they had those thoughts in their head, it was just weird to actually hear it, and especially at the actual wedding, it's not like I randomly ran into them and they told me.

 

The "I always thought you two would end up together" and "We love you" were probably the two hardest things to hear. Probably obvious the first statement. But the "love you" comment was hard because even my own father has never said that, he obviously loves me but is very much the macho, I'm a man, don't express feelings type. So I guess it was just a holy crap her dad told me that they love me thing.

 

Has anyone else experienced this? Any comments?

[Snny]

So how intoxicated were they when those last two lines were said? As painful as it was, I would dismiss it as drunken rambling and move on. I agree saying those statements are seriously inappropriate at a wedding.

 

Other than that there is nothing you can really do. I definitely wouldn't suggest mentioning them to the bride!

[wildlife97]

So how intoxicated were they when those last two lines were said? As painful as it was, I would dismiss it as drunken rambling and move on. I agree saying those statements are seriously inappropriate at a wedding.

 

Other than that there is nothing you can really do. I definitely wouldn't suggest mentioning them to the bride!

 

Had they been drinking? Yes, of course it was their daughter's wedding. Were they plastered? No, in fact I've seen them a lot worse.

 

I am definitely not going to say anything to her. She knows they already think the world of me (her words) and I'll just leave it at that.

[CatsMeeoow]

The two of you were close... grew up together... I have a close female friend who I've grown up with - adore her. Her parents are always thoughtful and kind to me and always ask about me. Once when in college and heading home I had a minor car accident. I couldn't reach my own parents so I called hers - they were thrilled that I would reach out to them when I was in such a pickle. I was so lucky that they did.

 

 

I think you need to accept that they think very highly of you. That's it. Sure maybe they had once thought that the two of you would get married but parents know its not up to them to pick their children's spouses. My son is in 7th grade and I adore the one female friend he has. She's absolutely wonderful. They will probably only ever be close friends... but a mom can hope! And, he is just in 7th grade... lol.

 

If you truly care about your friend don't make this more than it is and be supportive of her new relationship.

[Batya33]

Yes I experienced similar. It's just words. Remember they showed up to their daughter's wedding. Showing up is 80% when you want to show support. And I bet they're far over the 80% mark in their happiness for their daughter. I think they went overboard but were trying to make you feel good about yourself during a presumably tough time.

[DancingFool]

I'd take it with a huge grain of salt. Their daughter's wedding is an emotional moment for the parents, add in a little booze to that and you can have all kinds of things coming out that shouldn't be said.

 

Ultimately, of course they like you a lot. They've known you since you were a kid, so it's only natural that to some extent they feel bonded with you. It would be weird if they didn't after so many years. The idea of childhood friends marrying is a very romantic one, but typically that's all it is. Their daughter married someone else and life goes on in a different direction. No doubt they are also excited about her husband and the prospect of grandchildren in the near future. That doesn't mean that they won't always have a soft spot for you on a personal level.

[abitbroken]

Of course they can love you. You have been a friend of the family for years and years.

[Iggles]

-"You will always be like a son to us"

-"We are both so proud of you" (regarding what I have done in my professional life)

-"When she was out with you I always knew she was safe"

-"I always thought you two would end up together"

-"We love you"

 

I think this is pretty disrespectful to their new son-in-law. You know, the man who actually married their daughter?

 

It's her wedding and they're acting like belated matchmakers, wistful that their preferred match didn't happen. It's messed up and hurtful. Kinder all around for them to keep those thoughts to themselves and it's hella awkward for you, OP, making you think on what could have been when she has just committed herself to another man for life.

 

Not cool, in my opinion. It's good you don't plan to tell the bride what was said. They planted a seed but don't let it grow. She is married and it's inappropriate for that line of thinking to be presented to you.

[laninaperdida]

We all say things like that.

It feels like what we're supposed to say.

It's an easy conversation.

They're not going to be like, "why are you even here?"

I wouldn't give it a second thought

[Fudgie]

It doesn't really matter if there is more to their words or not. To be honest, I think there probably is. You two were good friends and known each other for a long time and maybe deep down, they felt that you two would be a good match. Maybe, just maybe, they would have preferred you to marry her over her fiance. Yes, parents have thoughts like these.

 

Anyway, my point is, regardless of what they are feeling/meant, it doesn't matter. She is married now and that's the path she chose.

 

BTW, my father once dated a woman decades ago, didn't date that long though, were friends again, and she ended up engaged to someone else but her parents LOVED my father. He was invited to the wedding and the mother gushed to my dad the whole time saying "Oh I wish she were marrying you..!!" So yeah, it does happen. Parents do have those thoughts and sometimes they don't always keep them under wraps. Of course, it didn't change what happened with this woman. She got married to that guy and my dad ultimately married my mom and is still with her.

 

Just realize that it doesn't really matter, whatever they meant.

[Snny]

Had they been drinking? Yes, of course it was their daughter's wedding. Were they plastered? No, in fact I've seen them a lot worse.

 

I am definitely not going to say anything to her. She knows they already think the world of me (her words) and I'll just leave it at that.

Yep, that explains everything. Don't entertain this idea then.

[wildlife97]

I know it doesn't really matter since obviously she is married now. I just wanted to get other's opinions on the matter. Just thought it was weird they would say all of that at the actual wedding...