My boyfriend was doing porn while we were together.

[Destry Ann]

I was with my boyfriend for over a year and we just broke up a week ago. He told me he was doing porn behind my back for the past 6 months of our relationship (threw it viciously in my face and showed me the links.) This was someone I trusted and thought loved me very much. He was cheating on me constantly and I had no idea. I made the mistake of watching some of the clips and I'm truly disturbed. The type of porn he does is disgusting and makes me sick to my stomach. Gangbangs, bondage, humiliation, anal, etc... just extremely perverse stuff. I had a panic attack when I saw. I have been traumatized the past week and really need someone to give me some words of encouragement. He is a monster and I didn't expect this at all. I'm not dumb either. It doesn't even feel like real life. He is trying everything in his power to murder me emotionally and I have shut him out of my life completely. I just need to know, that someone out there understands and can confirm that this man is sick. We just got back from a vaction in Hawaii, he was so sweet to me, we were bestfriends. I cannot believe this was happening and he has changed into an evil person trying to hurt me beyond belief (it's overkill.) I didn't deserve any of this. Someone please just say something to me... I'm damaged from this and devastated as you could imagine.

[laninaperdida]

We're you together for 6 months total or was this going on for th last 6 months of your relationship?

Sorry, I was a little confused!

[newgirlhere]

Out of curiosity, what prompted him to show this to you? You said he threw it in your face and showed you the links - were you in a fight of some kind?

 

No matter what, of course you don't deserve this. No one 'deserves' anything in life, and life will throw you things like this for many reasons. It is very hard but you will survive. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong here - it's good that you know this about him and that you are free of him. I wouldn't ask others to validate your opinion of him being wrong -- that won't help you heal. What matters more is that you recognize that he is wrong FOR YOU, and that you are going to find a way to get over this. Thank goodness you found this out now.

[Destry Ann]

one year total

[Destry Ann]

I broke up with him because I had received a message from this girl who asked me if we were together. I said yes and asked who she was. Apparently he had been talking to her, and seeing her behind my back. I confronted him and ended it immediately. I was so hurt and ANGRY I told him "oh well I was cheating on you TOO!" and in response he came back with "Well I've been doing porn, here are all the links!" I was loyal the whole relationship...

[IAmFCA]

Porn is not the issue here.

[lukeb]

Porn is not the issue here.

 

Yes I'm actually trying to figure out what the issue is, apparently you seem far less concerned about him "seeing" (whatever that means) this girl than the fact than he looked at some porn?

[misssmithviii]

Yes I'm actually trying to figure out what the issue is, apparently you seem far less concerned about him "seeing" (whatever that means) this girl that the fact than he looked at some porn?

 

Her ex bf DID porn. As in was involved in the porn while the OP and him were together.

[Destry Ann]

Of course I WAS concerned about the girl who messaged me. That's why I broke up with him. Then the porn was thrown in my face after I dumped him. Seeing my boyfriend all over the internet dressed in leather chaps, chains, and collars is a little more shocking than the first incident. (A new film every month) and even a few days before I broke up with him. I am traumatized. Why am I being attacked or criticized here? Seriously.

[Destry Ann]

HE WAS IN PORN, not "looking" at it. Actually performing in the porns.

[Longview01]

Yes I'm actually trying to figure out what the issue is, apparently you seem far less concerned about him "seeing" (whatever that means) this girl than the fact than he looked at some porn?

 

Did you even read the OP?

[lukeb]

I wasn't attacking or criticizing, I was trying to figure out what the issue was. Yes I'm sorry to hear you are going through a break up, they are rough. You weren't together for that long, but long enough to begin to imagine a life together, you will find that many on here including me have gone through break ups and been able to move on. From my perspective I don't think he is a monster or sick at all for doing those things, but he was dishonest with you and you do deserve at least honesty. It is pretty clear that despite his infidelities the two of you are clearly incompatible and have totally different ideas around sex and sexuality.

 

I wish you well, I'm glad to hear you didn't make any babies with this guy, that is one thing to be happy about.

[SooSad33]

I broke up with him because I had received a message from this girl who asked me if we were together. I said yes and asked who she was. Apparently he had been talking to her, and seeing her behind my back. I confronted him and ended it immediately. I was so hurt and ANGRY I told him "oh well I was cheating on you TOO!" and in response he came back with "Well I've been doing porn, here are all the links!" I was loyal the whole relationship...

 

First of all, NOT a good idea to act that vengeful with your response being how YOU were cheating on him too.

That so often, doesn't work out well.

And as for that stuff on porn? So many people watch that crap. It's all out there.

That is just the kind of guy he was.

I had one Ex into porn similar to this and had a hidden interest female

Another Ex had numerous Playboy mag's. Again something of his choice. I had to either accept .. or not.

 

Doesn't mean it makes them 'evil' or anything... unless they're completely involved in that and less interested in their partner.

 

BUT, as for messing around with another woman? Yes, that's where I would draw the line.. and I did..

[abitbroken]

First of all, NOT a good idea to act that vengeful with your response being how YOU were cheating on him too.

That so often, doesn't work out well.

And as for that stuff on porn? So many people watch that crap. It's all out there.

That is just the kind of guy he was.

I had one Ex into porn similar to this and had a hidden interest female

Another Ex had numerous Playboy mag's. Again something of his choice. I had to either accept .. or not.

 

Doesn't mean it makes them 'evil' or anything... unless they're completely involved in that and less interested in their partner.

 

BUT, as for messing around with another woman? Yes, that's where I would draw the line.. and I did..

 

Well..BEING in porn is different than WATCHING porn. I think she means he was in porn videos or on the internet. So yes, BEING in porn while they are together is way bigger than the other woman, although both are horrendous.

 

Please get yourself tested for STDs and DO NOT talk to him ever again

[itsallgrand]

You are in shock. Please be extra kind to yourself. Take things easy. Do some extra nice things for yourself. Be around people who you trust and feel warm around. Can laugh with. Can let it all loose with.

 

That is a really big thing to hide from someone - being in porn! He betrayed your trust. I'm really really sorry you are going through this right now.

 

With time, you will regain your balance again. And feel back to yourself. But of course, to have someone you have spent a year with and trusted and felt like your best friend, turn around and tell you and to see with your own eyes that he is someone else completely from who you thought...of course you feel scared and angry and sad and not quite knowing HOW to feel right now. Most people would feel the same way!!

[Binoo]

This sounds like a very similar relationship I was in years ago. People like this tend to ultimately alienate themselves from the important relationships in their lives in favour of things like meaningless sex or money etc. By the time they realize how much they've screwed up it'll be too late and you and anyone else they've hurt that's cared about them will have moved on.

[Longview01]

I was trying to figure out what the issue was

 

what....if you had read the OP you would of known her Boyfriend was making porn behind her back....i'd say that's a pretty clear indication of what the problem is lol

 

Also why don't people in this thread know the difference between watching porn and making porn??

[greywolf]

Of course I WAS concerned about the girl who messaged me. That's why I broke up with him. Then the porn was thrown in my face after I dumped him. Seeing my boyfriend all over the internet dressed in leather chaps, chains, and collars is a little more shocking than the first incident. (A new film every month) and even a few days before I broke up with him. I am traumatized. Why am I being attacked or criticized here? Seriously.

 

I'm going to take a guess and say that it it might be because you said this:

The type of porn he does is disgusting and makes me sick to my stomach. Gangbangs, bondage, humiliation, anal, etc... just extremely perverse stuff.

 

It's something I would take offense to if it was coming from someone who wasn't hurting as much as you are.

 

As for your boyfriend, he's an ass. I think the reason why he's trying to be very hurtful towards you ("overkill" as you said) is because you lied to him about cheating on him, so he's upset.

[IAmFCA]

I did not connect that "doing porn" = making porn.

 

Huge issue.

 

I am sorry this happened to you. How is your health? That would be an immediate concern.

 

I am so sorry

[journeynow]

what....if you had read the OP you would of known her Boyfriend was making porn behind her back....i'd say that's a pretty clear indication of what the problem is lol

 

Also why don't people in this thread know the difference between watching porn and making porn??

 

I have to say, I misunderstood at first, too. The OP said her boyfriend was "doing" porn, which could be taken either way, "watching" or "making", and it didn't occur to me she meant "making" until further down the thread. Yep, that would be a shocker to find out about the person you'd been seeing.

 

Destry, hang in there, take care of yourself, and be sure to get tested.

[journeynow]

I'm going to take a guess and say that it it might be because you said this

 

I think it's because they thought she was so upset he was watching porn, not realizing she's upset because he was IN porn. Huge difference, different scenario to understand.

[chitown9]

It is called "one upmanship." He cheated on you, you told him that you cheated on him, then he topped it with that he was in porn. That is why he told you. Now the question is, what are you going to do about it? You broke up with him, now you just need to stick to your guns. Also, count your blessings that you did not marry or have children with this person... chi

[Destry Ann]

You're definitely right. Although I shouldn't have told him I was cheating also, I'm glad I did because it got him to tell me his other big secret. And yes I am so thankful I didn't marry or a baby with him.

[lerenard]

It is great you found out and broke up with him. He was living a double life for the most part of your relationship.

I would go check myself for STD, because if he was doing porn, especially hard core one, you never know. So take care of yourself!

This guy is basically a sl*t.

[Doofus]

How do you know that the porn was made while you two were together? I know he told you it was, but he might have just said that because you told him (truthfully?) that you had cheated on him. I would agree that even if he made those before he knew you he should have told you, but maybe it's not as bad as you think.