blueidealist24 Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I just wanted to add that not wanting to display a relationship status on facebook could be an indication of being embarrassed to have a certain significant other. You should want to show your partner off to the world, not hide them. Of course, the partner who doesn't want to show it might not be embarrassed about their partner, but it makes that a strong possibility. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 i never put my relationship status up and neither did my gf..it says were both in a relationship but not with who but if you ask we will both will say...idc who knows..the important people in my life know and thats all that matters Link to comment
Flyer79 Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Perhaps he has second thoughts about the relationship or isn't feeling like it will last. Sorry that is just how my recent ex saw it and guess what we are no longer together. Talk to him about it. Link to comment
Theniceone Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 You do not trust him as evidenced by your prior thread. The issue is not Facebook. You are trying to get some assurance that he his feelings are true and he is not trying to con you for a green card. I would walk away if i were you..not because of his actions but the general feeling of distrust you have towards him is no ground for a solid relationship. Link to comment
panther Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 he said first he never did it before ,he is embaresed to remove it as we have had many fights recently,and it could end, and he would have to remove it,but if he is willing to give it a try still after the fights,then there is no reason to be negative towards it, i think That is exactly a reason why I wouldn't want it either. My relationship with my boyfriend is known by everyone, we hide nothing, that is enough for me. But yet I would not want to put it online because I would hate to have to remove it if we broke up and eveyone would be asking me questions and I would probably not want to talk about it everytime someone asked me about it. If he is not hiding you from friends and everyone else, I woudn't worry about it. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I'm in a serious relationship and I know my boyfriend loves me very much and yet I'm 99% sure he would never put me in a relationship status. Which is fine because I wouldn't either. And I'm turning 27 next month. Relationship statuses are not the norm in my group of friends. Pretty much only my friends who are engaged or married have them. There is not a single picture of my boyfriend and me together either (on FBI). Amila, you just don't trust this guy. I thought you'd met someone else. I think you should end things with him because I don't think you will ever trust him. Link to comment
faraday Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 So I just read through a few prior threads...amila, you broke up with him less than 2 weeks ago. You deleted him from fb a little more than 3 weeks ago.... This is so much more than fb...this relationship is extremely dysfunctional. Amila, he could change his fb relationship status..but it won't change ANYTHING for you two. Relationships are build on trust, honest, good communication and respect...all of which seem to be lacking from this union. I hope you realise that this isn't about fb...that this relationship is broken. It shouldn't be this hard 3 months in (your thread 9 days ago said 3 months...so Idk how long you've been in this)...it shouldn't be this hard a year in. It only gets harder from this point...and you guys are already fighting like crazy. It might be time to let him go. Link to comment
jenbrooks Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 The fact that she's here wondering about a fb status and using fb as a way to demonstrate relationship security already tells you the relationship is going downhill. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 So I just read through a few prior threads...amila, you broke up with him less than 2 weeks ago. You deleted him from fb a little more than 3 weeks ago.... This is so much more than fb...this relationship is extremely dysfunctional. Amila, he could change his fb relationship status..but it won't change ANYTHING for you two. Relationships are build on trust, honest, good communication and respect...all of which seem to be lacking from this union. I hope you realise that this isn't about fb...that this relationship is broken. It shouldn't be this hard 3 months in (your thread 9 days ago said 3 months...so Idk how long you've been in this)...it shouldn't be this hard a year in. It only gets harder from this point...and you guys are already fighting like crazy. It might be time to let him go. Well, if you've been on again and off again then it's no wonder that he doesn't want to say he's in a relationship with you. I wouldn't want my relationship status to be advertised as being as up and down as a toilet seat either. Perhaps if you can make it through to the first year mark without any drama he'd re-consider???? Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 So I just read through a few prior threads...amila, you broke up with him less than 2 weeks ago. You deleted him from fb a little more than 3 weeks ago.... This is so much more than fb...this relationship is extremely dysfunctional. Amila, he could change his fb relationship status..but it won't change ANYTHING for you two. Relationships are build on trust, honest, good communication and respect...all of which seem to be lacking from this union. I hope you realise that this isn't about fb...that this relationship is broken. It shouldn't be this hard 3 months in (your thread 9 days ago said 3 months...so Idk how long you've been in this)...it shouldn't be this hard a year in. It only gets harder from this point...and you guys are already fighting like crazy. It might be time to let him go. agreed, your past threads are confusing and don't add up....if this is the guy you deleted from FB, i can totally understand him, if this is the guy from two threads ago it has only been three months, not 6, you also mentioned on august 12 that you would be travelling and therefore not able to see him for three months, are you travelling now? it is also long-distance, have you guys even ever met? or is it all online and skype? there was also another guy on holiday who wanted to meet you but you wanted to wait till you were home, in june you mentioned being with a guy long-distance for 5 months, then in july there was one who you had a few dates with but you feared he wanted a green card, i am confused as to all the time-lines and all the stories, same guy? different guy? but if it is all the same guy it is not working, all the fighting, over-reacting, breaking up, deleting from Fb, demanding he make the relationship known on Fb, it is not going to work...and if you are in a so-called relationship, yet meet other men then the relationship isn't really worht much anyways...so why then the FB status?? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I'm in a serious relationship and I know my boyfriend loves me very much and yet I'm 99% sure he would never put me in a relationship status. Which is fine because I wouldn't either. And I'm turning 27 next month. Relationship statuses are not the norm in my group of friends. Pretty much only my friends who are engaged or married have them. There is not a single picture of my boyfriend and me together either (on FBI). Amila, you just don't trust this guy. I thought you'd met someone else. I think you should end things with him because I don't think you will ever trust him. This is true for me as well. I wouldnt even want someone else changing status to include me. Its creepy. I dont like my love life being all over fb. One of my friends even put up a picture one day with her husband, and said in her own Comments, "my friends told me I look single on fb so I am posting this picture" because there was so little of her husband on fb. If you are looking to fb to know your guy digs you, then you have the wrong guy. I suggest you read up on Insecure attachment styles. There is such a fear within you that it would be difficult to sustain a relationship. Link to comment
panther Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Insecure attachment styles. IThinkICan, is there some website or book you specifically recomend for reading on this subject? I would be interested. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Themes to remember: childhood experiences teach us certain patterns, possibly more than one, and those can be changed. Real change may require a look at one's parents and oneself in a way that seems scary. If your look inside yourself raises feelings of fear, then recognize the fear as a marker of the path. Go towards the fear, find the logic that creates the fear, reassess the logic, and that find a strategy for addressing it. As an example, For me, I learned that my father's avoidance felt to me as a child and young adult like rejection, and sowed within me a fear of abandonment that caused me to choose men who were insecure and emotionally distant. It also caused me to seek affirmation, so I would enter into relationships too soon, so pleased was I to have been chosen. Once doing this work, I was able to reinterpret my father's behavior, see that I had no reason to fear abandonment, know that I would never abandon myself, and that my father's love was real even if his delivery was flawed. I closed up a hole I didn't know I had and my choices were completely different afterwards.... well, with some practice. Google links that may be helpful: A book: link removed Some articles. There are many, quizzes for self assessment, etc. Find ones that work for you. link removed link removed link removed link removed Link to comment
Sedrick Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 You told the guy not to contact you anymore a couple of weeks ago after you had a fight.. you deleted him from your FB a few weeks ago because you had a fight.. you were seeing another guy less than a month ago.. And you're upset because he doesn't want to make your relationship public on FB? You don't HAVE a relationship. You're just two people who fight a lot and break up a lot. Link to comment
amila Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 Ok so now suddenly he wants to put "in a relationship" on fb,but not to include names. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Ok so now suddenly he wants to put "in a relationship" on fb,but not to include names. And he is probably tellingthe other girl the same thing. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Ok so now suddenly he wants to put "in a relationship" on fb,but not to include names. I'd not want to attach myself to your name either. It may be over again in another week or so and putting you on and off his status is indeed an embarrassing and immature looking action. You're not reliable as a long term partner. You wouldn't deserve the honour of your name being added at this point IMO. Link to comment
amila Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 I'd not want to attach myself to your name either. It may be over again in another week or so and putting you on and off his status is indeed an embarrassing and immature looking action. You're not reliable as a long term partner. You wouldn't deserve the honour of your name being added at this point IMO. Hmm,well why doesnt he just end it in that case? but no its not that,he is also hiding a lot ,i just made him open his fb wall,but now i see he made it so i cant see what others write,so i told him he will have to change that as well All in all,he is not an angel here Link to comment
Moontiger Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Hmm,well why doesnt he just end it in that case? but no its not that,he is also hiding a lot ,i just made him open his fb wall,but now i see he made it so i cant see what others write,so i told him he will have to change that as well All in all,he is not an angel here Neither of you are. Seriously, you have all the information you need. This is not a healthy relationship for either of you. Its time to move on. Link to comment
panther Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 You have here five pages of advice just for you and I think you achieved the amazing deed of ignoring every single one of them Link to comment
amila Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 Neither of you are. Seriously, you have all the information you need. This is not a healthy relationship for either of you. Its time to move on. He is a good manipulator,he tells me its all me.And if i have the feeling its only my fault ,i cant end it Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Hmm,well why doesnt he just end it in that case? Frankly, if I had to guess, I'd say it's because he likes tormenting you. Why don't you end it instead of putting all your personal power in his hands, demanding he do things and acting generally rather very Princess Entitlement? I think if you do get pro-active and break up with him. This time, you should stay gone. Good luck in your maturation. Link to comment
journeynow Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Its where you put the things your WANT people to know and don't put anything you don't want them to know. Not everyone uses it that way, and not everyone wants their lives made public. It's inaccurate to paint FB users with such a broad brush. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Not everyone uses it that way, and not everyone wants their lives made public. It's inaccurate to paint FB users with such a broad brush. Yes you will have various in the use of facebook. Just like not everyone likes holding hands in public. What I'm saying is the MOST of the time this is how it is used and that his behavior is outside the average for their age group. Thus, I find it suspicious. Just as I would find it suspicious if he didn't want to hold her hand in public or didn't want to call each other BF or GF in public. FB is your edited self projected onto the word (for most people). Link to comment
Moontiger Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 He is a good manipulator,he tells me its all me.And if i have the feeling its only my fault ,i cant end it Really? Time to put on your big girl pants. Your an adult, responsible for your own life. Link to comment
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