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panther

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  • Birthday 04/02/1985

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  1. You don't have to fix anything and honestly I think he is disrespectful towards you, teasing you about your job and your weight (even if it's just to be funny). He seems to have some ego problems and one of his ways of dealing with it is putting others (in this case, you) down. His ego problems are his problems and not your job to make him feel better about what happened, especially since he doesn't seem to do much to make you feel good about yourself either. You can try to set your boundaries about him teasing you, say you don't like it and that he should stop it.
  2. It was really awkward for me naturally and maybe a bit for him too but he said this is very normal and happens all the time. I remember his voice tone changed to a very soft one, like he didn't want to make me feel bad. I think I avoided the issue in further sessions. It is really hard to talk about it. I hope your therapist makes it easier for you to talk about it more than once. I also want to mention that during all our sessions I was lying on the couch, with him sitting on a place I couldn't see him so there was never eye contact, I guess that makes it all easier (it's also one of the purposes of the lying chair. :) )
  3. Happened to me (psychoanalysis though). Yes, it's awkward but if he has some years of experience I am sure this isn't the first time and anyway, he has to be familiar with this being a thing. If he is a good therapist, he will not make it more awkward than it already is and will work with you on those feelings. Sending you to a colleague because of this, would make him a bad one in my opinion, as he would be acting in a similar way all other men have, in your life so far.
  4. He has asked you out twice, though not on dates really so we can't tell here if he would be interested in dating you. As you said, the worst thing that can happen is a polite "no" or excuse and you will get over it if that happens. But do ask him out for coffee or dinner, as long as it's only the two of you so hopefully he gets that it's a date because any other thing like going to a party together is much more casual an can be interpreted either way.
  5. sorry, but after 2 years this is not acceptable and very suspicious. There is no reason for such secrets. I don't know the guy but the first thing that comes up to my mind is that he could have another relationship. Do you think this could be the case? Seriously, 2 years and not meeting any friends is really weird.
  6. No, if the period ended 2 days ago she is already on day 7 or 8 of her cycle, assuming a period lasts for about 5 days. Sperm can stay alive inside a women for a couple of days, so 2 days after menstruation ended may start to get dangerous, yes.
  7. You seem to know what the problem is quite well. You are right about all you say: ignoring red flags, things you don't like about this girl, you seem to be willing to accept any of them for a partner even though you are not a good match. Getting to the point where you are really happy with yourself and having a relationship is rather an extra plus point in your life instead of being a missing piece, will probably be hard work. I have been kind of like you are in the past, though I wouldn't accept all of the guys I would meet as potential partners, I was believing that being in a relationship was success. It took 2 years therapy (also working on other issues) and I got to a point in my life where I was really happy and enjoying my single life. That was when I met my current husband. At the beginning I didn't even consider him as a potential partner, but as we continued our contact things just developed so smoothly, without any of us having to make any effort or over analyze things, that we ended up staying together, live together, get married. I think making this type of change in ourselves takes some time - it's almost like a personality change, not easy. But I think you are on the right track by recognizing where the problem lies and wanting to change this. Don't lower yourself and chase a woman you don't feel like is the right match. That is just a waste of time and won't get you anywhere. May I ask your age?
  8. It's fine to want to find a long term partner, but you may be putting too much pressure on this. All your friends and colleagues are in relationships or married and you see that as a success in life, I get it (been there). But stop assuming that being married = success: 1. you don't know the day-to-day routine of your friends and their partners, even if they seem happy together or post 10 cute pictures a day of themselves on social media, this doesn't mean they are truly happy or have a good relationship going on 2. try to think of someone who is single and that you think this is a successful and happy person 3. how many people do you know that had long term relationships, maybe even kids, and ended up in a divorce? Try to question and observe if relationships really equal a complete life. You will realize that it isn't like that. Even if you find a girlfriend, nothing is guaranteed forever. Doesn't mean you should give up on finding someone but just try to take this pressure off yourself. Our body language reflects a lot about your feelings and the women you meet may feel these impatient vibes coming from you. We often meet our partners when we are not expecting/looking for it, when we are just happy and enjoying life as it is (happened to me). People want to be with people that are happy and relaxed and this is what you may need to change in yourself.
  9. You did well by breaking up. You don't need to tell him all the details of what happened. Keep in mind that he might find out that you left him for someone else, so take some time to think if this might happen, how will he react and if it's better he hears it from you.
  10. Even if outside you don’t use the words you used here to describe yourself, you do care about these rankings and people can tell you are “that type“ of person and that is a big turn off. You do categorize everyone as good/bad looking, low/high maintenance, successful/unsuccessful. Doesn’t matter if you say these things out there, your body language surely tells a lot about you, people subconsciously catch these signals. Why older women like you? Maybe they are desperate or not searching for a long time partner. You may say you would like a LTR but honestly that is not the impression you are giving here on the forum, probably not either in real life
  11. Some of us aren't blessed with normal brain chemistry and struggle with some level of depression throughout life. But this can be handled with proper therapy and medication. You are probably feeling you are at the lowest point in life you have ever been and it's good you are reaching out for help. Even for people with depressive tendencies, being happy is something that can be trained and you won't be struggling to be happy forever. You can start training this with little things (even if you have to force yourself to do them) like writing down the things you are grateful for (maybe things you take for granted like having a warm place to sleep every night, a job, food) or doing something selfless.
  12. They will get better. Everyone will tell you the same and you should believe it. Any friends or family you can talk to as well?
  13. Why is there no point in life anymore? Do you really think you are going to feel like this forever? Trust me, you are not. It will take time and help, but if you seek the help you need, it will be worth it. You are obviously deeply depressed and this makes you see the world and your life in such a dark way and that is NOT the reality. Have you spoken to your therapist about these feelings?
  14. Leave home if you have the chance. These are horrible things to say to a daughter or granddaughter and you don't need this. Your family should encourage you and not put you down like that. Leave and don't look back. Get counseling if you can, I am sure you had to put up with this your whole life and these things cause damage your self esteem. You are not being a brat, you are doing the right thing and congratulations for having the good judgement and courage to get out of this mess.
  15. I don't understand why you are still with her. It's one thing if your are together for 10 years, married, with 3 kids and one of you has feelings for someone else - there you may try to figure out what to do. It's totally a different thing if you are dating for 4 months and one develops feelings for another person. At 4 months you should be in the honeymoon phase and only have eyes for each other. Please break up asap, this is going nowhere. She is probably hanging out with both to see which one is better for her so that she then dumps the "less good" guy.
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