Lolitaaa Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Is supposed to be my EX So this morning my mom recieved a text from my ex asking how my doctors appointement has been. (He can't contact me, changed number and deleted FB) She sends it was ok ... And after that she recieved a HUGE text that I broke his heart, that I never loved him, and so on, and so on ... I don't know all the détails, haven't read it and won't read it, but it's pretty HUGE. He dumped ME, I stayed in NC, been 22 days or more today ... So what the hell is wrong with him ? I would want him to leave my mom alone, but she can't block his number with her phone. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 She engaged him. It's none of his business how your doctor appointments go. She should tell him once that if he's going to contact her, she expect that it only be about retrieving your possessions and she will not respond to anything else. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 She engaged him. It's none of his business how your doctor appointments go. She should tell him once that if he's going to contact her, she expect that it only be about retrieving your possessions and she will not respond to anything else. I know, she is just the kinda person that feels guilty when she doesn't answer, and there she did, she thought he was genuinly "concerned" about me ... Right. It's crazy, he dumps me and then again goes and sends a huuuuuge text that I broke his heart, like I am the bad one. Guess he's realizing what he've lost and is trying to get me down on my knees ... Will never happen. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 That's exactly what is happening. He broke your heart, realized his loss, and now made himself a victim and will find the closest person to you to take his side. Ignore his attempts. You'll regret not doing so. Link to comment
Brotherhood67 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 That's exactly what is happening. He broke your heart, realized his loss, and now made himself a victim and will find the closest person to you to take his side. Ignore his attempts. You'll regret not doing so. Ignore him. My ex did the same thing with my mom and tried to make contact with her - not for getting back with me but quite simply in order to mess things up even more. Yeah, sure, she wanted to see my mom before leaving, yeah sure, then why the Hell did she make contact 6 months after this BU with my mom and, during that time, ignore her ? Let this pass, and maybe ask your mom not to answer to him anymore. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Your mom needs to ignore him as well. She may not be able to block him, but that delete button is working just fine. So have her delete any contact from him. You only " broke his heart" because you took your own life back, he has no control over you now, and he's not getting to make himself feel good at your expense while you crawl after him to try and get him back or let him use you to be "friends" until the day he decides he no longer needs you, because he has someone else on the hook. That's the harsh truth about such tactics. Tell your mom to tell him nothing, to ignore, to delete him. He's trying to suck you back into his control and his world. He knows he broke up with you, he just didn't expect you to let him not use you any more. Sorry, stay NC. My ex did this with my friends BTW, fired off texts about how much he missed me, how cruel I was being, blah-blah-blah. And then when he finally got up the courage to confront me months later he was so nasty and arrogant I wondered what I'd ever seen in him. There was an incident at a coffee shop, I told him off, I blocked and deleted him and my friends told him to bleep off. We were all sick of his antics by that point. Fortunately he never knew my family. Sorry, you need to see this as manipulation and your mom and needs to ignore him as well. Delete and if things get scary or weird both of you take out a restraining order. Link to comment
3Tears Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 He texts all these things about how hurt and how broken his heart is yet he hasn't tried to make plans to reconcile. Uhhhhhhhh.... whats the deal?! If hes not planning to do that why keep asking about you and your life? You could let your mother know that you do not wish to know anything about him, if he texts her again she can ignore him, if she can't then let him know the least about you as possible and tell her not to tell you anything about him. Don't check her phone either, if she keeps getting texts from him and you keep looking though her phone this will never get anywhere. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 I told her not to answer, he was nagging about how lost he is, how he thinks about me so much, I broke his heart, I wasn't honest, yada yada ... Huge texts, she just explained it to me ... He was saying how hurt he is like he is the victim. He dumped me, not the way around, it bothers him that he is not controling me and knows nothing about me. He realizes what he has done now ... I'm sure he thought I would've crawled back after him or at least begged for him back after him dumping me. Link to comment
amipushy Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 You are not really NC because NC is about healing and moving on. You are just stubbornly refusing to talk to him and allowing your mother to be a go-between instead (despite your proclaimation that you asked her not to). What will you do when he finally stops contacting you? Because I get the feeling you will use the 'picking up your stuff' to get him to start contacting you or your mother again and then refuse to talk to him over something he says and the cycle will continue. Please prove me wrong. Link to comment
3Tears Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I agree with amipushy, its time to let go. Get your stuff back and cut all communication, your mom is your mom, she should do whats best for YOU and not him. Tell her to stop responding to him because shes just dragging this whole thing. Or are you doing this whole NC waiting for him to beg for you back? Because you might wait forever on that... Dumpers are full of themselves (no offense to dumpers out there lol) Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Agree with Amipushy. You're dragging this on... Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 I agree with amipushy, its time to let go. Get your stuff back and cut all communication, your mom is your mom, she should do whats best for YOU and not him. Tell her to stop responding to him because shes just dragging this whole thing. Or are you doing this whole NC waiting for him to beg for you back? Because you might wait forever on that... Dumpers are full of themselves (no offense to dumpers out there lol) Yeah well at least I didn't break NC, so I'm good Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 And you haven't gotten your stuff back either. NC is to heal --- not to play games with regard to who contacts whom. Link to comment
Destroyed 33 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 You are doing great lolita, just stay on track. Just focus on your new daily routine as uncomfortable and foreign as it feels. We both know that we have come a long way so far. Just keep going. When these "people" tap back into our lives like this, its okay to get shook up, get a little obsessive and analyze it but just look at how much easier it is now than it was weeks and months ago. Its tough but its now bearable. We are stronger now. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 >>it bothers him that he is not controling me and knows nothing about me. I think that rather than that, it is more about his ego that he doesn't want other people thinking badly of him. People will do this kind of thing after breakups to try to look like a 'good guy' rather than a bad guy because it is about their ego and self image. It may well have nothing to do with you or controlling you at all, just wanting to preserve the image of himself as a decent guy so he blames you rather than himself. Have you gotten your stuff back? Just get your stuff back then be done with him and this kind of foolishness will stop and he will feel no need to defend himself. I agree with others that you are dragging this out by not getting your stuff and truly finishing with him. Perhaps it makes you feel more in control to play these games with him where you don't make arrangements to get your stuff. Just do that, and get on with your healing. Or just make a decision to let your stuff go and not get it, and tell your mother to tell him that he can keep your stuff, and that he needs to move on and quit calling her. By not dealing with this, you are putting your mother in an awkward spot and need to finish this. Link to comment
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