Ms Darcy Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 still more journaling. I am seriously screwed up and just pray that this feeling of hopelessness will go away. I realized that having her in my life - even with all the worries I had - was masking my depression and unhappiness. And now i have her as an excuse, but really, we were never going to be together long term. It would have never worked out. Adults should be able to get in and out of relationships without completely losing it. Yes, she made some big mistakes that I found out about and I made the call. Why can't i just dust myself off? Well, if you just broke up in May, it just takes time. But dealing with your alcohol issues will drag out your bad feelings. I would just encourage you to be more mindful of red flags. This girl was never really committed, flirting with other guys etc from the start. So I would encourage you to be more discerning in getting into a relationship. Link to comment
HappyGal78 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Hey, just wanted to say good for you in admitting you have a problem with alcohol. Have you considered trying an AA meeting? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Alcohol is a depressant. You might find the veil lifting a bit when you give it up. Link to comment
hopelessincan Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Your ex is a surfer? It was more than just her looks for me. She is a pretty vibrant person. But as I found out, she is also a pretty untrustworthy and insecure person as well. haha nope... Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Hey, just wanted to say good for you in admitting you have a problem with alcohol. Have you considered trying an AA meeting? Thank you. I actually attended my first one tonight. Just got back. It was. interesting and a bit strange. But helpful I think. I will keep going. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Alcohol is a depressant. You might find the veil lifting a bit when you give it up. I think you are right. I've been drinking too much for a few years - so its not her fault. Not letting her off the hook for her behavior though. I just need to get my self confidence and sense of identity back... Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 The meetings will help. My uncle was a member for 27 years. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Well, if you just broke up in May, it just takes time. But dealing with your alcohol issues will drag out your bad feelings. I would just encourage you to be more mindful of red flags. This girl was never really committed, flirting with other guys etc from the start. So I would encourage you to be more discerning in getting into a relationship. Good advice - and I tried to be careful, but I guess I really let my guard down. I'd say I let my guard down in my marriage too. Completely trusting her after 16 years not to cheat on me with our best friend and godfather to my first son. Didn't see that coming. And I didn't even drink much back then... Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Not trying to be snarky. Just a bit jaded and cynical I guess. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 The meetings will help. My uncle was a member for 27 years. Thanks. it does make it easier to know that so many other people struggle with these things. But maybe I need to do a Codependent Anon group ? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I would stick with AA for a bit first and run that by your sponsor. Link to comment
HappyGal78 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I've been sober for 30 days in AA. The meetings seem ucomfortable at first but I love them now. I have met a ton of great people. Good for you for taking the plunge. You might want to try a men's meeting if you think of it. I have a good friend who swears by them. I've been going to a lot of women's meetings and it's a totally different vibe. Link to comment
missbritz Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I think we all get a bit jaded and cynical when someone we love and trust betrays us. I cant imagine what that was like to be cheated on with your best friend! horrendous. I would say maybe you didn't deal with it back then and now this latest relationship and disappointment was just a trigger for those emotions you didn't deal with. That honestly, you are still not dealing with because you are masking it and self medicating with alcohol. My ex husband (daughters father) did the same thing for years and years and years and was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver at 37. You don't want to hit that kind of rock bottom. Alcoholism can creep up on you, you can go from having a few drinks to take the edge off to not being able to get through the day without it, it can really grab you by the throat without much warning. NO LECTURE, Ive just seen first hand what it can do and have often self mediated myself with alcohol on occasion so no judgment from me The really good thing is though pfb, is that you are admitting it and seeking help. so kudos to you! Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 I've been sober for 30 days in AA. The meetings seem ucomfortable at first but I love them now. I have met a ton of great people. Good for you for taking the plunge. You might want to try a men's meeting if you think of it. I have a good friend who swears by them. I've been going to a lot of women's meetings and it's a totally different vibe. Congratulations! And I will check into that idea. im not religious so that is a bit strange too... But overall I can see how it can work Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 I think we all get a bit jaded and cynical when someone we love and trust betrays us. I cant imagine what that was like to be cheated on with your best friend! horrendous. I would say maybe you didn't deal with it back then and now this latest relationship and disappointment was just a trigger for those emotions you didn't deal with. That honestly, you are still not dealing with because you are masking it and self medicating with alcohol. My ex husband (daughters father) did the same thing for years and years and years and was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver at 37. You don't want to hit that kind of rock bottom. Alcoholism can creep up on you, you can go from having a few drinks to take the edge off to not being able to get through the day without it, it can really grab you by the throat without much warning. NO LECTURE, Ive just seen first hand what it can do and have often self mediated myself with alcohol on occasion so no judgment from me Thanks I'm trying. I have three sons that need me. Sorry about your ex. I think I am catching this in time. Another year or so and it would be much more serious... Link to comment
HappyGal78 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Oh, I'm not religious at all. Talk to some people after the meeting about that... You'll find plenty of others who aren't religious either. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Good to know. I have no problem with it - just not my bag. The hardest part for me is going to be sleeping sober I think. It always helped me sleep when stressed and slow my active brain down. , Link to comment
spandora Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 There are a lot of natural remedies to help with that..also, you might wanna try yoga and meditation. And maybe make sure you get some good exercise that will tire you out.. Good to know. I have no problem with it - just not my bag. The hardest part for me is going to be sleeping sober I think. It always helped me sleep when stressed and slow my active brain down. , Link to comment
Destroyed 33 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Buy some melatonin. Its healthy and works pretty well. all that other over the counter sleep aid stuff is bad for you over long periods of time. Get the melatonin. Cant go wrong. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Good to know. I have no problem with it - just not my bag. The hardest part for me is going to be sleeping sober I think. It always helped me sleep when stressed and slow my active brain down. One thing to think about. I think it's important to have some sort of spirituality in your life. A lot of people without any sense of higher purpose tend to cling to relationships for their sense of value, meaning, and worth. So when they lose it, all is lost. When you have a higher purpose, it is easier to put things into perspective sometimes. Link to comment
Brotherhood67 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 One thing to think about. I think it's important to have some sort of spirituality in your life. A lot of people without any sense of higher purpose tend to cling to relationships for their sense of value, meaning, and worth. So when they lose it, all is lost. When you have a higher purpose, it is easier to put things into perspective sometimes. I agree 100% with this. Having some kind of values and a sense of purpose / duty, given through spirituality, society or anything is healthy. See, after a break-up, we may feel useless (I was desperate for 3 months) until we realize that there is more to it in life than clinging to someone or something that's gone. It isn't worth it. Helping others, finding peace in spirituality or philosophy is a must. And clinging to values of the highest kind ^-^ Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Believe me, i wish I could be spiritual - just not how my brain works. i have been really struggling with purpose and identity. I have always had very diverse interests and an ADD brain - I don't really have any one focus in my life. I suppose my higher purpose is being a father to 3 wonderful boys. But even that has been tainted with my divorce. I am close to them, but more and more they (and my ex and her dbag partner) don't really need me, unless its to write a check or drop off and pick up. Wow, sound like such a whiner. Its been a pretty tough 3 months. Link to comment
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