Long story - Advice Appreciated

[JayCho]

Oh no I don't have a Facebook or anything like that - no social media whatsoever and I don't do any snooping because I know it's detrimental. Even though it's killing me inside not to respond to her, I haven't because I know that won't help either... I won't change my number yet because I actually run a business here, well for now - but that's a whole nother topic to discuss. She has no idea what I'm giving up because she gave up on us. I have and will have given up on literally everything in four weeks time. It's crushing.

[sharky988]

HOWEVER she is contacting you right now.... you must BLOCK HER.

 

Call your cell provider or download PrivacyStar app. She's in constant contact with you... but YOU are the one doing this to yourself at this point, because you refuse to adequately protect yourself!

[JayCho]

Update:

 

It's been over two months since I've logged in because I felt like the site was hurting me more than helping me. No offense to anyone here but reading story after story about people hurting and suffering was making me suffer more, looking for similar situations and hoping things would work out (stupidly). My move is finalized, I move to Boston THIS weekend. I secured a job, making more money than I am now here. She has tried to contact me 2x's but I haven't responded at all. I'm not completely moved on by I'm 75% the way there. I think about her every now and then but have no urge to contact her at all and haven't and won't.

 

I pray for her everyday but not for her or for her back but that she's happy and doing better. Cleaning out my house the last few days I had some "aww" moments - finding things she gave me, stuff she left at my house etc. I threw it all out. Like I said, I'm almost there... not 100% but closing in.

[deejay74]

Hey JayCho,

 

I've read your thread and have seen you respond to others and have given pretty solid advice.

 

I just wanted to post here to wish you good luck. You've come a long way.

 

What you said about living on ENA when you're in the thick of things is very true. It's good to take breaks from here then come back, especially when you're better and healed.

 

I'm moving in 2 days as well. I also threw out everything that my ex gave me and even reminders of her.

 

I'm almost there too. I'd say I am about 90% completely healed. We will both get there soon.

 

Good luck with the move and new job. It will help your spirits and take your mind off things.

 

Take care!

[JayCho]

Hey JayCho,

 

I've read your thread and have seen you respond to others and have given pretty solid advice.

 

I just wanted to post here to wish you good luck. You've come a long way.

 

What you said about living on ENA when you're in the thick of things is very true. It's good to take breaks from here then come back, especially when you're better and healed.

 

I'm moving in 2 days as well. I also threw out everything that my ex gave me and even reminders of her.

 

I'm almost there too. I'd say I am about 90% completely healed. We will both get there soon.

 

Good luck with the move and new job. It will help your spirits and take your mind off things.

 

Take care!

 

Thank you for your very kind words, where are you moving to? Why are you moving (if you don't mind me asking, if its too personal you can PM me)?

[Ms Darcy]

Congrats on your steps to move forward. Hang in there man!

[JayCho]

Thank you Ms. Darcy, you and several others have been critical in my healing and I am truly thankful! Ever sit there and think to yourself, wow I wonder where I'll be in two months? Well that time has come and instead of wanting to fast forward time I'm somewhat okay with where I am now. I've literally lost everything but know I'll come out on top - it's just a matter of time. I hope all is well with you!

[JayCho]

Another quick update:

 

The move is complete, as of yesterday I started my new job. Not really looking for advice but just going to write down some of my random thoughts. Up until yesterday, everything felt un-real. Like it was a dream that I've been waiting to wake up from. Yesterday when I got to my new desk and met all my new co-workers and all the first thing I said to myself when I sat down was "OMG this is real, this happened." My therapist (who I do not see any longer because of the distance) emailed me and asked me how I was taking everything and if I'm remaining positive. All I could say was "I'm having a hard time accepting reality, this new life I started is so different from my old life, it's tough." She told me things would get better in time and I would adapt. I hope she's right. I know this is what I had to do, what I needed to do, I pray every day that it was the right decision. Only time will tell!

 

Other than that... and onto the reason I created this thread - I hurt yesterday when I realized that this was real... a bit, but once again not that 'I'm going to cry' kind of hurt, but more like I can't believe you gave up on me, look how strong I am look at what I've accomplished in 2 short months! In 2 months, I've recovered (not fully) from the best/worst relationship I was ever in, I've remedied my living situation, I've gotten a better job (same company - supervise people now), I feel smarter - like I'm not second guessing my decisions and walking on egg shells like I constantly was when I was around her (even when decisions didn't effect her or us), I'm finally confident again and I know this because girls come up to me to talk to me and I honestly don't care what they have to say, I'm not ready but when I am I know that I'm the prize and should not be taken for granted!

 

I suppose the best way I could sum up how I felt the last couple of weeks was... transplanted. Like I was on a long vacation, until yesterday. Then it felt real.

 

Thanks again everyone, I'm on the road to 100, not there yet; occasionally I get stuck in traffic but I'm moving forward.

[mhowe]

Great news!

[Ms Darcy]

I know that every thing feels weird. It's the strangeness of developing a new normal.

 

I truly wish you the best in your transition.

[JayCho]

Happy New Year all. I've been incredibly busy working for my Company and running my brothers business the last month and a half (until Feb 14th) since he is on business leave 18000 miles away! But I just wanted to thank everyone again for all the advice here and maybe provide some more insights.

 

It's been another three months and time just flies. I cant believe it's been more than 6 months already since the breakup. I feel absolutely fine, I don't have weak moments anymore. The only time I get those stupid irrational thoughts is when I travel home to New Jersey, which is really weird. Something about being "home," in the same state, or whatever triggers dumb thoughts in my mind. Last time I went home, (it coincidentally was Thanksgiving and her birthday) I went out with a bunch of friends and ran into her. What luck. Out of the 45 bars in a 5 mile radius I pick the one she's also at! We locked eyes, and I immediately left. Haven't been home since. She didn't attempt to contact me and I haven't since over 5 months ago, so that's good news! Girls have approached that have been interested in getting to know me or maybe even starting relationships but I'm still not ready and I don't honestly have the time. I went on a date with a really nice girl 3-4 weeks ago and ended up disappearing on her because I just don't have the time to make plans. It sounds like a terrible excuse but it's not and I don't expect her to wait around. She hit me with the "if you really liked me you'd find the time." I told her that right now I work about 50 hours at my job and about 40 at my brothers. I literally leave the house at 5AM and get home around 9PM, and work both days on the weekends. So until things settle down a bit more, I'm not going to even bother trying.

 

Anyways, thanks again for the support - I can look back on it now and honestly say was wrong with me. Which is a fantastic thing. I hope all is well and for those of you who are reading this story or relate to this story, just know that time heals all.