Lolitaaa Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 So I had some troubles with my boyfriend, I dated some wrong people in the past, and never told him that, also in the beginning of our Relationship I was in contact with an ex because I wanted my stuff back, I shouldn't have done that, but it came out 8 months ago, and he was hurt, but said he didn't want to lose me so he put it behind him, and we had lots of fun together. 2 Weeks ago I had a miscarriage, his whole attitude changed, he got aggressive, said I took advantage of him, ect ... Our dinnerdate 2 days ago was a disaster, he called me names bringing up my past again he found out about ... I never cheated on him, I get that he is hurt, but it's the past ... He also started deleting his profile pictures everywhere where there was a pucture of us together. He said he did that because I never put on a profile picture of US. Anyways, today he came by to take me to the doctor, told me he still loved me but not the same way, he needs space to think things over and that he is not sure he wants the Relationship. He also brought up how I almost broke the Relationship 1 year ago and how much it hurt him. But he is still giving me kisses, hugging me, telling me he cares, and yesterday he even called me at night saying "hey honey" like he always used to do .. You feel he really cares. He did say he didn't feel in a Relationship any longer, but he hasn't change his fb status. Now I hate being in this position in not knowing ... Today he sent me pictures of our cat and told me to take care, he answers my texts even if he tries to be cool, told me this is the first time he ever felt hurt in his life, but he's just not sure if he wants to give me a chance ... I feel like he doesn't mean it, that he maybe is wanting to teach me a lesson for doing the same move 1 year ago ... I someone wants to break, would they take you to the doctor, send you messages and call you at night calling petnames ? He was worried I took too many médications and told my mom not to let me take too many, and he sent my mom "take good care of the one that used to be my princess, I just need time to think things over ..." do you guys think he genuinly wants to break it off or is he acting ?? I know he still loves me, he just changed one day, 2 days ago he was still sending me hearts on my messages ... Please help Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 He is not acting --- a miscarriage means that there was a real and direct consequence that could have led to a child...and he is now thinking about whether he is ready for that level of commitment. And add to that --- he has found instances of you lying about your past. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 What about your past has him so in a tizzy? Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 My past is I was in contact with an ex in the beginning of the Relationship, it was really wrong I know, but we haven't talked about that for 8 months, now he's bringing up everything he heard about me (a lot of lies) all at once while he knew everything when he started dating me, and now holding them against me. He wanted a child, so nothing to do with not wanting a baby. He did comment on how I did the same thing to him a year ago, almost dumping him and deleting pictures ... That's why I think he want to give me a taste of my won medicin since he keeps telling he's not sure about the Relationship and tells me that on top of it. He bought a new basket for our cat today and sent me pictures, he sais he knew I'd like it and it would make me happy ... Why buy things I like if he wants to stop the Relationship ??? That's not logic to me ... Right ? I changed my picture on Skype yesterday to a picture of US and today he changed the picture of us to one of him, I think it's too obvious ... He could've broke up a while ago if he wanted to. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Seems like either he is somehow blaming you for the miscarriage and taking it all out on you, which makes him an abusive ahole. OR he only wanted the child in theory and now that he is free in reality, he is busy getting rid of you. Either way, you are seeing his true colors and they are not pretty. In your shoes, I'd be leaving him. There are a lot of things in life that go wrong and you don't want to be with someone who will turn on you and make you his punching bag. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 I really don't think he is blaming me, he was there when it happens, bought me golden earrings to chear me up ... I think he is just taking out frustrations on me now (bad timing) but again I just got a phone call to ask me how I was and just to hear from me, and again with the regular petnames ... And he is going to call me when he is home. Doesn't sound like he really wants to break up, I get too much attention ... Makes me crazy not knowing Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Yes it sounds like he wants to break up. I think the "you talked to your ex" thing is a terrible excuse. Something else is going on. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 Yes it sounds like he wants to break up. I think the "you talked to your ex" thing is a terrible excuse. Something else is going on. I know, doesn't make any sense ... I think all is not lost since he is still calling and texting ... I started contacting him less, give him space like he wanted to ... All I can do is wait and see what happens next. Still calling me petnames, buying things I like and contacting me is not something who wants to dump you do ... Link to comment
Destroyed 33 Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Flip the script on him. Reduce (or appear to reduce) your desire for him. Go into somewhat of a no contact. Really, just give him more space. Im not saying that you should strictly ignore him and cut him off completely. You guys seem to still really care about each other but something is broken. Dont text or contact him. When he reaches out to you, Keep your response minimal. Its not so much of a game but a stance which will give you a more clear picture of where he is at. If he begins to feel that you are moving on or considering moving on, that will be the test to force him to figure out what he really wants. You dont need to be cold. Just distance yourself as much as you can to give him the space. He will probably question it and say "why have you been so distant?" Simply tell him that you are trying to figure some things out in your life and also give him the space he needs, then continue with your stance. No reminiscing, no inquiring as to how he is doing every day, no inside jokes... It will certainly be very hard because you feel so strongly for him but in this life, sometimes the right way is the hardest way. I am no pro at this but that is my two cents and will be the quickest was to establish where this is all going. No dates either. He needs to get his act straight and you need to give him the space. Its the best way. Link to comment
Lolitaaa Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Thank you Destroyed, it's just hard because it's not possible to tell what it is he wants ... I just think he still feels so deeply and that's why he scared of ending things, or he is playing a game to make me scared and teach me a lesson ... Like I already said, buying stuff I like, calling everyday and sending texts daily and the petname calling doesn't sound like he's ready for the break up ... I've stopped contacting him more often, he calls me and textes me, I just reply to them ... I guess I'll need to sait and see for now hate this feeling Link to comment
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