Do exes ever realize what they did was wrong?

[Ctown3715]

My ex girlfriend and I dated for 2 years but left me for another man. We broke up over a year ago and I have not seen her since then. She is still with her boyfriend for over a year. When we broke up, I saw her and her bf and his family together 3 days after the BU. I was so mad that I asked most of my friends to defriend her on facebook. I was tired of them updating me on her life. Most of them deleted her since they were my friends. She became friends with all of them through me but they are my childhood friends and roommates.

 

Fast forward 6 months after BU, we get in contact and she tried to make me mad and jealous of her BF. She said she new the BU looked bad because how fast things were moving with her bf. She said she has something so special she can't even explain it. A day later she texts me a nice message about my dog who died after unblocking me on facebook. A day after that, she was pissed that my best friend deleted her on facebook (I didn't ask him to). He got tired of seeing her and her bf. He said it was sad to see it. She then threatens me with a restraining order for no reason.

 

3 months later she unblocked my facebook for no reason. But then reblocked me 2 weeks later.

 

2 months later she goes on a date with her bf and a mutual friend. My ex asks the mutual friend about me and how I'm doing infront of her current bf. My mutual friend said it was awkward for my ex's new bf.

 

A month after this she unblocks me on facebook again but does nothing for a month. This is where she sends me an email saying sorry for my dog who died. She said sorry before (look above) about 9 months previous. I reply saying a nice message and we should catch up sometime. She then replies saying she didn't think I would reply because I'm still mad her. She was shocked by my positivity. But she says she can't catch up because it's disrespectful to her bf (yet she contacts me after 9 months NC while in a LTR?). But an hour later she ends up calling me and we catch up. Then she tells me once we hang up, we can't talk because she has a bf. She was concerned on how I felt about her. She didn't want me to be angry with her. She said the phone call was a closure call (like the dumper who is in LTR needs closure a year later?) But a day later I tell her I care about her but she's being selfish by contacting me when she wants. I tell her it's not fair to me and she needs to own up to a bunch of things if she wants me in her life again.

 

Our mutual friend decided to talk to my ex and tell her she can't contact me because it's not fair to me and so on. My ex says no problem. But I message my ex 1 week later asking for a name of someone I can contact about donating money and supplies for a charity. My ex decided to block me on facebook instead of replying.

 

Then 2 months later my ex sees a friend of mine and goes up to him. She calls him a-hole for defriending her. She was crying. She tried to refriend and talk to a lot of my friends throughout the BU. But she really doesn't have many friends of her own. Why can't she see a lot of this is her doing? She said the BU looked bad but can't apologize for how things went down. She just says sorry about my dog which she had nothing to do about. She blames me for my best friends not beig friendly with her. Maybe the BU looked bad to them too?? She's trying to facebook friend some of my friends who she hasn't seen in about 2 years which makes no sense to me. Yet I'm still blocked on facebook.

[Ms Darcy]

I've seen these happen sometimes. Someone leaves a relationship but doesn't realize that they are going to lose a lot of friendships. It's a loss for her - losing you and your friends as friends.

 

I honestly don't think she actually wants you in her life per se. I just think she's lonely and misses having friends as she did before. A relationship doesn't fill all of the gaps.

 

Best thing you can do for yourself is to block her. If you are still mad 9 months later, it means you aren't moving on and contact is not helping you do that. Sounds like both of you are kinda playing games. Time to grow up on both sides, realize that relationships are voluntary and that they end, and move on.

[Destroyed 33]

Facebook is stupid! lol

 

It sounds like she subconsciously is sorry for what she had done to you and the little random messages about your dog are like a little way to show you indirectly. She sounds like a mess and should feel ashamed of herself for cheating on you like that. Lets just hope that everyone gets exactly what they deserve.

[Ctown3715]

I've seen these happen sometimes. Someone leaves a relationship but doesn't realize that they are going to lose a lot of friendships. It's a loss for her - losing you and your friends as friends.

 

I honestly don't think she actually wants you in her life per se. I just think she's lonely and misses having friends as she did before. A relationship doesn't fill all of the gaps.

 

Best thing you can do for yourself is to block her. If you are still mad 9 months later, it means you aren't moving on and contact is not helping you do that. Sounds like both of you are kinda playing games. Time to grow up on both sides, realize that relationships are voluntary and that they end, and move on.

 

Tht mutual friend who talked to her said to my ex that she has to understand that you will lose friends in a BU. So she doesn't miss me in any way? Also I started seeing someone new (we just broke up) when she last contacted me. My ex new I was seeing someone new.

[SooSad33]

It's just mind games and breadcrumbs to 'boost her ego'. Stop trying to continue any further communications with her.

She's messed? Let her live with it. This was her choice.

 

Don't let her into your life anymore.

[Ms Darcy]

So she doesn't miss me in any way? Also I started seeing someone new (we just broke up) when she last contacted me.

 

This doesn't matter since you are over and not getting back together.

[Brotherhood67]

To be fair, she seems pretty messed up...

 

First of all, I'm always a little suspicious of people rubbing their "happiness" in the face of their exes. It always surprises me. It almost always sounds too good to be true, like a way of convincing themselves that they "made the right choice" when, in reality, they are in doubt deep inside... But I'm maybe a pessimist ;-)

 

Regarding the "friends" problem, my ex-wife played the same violin for months (but only 3 until I blocked her for good) and did go back and forth with me : one day saying she apologizes and wants to keep me in her life, the other day ignoring me and refusing to make an effort... May it be between you or your friends, this game is really tiring and gets on one's nerves. I recommend to avoid.

 

As for Facebook, I agree with Destroyed 33 : it's stupid ;-) Especially considering relationships. It's the "Mother of all breadcrumbs" this website lol

[sharky988]

She wasn't faithful to you -- so why would you expect her to be fully faithful to her current boyfriend? She enjoys attention obviously and it probably bothers her not to have you (and probably other guys as well) hovering on the backburner, along with all your friends -- who are by now (understandably) sick of her and her high school melodrama.

 

She's just a drama queen -- the type who THRIVES on Facebook -- but I'd seriously doubt she has deep feelings for you (or anyone at this point in her life).

 

Sure, she sorry -- sorry for herself because she has to pay the price for cheating on you, by losing you as an admirer and having your friends turn on her.

 

Blecchh. I hope you've finally got her BLOCKED on Facebook -- and everywhere else

[Ctown3715]

Well just went on facebook and first thing it says, do you want to be friends with... (My ex). She just unblocked me

[sharky988]

Well just went on facebook and first thing it says, do you want to be friends with... (My ex). She just unblocked me

 

And so it continues......

 

Will you EVER block her and set yourself free??? I'm guessing.... nope.

[Cherry009]

Oh god shes obsessed with facebook! sounds like she lives her life through it!! Keep her blocked!!!!! why after so long are you still eating these little breadcrumbs she is throwing you? If you went completely no contact when she cheated on you you would be completely over all this by now and would have moved on with your life.

[Beduldac]

When they leave you for someone else and things are going well, they are not thinking of you at all. When the new relationship fails, that is when they might start to feel regret about what they did to you. If that happens, they may try to make contact to apologize and perhaps even try to reconcile.

 

My Ex and I were together 11 months. It was the longest relationship I have ever had. I wish I knew what would happen when she breaks up with Insta-boyfriend.

[Destroyed 33]

Some people would say that "In her reality, she wasnt wrong". I personally refuse to accept that. Its like trying to convince me that the color red is green.

 

My ex came by today and tried to convince me she didnt cheat on me because she didnt "do anything" with the guy she was seeing prior to the night she dumped me. The guy asked her for her number like 3 or 4 weeks before we broke up, they began to talk, Im sure flirt a little (at least) and spend lunch breaks together... She is trying to convince me that they were just talking and friends. I am not an idiot. He expressed attraction toward her, she basically did the same and they began a relationship based on that which escalated up to the point of her stabbing me in the heart. That is cheating in my book whether or not she was physically with him or not.

 

sorry to hijack the thread. Just venting.

[Beduldac]

Preaching to the choir. He was also a coworker and she claimed they were just friends until... She went out with him to Cheddars after work and dumped me the next day on 8 March. She also assured me she had not done anything phyically with him by 16 March. I could have wrote that.

[Destroyed 33]

Preaching to the choir. He was also a coworker and she claimed they were just friends until... She went out with him to Cheddars after work and dumped me the next day on 8 March. She also assured me she had not done anything phyically with him by 16 March. I could have wrote that.

 

I still cant believe I was with this girl for 16 years in what appeared to be the perfect relationship. Love of my life. Just enough issues and quirks to know it was real but other than that, just about as incredible of a relationship as anyone could ever ask for. How much of it was an act? I will never know. That girl is GONE.

[Beduldac]

I still cant believe I was with this girl for 16 years in what appeared to be the perfect relationship. Love of my life. Just enough issues and quirks to know it was real but other than that, just about as incredible of a relationship as anyone could ever ask for. How much of it was an act? I will never know. That girl is GONE.

 

11 months is nothing compared to 16 years. She told me I treated her better than she has ever been treated. I have complete faith in my Ex. All of her prior relationships failed, so it is all but certain her new relationship will too. I would love to see her come crawling back.

[desert_rose26]

I wanna see my ex crawl back too

 

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[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

How much of it was an act? I will never know. That girl is GONE.

 

None of it was an act until the very end when she started to doubt her feelings for you. For the most part, women act on emotions and mean what they say AT THAT TIME. Men tend to think logically and the reflect back on what was said and fool themselves into thinking that it still means the same thing. In short, women like to be courted constantly and it can be a constantly changing game for them, especially when they have options. I was dumped out of no where as well. I know she had true feelings for me, but she allowed herself to continually text with other guys and opened the door for a change of heart, which I saw coming, but didn't react correctly. Like you, I got dumped out of no where and she never looked back. It doesn't mean my ex, or yours, doesn't think back to those good times; but it does mean they are living in the moment of their new times and we are history as long as the grass remains greener on the new side of the fence.

 

Your best position at this point is to remain no contact and show her that you are willing to walk away and not look back. Anything else makes you look needy and gives her the upper hand. The longer you are away from her, trust me, the easier it gets. And, the longer you are away from her, the more she will remember you with fond memories and wonder about you. Right now you need to give karma it's due time and show her you aren't reliant on her for your happiness. And, a woman would prefer to miss someone than be missed. Once she misses you, bingo, she'll start to think about what she did, how she did it, and analyze her part in all of it.

[Brotherhood67]

When they leave you for someone else and things are going well, they are not thinking of you at all. When the new relationship fails, that is when they might start to feel regret about what they did to you. If that happens, they may try to make contact to apologize and perhaps even try to reconcile.

 

My Ex and I were together 11 months. It was the longest relationship I have ever had. I wish I knew what would happen when she breaks up with Insta-boyfriend.

 

While it may be true for some, it isn't always the case.

 

See my ex - wife came back to apologize deeply and make amends after 3 months, saying she didn't want to lose me in her life, that I was someone important etc. But never moved an inch towards reconciliation. She thought of me, a lot, I'm pretty sure of it, even with this man in her bed (well maybe not while doing things with him lol).

 

But I rejected her. First by being angry and second by telling myself that friendship is impossible.

 

I told myself that she didn't deserve my friendship, my love and overall, me staying in her life. And that was it.

 

They think of us, that's sure but it doesn't change the fact that they do not think of us the way we would them like to, I.e as lovers and really, that's the only thing that counts.

[chloelesliexo]

I think the truth is that yes, they will always think of you

 

But as a memory, a passing thought.

 

If they thought that much of you, in the way that you want them to (romantically, missing you etc), then they would suck up their pride and come back.