DerekJason Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 Whenever you meet someone that you really like, they're taken? I've been single for 3 years, dating a little here and there in the interim, and it seems every year or so i meet some fascinating lady and it turns out she's married, or has a dude. These are not girls i meet in passing, on a subway, in a store, or anything like that. I'm totally over online dating, it is just not my thing. Anybody? Link to comment
londonbridge Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Yes, this has happened a couple times for me, where I meet a cool guy but he's married. But only in recent years, and only because everyone is getting older and getting married in my age group. It was easier to meet and find cool single people in my twenties, but they all got snatched up pretty quickly. At this point, I pretty much assume anyone cool I meet, probably already is married. Link to comment
christwowheels Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I think we have all met people who are awesome but happen to be married. It is rough, I guess, but I just mark them as "taken" and move on. Nothing you can do. Kudos to their significant others for having good taste. I agree that online dating is really rough. I'd say just try living life for awhile, and maybe just maybe you'll meet the right one. Just remember you're not likely to meet the right one if you're sitting in the house, you know? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Whenever you meet someone that you really like, they're taken? I've been single for 3 years, dating a little here and there in the interim, and it seems every year or so i meet some fascinating lady and it turns out she's married, or has a dude. These are not girls i meet in passing, on a subway, in a store, or anything like that. I'm totally over online dating, it is just not my thing. Anybody? As folks get older, they tend to get married. Link to comment
DerekJason Posted May 27, 2014 Author Share Posted May 27, 2014 London bridge, COW, I can relate to all of thy statements. Darcy, yeah seems so. Blah. Link to comment
Throwaway999 Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Whenever you meet someone that you really like, they're taken? I've been single for 3 years, dating a little here and there in the interim, and it seems every year or so i meet some fascinating lady and it turns out she's married, or has a dude. These are not girls i meet in passing, on a subway, in a store, or anything like that. I'm totally over online dating, it is just not my thing. Anybody? Totally. Don't know how old you are but I'm 40 and I've been single for about two years. Took most of the first year to kind of get myself together and get used to being single, but after that I've dated a little bit. Only really met one woman in that time who was single that I really felt like I connected with. She lived on the other side of the country and wasn't interested in trying a long-distance thing so that fell through. Met lots of other women but nobody who I really was interested in. I've been going out, trying to do things to meet people outside of my usual circles but it only seems to reinforce that there aren't many people on the same wavelength as me. In fact, the more people I meet, the LESS it seems possible that I'm going to find anybody that's for me. Haven't been on here for a while and was going to post a mopey thread of my own but since yours is already up here I'll just jump on it and say that I feel the same way, man. Link to comment
Leftright Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I feel you. It happens to me all the time. Nobody i meet close to my age is single. I have no single friends anymore and everyone i meet nowadays is taken. It is what it is, gotta keep truckin' regardless. My only advice is to find hobbies and concentrate on them. Keep busy and active and learn to enjoy alone time by filling it with things you like doing. Maybe some day youll meet someone but i wouldnt make it a priority. Link to comment
DerekJason Posted May 27, 2014 Author Share Posted May 27, 2014 word man, im 38. i hear you with the going out business. yeah man, truckin' is all i got. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 well try being in your damn 50's,(late) when half the men have died (exaggeration! ) can't get it up, or are married, or have some terrible dysfunction. Sorry. I joined a meetup last spring. Met a guy Tom. Felt just deep friendship. Long story, but became intimate just 6 weeks ago. Dumped me on the phone today. (also last Mother's day...lol.....and every day after sex....ugh) Anyway, another friend of mine (when i called to cry on her shoulder) said he had come to their house this morning and wanted them to go kayaking with him and this 'new' girl. He just got telling me all this week that their was no spark with her. Nothing like he had with me. While he hugged me so tightly Sat. night, and said...and i quote...it feels so good to be on the same page....as we laid in bed and made love. This guy is short, rotund, bald and has been married 3 times....plus basically lives in almost a SHACK! BUT he can find women cuz he's personable, and active. He even told me that there are WAAAY more women out there then men. We went on a hiking meetup this weekend. About 7 women....2 guys. One was my Tom...and the other was married to the another woman there. So there ya go....wait til you get really old......hahahaha...and there will be women galore! Plus...any guy half way decent looking...and can still do it.....can go for the younger chicks. ugh I met with one guy...last year...52. His last wife was a model in her 30's. I also met up with a guy about 49...his last wife was in her 20's!!!! wow! So if we're gonna feel sorry for anyone....(and please feel sorry for me...cuz i'm having a pity party today feel sorry for us older women. 4 years now since i've been in a relationship. Sure....I was attracted to ONE guy. Bi-polar. Our 'relationship' lasted 10 days...lol All the other's are married. Plus...I'm not attracted to that many. Tom...i was NEVER attracted to him physically. But mentally and emotionally, then sexually. ugh. I've cried all day. Was actually gonna make a thread on it...but too depressed and exhausted.... LOL.....edit....just saw Hazelwood was gonna make a mopey thread and then jumped on yours.....Must be this damn SPRING! Link to comment
DerekJason Posted May 27, 2014 Author Share Posted May 27, 2014 damn girl. Hopefully ill cash in, by what you say. i hear you, i may find girls hot or whatever, but its the ones that are sweet, and are classically beautiful that get me. They don't come round too often tho. Link to comment
Juha Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Yup, every women I am interested in is taken. Have had friends try to hook me up with someone but that has not been good and I really don't want to feel guilty if I reject them or am not really interested. So I just say thank you but no thanks now. I just can't believe how hard it is now. Just went away to a friends place for the weekend and it was 3 couples, me and a couple of other friends who came for a day. One is gay the other is married and came down for the day. Was talking to my friend who's house it is and he said can't wait for 4th of July, it will be a great time. Told him not sure I was coming for the 4th. He asked me why and I told him because it's all couples. He told me to not be ridiculous and none of them act any different towards me. We all get along great but we go out and it's them and me. I have a great time going to his house and it's always fun. I do have some women but no one I have much interest in and thus do not want to take them away and have them think they mean more to me than they do. Told him I feel like I need to be with single people as being with them is not going to help me meet anyone when away. He said that we are all friends and hang out and have fun. They don't care about me being single and hanging out with them. They love hanging out with me. Tough situation. Having the worst luck meeting anyone I am really interested in since breaking up with my gf. Really sucks! She was very, very special. Someone that does not come around very often. Sometimes feel like I'm totally screwed when it comes to meeting anyone I really am interested in and vibe so well with as my ex. She was the best gf I have ever had and it will be very tough to find anyone as good... Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Socially, it definitely is different. Once divorced, dinners, invitations to people's houses pretty much dried up. Tough to sync up with other single parents. My never-been-married romantic interest isn't sure he could ever live with anyone, after a lifetime of having a house to himself. It isn't easy, but I am here to tell you it is better then being married to the wrong person. Been there done that got the bank account deficit to show for it. Still better. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I do have some women but no one I have much interest in and thus do not want to take them away and have them think they mean more to me than they do... Are these women you are sleeping with? Is this what you mean? Link to comment
Throwaway999 Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 LOL.....edit....just saw Hazelwood was gonna make a mopey thread and then jumped on yours.....Must be this damn SPRING! Hahaha Realitynut, pity party for us, we're too mopey to even make our own threads to mope on! We must mooch off of the moping of others LOL Link to comment
Engliro Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 It has happened a couple of times for me, although not through online dating. These were people I met in person, and our personalities just clicked in an instant. The most recent example is a man I met through a mutual friend last year. He was married, but our personalities still complemented each other very well. It was a bit unsettling for me, having chemistry with a man that I wouldn't dare touch due to him already being married. We lost contact for a few months, but we recently got back into contact and he is in the process of a divorce. I don't dare try to 'go for it' because it's only a couple of months into the split, and I'm sure there is plenty he will be sorting through for quite some time - but the chemistry between our personalities is still just as nice. It would be nice to come accross somebody with his spirit, somebody with whom I share that chemistry with, who is emotionally available. Link to comment
quirky Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 well try being in your damn 50's,(late) when half the men have died (exaggeration! ) can't get it up, or are married, or have some terrible dysfunction. 4 years now since i've been in a relationship. Sure....I was attracted to ONE guy. Bi-polar. Our 'relationship' lasted 10 days...lol Omg, you crack me up !! At this point, I pretty much assume anyone cool I meet, probably already is married. In fact, the more people I meet, the LESS it seems possible that I'm going to find anybody that's for me. I just can't believe how hard it is now. Agree with all of that. I used to think people are long term single because something is wrong with them, they are not sexy or loving or they are too difficult and not fun or something like that. Oh, how arrogant I was ! I am honestly surprised as to how difficult it is to find a kindred spirit. I mean, I am looking for an epic connection so I understand the odds are against me. I am not interested in a simple gf/bf scenario, I am looking for a soulmate and someone to be very present and loving in each other's journeys sooo.. I have slowly accepted that this is a once-twice in a lifetime scenario and that it might take even longer than I ever expected. In the meantime I am trying to feel the love in random ways, I have started writing anonymous letters of hope and leaving them in my city for strangers to find ! ! It is a positive step that nurtures the idealist and romantic in me but it is also a sign of how much I now want to connect. Link to comment
Juha Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Are these women you are sleeping with? Is this what you mean? Ms. Darcy They are women I date/hang out/have sex with. Nothing serious with any of them as while I have fun spending time with them. Don't really feel anything long term with them. Link to comment
Iggles Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Told him I feel like I need to be with single people as being with them is not going to help me meet anyone when away. He said that we are all friends and hang out and have fun. They don't care about me being single and hanging out with them. They love hanging out with me. FWIW, it sounds like he was trying to reassure you that you're not a third (or fifth) wheel. However, dude completely missed the point of what you were telling him! You're right that if all you hang out socially is couples than you are losing out on opportunities to meet single women. Unless, they all trying introducing you to a single friend during these outings. Otherwise, carve out some time to try new activities to meet eligible women. Link to comment
DerekJason Posted May 27, 2014 Author Share Posted May 27, 2014 It has happened a couple of times for me, although not through online dating. These were people I met in person, and our personalities just clicked in an instant. Yeah this is the 5th time for me, it certainly challenges my perception of myself. Also I didn't meet these girls online, was just making a statement in the OP that before anyone suggests online dating, I've been doing it for years, and nothing has ever come of it. I've deleted all my online profiles. All I get are scallywags messaging me, and the one I message rarely message back. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Ms. Darcy They are women I date/hang out/have sex with. Nothing serious with any of them as while I have fun spending time with them. Don't really feel anything long term with them. Do they know this? Because you said I do have some women but no one I have much interest in and thus do not want to take them away and have them think they mean more to me than they do. which makes me think that they - or at least some - want a more serious commitment from you. If you have someone who wants more, the kind thing to do is let them go knowing you will never want more back. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Yeah this is the 5th time for me, it certainly challenges my perception of myself. Also I didn't meet these girls online, was just making a statement in the OP that before anyone suggests online dating, I've been doing it for years, and nothing has ever come of it. I've deleted all my online profiles. All I get are scallywags messaging me, and the one I message rarely message back. Why does this challenge your perception of yourself? I've always found this notion of instant connection interesting but personally not required. The times I have felt an "instant connection" it's between torturous and disastrous. Friends first and/or slow growth attraction has always worked best for me. My fiance and I didn't have an instant connection when we first met. But it's grown exponentially and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. Link to comment
happpybear Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 *Hugs* to Realitynut Ya I feel this way sometimes, I have met a number of men recently (and also over the years) that seemed awesome and in a few cases I felt like we had so much in common and "got" each other so much, buuuuut, they were/are married or coupled....and some of them are coupled with women that (imho) are pretty crappy...but that's life! As others have written, you just have to keep truckin' and get comfy with being a bit of a lone wolf. It can be hard though if you aren't used to it. I will be attending a first singles party next weekend (the first singles mixer I have ever gone to in my life)...all by myself....because all my friends are coupled/married/having babies. I am a bit scared actually, going by myself, but I gotta get myself out there and I cant rely on my friends to be willing and able to go out and do things with me and help me meet available men because they are all busy with their own (coupled) lives and all the obligations that go along with that...so I totally feel your pain OP. Link to comment
quirky Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 My fiance and I didn't have an instant connection when we first met. But it's grown exponentially and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. What did you have that got you interested, did you meet as friends? Were you attracted to him or he to you? Link to comment
LostnConfused Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Haha that reminds me of my college days. A friend and I took this course to meet women, I think it was a education or kinesiology course and there were a bunch of cute girls in it. We even got paired into a lab where we were the only men, BUT all the girls had boyfriends! I think there was 10 of us. Pretty bad odds. Link to comment
Juha Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Do they know this? Because you said which makes me think that they - or at least some - want a more serious commitment from you. If you have someone who wants more, the kind thing to do is let them go knowing you will never want more back. Well, one is recently divorced and wants nothing serious at all. The others we keep it casual and don't go out that often but it's very casual with them, both ways. If they showed more effort I would talk with them but I know for a fact they all date other men also. That statement about taking them away may give the wrong impression to them, meaning I don't want to take the chance at having them think I am looking for more. Link to comment
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