In need of a kick in the @$$

[indea08]

He's an amazing person. He's incredibly sweet. All those "little things" that mean so much, he did them in excess. We enjoyed every minute together. We made love like I can't explain. We cooked together, went on road trips together, went out together. We trusted each other enough to have our time apart with friends too, without issues. God, we love each other so, so well.

 

But he's a heroine addict. And he can't beat it. And no one knows if he'll ever beat it. And he stole so much stuff to pawn for drug money. He hid it well. But he couldn't hide his guilt and disappointment in himself. He was so remorseful, but he couldn't stop. He's in jail now. And while I'm angry it him, I also hurt for him. I'm still a happy person with a great career, a beautiful daughter, and a bright future. Life to him is just existence until he can get high, to forget how bad he feels for stealing and lying to get high. I understand that an addict doesn't WANT to be an addict. He's just trying to cope with feelings he doesn't know how to handle. But I still hold him accountable, I just don't have it in me to be so angry at him. My family is angry at me for feeling hurt instead of mad. Like it's my fault. They have no understanding of addiction, nor the open mind to learning about it. I don't blame them for being angry but I wish they wouldn't blame me for being hurt.

 

I still communicate with him. Try to be a light in all his darkness. Encourage him to do what he needs to do to stay clean. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still in love with him. I can't just flip that emotion off. I hope that one day, even if it's years down the road, he'll beat the addiction and live happily and peacefully.

 

I will absolutely not wait around for that. And I will not have him around me or my family. And when he gets out of jail, I will end communication because he will see it as a way into my life. I wouldn't be able to keep him at a distance if we kept writing.

 

But I have to admit, no matter how deep I try to bury it...I have hope that in three years, five years, ten years...we find each other again. And he will have his life together. And while I know my friends and family would never have any part of it, I still hope for it. By then I'm sure I'll have moved on. Because that's the smart thing to do, and probably the easier as well. I'm ridiculous for even hoping...

 

 

 

...right?

[Jetta]

Well we all carry hope, but heroine is an awful drug to be addicted to. My hope for you is you can offer your love to another and let this one go. He will likely drag you down a road you don't want to travel.

[ParisPaulette]

You're where I once stood in love with an addict who refused to get clean and sober. Like you, I eventually ceased all communication, because I needed to heal myself and I finally recognized I couldn't heal him. I told him to come find me if he ever got clean and had stayed clean for a year AND we were both single. None of those things happened, but I did go on and love again with someone who wasn't an addict.

 

It sucks but sometimes, when they won't save themselves, all you can do is save you and those close to you. Good luck and yes, NC is the way to go completely. As long as you keep communication you will let them back into your life and lose loved ones, your possessions, sanity and possibly worse. There comes a point where you have to tell them this is all on you to fix and I am done. It is really the only option you have that is a sane one and yes a loving one too, because as long as an addict as people enabling him or her they won't have any motivation to stop the addiction.

[shellyf62]

I think you need to keep him out of your life for the sake of your Daughter.

She needs to be protected from the things his drug lifestyle would bring with him.

[indea08]

I told him to come find me if he ever got clean and had stayed clean for a year

 

I've told him the same...even though I know my family would raise he|| about it. I 99% hope I have moved on with someone else by then, because I know there would be less difficulties. But that 1% still hopes we find happiness together. Stupid hope.

[Seraphim]

Put all the hope you have into your daughter she has hope. You know my mother put all the hope that she had into my mentally ill father. My brother and I and her suffered and suffered and suffered for that mistake. She tells me now years and years later that that was a horrendous mistake she wish she had never made. My mother madly madly loved my father.

 

And we all suffered for that love ,devotion and hope. I have been in therapy for almost 2 years for that hope that she placed in my father.

 

Don't make your daughter suffer the same way.

[Jetta]

That hope will fade in time, I know I held hope a for a mostly gay though self-confessed bi-sexual guy would choose me. That hope lasted 4 years, our connection was soul deep. Even though he told me he walked away from 2 engagements I still carried hope I was different. I wasn't, men took precedence in his life. Then I realized I wouldn't want that lifestyle anyway, really I wouldn't. He couldn't be what I wanted in life, nor could I for him. I wish him well, but I've let go of ever being together as a couple.

[ParisPaulette]

You're still moving past him and in the process of letting go, of course there will be hope. But chances are also pretty good that somewhere along the line you will move on. And he has to stay clean for a year remember? That's not likely to happen any time soon, so even if he does that you're looking at two years down the road minimum. Chances are better than not that it will never happen. It's been 20 some odd years for me and I never got that call from him, I don't even know where he is or if I'd even recognize him.

 

Go NC, heal and learn from the experience. You do have a daughter to protect and being with him would expose her to people who would quite possibly hurt her even if he's sweet and wouldn't--dealers can get vicious when they think you're cutting into their meal tickets. Again, voice of experience here, so no you have to go NC and move past him if you want you and your daughter safe and kept out of that lifestyle.

 

I know it's hard, but time does help. Rely on your family and friends to help you get through this rough time and let him go. He's the only one who can get himself clean.

[indea08]

Thank you guys