Do you guys have girls flake this much?

[radiohead20]

So I decided to go against my own personal wisdom of deciding to be single until I am in my mid-30s and tried my hand at some more online dating. I decided to download Tinder since I have gotten sick of using Okcupid and Plenty of Fish. It was honestly more the fact that I would just like to meet new people to hang out with, and if something comes of it that's great. After spending days and days on Tinder swiping, I finally got a few matches with alright looking girls (I do not have super high standards), girls that looked like they were fun and I considered at least cute. Out of the matches I had (I swiped around 2,000 girls and got around 50 matches), I messaged them and 10 of them responded back to me. We talked back and forth and I quickly got their numbers and suggested me meet up sometime. Everyone one of them flaked or felt hesitant to meet up (saying things like "well maybe this weekend" etc etc). I am pretty bummed, and this sums up another, as usual, blow to my dating game. 0 for 10, after they said they would "love to meet up".

 

hopefully, this is pretty normal, otherwise I have some terrible luck. last time I did online dating I do not think I had a single girl message me back out of 40-50 messages I sent, despite having my profile reviewed and people said it was great.

 

OK, I admit it, I am willing to let down my ego a little and be open to some open ended criticism as to why this is happening, consistently (or maybe it is the norm), despite my own stubborn thoughts on it (and the regulars on here know what they are). I need a solution.

[junebug123]

Meet women in the real world. Your chances are much better. Many of the females who are hiding behind their computer screens are having 5 or 6 times as many men trying to hit them up. If you talk to a girl on the street, you might be the 3rd or 4th girl who even bother to asked them out that week (depending on their looks). I have had way more success meeting women and exchanging numbers at work, at bars and even on the handball courts or at the gym.

 

Online is really only if you want to practice your game and put yourself out there even more. It isn't good as your only way of contacting women because too many guys are using this same tool as their only means, and unfortunately there aren't enough women who are doing the same. It would be paradise if only half as many men were using this and double the women, us guys would be having dates left and right.

[NorthDallas40]

Whether dating on OKC, POF, Tinder or real-life, be prepared for girls to flake.

 

It's a part of the game, just like being tackled is part of playing football.

 

Don't take it personally and don't get discouraged. Just accept it, realize that EVERY OTHER PERSON WHO IS DATING IS GOING THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING, and soldier on.

 

My method of keeping a healthy attitude is making sure I always have a backup plan if a girl flakes (meet friends instead, for instance) and only giving a girl priority when she's earned it. Until then, live your life and keep busy doing you.

 

Good luck brother!

[radiohead20]

I used to do this too! but all of them flaked as well (after giving me their phone numbers) I must have collected 20-30 phone numbers and none of them met up with me. Of course this was from bars/clubs. I would love meet people in other areas, I can talk to people/girls confidently and fine. I just don't meet anyone new (I work in engineering (all guys) and play progressive metal music (all guys)). I volunteer once in a while but every girl that I am interested in is always taken or assumes I Am taken (since I have a 2 year old).

[annie24]

Wine bars, book clubs, hobby meet ups. All places to meet single women!

[Throwaway999]

I used to do this too! but all of them flaked as well (after giving me their phone numbers) I must have collected 20-30 phone numbers and none of them met up with me. Of course this was from bars/clubs. I would love meet people in other areas, I can talk to people/girls confidently and fine. I just don't meet anyone new (I work in engineering (all guys) and play progressive metal music (all guys)). I volunteer once in a while but every girl that I am interested in is always taken or assumes I Am taken (since I have a 2 year old).

 

Hmm, I was going to say meet women in the real world, too.

 

Online is different and the flake factor is way higher. If you haven't even met them for the first time, you aren't even a real person to them yet, and it doesn't seem like a big deal to flake on somebody you've never actually seen in real life. But I rarely have a problem with women I meet in real life flaking. So, don't take this the wrong way, but if you are getting them to give you their phone number, but then can never get them to actually go on a date with you, you must be doing something that causes this.

[radiohead20]

Hmm, I was going to say meet women in the real world, too.

 

Online is different and the flake factor is way higher. If you haven't even met them for the first time, you aren't even a real person to them yet, and it doesn't seem like a big deal to flake on somebody you've never actually seen in real life. But I rarely have a problem with women I meet in real life flaking. So, don't take this the wrong way, but if you are geting them to give you their phone number, but then can never get them to actually go on a date with you, you must be doing something that causes this.

 

Yeah, that is what I figured. but I am not sure what it is. I don't have any "rules" on when to contact the girl after I get the phone number - it depends on how the interaction went and how I am feeling. could be the next morning, next day, 3 days. Ill just text her and put a little tidbit about something I noticed about her/ tease her a little. then suggest we meet up a little later. sometimes I'll just call if I'm feeling in the mood.

[Throwaway999]

Well, obviously it is kind of hard to pinpoint without really knowing you or these girls at all. Some women will give a guy their number just to get him out of their face, or because they don't have the heart to flat-out reject him on the spot when he asks for it. So you can get numbers from women who never had any intention of actually going on a date with you.

 

But if we are talking 30 or so women, I'm just assuming that at least SOME of them were actually interested when they gave you their number! So there might be something you are doing when you "text her and put a little tidbit about something I noticed about her/ tease her a little" that is turning them off.

[annie24]

Yeah, I'm curious what your text conversations are going like.

 

That said, I don't know a lot of marriage-minded women my age on Tinder. Maybe they're out there, but isn't that more of a hookup site? Unless that is what you want. Have you tried eHarmony or a pay site?

[wilyone 11]

You're doing something wrong.

 

Flake factor is certainly high in online dating, but getting 20-30 phone numbers in real life and they all flake on you? Something you are writing or saying is turning them off.

[tmtex]

I did the online thing up to the end of last yr. Yes they were all flakes. At first I was looking for a GF, someone to do things with and more. Well turned out most wanted dinner and sex. So I became a player and went with the flow. Seemed that on any site and even the pay ones most lied, were fake or only after sex.

BTW, I am in my 40's so from what I am told that's when women are in their sexual prime. Not sure if that's what it is.

[missmarple]

You're doing something wrong.

 

Flake factor is certainly high in online dating, but getting 20-30 phone numbers in real life and they all flake on you? Something you are writing or saying is turning them off.

 

That's what I think, too. Something in your approach is wrong.

For the record, I've never flaked on anyone.

[Lonewing]

I did the online thing up to the end of last yr. Yes they were all flakes. At first I was looking for a GF, someone to do things with and more. Well turned out most wanted dinner and sex. So I became a player and went with the flow. Seemed that on any site and even the pay ones most lied, were fake or only after sex.

BTW, I am in my 40's so from what I am told that's when women are in their sexual prime. Not sure if that's what it is.

 

That would be quite nice...

[radiohead20]

That's what I think, too. Something in your approach is wrong.

For the record, I've never flaked on anyone.

 

yeah, exactly. Problem is, I don't know what it is. I interact with them fine and people say I talk confidently. It just does not make sense. People say I come accross as confident when I talk to strangers.

 

The running theory I have here, and this is where the bears on this forum ravage me and tell me I am stupid, is that I don't have any physical features that draw a girl to want to really see me again. now bear with me (pun intended); I think looks matter A LOT more to women than people say on here, that is one thing, but more importantly, it is more about not having any "turn-off" features rather than being "good looking". there are average and ugly guys with hot girls because, although they are overall, "ugly or average", there is one redeeming features about them that draws the girls (maybe a nice jaw, or a five o clock shadow, or height etc) to stay interested in them, along with chemistry. 98% of men have at least one of these features, I do not have ANY (which is a rarity). I think the reason why girls respond well to me, conversationally wise, and give me their numbers is because I am playful and can talk confidently with women and can lead them (hence they will give me their number), but once they go home and the "aura" disappears and they think about it, they just don't "feel" it due to what I explained above. It's the only explanation I have. I have friends who are WAY more socially anxious and have pretty terrible"game" that have way less flake rates than me. (doing stuff like texting the girl constantly when she does not respond).

 

Of course, people are going to debunk my theory as nutsy. but at least give it a piece of thought and be open to it before you do.

[BigKK]

Out of my 4 tinder dates, I went on 3 of the dates, and fourth I flaked on...because I wanted her to meet me halfway, she didn't, I agreed, and then I realized it's ludicrous to drive an hour to meet up with her so I backed out. (3-4 days in advance)

 

 

I would argue it's not looks, I'd say I'm decent but my personality outshines my looks...so once I meet people face to face, I can "go in for the kill." If you want specific help, post up some of your last text exchanges and how the flaking occurred. You have an incredibly high flaking rate, and don't go thinking it's looks... you may be overshooting if that's the problem...but regardless that is very self-defeating and perhaps your lack of confidence appears somewhere.

 

My close friend always blames his looks... he's a decent looking guy, in shape, but he is on the thinner end, and says that because I have muscles and he doesn't I get the ladies... Except every mutual female friend I ask, they say that he creeps them out and has a 'chauvinistic' air about him...so just something to consider... often times it's not what you look like, but you may be using it as an excuse.

 

 

 

 

Wine bars, book clubs, hobby meet ups. All places to meet single women!

 

What if most of your hobbies are not female friendly? Hobby change?

[Throwaway999]

Well, the nice thing about your theory is that it means everything is beyond your control and you don't need to bother changing your behavior at all.

 

I would have to guess that it is a combination of two things:

 

1) - you aren't really establishing a connection or attraction with these women, you are just chatting them up and then asking for their number. I am pretty particular and don't really ask random women for their number, I have to feel like we actually connect somehow. I mean, I probably haven't asked for 30 women's numbers in my whole LIFE. But when I do get a number I don't get flaked on. I know the pick up advice tells you it is a numbers game but I know I have had more success being selective.

 

2) If they only have marginal interest from the get-go, you are probably turning them off somehow when you contact them later. I would avoid the flirty banter via text and just straight up ask them on a date, and then SHUT UP. Maybe you DO do better in person, so you would be better served by keeping most of your contact face to face. If you aren't face to face just don't give them a reason to get turned off until you can meet them in person where presumably you do better?

[radiohead20]

It's just a theory, I hope it is not true because then things would be mostly out of my control. mounting evidence and my own "gut feel" shows it is heading towards it.

 

1) now that you mention it, I think this MAY be the reason. the environments I have been around to obtain numbers (when in public) are really not conducive to long conversations etc. We would talk, but may be for 15-30 minutes at the most maybe dance etc.

 

2)I do move in for setting up a date, pretty quickly, especially the with tinder matches. I do in fact do a lot better in person, as people have told me. problem is I know that women on tinder get TONS of attention (as with all online dating). they may be interested in meeting up with me by itself, but if they are flooded with hundreds of matches and tons of messages, their is a strong likelihood that there are other guys that are better looking (online dating is very superficial) and can hold a conversation just as fine or better than me. Something tells me they were interest in me at the time, but had a more interesting option show up.

[annie24]

Yeah, it could be that you are saying something that is turning these women off. I have 2 friends who recently went on dates. Neither is looking for a serious relationship, but both were turned off when the guy seemed too interested in sex, too early on. I mean, the thing is, they want casual sex too, but not to the point where they feel like that's all the guy wants. Just a thought.

[ultimateguy8]

I'll tell you exactly what I tell my buddy - Tinder is a great tool for talking to girls and meeting chicks but you can't use Tinder as your main source for dating girls. It just won't work. Just go out in the real world and you'll have 100% better odds of getting a date. I met way more girls through the bar scene (just on Fridays and Saturdays) than I would have ever made through Tinder if I spent every waking moment on there in the same time period.

 

Also remember, girls are naturally more hesitant than guys to meet up with someone they don't know (and rightfully so, with things like date rape, Craigslist killer, etc) so if you really want to meet up with a girl, you're going to have to build trust. I had Tinder for awhile and only ended up meeting up with one girl off of it. We texted for a few weeks, snapchatted a lot (so we both knew what each other really looked like), and even talked on the phone the night before I was going to meet up with her to break the ice a bit. Things worked out for awhile and we went out on about 10 dates this past summer.

 

Not every number you get is going to work out for you. I've gotten tons of numbers before - off Tinder and the real world - and for whatever reason, things don't work out. It happens.

[Superfreak]

Not that I think there's a particular number or science to this but I probably need to average getting 10 or 20 phone numbers (gathered in real life) before 1 of them turns in to a date/meetup.

 

I can put this down largely to the nature of meeting women in clubs, with alcohol influence and just generally flighty behaviour from the type of people that often go there.

 

I've tried some meeting women in daytime and the ratios are a bit better though its obviously very against social norms to approach women during the day which is the challenge.

[quirky]

if they are flooded with hundreds of matches and tons of messages, their is a strong likelihood that there are other guys that are better looking (online dating is very superficial) and can hold a conversation just as fine or better than me.

 

That is why you have to aim for quality rather than quantity. If you have something in common with a woman and you show no desperation but also interest in developing a further connection then the woman will remember you despite the number of emails she gets. If you contact a million girls yourself and speak to them like everyone else does then she will flake because she has many ''you's' lined up. Bu if you stand out from the crowd you are then less replaceable and more intriguing. I vote in being more selective too. But I think being a bit flirty is ok, I have turned down many guys that said were picky but seemed cold because of how cool they wanna look about it.