The Imsuperman Files

[imsuperman]

It's not as much flying I'm worried about. I'm on them for depression just as much as anxiety.

 

It's hard to explain, even to my cousin. I'm growing tired of everyone around me telling me, "Do x, do y to improve your life, and make people like you more." Reason being: I feel the world has changed around me but I'm still me. I'm sick of trying to change peoples perception of me, because they are obdurate in them no matter what.

[imsuperman]

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Chocolate milk post workout because I'm about halfway into my month of no supplements (I take protein and creatine)

 

I was 174 pounds this morning. I've eaten an entire bag of boneless wings in less than 24 hours.

 

I'm doing a body composition test Wednesday morning before work.

 

I'm training our temp starting tomorrow. He will take over some of my lighter duties so I can do more important stuff.

[treesandbees]

^ I love chocolate milk too. How's the medication trial going now? Seems like you go between having a good day right on a real bad day from what you posted above.

 

Have you gone back to your doctor to sort through all you are feeling so far? Don't wait until supply ends, if you need to have a visit do it.

 

You should just not log into your FB until the meds start working, you will only feel like crap looking at his trip photos, and other people's cheery posts on social media. I still cry lots on my meds, I have changed mine a few times, the meds and the dosage and I still am a crier, gee thanks universe.. not even meds can numb me anymore. Do you do talk therapy with your meds? If not might give that a try, private or in a group session. Hope you had a nice Easter.

[imsuperman]

^ I love chocolate milk too. How's the medication trial going now? Seems like you go between having a good day right on a real bad day from what you posted above.

 

Have you gone back to your doctor to sort through all you are feeling so far? Don't wait until supply ends, if you need to have a visit do it.

 

You should just not log into your FB until the meds start working, you will only feel like crap looking at his trip photos, and other people's cheery posts on social media. I still cry lots on my meds, I have changed mine a few times, the meds and the dosage and I still am a crier, gee thanks universe.. not even meds can numb me anymore. Do you do talk therapy with your meds? If not might give that a try, private or in a group session. Hope you had a nice Easter.

 

It's had mixed results at best. I take it at 10 PM every night. I hadn't had sleeping problems for the most part, but the past two nights it's taken me hours to fall asleep, and I'm not even thinking about work.

 

If I can stick it out two more weeks, that will be my next scheduled visit. But it's looking like I'm going to ask for something more mild, like Wellbutrin or whatever. That way I can get my testosteropne levels feeling higher and hopefully sleep more.

 

Easter was good. Did you do anything?

[imsuperman]

Felt ok today despite being sleepy. I think my brain felt more back in order which was good. I trained our temp guy and found out he will be full time. So I'm completely on to bigger and better things at work for the foreseeable future. Hopefully I will get a full night's sleep tonight. I won't have breakfast in the morning until after my body comp test.

[imsuperman]

Feeling...ok today.

 

Training our temp has been interesting. Since I'm training him I've just had him use my pc for th last couple days since he isn't set up yet. I just set in my other chair and show him how to do things. He graduated last summer and is 22. This is his first ever paid job, which is pretty crazy to me. He doesn't even have experience in our industry, so you can tell our director is very anxious to get me on to more business development-type stuff. The temp however is doing pretty well overall.

 

My body comp test at work turned out to be a total waste of time. The person who administered it screwed up the formula (everything is done in an excel spreadsheet) and I got 28.6 percent lol. I sent my results to the head of our gym to see if she could pinpoint the mistake. I'm 6-3 and weight in the low to mid 170s, so there's no way I was tsted properly. She even sent me the spreadsheet and my body fat cell doesn't have the formula in it at all, so it's just some arbitrary number. Hopefully I can get a retest.

 

I've been trying to feel normal even though I'm worried I'll never be able to fly anywhere in my life, and the implications of that.

 

I try not to think about those things but they still creep in now and then.

[imsuperman]

Meant my friend for lunch today. It was nice. He wants to go to NYC with me possibly in April or May. He's trying to cheer me up, but it's a possibility.

 

My next doctor's appointment is April 13 I think. I've been on the Zoloft slightly more than three weeks. I can't really tell how well it's working so far. I feel a bit better, but the depression/bad thoughts still pop up here and there.

 

Hopefully it will get better.

[Miss Firecracker]

Meant my friend for lunch today. It was nice. He wants to go to NYC with me possibly in April or May. He's trying to cheer me up, but it's a possibility.

 

My next doctor's appointment is April 13 I think. I've been on the Zoloft slightly more than three weeks. I can't really tell how well it's working so far. I feel a bit better, but the depression/bad thoughts still pop up here and there.

 

Hopefully it will get better.

 

I hope you give it two months. It really takes awhile to get into your system.

[WithLove]

It does. It takes a few weeks to a few months for you to really notice any difference. When you go in for your check up, talk to your doctor. Have the side effects gone away? If you're still not feeling good, your doctor may need to increase your dosage. Or, Zoloft may not be the right med for you and you may consider trying another one.

 

It's all about brain chemistry. Even though two meds may do the same thing, your body will react differently to them. My body absolutely loved it when I tried Prozac; at least, my mind loved it. I felt the difference immediately. But my body decided I was going to be allergic to it. I've been on the off brand of Effexor for a year; an increased dosage for a couple months; and even though it's the best I've felt in a long time, it still doesn't make me feel as exhilarated as I did on Prozac.

 

Keep it up. It'll all work out. It just takes time.

[imsuperman]

Thanks guys for reading and your advice. I do feel better than I did a week or two ago, so things seem to be headed in the right direction. And it does look like I may get there (by car, then train) either next month or the month after, and that helps. We actually almost have the whole planning nearly finalized, and we'll probably have the dates nailed down tomorrow.

 

I want to...do things.

 

Also getting back to the weights really helps. I was so sick a couple of weeks ago that I only lifted like once or twice over a span of a couple of weeks and I felt terrible not doing it. This week I've gotten back to my normal routine and feel a ton better. It's the one thing that really helps with my confidence.

[WithLove]

Part of feeling anxious and depressed is the lack of motivation to do things. The fact that you're getting into that mind frame of "I want to do things" tells me that you're improving.

[imsuperman]

Part of feeling anxious and depressed is the lack of motivation to do things. The fact that you're getting into that mind frame of "I want to do things" tells me that you're improving.

 

Yeah I think I'm kind of trying to force myself back into a "normal" mindset.

 

Unfortunately I didn't sleep well again last night. It's 9 Am and I've had two hot coffees and an iced coffee. The falling asleep thing is starting to become an issue.

[imsuperman]

Took an Ativan last night about an hour before bed and slept the whole night. Shot some basketball and got a workout on this morning. I feel so much better today.

[Seraphim]

It is good that you're feeling better superman ! My husband takes Zoloft and he is 1000 times better on it. He takes 100 mg every day for the past eight years . He took other medications before like Paxil and Prozac and something else but they weren't for him . It takes about six or eight weeks to get the full effect .

[imsuperman]

Thanks Vic! I had a pretty decent weekend. I'm currently in the theater waiting to see Batman v Superman in IMAX to start. I saw it last weekend and kind of liked it but had some pets I didn't like, so I wanted to check it out again. No one to really go with, so I went by myself. It's the first time I've ever been to the movies alone.

 

Feels kind of nice, actually.

[itsallgrand]

I've heard some mixed reviews. Let me know if you think it's worth it - not for me, but was thinking of taking my formerly comic book nerd to it.

 

So glad your weekend has been well.

[Seraphim]

Thanks Vic! I had a pretty decent weekend. I'm currently in the theater waiting to see Batman v Superman in IMAX to start. I saw it last weekend and kind of liked it but had some pets I didn't like, so I wanted to check it out again. No one to really go with, so I went by myself. It's the first time I've ever been to the movies alone.

 

Feels kind of nice, actually.

 

I'm glad to hear you are picking up!

[imsuperman]

I've heard some mixed reviews. Let me know if you think it's worth it - not for me, but was thinking of taking my formerly comic book nerd to it.

 

So glad your weekend has been well.

 

I liked it slightly better the second time around. I give it a 7/10. Jesse Eisenberg is miscast as Lex Luthor, and I wish the story had more emotional depth. Affleck is actually a pretty good Batman, but I wish we could have seen more of him as Bruce Wayne.

 

I'm glad to hear you are picking up!

 

Thanks!

 

I think it's about getting back to doing things on my own terms. If I have a servere phobia, that is what it is right now, you know? People can try to talk me out of it but I have to do what's right for me.

[imsuperman]

Our train trip to NYC is on. And it's only 2.5 weeks away!

[Seraphim]

Our train trip to NYC is on. And it's only 2.5 weeks away!

 

That sounds exciting!

[imsuperman]

It should be. I still have some anxiety and depressive joints here and there so I'm a little nervous, but I want to push myself a little.

 

My next doctor's appointment is on the thirteenth. I will look into blood thinning meds due to the long ride and my previous dvt. I'm also going to see about dosing/possibly other meds I don't know. I still feel weird at times and tired even when I sleep well.

[Seraphim]

SSRI's can make you feel tired in the beginning. That wears off as your brain and body get used to it . But absolutely talk to your doctor if you feel something is off .

[imsuperman]

Yes there are still a number of medics things to look into. I will ask his advice about the upcoming log rides due to my previous blood clot. He might have me do shots of lovenox or blood thinner pills. I'm a little apprehensive about the trip because of what's been going on and the fact that I haven't been away from home in over a decade. Gonna push through it though.

 

I had some weird futuristic dream last night where I was avoiding like the government searching for me or something. It took place in the neighborhood I grew up in, buy was kind of post apocalyptic.

 

They got back to me yesterday with my corrected body fat percentage. I was 7.5 percent on the three site calipers test.

[treesandbees]

Easter was alright for me..it isn't a holiday I really care if I celebrate or not, I faked my enjoyment and did all the family stuff.. bought my niece lots of candy treats and ate a lot of baked ham... the usual.

 

Congrats on the NYC train trip that is coming up for you. Good for you for getting there and hope you enjoy yourself.

[imsuperman]

So work has been kind of stressful. They finally set up the temp I was training with his own computer and login stuff so his first day with his own machine is today, He's doing ok, though it's been a busy day.

 

I'm kind of dipping my toe into the new work they want me to start today. It's not too bad, but I don't know how it will all shake out.I like the company I work at, but I don't know if the current position is right for me. I'm on my third role (while still doing my second) and my third manager in a year and a half. All the change is a little jarring and sometimes I feel like they like me here but aren't sure how to use me in this current department. And I was kind of pissed today because my manager was originally going to train me on it, then he has meetings all day so I had to look up trainings myself.

 

The upcoming NY trip isn't bad financially. We're still working out the details. I'm still apprehensive about it, but I really want to experience it.

 

I haven't heard from my cousin too much since he went. I found out last week that my family (sister, mom, dad) are kind of unhappy with him for not just driving/riding with me or whatever. My dad said he could have handled it better, my mom said he could have more compassion, and my sister is very angry with him about it, and says I shouldn't talk to him for a while. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I lost a decent amount of money that weekend, even though I'm in overall good shape financially. It's just as I get older I don't want to have anger in my heart. The experience has been painful enough as it is.

 

I'm feeling...ok. Ups and down still somewhat. I take the Zoloft at 7 am with breakfast, and I seem to feel better in the mid afternoon than the morning.

 

I haven't played basketball in about three weeks or more. I was going to today but I had knee pain from deadlifts last night, and my upper back/neck issue on the left side is flaring up again. I miss it badly but on the plus side without it I've gotten back up to 176 lbs.