The Imsuperman Files

[imsuperman]

Only if it's in the budget for an actual therapist for me.

 

Seriously though, I can't afford to go with the insurance I have. Isn't that sad?

 

I'm lucky in that department. I have great insurance/benefits. I feel like talking with a therapist would just make me feel lonelier than I already do though!

[WithLove]

I really like the give and take I get from talking to someone. Makes me feel connected. I had great benefits under my mother's insurance; then I turned 26 at the end of October and Obama said I couldn't be on hers anymore. And now I'm paying a hefty chunk out of each paycheck for insurance I cannot afford to use.

[imsuperman]

I really like the give and take I get from talking to someone. Makes me feel connected. I had great benefits under my mother's insurance; then I turned 26 at the end of October and Obama said I couldn't be on hers anymore. And now I'm paying a hefty chunk out of each paycheck for insurance I cannot afford to use.

 

Yeah I would look into it if I wanted to devote money to it.

 

I'm really trying to look into ways to solve the difficulties I'm having, but it kind of feels like I'm in a hamster wheel. Every day is the same as the last, is the same as the last...

[imsuperman]

My neck is finally feeling a little better today. Did legs and abs last night though to give that area a rest, and I don't lift weights on Wednesdays.

 

Monday I slipped and fell on a wet spot at basketball all alone on a fast break. Luckily my butt broke most of the fall. And apparently my right elbow too, because I noticed a bruise there last night when I was brushing my teeth.

 

Went to a Hibachi joint yesterday for lunch and had steak, chicken, and fried rice with a salad and a scoop of pineapple sherbet for dessert. Weighed myself before my workout and was 179.8 *groan*

 

I should start a gofundme to have food delivered to my office. Daily.

[imsuperman]

I guess my sister's ex husband and her are talking about custody. His new wife is pregnant with twins. He said he now only wants to see my nephew once a month instead of every weekend (technically my sister has had him one weekend a month so they "can have time together as a couple." It will be interesting to see how that all works out. Her ex-husband is immature and wishy-washy and changes his mind all the time, so who knows what he wants.

 

My mother has begun her annual, "I hope you aren't disappointed with Christmas, becuase you didn't get very much" routine. She's said it three to five times in the last couple of weeks. I always tell her: I'm an adult; if I want something badly enough, I'll just get it. I never ask for anything for Christmas. I know she means well, but it's always a goofy thing for her to say in my opinion. Like I'm just gonna open a new dress shirt or something to that effect and just say, "(F) this, I wanted Lincoln Logs," and toss it aside and cross my arms.

 

]

[imsuperman]

Really weird day today.

 

We ended up playing basketball, but I played horribly after doing well on Wednesday. I might hit the gym when it opens tomorrow and see if I can't get some shots in. My jumper has been lacking for some time, and that is usually my strong suit. I can't tell if it's a focus/mental thing, or a muscle memory thing where I'm getting stronger physically and am having trouble adjusting my shot. Probably both. I nailed a bomb from 27 to 30 feet out, and had a cool contested bank from the left side down low but the rest was desolation. I felt lethargic. I wasn't hustling like I normally do. But when I'm in a good mood, I play well. I wasn't really in a bad mood today, but I was kind of dreading playing. And man, I sucked. (I also blame myself for stupidly having a doughnut like an hour before, that will not happen again) I'm going to hit back and chest tonight and hopefully that will get me in a better mental state.

 

Work is always weird this time of year too. Lots of people are taking off. Those that are in are just kind of marking time looking forward to time off. I took off the 18th and 21st for a four day weekend. Then we will leave early Christmas eve, so a 3.5 day weekend then.

 

Maybe I'm just thinking too much about myself. I've been trying to think of ways to change my personality and social life.

 

Am I only confident at times when it matters least? Or not really confident at all?

 

Am I who I wanted to be? I don't really remember.

 

Sometimes I kind of feel like an android. I'm a good son. I'm a good employee. But I feel empty. Not really depressed, just stagnant.

 

There's a song lyric:

I'm affable, responsible, but hard to be around

[imsuperman]

Woke up and went to the rec center at 8 am when they opened. Shot for almost an hour and shot pretty well. Legs are sore from bball this week and my arms arwe still sore fro Thursday night's workout.

 

My sister said she will see Star Wars with me Thursday night. "Nobody goes to the movies alone," she said. But I wouldn't mind. But I do have two tickets.

 

I will try to rest up for the remainder of the weekend and get my birthday and Christmas shopping done. My sister's birthday is Wednesday, which I almost totally forgot about.

[treesandbees]

You really upkeep your journal, every time I pop back online I cannot keep up and I always forgot to even bring my lil one up and update mine, I'll try to do my journal tomorrow. ( hate think bout myself!)

 

Aw, on your nephew calling you "daddy " like I get mommy off my niece. I secretly loved it, wish she was mine.

 

Nice words you said about your grandfather and your dad, I am sure you will have the same legacy of kind words too.

 

Haha that bunny suit picture, love that movie. I prefer it over It's a wonderful life movie. My mom does some things similar, as I am about to open whatever gift, b-day or Christmas she always goes " if you don't like it I kept the receipt and we can exchange it" says it every time. smh I am not that fussy and it's free and a gift why should I complain whatever it is. lol

[treesandbees]

Nothing wrong with being a good _______ anything means you are thoughtful and not selfish and care about others. Count it has a major character plus.

 

Hope you and sis have a nice time at the movies. .lol I've never gone to the movies lone I am always scare some creeper will sit by me and bug me the whole time and follow me as I change seats lol My family went to see Krampus, is that the movie? Horror one.

[imsuperman]

^^Yeah I don't like writing about myself either. I have a difficult time expressing myself through writing here, and I just talk about boring stuff anyway

 

It's not really that I don't see myself as having positive character traits, but I wish I was better at relationships and making friends. I don't know if it's just a "vibe" I give off or what. It's not me though, and it's difficult to feel like people may not really know the real me. I always thought when I got older and got my life in order my social life would work out better, but it hasn't.

 

We're seeing the new Star Wars Thursday night. I'm a geek, I had to see it as early as possible. I picked up the tickets today.

 

Did you see Krampus with them? I kind of want to see it, but not pay for it---but I think I do actually have a free movie on my card.

[imsuperman]

Forgot to add about last night...

 

So I hit a new personal record of 305 on the deadlift last week. Last night I got 305 up fairly easily. So I tried three plates for 315. I missed it, but not by much. My jammed pinky from 2.5 weeks ago is still bothering my right hand's grip---it didn't move the bar as much even though it's my dominant hand. (It also probably didn't help that I had two people I knew watching me) I may have to get straps to assist my grip.

 

Being tall and trying to lift is no fun.

 

Also, I weighed in this morning at only 177.6 lbs, following a steak and eggs breakfast.

 

I will never ever get strong.

]

[WithLove]

I hate that you can eat and eat and eat and left weights and LOSE weight.

[WithLove]

I had tickets to Star Wars to see with my guy next week. But we broke up on Thursday and I gave him the tickets. So I won't be seeing it. I'm jealous that you are. I could still go, but it'd be painful.

 

Have you tried meetup yet?

[imsuperman]

I hate that you can eat and eat and eat and left weights and LOSE weight.

 

I had tickets to Star Wars to see with my guy next week. But we broke up on Thursday and I gave him the tickets. So I won't be seeing it. I'm jealous that you are. I could still go, but it'd be painful.

 

Have you tried meetup yet?

 

I kind of hate it too. a lot of people probably a humblebrag on my part, but it's not fun. At all. I badly injured my ankle in basketball in February and sat out for two months. (By the way, that ankle still pops, waiting to see if we play corporate challenge before I see a doctor about it) I think I got up to 194 in spring of this year, but since I started playing again I've lost and lost and gotten leaner and hungrier all the time. But when I play, I run full-speed as long as I'm feeling good. I'll run back on defense if the other team gets a steal and try to still get the ball while the rest of my team watches and all that. I think little things like that have a lot to do with the calories I burn. I think I might scale back to one day a week for bball every now and then after the holidays to give my body a break. I get cut and bruised. My right foot aches. I've been hit square in the nose twice just in the past week. My knees ache like you wouldn't believe if we play all three days. Being so light and getting intentionally fouled due to my height is really taxing over time. I want so badly to get stronger. I'd love to get up to a lean 200 lbs.

 

I have looked into Meetup a lot over the last month or so. I'm still trying to find some that are more close-by and interest me. The biggest challenge is trying to find one that kind of fits my demographic.

 

I'm planning to move closer to the city I work in in spring or summer of next year. I'm putting off searching for places though until 2016

[imsuperman]

Breakfast:

Three small biscuits with gravy

Three pieces of sausage

Small piece of apple almond cake

Protein shake (Strawberry banana-flavored) with a scoop of unflavored creatine

 

Snack:

Protein bar

 

Lunch:

Turkey and cheese sandwich (Two slies of bread, thre slcies of turkey, one slice American cheese)

Banana

Peronsal-sized bag baked potato chips

 

Naughty Snack:

Tried a very small piece of something called "Pumpkin bark" at work. It was nasty.

Had a small piece of taffy to cancel out the pumpkin bark.

 

Dinner:

Two scrambled eggs with hot sauce

Two pieces of toast with fat free margarine

Three of those tiny circular sausages

Some bacon

A handful of mixed nuts

 

Snack:

Probably sixteen or twenty club crackers with

Two slices of provologne cheese

Around fifteen slices of turkey pepporoni

Two slices of American cheese

 

Three hours left in the day. Will have probably one more protein shake and maybe some cereal before then.

[WithLove]

I just.... don't understand it. I eat one meal a day. One. meal. And I drink so much water. And I've lost 10 lbs in two months.

 

You eat enough for 3 people, are active, you go to sleep and loose weight. I DON'T GET IT

[imsuperman]

I just.... don't understand it. I eat one meal a day. One. meal. And I drink so much water. And I've lost 10 lbs in two months.

 

You eat enough for 3 people, are active, you go to sleep and loose weight. I DON'T GET IT

 

I've never in my life eaten one meal a day, so I'm not sure how that would work. I do think it depends less on when you eat and more on what though.

[WithLove]

I've never in my life eaten one meal a day, either. But I don't get hungry as often while on these weight loss meds, so often the only meal I eat is lunch, around 1 pm. It sustains me way through the dinner hour.

 

However, I know that I'll have to eat more when I start going to the gym. The added output of energy will eat up the calories I'm eating for lunch and I'll start feeling hungry more often; even more especially after I start getting weaned off the meds. Before the meds, months ago, when I was hitting the gym daily, I'd eat something small about every 2 hours. A banana, or a granola bar, or a small protein shake. Something. I learned that I never got huge cravings because I never let myself get too hungry. Therefore I never really engorged when it came to eating meals, either. I didn't lose much of anything in terms of numbers on a scale, but I could feel the difference in the way my clothes fit, the way I felt leaner and such. I was doing cardio and lifting.

 

Right now, I'd like to go back to doing the same as before; but I won't be going to the same gym as before, and I don't know the equipment at this gym. I don't know anyone, either. Don't know anyone to ask to show me how the machines work. I'm shy and don't want to look like an idiot trying to figure them out. I've asked my friend if she minds if I continue using hers, even though she no longer goes and we don't hang out much anymore. I know all the machines in hers, though, and I'm comfortable in it.

[imsuperman]

I've never in my life eaten one meal a day, either. But I don't get hungry as often while on these weight loss meds, so often the only meal I eat is lunch, around 1 pm. It sustains me way through the dinner hour.

 

However, I know that I'll have to eat more when I start going to the gym. The added output of energy will eat up the calories I'm eating for lunch and I'll start feeling hungry more often; even more especially after I start getting weaned off the meds. Before the meds, months ago, when I was hitting the gym daily, I'd eat something small about every 2 hours. A banana, or a granola bar, or a small protein shake. Something. I learned that I never got huge cravings because I never let myself get too hungry. Therefore I never really engorged when it came to eating meals, either. I didn't lose much of anything in terms of numbers on a scale, but I could feel the difference in the way my clothes fit, the way I felt leaner and such. I was doing cardio and lifting.

 

Right now, I'd like to go back to doing the same as before; but I won't be going to the same gym as before, and I don't know the equipment at this gym. I don't know anyone, either. Don't know anyone to ask to show me how the machines work. I'm shy and don't want to look like an idiot trying to figure them out. I've asked my friend if she minds if I continue using hers, even though she no longer goes and we don't hang out much anymore. I know all the machines in hers, though, and I'm comfortable in it.

 

Really the best thing you can do is check labels and really count calories. I worked in the fitness industry for several years, and SO MANY people underestimate how many calories they eat. I've seen a lot of people that would come into the gym three times a week and leave giant pools of sweat on the elliptical mats, then hit the weights. They were doing all this work and not losing any weight. And sometimes gaining weight. Because it doesn't matter how much you work out if you eat it all back.

 

I've only seen this very episode of this show, but I thought it was really interesting in getting it's point across. If you get a chance, check it out.

 

[video=youtube;bYJrC3RTtgQ] ]

[WithLove]

I used MyFitnessPal and adjusted the core nutrients level to what j.man had suggested (I can't remember them now, honestly, but it was way more protein and a little more fat, but less carbs). 1400 calories allotted per day. I followed it pretty religiously and almost always ate below that mark - I actually found it pretty hard to reach it, to be honest. I often would add a soda to reach the calorie limit, but would end up going over the sugar intake.

 

I haven't had anything with caffeine in over 2 months and because of that, have really reduced my intake of sugary drinks. I rarely drink soda, although I sometimes have a Sprite or similar with a meal, but I never finish it. I can easily not drink any soda at all now. I have developed an intense love of apple juice and chocolate milk. I buy it like it's going out of style, but I get 100% apple juice with 1/3 less sugar than normal and I get low-fat chocolate milk. Otherwise I just drink water and tons of it. I rarely drink anything else.

 

I miss soda and tea.

[imsuperman]

I used MyFitnessPal and adjusted the core nutrients level to what j.man had suggested (I can't remember them now, honestly, but it was way more protein and a little more fat, but less carbs). 1400 calories allotted per day. I followed it pretty religiously and almost always ate below that mark - I actually found it pretty hard to reach it, to be honest. I often would add a soda to reach the calorie limit, but would end up going over the sugar intake.

 

I haven't had anything with caffeine in over 2 months and because of that, have really reduced my intake of sugary drinks. I rarely drink soda, although I sometimes have a Sprite or similar with a meal, but I never finish it. I can easily not drink any soda at all now. I have developed an intense love of apple juice and chocolate milk. I buy it like it's going out of style, but I get 100% apple juice with 1/3 less sugar than normal and I get low-fat chocolate milk. Otherwise I just drink water and tons of it. I rarely drink anything else.

 

I miss soda and tea.

 

Low sugar is super important. I actually aim for double digits (usually no more than 75ish) in grams of sugar per day and no more. That includes everything. Fruit, cereal, milk, juice, granola, yogurt, whatever. Fruit is better than juice because it has fiber in it which slows down the sugar's release into your bloodstream.

[WithLove]

I love fruit and try to eat it as much as I can as a snack. It's incredibly expensive here, though, so there are times that I can't get as much of it as I'd like to.

 

Sorry for hijacking your journal!

[imsuperman]

I love fruit and try to eat it as much as I can as a snack. It's incredibly expensive here, though, so there are times that I can't get as much of it as I'd like to.

 

Sorry for hijacking your journal!

 

Ha, I don't care. I could talk about this stuff all day. I guess it's more or less: Even too much "healthy" food/drink can be a bad thing. Do watch that sugar. I guarantee the less milk and juice you drink, the more weight you will lose. And it is tough to wean your body off of it. But less of those things and more water could be a major thing for you. Calories are calories, solid or liquid. And you're body doesn't do much at all with fructose.

 

 

[imsuperman]

Rolled out my back and lats on a foam roller last night. Feels pretty good.

 

This is what happens when you bruise easily and get grabbed intentionally in bball. This is today, but it happened Friday.

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]10855[/ATTACH]

 

There's a finger nail mark on the same wrist because I got grabbed Monday on a drive. Didn't matter, I scored with my other hand.

[WithLove]

Ouch!!! Looks painful. Not much you can do with bruises but let them heal. Soon it'll be lots of pretty colors!!