Really depressed

[Batya33]

So I did most of my dating (24 years on and off until age 38) in a city very much like NYC. It has its benefits and disadvantages. I think the volume was a benefit and the variety of interesting people and lifestyles. I think the candy store analogy is an apt one. I met over 100 men in person through dating sites and I'd say a low percentage of them were bad-strange and/or jerks. The rest were basically good people. Several of my friends met their spouses/long term partners through on line sites in their 20s, 30s and 40s. I think it's great that you're meeting people through friends. I would not have started dating that guy because of all of his issues -and he was so up front and honest with you about it!

 

One of my friends from NYC in her early 40s just got engaged to a never married early 40s guy who seems great -both educated professionals/lovely families -they met on link removed.

 

It is so tough but you can make it a bit easier by staying away from men who have the issues you describe.

[NorthDallas40]

I agree with Batya; I've met a very low percentage of weirdos/losers too. My experience with online dating is that most of the women I've met have been great people, and the ones who didn't work out were just not interested or not compatible.

 

I'm beginning to think that people who complain about the quality of people they meet from OLD may just need to calibrate their filtering process before meeting.

 

It's pretty easy to identify most of the crazies on a first date... or even just by reading their profile!

[goodheartlady]

Well I am older. The majority of high-quality men in their 30's have a lot of options. if i were them, i would certainly prioritize a 25 year old girl over myself as well. And trust me, gorgeous 25 year olds is of an needless supply in the city.

 

I was sincerely trying really hard to stay open minded with this guy. I just kept thinking "everyone has quirks and baggage."

 

Well, he is gainfully employed, and he kept asking me out. I was like, "I can't be picky anymore."As a woman over 30, you can wait a looong time if you demand a "issue-free" man.

 

Anyway, the lesson from this experience is that being alone is clearly a lot better than trying to make something work with someone with a whole lot of issues.

 

If you commenters above know a lot of single, employed men in NYC, open to dating a woman in her 30's, feel free to private message me I could use all the help!

[annie24]

Not saying he needs to be issue-free. Just have compatible issues, lol. He did you a favor by running away!!

[mfan]

Not saying he needs to be issue-free. Just have compatible issues

This. ..............

[Batya33]

I had a much easier time dating after I hit 35 because I was far more confident and had better hair products(as I've posted many times before I know). Seriously that's when things worked much better for me. The men I dated likely would not have dated someone 10 years or more younger. Where are you going to meet men? Are you athletic or into exercise/hiking/swing dancing? Any interest in getting involved in backstage community theater or even front stage? I have a number of friends in NYC who met that way.

[goodheartlady]

Thank you for the suggestions! At this point, I am open to all things. Will certainly try some of your suggestions!

 

Reading this forum - most women dealing with men who don't make an effort - is really enlightening to me. The key is finding someone who is excited about you - someone who wants to date you and likes you. The rest really does not matte .

[Ms Darcy]

I feel that as long as you are slim/slender in NYC into your 40s you will still get dates.

[Batya33]

I feel that as long as you are slim/slender in NYC into your 40s you will still get dates.

 

Yes I found that too - in the larger cities being slim was a huge plus/overweight made it much more difficult, fair or not . Men could be somewhat overweight and no problem.

[Ms Darcy]

Yes I found that too - in the larger cities being slim was a huge plus/overweight made it much more difficult, fair or not . Men could be somewhat overweight and no problem.

 

I know. Odd but true.

[goodheartlady]

I get your point about weight. But I am 5'9" and 130 lbs dripping wet. Not really an issue here.

[Ms Darcy]

I get your point about weight. But I am 5'9" and 130 lbs dripping wet. Not really an issue here.

 

I understand. We don't know you, so we just have to be mindful of all of the possibilities.

[John John]

I think that no matter what you look like, dating (in the traditional sense of the word - to find a suitable partner) is quite difficult in NYC. Yes, if you are slim/good looking, you will have no trouble getting dates. But that doesn't necessarily mean you will find a relationship that much quicker. As someone else said, it's the "candy store" mentality...everyone assumes they have "unlimited" options in a city such as as NYC, and you don't want to settle. You will turn many people down (even after getting that date), and many people will turn you down. It's par for the course here in New York. I know from firsthand experience It's not just you OP.

[goodheartlady]

Thanks MCJD.

 

Something else I am working on is definitely targeting my league and audience. With my age, I am much more realistic about issues like looks and income.

 

A handsome, tall, 35 year old hedge fund manager? That is a non starter and way out of my target zone. A very average guy who works in back office and IT, some who may be divorced or have kids - much more realistic.

 

in 2014, I will have to get even more realistic.

[mfan]

Whoever gets realistic first wins this game. Remember that.

[agatha]

goodheartlady, now that we've all realized that this guy was a nutjob, and since you keep complaining about men around your age pool, why don't you expand your range a little lower? I like to date younger, because they usually perform better and treat me with more respect than guys my age or older. just some food for thought...

[goodheartlady]

Hey thanks for your advise. I am just being realistic - men tend to want to date younger women. I have to date up : men in their 40's and 50's. I doubt anyone younger than me would have a serious interest in me.

I have no complaints - if I were a man, I would do the same thing (ie prefer younger women.)

[Ms Darcy]

How old are you?

[goodheartlady]

I am 32. I am finding men in my age group are not interested in me - which I completely understand. I have better luck with 40 to 50.

[Ms Darcy]

I am the same age and attract men between 25 and well, really old. There is no reason you cannot find men in their 30s.

[missmarple]

You're only 32 and men in your age group aren't interested in you? I find that surprising as I'm 45 and a percentage of at least 40% of guys who are interested in me are 35-38...I never give them a chance before I consider them too young for me!

[annie24]

i think if you date too old, you risk them not being serious about you either - you're their arm candy or fun time girl. or you just won't have enough in common. though i totally understand how challenging it is to be single and in your 30s (I'm there with you!) Someone tried to set me up with a 48 year old and honestly, the age difference was just too much for me. The last guy who asked me out on a date was 28 (and I have some chub on me). That's my New Year's resolution - lose weight. lol.

[John John]

I don't know what you ladies are talking about. I have no problem with women in their young/mid 30s. The girl I'm dating now is my age, she just turned 29. I find women in their late 20s and young/mid 30s more mature and with less drama. Women in their young/mid 20s are way too immature and flakey for my taste.

[Thorshammer]

NYC dating does suck. Thats why my last relationships were from nj, and buffalo. And when i do meet a nice, sweet, intelligent and honest woman who has moved here from another state/town - she ends up having some mental disorder.

[John John]

NYC dating does suck. Thats why my last relationships were from nj, and buffalo. And when i do meet a nice, sweet, intelligent and honest woman who has moved here from another state/town - she ends up having some mental disorder.

 

Lol. Unfortunately this is all 1000% true. Dating in NYC blows big time.